I hear from a lot of introvert readers who say that they struggle to allow in love. I’m not just talking about romantic love. Many introverts find it hard to let any kind of love in, even from friends and family. After all, when introverts are stressed or feeling down on ourselves, our natural inclination is to push people away.
If you can relate, you might desperately want to just ‘fix’ yourself so you can let people in and finally end the cycle of loneliness and isolation. But there’s a problem.
As Einstein said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
The problem of pushing love and companionship away was created by a few common but dangerous introvert mindsets:
“Love is overwhelming and painful.”
“I’m not worthy of the love I want.”
“I can do it all on my own.”
I think you’ll agree that it’s pretty nonsensical to try to solve the problem of loneliness all by your lonesome. And yet, we’ve all done it.
Sometimes, we’d rather stay stuck in our suffering than do the one simple thing that would end it. Allow me to explain with a story from a painful time in my life.
A dark time in my life
In 2012 when I was living in Brisbane, Australia, I went through a dark time. I mean that literally and figuratively.
I was past the honeymoon period of living in a new country. A promising relationship had ended, and the beautiful new friendships I had cultivated suddenly seemed impossible to maintain.Then it happened…
The light went out in my bedroom. When I went to replace it, I realized that the fixture was broken and would no longer hold a bulb. So I sat in the dark. For an entire month.
The truth is that I was feeling so sorry for myself that I chose to stay in the dark rather than ask for help with the broken light. I took a similar approach with my broken heart.
Then one day, I told my roommate about the light problem and she asked her boyfriend to fix it for me that same day. It took him less than five minutes.
It’s crazy to think that there was such a simple solution to something that made me feel so bad for weeks. All I had to do was stop self-punishing and ask for what I needed.
It’s really the same with letting your wall down and allowing people to get close to you and love you just as you are.
A small step to let in love
There is a small thing you can do today to let in love. It’s not a complicated thing. But it might feel scary.
It may involve reaching out and risking rejection. Or saying sorry. Or thank you. Or I miss you. Or maybe the one thing that will make the difference is shifting your mindset. Which brings me to the crucial first step of any life transformation that I always remind my clients and students of.
This step is crucial
Ending any painful cycle or pattern in your life always begins with a decision. It is the decision that you are done and done with a side of DONE with your current situation. And you are COMMITTED (no wishy washiness, love) to change.
When you make the decision and commit to having what you want, the opportunities show up to support you.
If you’re ready to leave loneliness behind and start building real friendships with people who love and accept you just as you are, I am here for you. I have countless introvert resources to build confidence and connection. You can start with my free 50-page Introvert Connection Guide.
Remember, it only takes one small step to start letting in the love you deserve.
Lots of love,