Can I really find love during a pandemic? This has been the question on a lot of people’s minds this past year, including introverts.
For the introverts out there who’ve been struggling to find love for years, lockdown felt like the final nail on the coffin of their love life. And yet…
People have found love during this time. In many cases, it was not in spite of the pandemic, but because of it that love bloomed.
Why introvert love bloomed during lockdown
When all your usual coping mechanisms and distractions are taken away, you can’t pretend that something isn’t missing. You also can’t pretend that you don’t want what you want. Because here’s the thing.
Having worked with hundreds of introverted students and clients I’ve noticed that many of them were reluctant to admit that they wanted love.
Instead, they tip-toed around their deep and painful longing for companionship. They said things like, “Well, it would be nice to find someone, but I’m fine if I don’t.”
Beneath their seeming indifference was the belief that if they don’t admit what they want, they won’t be disappointed if it doesn’t happen. But what if that’s the totally wrong approach?
What if the first step to finding love is to be honest with yourself that you DO really want it?
That’s what the pandemic did for a lot of introverts. It backed solitude-loving introverts into a corner and made them question whether they were really ok with being completely alone.
Do I really want to be alone forever?
For some, the answer was yes. But for others, the answer was a resounding NO!
No, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.
No, I don’t want to spend every dinner, vacation, and weekend solo.
No, I don’t want to deny my need to be seen, accepted, and truly loved by one special person.
No, I don’t want to spend most nights alone with no one to talk with about my day and my struggles.
After months of lockdown, it became so crystal clear what they DON’T want that they finally had to admit what they DO want. But there was a problem.
An old, familiar belief seeped in: the belief that it was impossible to find love, because of [insert made-up reason].
This year the go-to reason was the pandemic. But most of us are masters at coming up with reasons that we can’t have what we truly want right now.
We tell ourselves…
- I need to finish this project first
- I need to be more successful first
- I need to sort out my finances first
- I need therapy first
- I need to lose 20 lbs first
- I need to be perfect first
But what if it was possible to find love, even as a flawed, incomplete person—AND even in the midst of a pandemic?
How an introvert found love during the pandemic
That’s what happened for my client Toby. When we first started working together midway through the pandemic, he had never been on more than one date with any woman.
Though he had gained success in other areas of his life, Toby worried that he would never be able to attract and build a relationship with his ideal woman.
As with all my clients, we worked from the inside out to clear subconscious beliefs and patterns that had been blocking love.
Next, we built his confidence with women, and worked on conversation skills that allowed him to have longer, more interesting, and flirty conversations.
Within four months, Toby had met his ideal woman online and they are still together.
Here, Toby shares his experience of finding love thanks to our coaching:
With Michaela’s coaching I was able to gain the confidence and game plan to pursue the right women for me. Even though it was a pandemic, Michaela helped me to meet my first girlfriend who I’ve now been dating for three months. I was amazed at how quickly she pinpointed what was holding me back, and then gave me the exact tools I needed to find love.
One of the most valuable things I gained from coaching was learning how to have longer, more interesting and flirtatious conversations with women. I also discovered confident communication skills that I can use with colleagues, and personal relationships for the rest of my life. Since finding a girlfriend, Michaela has also given me invaluable insight on how to understand the psychology of women and build a strong, open, healthy relationship with my girlfriend.
Thankfully, Toby was able to make a clear decision about what he wanted and that he would go for it, rather than focusing on excuses.
Unfortunately, not everyone is ready to move forward in this way.
What really holds introverts back from love
I’ve done Breakthrough Sessions with introverts, for example, who got stuck on all the reasons they thought they couldn’t find love.
They wanted to know exactly how they would locate the person, as if finding love is akin to searching for the best taco spot in town.
The truth is the “how” is NOT the first step in getting what you want. First you make a clear decision about what you want.
After that, you address the blocks, patterns, and internal B.S. that’s kept you from having it.
After that, you gain the necessary skills (communication, confidence, courage) to actually SEE and RECEIVE what you want.
If you don’t do the above, you will not see the “way” or the “how”, because your judgment will be so clouded by your fears and past failures.
So, if you want to find love during the pandemic, be real with yourself about the fact that you really do want it.
Next, make a decision that you will do what it takes to overcome what has been getting in the way.
This may mean getting help in the form of therapy, coaching, or other healing modalities. Books, audios, and online courses are also useful.
However, because one of the biggest introvert blocks to love is self-isolation and pushing people away, often working with a coach, therapist, or healer is the final step that really moves the needle.
If you’re ready to find love this year (no excuses!), then I would love to help you on your journey.
I work 1:1 with a very select few introverts to help them overcome their dating and love blocks, gain confidence, and find their ideal partner.
Simply apply for a complimentary 30-minute Breakthrough Session to find out if we’re a fit for working together.
During the session you’ll get clear on where you are now and what might be holding you back. Along the way I’ll also share insights and steps to move forward.
Remember, you can have what you want. Now is the time.
P.S. If you’re new to the blog, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Michaela Chung, author of The Irresistible Introvert and The Year of The Introvert, and creator of this amazing innie community we have here. For several years, I’ve been building up a labyrinth of introvert resources that will take you on a magical journey toward more confidence, connection, and self-love. Start with this free Introvert Connection Guide.