Have you ever wondered where all the other introverts are hiding?
Since introverts often disguise ourselves as extroverts, it can be hard to spot us. Another reason we’re so elusive is that we often purposely go under the radar, choosing to stay quiet instead of shouting for attention.
In case you’re on an introvert hunt, I’ve put together 5 surefire ways to spot an introvert:
- They avoid the group
- They speak slowly
- They are inconsistent when it comes to socializing
- They never want to talk on the phone
- They enjoy being alone
Watch the above video for a more detailed explanation.
If you notice any of these signs, chances are, you’ve spotted an introvert. Don’t be surprised if you already have many innies in your life. We’re everywhere! 😉
Amazing video Michaela! The explanations are spot on and insanely accurate. 🙂
It’s definitely an wonderful thing that we are everywhere. 🙂
Thanks Marko! 😀
This is so amazing! It’s so refreshing knowing that there is a community for introverts. I thought that I was going crazy because I’m surrounded by extroverts and I realized that I couldn’t keep up being extroverted all the times. It feels good to be alone for us.
Very reassuring to now not feel so guilty about being introverted. I am a family physician – I function very well in one-on-one interactions and have great rapport with patients. It is, however, causing ongoing strains in my marriage; being an introvert, I bend over backwards to avoid conflict whereas my spouse, to the contrary, seems to seek out conflict anywhere she can find it. It leads to endless run-ins in which she dominates thanks to her ability to think so quickly and instantly verbalized her thoughts. In these situations I tend to recoil inwardly and often get accused of being passive aggressive. Perhaps I do react in a passive aggressive manner as sometime I feel that this way of reacting is my go-to way of dealing with conflictual situations.
Just wondering how others in similar situations are able to work through these challenges.
Hey Martin, it’s normal and understandable to feel the way you do about your situation and acting in passive aggressive ways to diffuse it, you can only do what you know. Hopefully I can point you in the right direction here.
Being an introvert is neither a stigma or a disease, many extroverted people treat it as such due to fear of the unknown, they don’t understand it so they often attack it. It’s like thinking there is a monster under ones bed, then once a light is placed on it, we realize it’s just a teddy bear. Michaela has some great books on introversion that your wife needs to read so that she understands you better. It wouldn’t hurt to ask your wife to read up on what introversion is, and let her know that you want more connection and better conversations to come from it.
As far as your immediate challenge with your wife I would suggest you revert back to your medical training and do what you do well. Take notes!! Anytime one of your patients has a complaint, I would imagine you received the same training I did and use S.O.A.P. notes to document their complaint. If you don’t remember, S.O.A.P. stands for Subjective, Objective, Assessment, Plan. You can use this same strategy when dealing with your wife.
As introverts we use acetylcholine primarily in our brain function, she being an extrovert uses dopamine. Our chemical has a longer pathway to go before a connection is made, dopamine has a shorter pathway and as such it’s why she can make connections faster, also because your male, the white matter between your two sides of your brain is thinner then your wife’s so it’s obvious that you will need more time to process the information that’s bombarding you.
So as such one method is to interrupt her pattern of behavior, because if it’s causing you stress and will overtime affect your self worth, I’m suggesting that you get yourself a note book and whenever she starts in on you with something that is considered a conflict simply stop her, say “wait, I want to hear what you have to say.” and get your note book and take S.O.A.P. notes, then ask any clarifying questions you may have and tell her you will get back to her sooner rather than later and stand firmly on that and make it a boundary, and yes she will test that boundary and each time she does you must reaffirm it, walk away if you have to, go to another room or even leave temporarily if need be.
In my analysis of conflict situations it’s often that fear is the likely cause and as such it affects our need for certainty and significance. Anger is always a byproduct of fear.
Self esteem is a byproduct of self worth, this is why I point to that in my comment here. Many people that they have low self esteem and work on that. When in reality it’s a blanket term for many things that go into the “self”, and as such self worth is the first thing that is damaged prior to self esteem, because when we have low self worth we think were damaged goods and not worthy of love and have no value and act from our ego that’s easily wounded without the protection of solid self worth and we often act in passive aggressive ways to protect ourselves. Being unworthy of love and good treatment is a birthright, when we are born we know our self worth, however as time goes on outside influences change our opinions of ourselves as we try to fit into a mold that is not our own. You are a valued member of this community of introverts and you’ll get all the validation and support you need right here and to be reminded that it’s OK to be you, it always has been OK, and even if you weren’t a doctor, you’d still be you and that is absolutely acceptable and worthy of good things.
Your being an introvert and not being understood by your wife affects here self worth, she likely doesn’t feel heard and validated because were not big on talking. As a man you likely can do one of two things, hear her or remember what she says, but it’s likely you can’t do both unless you take notes and please date the pages you take notes on, this serves both the purpose of keeping both of you responsible and on the same page as far as personal growth is concerned.
So no criticism here just pointing out an area where both you and your wife can experience personal growth and have more constructive disagreements that lead to connection and deeper love between you. Hope this helps. 🙂
Great video Michaela!! 🙂 Nice to hear your voice again, your explanations are very well thought out and well said. Keep up the good work, and in my opinion the world needs more Michaelas in it, sadly there is only one, you’re unique and irreplaceable in my mind, and I hope you keep your chin up and realize how valued you are, because the world wouldn’t be the same without you having lived in it, you make this world of ours a much better place to live. 🙂
P.S. I like that pendant, isn’t that a sparrow?
Thanks so much! Yes, it’s a bird of some sort. Could be a sparrow, dove, or maybe a bald eagle lol!
You are very welcome, and I sincerely meant it. I liked your use of symbology. I did get it and understood the positive meaning. Very clever!! That’s 5 more stars for you! 🙂 I bet you’d be able to beat me at that board game “Clue” you know the one where you solve the murder mystery. Anyway, I’ll talk to you later. 🙂
P.S. Pink looks good on you. There’s symbology and positive meaning there too, but I’ll shut up now, I don’t want you to think I’m being intrusive. 🙂
Hello Michaela. This is a great video and seems to sum up us introverts nicely. I am an introvert and found your website recently. I have also bought your The Irresistible Introvert book which is also being very helpful in understanding myself. What you say in it about others not understanding us and wanting to know why we’re so quiet is exactly what I have experienced over the years. It is also surprising to learn just how many introverts there are in the world.
I have a friend who is definitely an introvert. He keeps to himself, but seems to have invited himself into my introvert bubble, as he talks to me. Not that I mind as he is lovely! Others think he is ‘strange’ or ‘stuck up’. I defend him by saying that he is just quiet, but being extroverted they just don’t understand. I guess I am lucky that he has chosen me to be his friend.
Keep up the good work. This website and your book are inspiring. Thanks.
Thanks for sharing that! And for buying my book. I’m glad that you you’re finding it helpful. xo <3
I’m now thinking that introverts with anxiety disorders present much differently. Although I have so much in common with all of these experiences, I for sure do not talk slowly — I certainly wish I could!!!! I envy those who do, and I am not up at 2 a.m. and can sleep 12 hours, probably due to social drainage during the day.
I stumbled across this site by accident while looking for answer regarding a friend that avoids conflict and is often self destructive of what ever is her current situation. I must admit I find this extremely frustrating when we have work to finish, we work together.
I would love to know what I might be able to do to help her climb out of that shell and join me in our work. I try to be supportive but there are times when I need to communicate and perhaps you would give us (on the other side) a few pointers in dealing with an introvert.
People like us are wonderful kind and living God loves all so do I.
awesome video. facebook ad brought me here, lol.
i am a ‘raging introvert’ as my friends call me. i have no problem with that label as i find them all annoying most of the time. i have to be prodded repeatedly to attend any social function, i’m usually the one in the corner petting the owner’s dog and sharing a taco with my new friend.
i keep to myself, i enjoy gaming, writing and listening to tunes at obscene volumes. one thing i do when im out and about shopping is i put on a pair of headphones and zone everyone out, i pretend they are just statues mimicking human form. i am an audiophile as well as an author, so introversion fits nicely.
again, great vid.
Thanks for sharing that Scott! We are a community of raging introverts here. 😉
Another item on the list: an introvert will almost always have a book or a journal with them.
Hey Michaela, I always love hearing your expert views and tips on introverts and how to handle us!
Curiously, I seem to be more prone to talking particularly fast rather than slowly, especially in a group setting. For me that’s because it’s uncomfortable for me to be a focus of attention, and although I like to contribute, I want to get it over with as quickly as possible.
Thanks for helping the rest of us to feel more like normal humans!