The INFJ Guilt Spiral: 3 Ways to Regain Confidence - Introvert Spring

INFJ guilt

INFJs feel guilty all the time. No matter what we say or do, INFJs always feel like we could have done more. It’s an endless cycle of self-doubt combined with perfectionism that creates a messy conundrum. Saying this, I have a confession to make.

I feel guilty all the time

A couple of days ago I had a heart-to-heart talk with my best friend. I don’t open up to people lightly, even when they’re my close friends. But as an INFJ, I get overwhelmed sometimes, and I need to vent my emotions.

There’s nothing wrong with venting to our bestie, right? But this time there was a problem. A couple of minutes after the conversation with my dear friend, I immediately started to feel a drowning pressure that only meant one thing.

Guilt had arrived. I felt bad for opening up knowing that she was going through a difficult time, too. The thought of apologizing entered my INFJ brain at least a hundred times, but it was too late. I was already feeling guilty and sad.

You see, guilt is like a mosquito for an INFJ. It will continue to bother us relentlessly until we open the window and let it out. It will make us doubt everything we say, and think about it the point of obsession. Nothing will make sense until we decide to face it head on.

That’s why I want to show you three easy, but ridiculously effective ways to conquer guilt and regain confidence as an INFJ. I know how painful this topic can be for us, but you’ll feel better after reading these tips.

3 Ways To Conquer Guilt And Regain Self-Confidence

1. Responsibility.

It’s natural for an INFJ to worry about how others see our words and actions. But you can’t hold yourself responsible for how they interpret them. In your heart, you know you mean well, and that’s all the matters. Guilt is not something an INFJ willingly creates. It comes from thinking that we said or did something wrong in the eyes of others.

2. Self-acceptance.

Many INFJs believe it’s our job to please others. We start feeling guilty when we don’t meet other people’s expectations. You are not what you do, and the only measurement of your being is how you feel from within. Gently accept the fact that you can only control yourself, not how others will react.

3. Stop Explaining

The only person to whom you need to justify your actions is the same one you see when you look yourself in the mirror. People who love you will never ask you to explain yourself. Guilt has a funny way of making INFJs explain everything to everyone. But you only need to seek approval from yourself; no one else can give it to you.

Confidence is not something you get by watching motivational videos or reading inspiring posters. It manifests when an INFJ realizes that guilt is not real. Your belief in your own capabilities develops when you accept that guilt may knock on the door, but you refuse to allow it in.

Confidence is your natural state

Do you have any idea the amount of courage it takes to face guilt as an INFJ and decide to regain confidence? Happiness is not just about having a grand job, finding your soulmate, or discovering your purpose. Okay, I admit it, knowing your purpose really makes a difference in the life of an INFJ.

The key is that you need to stop feeling guilty for what you can’t control. I know for many INFJs including myself, this is a difficult mission. But just think about all the energy you waste on worrying, when you could invest it in, say, having a coffee with your best friend.

Being an INFJ like you, I know how much guilt hurts. However, with some practice and support from likeminded people, you can conquer it. I promise it will be worth it. ☺

What about you?

What do you think about guilt my fellow INFJs? Feel free to share your thoughts, I would love to hear from you!

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Xo,

Marko