It’s the ultimate dilemma for introverts: How do you make meaningful friendships, when you hate small talk, and need alone time to feel your best? First, let’s talk about what NOT to do to make friends as an introvert.
There is a lot of bad social skills advice out there. Much of it is designed by and for extroverts. At the core of all this advice is the idea that extroversion is a superior personality type. You are told that charisma is an extroverted quality, and being outgoing is the key to making meaningful friendships.
No and no.
Charisma is all about the ability to draw people in and hold their attention. As an introvert, you have everything you need to be captivating. The first step to unlock your inner charisma and make friends as an introvert is to ignore this stupid piece of advice:
You need to “come out of your shell” and be outgoing to make friends.
Well, that’s just annoying. You don’t need to be ripped from your comfort zone and stripped of your protective layer to connect with people. Sure, you will have to expand your comfort zone, which I talk about more in depth in this article. And maybe you’ll have to open up a little to let people see your inner beauty and/or badassness.
But here’s the thing. It only takes a small crack to let the light in. You don’t have to go in there with a bulldozer. Just open a few curtains.
I’m a fan of subtlety. You don’t have to knock people over the head with a giant personality stick to get their attention. For introverts, this approach would be exhausting, and unsustainable. Plus you end up connecting with the wrong kind of people.
Wouldn’t you rather connect with the right kind of people?
A better way to make friends as an introvert
To connect in a way that feels authentic, try on a little subtlety for size. Subtle changes lead to big results. Here are some ideas:
Instead of forcing a big smile, try smiling with your eyes (works for Naomi Campbell).
Instead of talking louder, just annunciate your words more.
Instead of power posing, try straightening your neck and relaxing your shoulders.
For introverts, focus is key. So focus on one subtle change for now. That way you won’t get overwhelmed.
With all of the backwards advice we’ve been given, the journey towards authentic charisma and connection can be a struggle for introverts. I’ve been down that road- and it wasn’t easy. BUT the plus side is that I was able to use my experiences to create a step-by-step blueprint for becoming a confident, and charismatic introvert.
Go here get my Introvert Charisma Blueprint and develop true confidence, self-love & connection in your own innie way (It’s FREE). You’ll also get my 50-page Introvert Connection Guide, to go from boring meet and greet to lasting friendship – even if you hate small talk.
Wherever your innie journey takes you, know that you can have everything you want – including fulfilling friendships – without forcing yourself to be an extrovert. Stick with me and I’ll show you the introverted path to confidence and connection. 🙂
Subtlety is huge for me. I find that when someone tries to force me out of my comfort zone, I let them move on. The right kind of people will enjoy the pace and intimacy of your interaction. This was very thought-provoking, thanks.
“The right kind of people will enjoy the pace and intimacy of your interaction” – well said, Zaira! 🙂
For a…. Very long time I’ve lived under the cloud of “being extroverted will get you everything in life”, slowly but surely have i started to use my “umbrella” to cover myself from those irrational thoughts so that I may lead a more fulfilling life for myself and for others and I’m content beyond all belief that I have found a site like this to help me on my path of introversion into a better life, Thank you – Morgan