We introverts might be complicated souls, but our needs are simple, especially when it comes to love:
We need your loyalty. Will you stick by us, keep our secrets, and cherish our friendship? If so, we will be fiercely loyal to you in return.
We need your patience. Will you let us open slowly, and relish the slow bloom of our love? If so, we will let you into our secret world.
We need your understanding. Will you notice the little things that we do and say that others miss? If so, we will forgive all your flaws.
We need your honesty. Will you drop the facade and tell the truth about who you are and what you want? If so, we will make you our moon.
***
The above is an excerpt from my new book The Year of The Introvert: A Journal of Daily Inspiration for the Inwardly Inclined (now available for pre-order).
Xo,
P.S. Today’s cartoon was done by my nephew, Brandon Chung. 🙂
I actually vowed to never fall in love again
Cuz no one accepted me for being me
So I have a question…
Do I still have a chance??
Yes, you always have a chance at love as long as you are “being love”. Love is so much more than a feeling, it’s actually a way of life. When you are “being love” meaning you display, feel, speak, see, act, touch, etc…love, it will always find you because that is what you are and everything & everyone will start being a reflection of you. Always start loving yourself first & everything else will eventually follow.
My introvert ex boyfriend vowed to not fall in love again after our breakup because he told me he’s too weak….
but I’m still here for him.
So to answer your question. You will have the highest chance as long as you open yourself to the right person 🙂
Hello
You should love yourself in no conditions. Being content about yourself will attract a lot of people. So, choose wisely. Having that said, you are the only person the creator of the chances.
Dee
How do you know if a closet lesbian introvert woman is interested in another woman?
I feel that introverts are very selfish and very conditional. They very seldom will initiate a conversation and can often times be evasive. they are very content in letting others initiate the conversation and do not extend the courtesy of opening up to others. This is very frustrating. Some will ask you personal questions, but will not open up you you on a personal level. Any suggestions in how to deal with a selfish introvert?
Introverts are usually not selfish. This is a misunderstanding. We care deeply, perhaps too deeply and because of that we can be taken advantage of. Chances are you misunderstand this individual, or they’ve been burned.
I get what you mean. Been there. They ask our personal information but keep most of theirs a secret. Probably because we don’t know them long enough? We extroverts know instinctively what info can be shared and what’s too sensitive. Guess that’s not how introverts feel…
It’s not a secret! Did you read the article in full and take into account how that might impact or should influence your past and future perceptions of introverts.
Essentially, it’s imperative that introverts know that you can be trusted; you’re loyal; won’t take advantage of them; you understand them or attempt to; are sensitive towards their needs and emotions; accept them for who they are and be gentle with them (us).
There’s nothing wrong with knowing there’s a healthy foundation to build upon. This is simply what Maslow’s hierarchy of needs explains very well. People, in general, have 5 basic needs that we begin to fill at the lowest level and EVERYONE moves through each of the stages differently. Safety is one of the FIRST things, psychological and physical.
More specific to your example, if you understand what that means and how it applies to you as an ambivert or extrovert then you should understand the necessity of patience. You also shouldn’t carry expectations attached to a timeline that will seem unrealistic to an introvert. Respect boundaries. Just b/c you are willing to be more forthcoming sooner doesn’t mean an introvert or anyone for that matter should feel the same way at the same time. It also doesn’t mean it’s a secret being withheld. Everything becomes relative in both worlds and that’s why communication of expectations and needs is necessary upfront. You’re not gonna always understand the why’s until time tells it all.
Relationships, healthy ones, aren’t microwaveable! There’s no quick recipe or instant version. You gotta go through the process…it’s for everyone’s protection.
Finally, it’s also important to keep in mind that being an introvert is just 1 piece to who a person is and isn’t the be all. There are so many other factors about a person that influences their behavior.
If you let it, there can be a lot of beauty in getting to know an introvert with substance.
Delois
Introverts are not selfish..
Think about this situation this way, say, you are extrovert and we, introverts, ask you to do something which is against your nature.. and we keep asking you with so many different ways.. this will frustrate you in the end.. we think you are selfish… I guess by now you will probably understand…
It takes a different level of compromise and perspective.
Dee
So basically what you mean is being a couple with an introvert is like two best friends living in the same house but the introvert require a room for herself? What going to happen to things like having and raising kids together?
Hello. I happened upon this by chance, in a sense via my therapist who feels that a man I like is possibly an introvert.
So I went to the book store/library online and found a book on the subject. And BOOM!,Yep all the signs are there that he’s introverted. The problem is though so am I!
You see the problem is that I try to be this bubbly person/woman inside, yet deep inside I know I’m not, not really. I’m really laid back, studius, and love me time. My idea of “fun” is visiting museums, libraries, book stores, watching “Law and Order” “Criminal Minds” “Snapped” etc.
Because I too was burnt in relationships, and then met him and became angry with him (stupidly so I admit) he’s not emailing me. But, he still reads my emails (I know from having an email tracker).
One day while walking I saw him, he smiled and…began blushing unbelievably. BLUSHING! A 62 year old man blushing, it blew me away!
So because of what my therapist said I’m now looking into introverts more so…and feeling hopeful regarding him.
Etta, well how’s it going 3 months later? I’ve been there with a man on the friendship level but he was attracted. What I came to learn is it was much more than being an introvert, he’d been hurt recently by an ex-wife (cheated on) when he felt he did everything he was supposed to do. He had unrealistic expectations as men are often taught, thinking all he had to do was “use his $$” to provide and give. The problem with that is this attached subliminal and sneaky sense of control which stems from insecurity. He needed to know he could trust; he was wanted; words of affirmation were of the essence; that his age wasn’t a negative thing; that he was enough as is; and so much more. He also had to get past the negative embedded theology he grew up with that was influenced by patriarchy. He really had a great level of chivalry. Really all he wanted was to be loved and feel safe. 5 yrs later he got it from a younger womyn and is happily married for the 4th time lol and still operating as a minister retired from the workforce.
I (sort of) dated a seemingly introverted guy. We texted when he wanted to text and met several times. He was always sweet and devoted. I didn’t know he was introverted, and I thought he was not serious because he only texted occasionally. The last time we met, he said he loved me. I didn’t expect that at all, and didn’t say anything. Now he disappeared, and I miss him. I haven’t texted him again, too afraid that he won’t reply. What should I do?
Hi, I need some advice. I am currently dating and living with an awesome and sweet introvert man. We have only been dating for 6 months and I was the one who “jumped the gun” and basically claimed myself to be his girlfriend…I also stole his thunder and said the three big words first. We’re very happy now even though that happened. When I asked him when did he realized his love for me, he said he can’t answer that and it was because I didn’t give him time to think about it…when he did ask himself if he loved me, his response was “maybe”. I understand that he is not used to open up his feelings and it made me regret for stealing his spotlight. But…will his feelings for me fade or crumble because I didn’t give him a chance or time to think about it??
I’d say a lot of this is pretty spot on. As an introvert, I do take a while to warm up to people but it’s because I need time to know if I can trust them or will feel comfortable being my truest self around them. So I 100% endorse patience!
I can feel really deeply about someone too, but not say anything about it until I know for certain as well. So don’t assume that an introvert doesn’t care about you or love just because they don’t say it often. They’ll communicate it in different ways – like remembering your favorite song or always knowing that you go to Yoga on Tuesdays or whatever.
Hi I’m deeply in love with a introvert. He admitted he like me in the beginning too. Everything was so sweet but recently he say the love is gone and he is not sure if he’s still like me. He don’t have answer for himself but like my accompany. He’s always trying to push me away because he is afraid that one day he might hurt me. His heart will close at once someone get too close. What should I do? I really love him and It’s hurting me very much now. I don’t want to lose him.