More and more I’m realizing that a lot of introverts are not living life on their own terms. Instead they are putting a lot of their precious energy into a life they don’t love – sometimes even a life they hate.
As introverts, many of us are told from a young age that our way of being in the world isn’t the right way. We end up getting caught up in a vicious, draining cycle of trying to live up to the extrovert ideal, failing and then trying something else that is doomed to fail, too.
Why can’t you just fit in?
The reason our efforts to fit in and live up to the extrovert ideal fail is because, in the end, our inner compass will always tell us to do what is best for us. Living on someone else’s terms is NOT what is best for us. It limits us, and keeps us from fulfilling our potential and experiencing true joy.
The thing you’ll regret most
A few weeks ago I received a message from a subscriber in his fifties. He said (and I’m paraphrasing): I feel like I’ve wasted my whole life living on other people’s terms. It may be too late for me, but at least with your site, the young people will have a chance.
WOW! Talk about an eye-opening, heart-breaking, message! I immediately wondered how many other introverts feel this way? How many others feel like they’ve wasted their life?
His words left a pit in my stomach and a sense of determination in my heart. I don’t want any introvert to feel like their life has been wasted. I want each and every person in our introvert community to experience the joy that comes with living life on your own terms. Every. Single. Day.
How can you start living life on YOUR terms
Well, the fact that you are part of this introvert community is a great start. For me, just knowing that there wasn’t something wrong with me helped me to begin honoring my true needs and desires.
Anywho, I’m feeling kind of lonely over here in Introvert Internet Land. I would love to hear from you. Do you feel like you’ve been living life on other people’s terms? What has helped you to start living your best innie life?
Lots of love,
Another amazing post. I’m reading your blog renovated and so inspired texts. Like that in my country had more people like you.
This week myself experienced a problem with a family because he believes I have something wrong and even blamed himself (the creation) that I do so. I try to be patient and explain everything I have learned so far, but it is an arduous task.
Thanks for everything
Hi Dani, so glad that you found my site! Thank you for your comment. I know how challenging it can be to explain yourself to people who don’t understand. Hopefully, your patience and persistence will pay off. 🙂
this is the first time I’ve posted to this blog. i’ve been reading it a short time- just a couple of months. i rarely post anything on the internet, but this post I could not let go unanswered (by me, anyway). that comment from the reader in his fifties really struck a chord with me. I can echo it – except for the bit about it being too late. I just turned 51. only since I turned 49 have I realized what I’ve been doing and stopped living by others’ standards. I have stopped trying to be something I’m not and resolutely, stubbornly, begun living by my own, with a new acceptance of myself that I cannot imagine giving up now. I don’t believe it’s too late at all. Yes, there is more time in back of me instead of in front of me, but it so far has been the best time I’ve had. There is nothing that can take the place of being true to oneself, whatever that self may be.
The rewards for having made this realization and its attendant decisions are already apparent. I have more peace of mind than ever before, I am being recognized for my strengths at my workplace and have been chosen for a big project, representing many that people that I work with. my reputation for calm, my ability to get along with just about everyone, my thoroughness, attention to detail, my ability to not only listen but work with and interpret what I hear has grown by leaps and bounds. I have even received a Governor’s award and was given this award at a special ceremony by my state’s Governor in person.
It is never too late to improve the quality of one’s life while one is alive.
I believe that it can be extremely difficult to retain or even obtain one’s self esteem in a world that seems to value every opposite charactistic to those an introvert is made of, but even in one’s fifties, with hard work, it can be done.
I have my whole adult life had a hard time to fit in, to “grow up”. The older I get, the more responsabilities I suppose to manage the harder it get to cope with everything. This make me feel sad, scared, angry, frustrated, depressed, empty, drained, tired. 10 years ago, my only goal of the day was to come home and sleep. Nowadays I don’t even look forward for that because I sleep really bad. I don’t enjoy anything at all and I’m not looking forward for anything. It feels like my life is just about dealing with the next day. I’m 36 and I feel like I’m worn out.
I just feel like I’m not doing what I suppose to do. Like I don’t fit in. Like I was born in the wrong place…or time.
Then today I stumbled over this blog (and a couple more like it)…and could it be so that there are more like me whom are as misserable like me just because we’re not following our hearts?
So…How can we, us odd balls, whom see the world slightly different. Whom see the world in ( I guess) a more artistic and romantic way. How can we fit into this world, without “fitting in”/ change ourselfs since the reason why we’re misserable is because we’re change ourselfs to fit in.
I’m introvert and I’m really tired of fighting it…I’m starting to thing that I’m not even suppose to do that…Am I…?
I’m 21 and struggling the same way, this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you