One of the questions that I get asked most often is whether or not introvert extrovert relationships can work. The answer is, yes of course! Except when they don’t.
Some introvert extrovert relationships are doomed to fail. This isn’t necessarily because of personality type differences. More likely, these couples split up because of communication problems, a lack of chemistry, or unrealistic expectations.
But let’s be honest, introvert extrovert couples do face some unique challenges. Here are just a few to consider:
- The extroverted partner wants to go out and socialize more than the introvert
- The introverted partner avoids conflict, which makes the extrovert frustrated and pushy
- The extrovert has trouble understanding the introverts needs because the introvert isn’t as vocal about what he wants
- The introvert feels a lot of guilt about not having as much energy for running errands and socializing as the extrovert
- The introvert has trouble setting boundaries around alone time and ends up hurting the extrovert’s feelings by unexpectedly pushing her away
And the list goes on. But there are also a lot of wonderful benefits of being in an introvert extrovert relationship.
Katniss and Peeta, the tortured (literally) and confused lovers from The Hunger Games trilogy are a great example of an ideal introvert extrovert relationship.
Why Katniss and Peeta are the ideal introvert extrovert couple
Peeta takes the pressure off Katniss in social situations. Katniss is definitely a strong silent type who uses as few words as possible to get her message across. Peeta, on the other hand, is charming, charismatic and quick-witted. Katniss feels relieved when Peeta does most of the talking when they are on their Victory Tour.
They have complimentary hobbies. True to her introverted nature, Katniss has a hobby that requires great focus and quiet. She’s a hunter. And she’s really good at it.
Peeta comes from a family of bakers. His cake decorating skills later evolve into master camouflage and painting skills. Katniss loves to sit and quietly watch Peeta paint. She also loves eating the delicious cheese buns he makes.
Peeta loves the fact that he didn’t have to die a gruesome death in the Hunger Games. If it wasn’t for Katniss’s fierce loyalty (another introvert quality) and even fiercer survival instincts, Peeta would have surely died.
They have a ‘slow bloom’ kind of love. Introverts need time to trust someone enough to let them in. They can become overwhelmed by whirlwind romances that come on like a hurricane. For this reason, relationships that evolve slowly are ideal for most introverts.
Katniss and Peeta develop a strong emotional bond before there is even a glimmer of romance between them. Katniss has plenty of time to get close to Peeta without the pressure of putting a label on their relationship.
They don’t try to change each other. Both Katniss and Peeta truly appreciate the strengths that the other person brings to the relationship. Peeta never says annoying things to Katniss like, “you should come out of your shell,” or “you’re too quiet, you should talk more”.
Katniss admires Peeta’s ability to charm the crowds. She also praises his kind and gentle nature. She doesn’t view Peeta’s charisma as a nuisance, but rather, something to admire and appreciate.
What about you? Have you ever had an introvert extrovert relationship that just fit? What made it work?
P.S. If you want to learn more about what makes an introvert extrovert relationship work, be sure to listen in this Sunday, Feb. 1st, as author Sophia Dembling and I discuss Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way To Happily Ever After.
I loved this! Never thought of them this way, but I think the points you presented here makes good sense. I was already sure that introvert-extrovert relationships can indeed work out, but it was refreshing and insightful to read this anyway. Good article.
Thanks Jeremy! Glad you liked it. 🙂
As an introvert, I enjoyed reading this.
For any relationship to work both parties must respect the other enough to accept and not want change them.
I love the Hunger Games trilogy and appreciate it even more after reading this post.
I am doing my research on introverts, as I am very attracted to one at this moment. Our relationship is developing very slowly and I am constantly reminding myself to accept the slowness and let the relationship progress naturally. I am not 100% extrovert, but much more so than being an introvert and so the pace doesn’t feel natural to me. I am being patient and I do see a very strong potential between us. Thanks for creating this website!! From an extrovert that needs some insight 🙂
I am an introvert and I would say my partner is an ambivert but mostly on the side of extroversion, he thinks so, too. We have discussed about our differences in temperament so it’s easy for us to plan our activities and compromise. This prevents us both from feeling misunderstood or not supported/cared for. I appreciate and learn a lot from his social skills and the fact that he doesn’t overthink and is always solution-oriented and optimistic. He is good at cheering me up and boosting my confidence. On the other hand, he loves the depth I contribute to the relationship and my independence makes me a reliable, supportive and interesting partner to be with. I’m always the first person to encourage him to pursue his goals fearlessly and to take risks and make unpopular choices when he has to.