As INFJs, we are constantly mistaken for being shy, too silent, too prone to being alone. People often ask us if we are depressed, or upset with them. In short, they make all sorts of unflattering judgments.
I myself have faced this in many different situations, being forced to constantly explain that we are not shy, nor depressed. But in most cases, my words were met with a strange look (if I could read people’s minds, that look would be “Yeah, right”). Late Robin Williams once said:
“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”
I couldn’t agree more. Once I was invited to a party, a party where, well, there were a lot of people who paid more attention to others than themselves. Again and again I was asked why I’m so quiet. I kept hearing that dreadful line, “you should get out of your shell”. It made me feel so miserable, I just had to get out of there (the party, not my shell).
I know that lot of us face these kind of situations on a daily basis. This leads INFJs to believe there is something wrong with us when, in fact, we have many awesome qualities. That’s why I’ve put together 6 advantages of being an INFJ.
We are decisive
As INFJs, we use our willpower, planning, and conviction to pursue our ideals and goals with great efficiency. Our creativity allows us to create an impact as well as solve complex tasks. We don’t just see the way things ought to be, we use our insight and act on it.
Our creativity is limitless
We enjoy finding creative solutions for all kind of ideas, whether those ideas are technical or human nature. Our creativity and imagination allows us to see deeper meaning. It also shows us a different way to a solution. For and INFJ, there is nothing more liberating than using our creativity to help a fellow human being. We’re particularly passionate about helping those we love, and our creativity can really kick in at that moment.
We can easily inspire
INFJs are natural born motivational speakers. We have the ability to inspire people and help them uncover hidden potentials that they didn’t even know were there. Through our beliefs and passions, we show people that believing in yourself is the key. Our inspirational writing style also tends to bring out the best in people.
Our determination is our guide
When INFJs believe that something is important, we will pursue that goal with a conviction and energy that can catch even our friends and loved ones off guard. We will rock the boat if we have to, move mountains, something not everyone likes and wants to see, but our determination for that cause is something that is an integral part of our being. We will pursue it with all our heart.
Our altruistic nature
We use this advantage for good. INFJs have strong beliefs and we take direct altruistic action because we want to advance ourselves and help others at the same time. We also want to advance an idea, that we believe will make the world a better place.
This doesn’t mean that we don’t look after ourselves. This means that we are prepared to help others, while at the same time helping ourselves.
We have a deep insightful understanding
INFJs can easily see through a charade or dishonest motives. We know if someone is lying to us. Or if someone is trying to convince us of something that isn’t good or honest. We have a deep understanding of how people and events are connected to each other and we can use our insight to analyze the situation perfectly. Our insight gives us the precious advantage, because in life, we inevitably meet people with suspicious motives.
Did I miss any?
Are there any other advantages to being an INFJ that I missed. Please share your thoughts and insights below.
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Nothing to add, Marko. Great article! Being an INFJ comes with great qualities, even though society likes to see them as flaws. I guess other INFJ’s who feel insecure about themselves for being “different” should read this, making them aware of their capabilities. Cause in the end, all people, introvert or extrovert, feel better about themselves if they are able to show the world who they are and what they can do.
Thank you ricootje92!
I completely agree with you. 🙂
I am a hardcore infj and i love too write too. 🙂
Yes a great article – thank you. Having given this some thought may I add our resourcefulness and resilience together with our ability to self-resource, rather than needing other people to do it? Squarepeg:-)
Thank you Squarepeg!
Of course, that’s an excellent point! I fully agree with you. 🙂
Great article. I have just begun to explore my INFJ. I found this article to be very helpful.
Thank you haley. 🙂
Glad to hear you find my article helpful in your discovery of being an INFJ. 🙂
Thank you for this article. I only recently found out I was INFJ while trying to figure out who I am after being diagnosed with PTSD, and a slew of other conditions related to it. It’s helped me finally start piecing together my identity and move forward. Your article really hit home with the part about thinking something is wrong with me. I have always felt that way, mostly because that’s how I get treated by others. It’s really nice to see the positive things we are capable of, and that I’m not alone in feeling this way.
You are most welcome Vaelorn. 🙂
I’m so glad to hear my article helped you, and let me just add, there is nothing wrong with you. You are an INFJ, be proud of that. We are capable of many beautiful things and achievements.
Remember, the most important thing is, how you treat yourself. 🙂
You are definitely not alone. 🙂
Omg, yes! People constantly act like there is something wrong with us! As INFJ’s, we are told we are “too quiet”, “too reserved”, and even “snobbish”. Just because we don’t go around blurting out the first thing to pop into our minds to everyone we encounter does not mean we are abnormal. We are actually always thinking very deeply and processing many things inside our head. We strongly prefer to completely figure out the solution to an issue ourselves before sharing it with anyone else. And when we do share, it will likely be with one select person whom we trust. Society needs to wake up and realize that we are sincere, genuine, sensitive, intelligent people who make a great impact in our own way.
I’m a 70+ yr old woman, classic INFJ. All my life people have been making me to feel that there is something wrong with me, in fact some come right out and say that to me. But I know that it is they who have something wrong with them, for attempting to judge me and tell me I am the weird one. Grown people should never have to have explained to them how they make others feel. And who are they to judge! It is perfectly fine to be “different,” and it does NOT mean there is anything wrong with you. I enjoyed this article. I would add that I’ve always been perhaps “naïve” and too trusting, as I just don’t see why anyone would want to hurt others, I don’t wish to, so don’t grasp that in others right away. That said, I can usually see through people’s motives now, it just took me awhile to wake up to this being present in other people.
My dad did that to me, constantly harping on me as a college student that I should learn to get out and “kick up my heels” and making an acronym of my car license NEG 425 standing for “not enough girls”. The man is gone now for some years and I loved him but he was an insensitive jerk, both to me and my mother.
Good day all. I was ar the point where others opinion about me was my worst nightmare. Trying to be like them, because to fit in, is important. THEN I discovered I am an INFJ. WOW! what a difference the knowledge did to my self esteem. Now those people who try to change me because I am not the same as them can disappear. I am who I am. Liberating thought and experience.
I am in a highly stressed job where I have to deal with phone calls, customers, colleagues taking up your time while I try to do the emails.
Knowing what I know now, is that i understand it is a job. Tonight i can go home and be me. No talking. No socializing.
Thanks for you blog.
Marko,
I am just curious if being too trusting is a trait of INFJ or just a personal characteristic. Even though I have been disillusioned many times by people taking advantage of me, I still trust people easily and always believe in the good qualities a person possesses when others are making negative comments about that person.
Hi, zhonglu6263. 🙂
In my humble opinion, being too trusting can be both your own personal characteristic, as well as part of an INFJ trait.
When we, as INFJ’s, trust someone, it’s right down to the core. We give that person our 100 percent confidence. But also, that person must earn it. We maybe have a suspicious and careful attitude at the beginning, but when an INFJ trust’s someone, when that person earns our trust, it’s on a much deeper level than anyone else, believe me.
What am I trying to say is, please don’t think that being too trusting is something bad. Absolutely not. You just have to be more careful not to get hurt, that’s all. 🙂
Seeing good in others like you do, even when no one else sees it but you, is a marvelous trait! 🙂 Don’t lose it! That’s exactly what this world needs. 🙂
Just be careful to whom you give your trust (I can understand you completely, believe me). 🙂
Article is good and then this trust and suspiecous nature at starting point at any relationship and give 100% of your after you have trust someone is, i think one of traits of infj.
Thanks, pooja! I completely agree with your suggestion, you are right, it is one of our (INFJ) traits! Thank you for sharing it! 🙂
Hi,Guys I think it’s part of being INFJ’s.
I do trust people easily but I think I got it under control,this is what I do
First to fool us [INFJ’s] is so close to impossible,we like studying people’s mind so we know what they hate,dislike and etc
The point is we hate hurting people feelings we are too careful.
I happens to me sometimes I wouldn’t straight call it trust.This is how the people we trust/like are; They act nice [they are nice] they do great,nice stuffs they help people.We like good people especially people that like helping other people we get fooled quickly with those kind of people forgetting that everyone has a dark side so when the person we like[in zhonglu6263 word trust] turns and hit us or someone close to us somehow we find ways to blame ourselves.
I usually use their actions as a rubber every time they do something wrong I judge them [I know this sounds harsh but am simply trying to watch my back] every time I judge them the Trust keep on decreasing by the time they strike I won’t be there or am prepared.Hopes this help.
I used to be ” too trusting “, until I got burnt one too many times ( still dealing with that, I became ill and ended up in hospital, my body took in too much stress and just went haywire ). I still like to trust but there are people who have a different set of values and plenty who see certain behaviours as acceptable, where an Infj would probably think it crosses lines. Things others might see as ” normal ” behaviours even ? Learning about boundaries and self, we supposedly have less of an ego than others ( unless the shadow shows up and manifests like in the negative Infj types ? ), so it is probably harder for us to define ourselves in ways that many others do, I didn’t really notice until my boundaries were mowed down, and it seems as if it wasn’t always intentionally, just that many others have a different way of seeing ( or not seeing ) things and ( unconcious ? ) standards. Trusting is so nice but plenty seem to have an animal mindset ( I couldn’t think of a better word, some animals are very empathic, egalitarian etc but you get my drift ) … and ” me first “.
Thank you, Marko! Good to know?
You are most welcome, zhonglu6263. 🙂
Great article! I can definitely relate to all of those advantages. It is kind of sad that people tend to hold extraversion as the gold standard (e.g. telling us introverts to break out of our shell, speak up etc.). think there’s beauty in being an introvert – which unfortunately isn’t always realized.
Thank you, actuallyangie. 🙂
I’m glad to hear you can relate to these advantages.
So true, some people don’t really see the beauty of being an introvert. Instead, they connect us with being quiet, shy, closed off, ect…
But here, everyone are welcome, accepted and understood, without judgement. 🙂
I am just not sure… I find myself sifting between INTJ and INFJ. I don’t want to get bogged down by trying to define myself into one category or another, but in recent years, I have come to realize I may have been bias towards Thinking because of social expectations of men. Years ago, I initially participated in an official MBTI administered testing and came back INTJ, with T-function slightly outweighing F. Even then, I felt like I was trying to qwell aspects I thought might be perceived as ‘feminine qualities’. Lately, I have come to enjoy and embrace my more natural expressions, and have wondered if I might be more inclined towards INFJ. My reservation might stem from how I participate in my environment. I view things and events from an empathetic position, but wish to also seek out a systemic understanding. Do INFJs think like this, or would I more aptly be described as an INxJ hybrid?
Hi Tarren! I carefully read what you wrote. I can say to you is, in my humble opinion, INFJ’s do think from a view of an empath. I myself am one. Also, I am an perfectionist by nature, an highly organizational individual and a systematic person, so your systematic point of view is something that is in my opinion, connected with being an INFJ. INFJ’s by nature, strive towards ideals and creative solutions, but we also are planners, we must have everything systematically prepared in order for us to do it in the best way possible.
From what you wrote here, and this is my opinion, I would say your nature leans towards being an INFJ. 🙂
Thanks very much for your input, Marko. Your reference to organization and planning tendencies definitely hits home. I take my time, and will sometimes reverse-engineer a detailed ‘plan of attack’ before committing to a goal. I have to know, before hand, of any possible hang-ups, in order to anticipate, prevent or reduce the impact of possible adverse conditions that might affect the desired outcome. Sometimes, the pitfalls are intuitively foreshadowed. Thanks again for your considerate response and hope you can continue to write for male INFJs that could use a little nudge along their journey of self-awareness and self-acceptance.
You are most welcome Tarren. 🙂
Thank you so much for you insightful comment, your kind and supportive words, they really mean a lot. 🙂
I saw a youtube video on Infj’s recently and it was about systemizing and how Infj’s do this to create clarity for Ni ( introverted intuition ) to flow more freely. I do this, all the time. The amount I spend systemizing things borders on insane and other Infj’s talked about doing this too. I’ve also read that one can be mistaken for Intj because we can be good thinkers and we incorporate a lot of opposites ( or somesuch ) but when one looks closer, the driving force is F.
” I view things and events from an empathetic position, but wish to also seek out a systemic understanding. Do INFJs think like this ”
This is definitely me too.
Good article.
Thank you pooja! 🙂
These are exactly my thoughts and describe me perfectly! I am so glad I stumbled upon this site. I’ve always felt so misunderstood and sometimes question why I am the way I am but this is just so reassuring!
I am glad to hear you can relate to this, Kels!
Also, I am happy to hear you found Introvert Spring. 🙂
Hi Marco,
I have a hard time with life. I have clinical depression, which runs in my family. It can be quite severe at times. Having depression, I do not possess some of the good qualities of an introvert. I am very empathic and I was a therapist for 14 years, until I had to stop working.
Almost a year ago, I broke up with someone who had Narcissic Personality Disorder. What a nightmare. He hid it well. He criticized me so much and definitely treated me like there was something wrong with me. Luckily, once I realized what was happening, I was able to break up with him.
Just feeling very vulnerable now. I never thought about introversion before, probably due to mental illness. I believed and still do, think there is something wrong with me. I can take in this helpful info intellectually and I am hoping it will sink in to a deeper level. Thank you.
Hi Debbie D,
I believe you are having a hard time, and that you are feeling vulnerable… So instead of saying “I understand you”, I am going to say, you are not alone, you matter.
I am no therapist, but what I can offer you, is my listening ear and support.
In the bottom of the article, you will find my Facebook profile address, please feel free to contact me if you wish. Maybe I can’t offer you a direct advice, but I will listen to you, I will simply offer you whatever support I can, even if this only through listening, and being there.
Don’t hesitate, contact me whenever you want to, I will listen to you and help you if I can.
Being an introvert means you get reenergized by being alone, Infj’s are apparently the most extroverted of the Introverts.
As a therapist you probably know all these things but who knows, how one’s diet affects moods, natural remedies like agnus castus vitex ( chasteberry ), I use this for low serotonin levels ( I assume ) and for pmdd ( the more severe form of pms ), it cleared up 90% of my symptoms, maybe it helps for clinical depression, it did help with my cycle-related feelings of depression, other things like mineral supplements etc when the body is low on certain minerals etc and causes ailments ?
Look after yourself, treat yourself with kindness, learn your limits ( which you probably no doubt have in that circumstance ), look at what needs to be strengthened within you and work on that, little bit by little bit. Look at what really harms you and build positive things that protect you and diminish that which steals your energy, collect things thoughts ideas that you know give you strength …..
This is a great article! But I have a question about the first point. “We are decisive” That is one trait I can’t seem to master. I second guess all my decisions. I can’t even decide what to have for dinner since it might not be what someone else wants to eat. Obviously I struggle with disappointing others. This traits leads to numerous agreements and self doubt on a regular basis and I wish I could just “get over it” but I can’t seem to do it.
Any advice for a struggling INFJ that just can’t make up her mind?
Thank you, SoBadAtThisStuff! What you described here are the classical INFJ traits, don’t worry. The solution? Take one small step at a time. For example, if you can’t decide what to have for dinner, make more meals, and simply try the one you think it will make you feel nourished and happy. I found that, when I was doubting myself, and preparing to do something, I say it out loud. It sounds weird, but when I say it, I give myself conformation, my mind reacts to my voice, and I feel more confident. Try it, I think it will help. 🙂 It may sound funny at first, but it works wonders! Don’t be afraid of disappointing others, just be true to yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s crucial, stay true to yourself! The right people will appreciate and respect you no matter what, believe me. Remember, one small step at a time. 🙂
P.S I always wear a small notebook with me, so when I need to make an important decision, I write on opposite sides all the good and the bad that will come out of it. This makes it easier for me to decide. So I recommend for you to try this as well. 🙂
Make a list of things that have satisfied you
meals
and whatever things made you feel content
build a list and with time you will get a little variety in the list
and will see what your fave things are
then look at those fave things and see what they have in common
ask what is what connects them which is probably things you have a need for
then look at what is missing from your choices
and add a little of that what is missing
like say if you like icecream a lot
then make your own icecream with healthy alternatives in sweetening, flavouring etc choices
creating lists that actually track your tastes ( one can do this with behaviours etc too )
then you can go from there
Loved this article. As an INFJ, I of course find myself typing this in East Africa, having come here to volunteer at a orphanage 4 years ago that was shut down. Then left babies abandoned, because if a mother died, or couldn’t nurse, there was no place they could go for formula. Now 14 babies and 9 mom’s later. I LOVE what I do. But I am also very aware of myself and my needs at the same time. I thrive off meeting with these moms/caregivers/foster parents, and finding solutions to problems. Encouraging them in their dreams for the future. Next month we have one mom, who is going to begin mushroom farming! We have another who wants to start a small store in her very rural village, that has no place to buy things like rice. But also when I am not doing full time ministry, and being a full time single mommy to the four kids from the orphanage in my home. Everyone knows, when the curtains are drawn, and my bedroom door is shut, I am needing MY time. I know I cannot respond when in strong emotion. (I got so angry a couple weeks ago with the mental health director of the hospital, I didn’t take his call. When a friend visiting asked me why I said “I am upset, and if I answer his call or call him back, I will only respond in that anger. I need to take a breath and process through it before I respond.) I would want to be no other personality type. I love that I am an INFJ, and that when others can come to me with problems, it doesn’t drain me, it fans a passion in me, to help them come to a conclusion to that problem. Rock on INFJ’s!
Thank you Tina, glad you liked it! 🙂 What you do is so admirable and breathtaking! Wow! You are doing something really beautiful! Indeed, INFJ’s rule! 🙂
Nice article. It’s awesome. I know I’m INFJ plus having social anxiety sucks, I always make excuses to not go in a event or sometimes even if I knew the answer on teachers question I wouldn’t raise my hand nor answer. I lived my life in sell, my mom knew it because she’s also like me when we was younger, she understands my limitation in socializing and talking to others. I find it hard being an INFJ but when I read this I sad to myself that “yeah right, there’s as good thing in this.” I love writing, studying and indulging myself in books. But there are problems like other people saying that I’m ‘snobbish and quiet.’ And what hurts the most is my sister told that in my face that no one would ever want to be friend with me because I’m snob. But no, I mean I talk to people but I discern if they are really worth being friends or learn about them first. I have my bff and she’s amazing, she knew about me having this. I’m thankful that there are good things being an INFJ. And I kinda love it
Thank you so much, manila. 🙂 Know that being an INFJ is something wonderful! No matter what you may hear, or experience, define yourself. Be who you choose to be. Sometimes, it’s not going to be easy, trust me, I know. But you know what? Be who you are, because you are amazing just the way you are! 🙂
the part about “INFJs can easily see through a charade or dishonest motives. We know if someone is lying to us.” others can’t see it and think you’re jealous or can’t get along with someone UNTIL ….then they’re looking at you like how did you know, but up until that time -your the bad guy ugggg. GREAT ARTICLE ! Thank you !
Thank you so much, lvanhook for you kind words! 🙂
I find this remark to be untrue for me: “This doesn’t mean that we don’t look after ourselves. This means that we are prepared to help others, while at the same time helping ourselves.” Hard for me to do
Thanks kit for sharing your view on this. It’s not easy, I fully agree, but it’s possible. 🙂
As a teenager I got into a relationship with a boy who did not have my best interests in mind. I spent many years listening to his version of events while my gut told me something was not adding up. Early on I learned that to voice my suspicions would only lead to an argument where he would inevitably tell me I was crazy. Even after I was proved right time after time I was to the point where I no longer trusted my intuition. I recently learned that I am an INFJ and it has been liberating. Your comments about how we know when others are lying or something is not right have brought back some of my old confidence in myself. Thank you so much.
You are most welcome Liz! I’m so happy to hear that the article helped you, and that your discovery of being an INFJ had an liberating effect. 🙂
Hey Marko,
Hi Marko, Great article! You’ve reminded me of things to value and work with as I’m making plans for my next ventures. It’s a real self-esteem and self-respect boost to keep these in mind, and even explain this to people that I’m collaborating with. Being quiet has gotten me labeled as “stupid” in the workforce…crazy but true. And very painful because I don’t match the exaggerated social styles of those around me. I think saying to someone, “This is how I work” clarifies a lot and helps me to stand my ground internally when facing outside pressure in a calm and composed way…especially with those who are operating from a behavioral mode where they do or say things (true or not) to push for some desired effect or get what they want from me/my efforts. These ideas keep me from being swamped with anxiety at having to fulfill others expectations at the expense of my internal wisdom. And to get out from under the overwhelm and to recognize others who are more compatible! And I can totally echo Liz’s experience of knowing when someone is lying but not having that endorsed by others. Even if I can’t make an immediate change, I’ll know now in my gut that something doesn’t add up and make plans to separate myself from it rather than stay with it and find myself in a deeper trap. Yes, we INFJ’s can say no and change course when need be!!! I’m so grateful for this forum and welcome all of these rich perspectives from “my tribe” :))
Hi Hyperion, thanks so much! I’m glad you liked the article. 🙂
Hi — I am new the group, along a dedicated reader of introvert spring. This article was fabulous and insightful.
My question pertains to classifications using the myers brigs test. I have taken the test several times (once with a professional counselor) and each time I am an INFP. However, I find that much of the material shared about INFJs also resonates with me. Is there a lot of overlap between the two personalities?
I welcome any thoughts:-)
Hi ewalton27, I wish you a warm welcome! The wonderful INFP and INFJ personalities are the most similar ones in the personality spectrum, with not too many differences, so its perfectly okay you got an INFP result. 🙂 If you resonate more with the INFJ one, than no test can convince you otherwise, so the choice is completely yours. 🙂
Hi – New to the forum. So glad to have found it. I only wish that I knew my type years ago, it could have saved me a lot of angst. Then again, maybe not so much. I’ve always felt as if I was masquerading, changing outfits according to the audience at hand. Always wondering why the wounded felt drawn to me and why I felt so compelled to help them. Wondering how they could not see what was so obvious to me. Learning my type has truly been the solution to my Rubik’s cube of life experiences, and I find that I am embracing all that others find so odd. Thank you for a place that does not require a prologue, I can just dive into the story.
Hi Michellle4659! Welcome to the forum, I’m glad you found us. 🙂 Good to hear your INFJ discovery helped you so much!
Marko- this article is spot on- thank you. I am embracing my INFJ each day and love the gifts that we have. Admittedly, there are days that I look at enfp’s and other types and things look so easy for them. Thanks for sharing this nice reminder for all INFJ’s
You are so welcome! I am happy you like the article. 🙂 Also, so good to hear you are embracing who you are, because there is nothing wrong with you. 🙂
Thank you I gained self confidence ^^
As a INFJ, this perfectly true:)