Out of the 16 Myers-Briggs personality types, INFJ type is believed to be the most rare. These uncommon jewels of the personality spectrum make up less than one percent of the population.
I am not an INFJ, and to my knowledge, I have only befriended one INFJ in my life. This is not surprising considering how few of them there are. I have, however, seen many, many INFJ cartoons, memes and YouTube videos floating around on the Internet.
This led me to do some research on these unique little snowflake personalities. What I discovered was both fascinating and inspiring. So, I thought I’d give all of you a peek into what INFJs are all about. Who knows, you might just be one of them.
The most surprising thing about INFJs
One of the things that differentiates INFJs from other introverted types is their easy and pleasant conversation style. They are known for being great verbal communicators.
To most friends and acquaintances, the INFJ type seems very sociable and extroverted. This can cause confusion when INFJs become overwhelmed and must withdraw from people. In truth, INFJs are just like other introverts in the sense that they are very selective with whom they consider real friends.
They like helping people (like, a lot)
“You are not here merely to prepare to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.” ~Woodrow Wilson
INFJs feel it is their duty and purpose to help those in need. They are often involved with charities and NGOs. They are known for being warm altruists who genuinely care about the welfare of others.
“I am indeed a practical dreamer. … I want to convert my dreams into realities as far as possible.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
INFJ types are decisive idealists, which means that their strong ideals are supported by determined action. Their decisiveness helps them to achieve their dreams and make a difference in the world.
Sensitive among sensitives
“Sometimes, she found the mystery of other people almost unbearable to contemplate: rooms within rooms inside of each of them, an endless labyrinth of contradictory qualities, memories, desires, mirroring one another like an Escher drawing, baffling as a conundrum.” ~The Private Lives of Pippa Lee
“I am observant of other people’s emotional states.” ~ Cate Blanchett
Like most introverts, INFJs are highly sensitive to the feelings of others. They take extra care to be mindful of other people’s feelings. They will go great lengths to avoid conflict or criticism.
INFJs are also highly perceptive of inner, unconscious processes. Reading between the lines is their specialty.
Geez, don’t they have any weaknesses?
Like other intuitive introverts, INFJs sometimes struggle with external sensing peception. This means that they can become so absorbed in their inner world that they are oblivious to the physical world (now this I can relate to).
The rarity of their personality type makes a lot of INFJs feel like they don’t fit in. This might lead them to emulate a more common personality type, such as ESTP.
Image credit: infjoe.wordpress.com
Famous INFJs
Mother Teresa
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Nelson Mandela
Nicole Kidman
Mel Gibson
Jimmy Carter
Goethe
Cate Blanchett
Mahatma Gandhi
Marilyn Manson
Lars von Trier
A New Place For INFJs
It can be lonely being the rarest personality type in the world – but it doesn’t have to be. Join our community, and feel connected to other INFJs who get you.
If you’re interested in connecting with other INFJs from around the world, join Introvert Spring’s private INFJ forum. We are truly a buzzing community! You’ll gain access to unique and 100% private discussions, INFJ blog posts, member events, and videos.
Are you an INFJ? Or have you dated, married or been close friends with one? I would love to hear your experiences with this rare personality type. 🙂
I’m an INFJ. It’s been quite a journey since unlocking those 4 little letters four months ago. If you would ever like to ask me questions regarding introversion or being an INFJ feel free to ask. I have quite a bit of info on my website too. Enjoyed reading the book. Quick and fun! Thanks!
Hi Jeff! I do have a question. Did you feel like you didn’t fit in before you knew you were an INFJ? Did you try to pretend to be something else?
Sorry I didn’t see your reply until you reposted this article. I went through several up and downs trying to fill my calendar, and doing everything possible to “be out there”. This left me with big highs, and big lows to apparently recover all the lost energy in retrospect. This led me the first time in therapy when a fellow student though I was bi-polar because of the highs and lows. I wasn’t. The cycle though continued, and until I realized I was an INFJ could I be at piece with spending my time as I wish, and not be out there to go above and beyond. I’m happier writing, watching tv & sports, enjoying music, and reading all by myself. I’m still that assumed extrovert when I’m out, but the true me is when I’m alone.
Hi Jeff! I’m in INFJ too, although sometimes I wish I wasn’t. I’m interested to hear that you thought you were bi-polar because my family, and even I myself too at one point, thought I was bi-polar. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy. I can be very energetic and outgoing one day but then the next day I feel drained and need to rest and be alone. Do you have any tips to navigate the ups and downs? I have a lot of trouble keeping momentum on projects. I try to schedule an energic day back to back with a paperwork day, but it’s not easy. Maybe I’m too hard on myself? Being an INFJ as well do you have any thought on this?
Hi Rachel, what you describe is something that a lot of introverts struggle with. I too have days where my energy is high and I feel like I can conquer the world, followed by days where I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. Now that I understand that this is natural, I don’t worry about it. I simply do my best to tailor my world to my needs. For example, I usually only commit to social activities that are 1-2 hours instead of the whole day. I also found that choosing a career where I can work alone made a huge difference. 🙂
Hi, Rachel! And the other INFJs. I also thought that I might be a bipolar one. Lol, I thought it was just me who felt like that. But actually there are other INFJs who feel the same too. I feel what you feel too, Rachel. Sometimes I feel so energetic but then I need to spend my time alone again. Right.
INFJ here too. 🙂 So surprised to read both of you mention bipolarity, as I have also suspected myself to be one. But really I know I’m not, as I never cross my morals or go crazy with shopping, etc.
I always mimiced others behaviour, as I was so confused about who I was. Felt like noone understood, and through school and studies I often felt exhausted and had to sleep in the afternoon. My energy felt different than others, and confused me so much. Found out about introversion a few years ago, and tested again and again as an INFJ. Wish I knew when I was young.
I feel just like you guys! Everyone thought I was bipolar including myself. I always thought I was an extrovert but I couldn’t explain why sometimes I am just withdrawn for no reasons…I’m melancholic by nature and I recently read that that is a trait of INFJ’s. We are the most introverted of all introverted types. We are the most private and the hardest type to get to know. I am true to myself and that’s why I wouldn’t want to be any other way but it’s true INFJ’s live very painful lives…
hi rachel i have the same struggles, before i took the myers briggs i believed i had at least a mild bipolar disorder. now i hope that maybe im just very aware and sensitive and i feel everything stonger than most people. it is hard for me because i always feel like nobody gets where i am coming from, no one knows how i understands how i feel or why i feel it. im still trying to work it out and a big part of it is knowing that most of the time there wont be anyone there for me so i have to be there for myself it is really really hard and i always crave that understanding from someone but i havent found it yet. this doesnt answer any of your questions i just wanted to tell you that i think i realate to how you are feeling. i hope we can both figure ourselves out. God bless!
I saw your comment about finding a career where you’re able to work alone and it hit a nerve with me. I also find that I do my best work when alone and I have the ability to focus. On the other side of that coin I constantly feel this drive, bordering on guilt, that the work I do doesn’t have a larger impact and make more of a difference in the world. It’s made it very hard to stay in one place because I never feel like it’s where I’m supposed to be. I wonder if this is common among people with this personality type or more just a function of my specific upbringing?
in response to Chad; I don’t know if its an INFJ thing but I know exactly how you feel… I do the same thing and it’s so frustrating! What’s worse is I have no idea where I need to be to feel fulfilled :\
Hi guys! This is so relieving to hear! I am also an INFJ and have high highs and low lows and am extremely sensitive, which caused me to experience a lot of anxiety recently. I got into therapy and my therapist believed I had BPD (which is often confused with bipolar) for quite a long time. It’s only now that I am starting to realise that I am just being me. Caring deeply, very vulnerable, need for solitude but closeness at the same time, very perceiving. All those things are wonderful (and rare) gifts, but if not managed or pushed back/not recognised by you, they can make you very distressed and unhappy, or even resembling a personality disorder. Good luck guys!
I was actually diagnosed and treated for bipolarity. ?! ?
Just recently, I uncovered that I’m an INFJ. In the past I was so confused of my own behavior. I had wanted to have many friends but I don’t want to go out with them always. I liked staying in my room watching movies, reading novels, listening music and the likes. Sometimes I even acted crazy like I would shout without any cause, laugh loudly even though I’m alone, and smile my biggest smile. However, there were also times that I just feel sad without any reason. I’m easily moved by movies too that’s why I avoid watching too much drama or soap opera. It’s glad to hear that these are all brought by my personality-INFJ. Coz what a horrid thing it is for me to be crazy right?
Hi this is so amazingly interesting to hear. So weird hearing from people with similar situations. My family is convinced I am bipolar too and I know although I may show signs it does not seem like that is so. Navigating the ups and downs….hmmm… number 1 is positivity. I don’t know about you but I am a truth seeker. I want to know the absolute truth no matter what! And sometimes the truth is not ideal….this will sound weird. Utilize the knowledge learned from the truth to improve something about yourself for the future. Use that rebellious spirit to create a purpose for the future. After positivity, 2 self love. Love your true self, flaws AND pros. Know that there is so much joy in finding things to improve in order to ease future anxiety and help assure yourself you are on the right track (in a world where almost everyone’s off the track). 3 DON’T YOU DARE EVER..I REPEAT EVER, NEVER GIVE UP. The down stages might make you want to but you have to realize that for all the bad days out there, there are good ones to look forward too. Even if it’s been a while. And as an infj I’m sure you appreciate those good days in such an amazing way. I’m kind of speaking to myself in a way but these personality types are very very interesting to me and surprisingly accurate! Rely on yourself, believe in yourself, because you really are amazing. Infj’s are lucky in my opinion. Almost feels like we understand TOO much. But that’s kind of awesome too 😉 not sure how much of this you may agree with but keep your head up and your mind open!
You are not alone! Reading this gave me goosebumps, this rings so true for me!
I thought I was bipolar too. No one ever told me I was bipolar.
But I have been termed as a schizophrenic because of my conversations quickly changing and people lose the context, but it’s usually there.
They just don’t see it and I can’t explain it, which is why I feel like the black sheep.
I’m an infj too. I’ve actually been diagnosed with both borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. Because of my natural attraction to solitude, I’ve learned to view my introversion as an asset. Hence, I use my alone time to replenish myself and decompress by taking frequent walks in nature to process everything I’ve encountered during my work week. I take medication as well and listen to a lot of self help audio books. Currently, I’m considering attending a support group to try to learn new ways to manage my symptoms. As you could probably imagine, my reclusivness can limit my exposure to different perspectives and ways of doing thingso other than just my way.
Wow, reading all of these comments is like reading my thoughts from the expanse of my life. I’ve told some of my friends how disappointed I am because I feel I don’t “connect” to people, and it’s frustrating because they either seem to not understand it or not care. It’s always been hard for me to grasp why they are that way because to me it is natural to try to understand and help people that need it the most … but I had gotten to a point where I accepted maybe there just wasn’t a place for me, that I was some kind of existential mutation. Then I read all of these comments and see it’s not just me. That’s a little bit of a comfort, but I also feel badly for anyone that has felt the way I have.
Wow this is so strange! I have been concerned that I might be bipolar, but it was ruled out by my doctor more or less. Then I was just like, “Well why am I like this then?” I feel like learning about being an INFJ has made me appreciate my struggles more.
I am an INFJ-T. I am fed up with what I am and how it feels
I am an INFJ too, and although only a teenager, have suspected myself and been suspected to have bipolar disorder. It was crazy to read this article and all the comments and to see how relatable it all is, in a way I’ve never been able to relate to anything before!
My name is Christi. I am an INFJ. I have always felt like I don’t fit in. Social events are exhausting. I would rather curl up to a good book. It isn’t that I don’t want friends, I just prefer to be alone most of the time. This probably sounds weird to most people.
Wow so you just validated that I’m not crazy. I’ve never “fit in” and always thought to myself that something was wrong with me. I finally discovered that I am indeed INFJ and that nothing is wrong with me , I am just unique ?
Hi everyone, I discovered i am an INFJ in the last few weeks, I almost cannot believe what i am reading as this nearly all applies to me, Bi-polar, really high some days and low on others, thinking i have autism because of difficulty communicating, feeling drained being around people for long periods of time and having a massive need to want to help everyone – I find I am not present a lot of the time which mediation and Buddism really helped with. Unfortunately i drank alcohol for social confidence a lot when i was younger which I now realise meant that although i felt calmer my act wasn’t up so people maybe just thought i was very strange, lost a lot of friends this way.
I enjoy running and listening to self help podcasts, I ran my first marathon last year and would recommend a solo sporting hobbie to anyone to give energy and accomplishment. I’ve just got a new little pup and feel like I am not ready to give up! Knowing my personality type there must be good that can come from this! Look at the greats who have had it!
Oh my gosh. Back in college, I had the MBTI assessment for an interpersonal communications course. I was typed as INFJ but didn’t feel it fit me so I didn’t think about MBTI personality types much after that. It didn’t really matter to me because I just figured I am who I am and I generally like myself. Recently, some friends were talking about their personality types and saying how they’d felt it was so enlightening to find out why they are the way they are, etc. I mentioned my experience and they were both surprised because they said most people they talked to felt the same they had. Curious, I took a few online tests and was typed by all of them as INFJ. I’ve been reading a bit more about the personality type and am starting to feel that it does fit me. But I’m commenting (years late, I know, but that’s ok) because I was diagnosed with and treated for cyclothymia, which is best described as mild bipolar, about ten years ago, just before I was assessed the first time in college. I still have periods where I think maybe I’ll need to go back to therapy because I feel those cycles coming on but… maybe I was misdiagnosed and it’s just my personality. Wow.
Sunlight, 11 mile walk daily. Get away from everybody. Works 100% of the time.
I’ve lost friends because of my personality. Its something I’m okay with, and really cherish the ones who have stood by me through all my lows.
Wow really?
As an INFJ after year 7 in high school I made lots of friends because people thought I was just some innocent guy, lost most of those friends by year 8, by year 11 I had quite a lit of friends and college is going well for me
Also before I figured out my type and learned about it I did always feel wierd, people also often called me wierd and in school I had made a sort of second persona (if thats the word) and people thought they knew the real me (but I really doubt they did
I forgot the point of typing this
I know what you mean. Currently going through that. It makes me feel guilty that I couldn’t be there for them, and like I am selfish. But when you take a step back and look at it from a bigger picture, if they were really friends with you they would realize that was who you are and stick by you. Every personality type has there inner moments… We just have ours more frequently 🙂
In response to Chad’s comment “I constantly feel this drive, bordering on guilt, that the work I do doesn’t have a larger impact and make more of a difference in the world. It’s made it very hard to stay in one place because I never feel like it’s where I’m supposed to be.
I feel like this every day! I have difficulty deciding what to do next because no matter where I am, feels like the “wrong” place. I have often thought that I am slightly autistic because of how difficult I find it to be around other people. I struggle daily with holding down a corporate job (which I do, and hate it), trying to be happy in a marriage (my third, and frequently unhappy despite trying so hard to be happy – it alludes me constantly) and maintain friendships (people flock to me and want to be around me. This often borders on some weird kind of worship – but I just want to be alone). I want to live alone in the country with a lot of animals. I have always connected better with animals and nature than I do with people. It’s lovely to know there are others out there like me.
I think i maybe an infj…but there are too many conflicting reasons why i shouldnt be….how would i find out if i was or do i put my “querky” behaviour and mood swings down to something else? ?
That’s the same with me, I’m an INFJ as well. But I do still care about those who I’ve lost friendships with, I stick by all the friends I’ve cared about for eternity. It doesn’t change for me.
To be black in america and also be one of the most advanced personalities on the planet. We are looked at as prophets if the world actually gave us time to reveal who we are. Sadly… Society is constantly being programmed, living within the elitists generated social experiment that is called america… Seeing society for purely what it is. A real infj struggles with remaining a good person when constantly being exposed to chaos. The wrong being glorified and the good being victimized. The very wordplay screams infj, a bit of an activist and a sweet heart, the total opposite of a kanye. I’d sell my soul to lucifer if it meant he or she would removed the light which illuminates against the pupils of my people… Constantly blinding them in ignorance. A real infj can feel thw entire world everyday… Every politicians lie, every narrowing hate filled eye, even when you smile and say everything is alright, when it isn’t. My insights combined with logic, my imagination hand in hand with keen calculation. In the end, an infj is the key to world peace yet a potential engine to the world’s destruction. To be me is to attempt to be a christ to see yourself become the devil, realizing that both are pointless without the other.
To Chad, Kim, and others talking about careers or finding a purpose in life, I am a 50-yo female INFJ. It took me 20 years of searching but I’ve finally found a field that’s perfect. I’m a Technical Account Manager (TAM) for a software company. Why is that perfect? I work from home, hence insulating myself from the exhaustion of dealing with people all day, but I am a mentor and a guide to people, both technically and strategically , who are implementing our software all day. Which means I help people all day. But it’s in a controlled way. I am the expert, the guide, the mentor. I can boss them around a bit and they take it without getting upset. I can use my considerable people skills to really understand them and where they’re coming from, then use that in a kind of analytical way to get them to where I need them to go. Since these are customers I’m helping, not work “friends”, I am able to maintain enough of an emotional distance from it all that I don’t get my energy totally sapped out of me. And when I do I am home! I just take off the headset, walk away from the computer, and don’t have to deal with them until I’m ready! Keep searching, keep doing what you do, take it easy on yourself, and you’ll eventually find your way to something that makes your INFJ-self happy.
Bella, I understand completely. We are so hyper sensitive with our awareness of things we “shouldn’t know” that it’s so hard sometimes to feel everything going on, predictions, visions, dreams, all of them coming true. It’s totally normal to have to cut off relationships in our case. I recently had to cut off someone who I truly love to death and had a very deep fall after losing a former best friend of his from highschool. I’m (almost-) 26, in April, and I had the most horrible panic attacks from knowing so much about people. We’ve got to spiritually and emotionally and mentally protect ourselves. I had a full blown panic attack and got physically sick and hysterical speaking to my best friend this past weekend as an example, who had lost a former best friend of his and had distanced himself for months. Our relationship has lasted years, and I had many mental breakdowns at times because of it. When I spoke to him this past weekend, I started having a panic attack and dry heaving. I didn’t know why at first, until the end of the conversation when he said he was “coming down..” off of something. I had to hang up on him , I had to cut us off completely. And it was extremely emotional. But, it was for the best. Because we’ve got to remember we have to take care of ourselves first. It hurt mostly because his friend had just died from a drug overdose. So, you can imagine the pain I felt daily, for almost two months of not seeing him, and then once the week before I cut it off. I had to, for my own sanity. I’ve had people hate me. Some hate the truth. And we are seekers of truth. Embrace it, you’re not alone. You’re a beautiful soul who is meant to help the world. And never tear yourself up about the truths you speak, no matter how others react to you. Pain demands to be felt, and when we block it – we block ourselves. And that in itself leads to all of these comments of being diagnosed bipolar. I had convinced myself as a teen that I was, took basically every medication known , and it drowned me. I finally woke up and got off when I finally had a psychiatrist that told me the truth, that if I didn’t feel right, it wasn’t right. And that “bi polar” is a very over diagnosed term. I just want to let you know, you’re not alone. And when you shut a door, another one opens. I’ve just met an incredible human being only a few days after having to by then cut off two people within only a couple of days that were in too deep in their own emotional darkness to accept me and respect me. So, know you’re loved. I have faith in you, as well as everyone else here. You are loved, you are beautiful, you are genuine, and you are a seeker of truth. Never give up or doubt yourself no matter what. And if you do, pick yourself up no matter what. Which is hardest for our type I believe, to pick ourselves back up. We care so deeply and feel things that so rarely are felt by others, like all of these others that are posting. Bless you all, look within into your own light, and grasp hold of it always. Lots of love and blessings to you my dear. xx, Holly
INFJ here, too and like some others here I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) but I have to wonder if my out of control emotions and thoughts aren’t due to my personality type because I have none of the rage or the outbursts commonly associated with BPD. It would be interesting to see what % of INFJ people are diagnosed with bipolar or BPD.
I just found out that I am an INFJ and I also went through a large part of my life believing I was bi polar and went so far as to see a therapist, only one visit, who said I had a mood disorder but I had a panick attack immediately leaving the appt in my car. I felt like I shared too much and that she thought I was crazy. I couldn’t go back. Since reading about this, a lot makes sense!
Hi Miranda, I’m glad that you’re eyes have been opened! Breathe easy. You have a lot to offer the world just by being you. 🙂
Hey Miranda I have discovered this pas year that I am an INFJ as well. When I was you and up to the point of this discovery I thought that maybe I was a little bit crazy and that being ADD as well was becoming more and more of a problem. Once I finally discovered I was an INFJ a huge weight was lifted. And now I everything is starting to make more sense !
Sorry can’t type on my iPad lol
Dang i believe you too…….i cant believe im not crazy. Lol
How you now keeping up?
I am an INFJ and i also felt i was borderline bipolar before i came across this personality type. I’m glad i found this out. In fact it helped me realise my potential to a great extent. I realise now that we are among a rare lot of people and that has empowered me. I now use my sensibilities and inherent personality traits to my advantage, leveraging success.
This is an interesting thread for me. I was diagnosed as bipolar 11 years ago. Almost one year ago I found out I was INFJ. I never thought that maybe the two could be related. A lot of things have made more sense since I started reading this blog. I’ve learned a lot about myself. Now I am second guessing whether I am even bipolar. I get so drained from even one night of socializing, but can be full of energy on other days. That behavior could definitely be perceived as bipolar if explained to a doctor that way. I’ve been on meds for over a decade and I’m wondering if I ever needed them in the first place. I’ll have to have a chat with my doc.
I’m enjoying reading about all these other INFJ’s and it’s nice to know I’m not alone out there. I was never popular because although I had a few friends (sometimes only one), I was usually in my own world and happy to be alone.
Wow, I literally discovered I am an INFJ yesterday and this has been so interesting reading everyone’s comments – as well as comforting to know there are actually people like me out there. But what is really fascinating is the bi-polar commonality. I was diagnosed when I was a teenager, but was told as an adult that it was a misdiagnosis. I think some of my depression is really that I feel unfulfilled because I want to do something meaningful in my life to help people, but I just haven’t been able to figure out what…
But I have a question for the other INFJs out there. Are you guys very passionate, almost obsessive, about your interests or hobbies? I go all out, one-track mind when I’m into something. Like I’ll read every book by an author in a row, or watch every movie an actor I like is in. When I was a kid, whatever I was collecting, I had the largest collection compared to any other kid. Is that an INFJ thing?
I read every book by an author in the order it was written and watch every film by a director in the order it was made. I’m uncomfortable with personality tests in general, but I took one and it came back INFJ, I didn’t know what that was and started researching. It’s such an odd experience to know I’m not alone.
This is actually extremely helpful to me Jeff. Thanks for posting this. I only started researching this topic today, and apparently I fit into this 1%… I happen to be stuck in a big low, and I’m so happy you mentioned someone thought bi-polar, because that’s exactly what I’ve been feeling myself, wondering what that heck is wrong with me, and why I can’t seem to pick myself back up again.
How did you manage to find peace and stay motivated in your routine?
HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was treated for bipolar disorder for nearly 8 years! The doctor who treated me is no longer allowed to practice. I am an INFJ. I was medicated so heavily I became manic, hypersexual, even had hallucinations from dangerous over-prescription.
I was a late bloomer, and became open to everything I never felt ready for until the immense amount of drugs pushed me into it. I came out of it finally after he lost his license and it has been an incredible year of healing and self-acceptance.
I love that I am introverted but also an excellent conversationalist. I love my personality, my convictions. My judgement and my killer intuition are back! I was just so unsure of myself, and a family tragedy swung me into a depression. The doctor who treated me also treated several people by misdiagnosing bipolar disorder. He would fall asleep while you talked to him.
I ended up with some PTSD from things experienced while being treated with psych meds. But I don’t regret anything. I am stronger and more resilient for it. Otherwise…I would never have left home or anything. I didn’t have to get addicted to hardcore drugs or alcohol to experience life. Just pharmaceuticals I guess. GEEZ!
The best thing is an adequate support system. Especially for introverts. Let people unwind and recharge the way they are accustomed to. Stop forcing children to have these “rights of passage” what the hell? Half the kids I went to school with are mentally damaged from having experienced things their minds were too young to experience. Stupid media, stupid parents telling kids they are not living up to their standards. Everyone is allowed to be themselves. Yay INFJ’s!
Wow so glad to hear fellow INFJ’s thought they were bipolar. Also something I struggled with!
INFJ’s are NOT ‘snowflakes’, this proves to me that you know nothing about this personality type, and like so many online people you are simply seeking to exploit the kudos of writing about us. INFJ’s are rare, but the internet is the ideal media for us to flourish, the broadcast era was the era of the extroverts-this is now over and the internet will become the mass media of the 21st Centrury and beyond. Wait for it, because we have arrived and you had better prepare for some changes around here.
I know I’m late commenting, but I also am an Infj. I have been called bipolar as well but it’s because of my emotions not so much my extrovert likeness. I can seem extroverted especially when comfortable. My husband is introverted and rarely expresses his feelings. I could talk circles around him. I work from home, although the work I do is only fulfilling because it pays the bills. Otherwise I feel conflicted and sad at times because I wish I was making a difference. I do like being alone but sometimes I also get lonely in 8 hours of silence and not talking to a single soul. I’ve been in therapy and my therapist suggested going to the library or coffee shop to work or hang out so I don’t feel so isolated. I feel like I still need to be around people or I get in my head way too much. And I grow really cynical because I feel disconnected from people. My therapist also noted that I attract the wrong kind of people. So I have to reinvent myself somewhat because I tend to put myself last. I signed up for some painting classes just for me. I did this so I could have something that was just mine and also to possibly develop non threatening relationships. I am learning to set boundaries, only say yes when it makes me happy, and not taking on guilt or shame for things I shouldn’t. Anyway, I have known I was INFJ for awhile but reading this as well as the info on the 16 personalities site has made me understand my contradictions, my loneliness, and my need for deeper things in life.
Same to me
I am also an INFJ, and I agree with most of what you have posted. The feeling that no matter how much people like you there must be something wrong with you. The high energy days when you interact with people only to have the crash come afterward and all you want to do is sleep and be left alone. A trip to an overcrowded shopping center that leaves you exhausted. I hate talking on the phone and prefer texting and messaging. I’m in the process of switching from classroom to online because it’s too hard to go to class all day long, by the end of the day I’m tired from all the social interaction even though I enjoy it. I don’t keep many friends because they see my disappearing acts as a sign I don’t want to be friends. I hold onto the few who know me well enough to understand. I also have a son who is a blazing extrovert and he can’t understand how easily I become exhausted with his boundless energy. The more people the more energetic he becomes. My husband is an ISTJ and is more of an introvert than I am so that helps. When he’s home I can relax and know that he will run off any intruders in my space…lol.
Your comment about friends seeing you ‘disappearing’ and taking that as a sign that you didn’t want to be friends anymore really hit home – I just realised that that is what happened to me. I only really became an introvert after having a major depressive episode in my teenage years and went from having a large group of friends to just a few close ones. If I couldn’t relate to people on a deep inner level, I struggled to maintain the friendship.
“If I couldn’t relate to people on a deep inner level, I struggled to maintain the friendship.” This is me also. I struggled with the fact that I dodn’t have many friends at all, until I realized just a few years ago that I actually don’t need many friends.
I am reading through all these comments…..did I just find my home? 🙂 From the highs to lows to the feeling crazy, disappearing from friends just cuz I was hiding from the world, to returning with mad friends, to being outgoing in public social gatherings the having to leave because I get so drained. I NEVER in a million yrs considered myself an introvert, until recently when I realized just how much I value my alone time (which I never have had the way I Need it!) and I really can’t stand parroted phrases, conversations or did you see that game tonight?! Just get me out of the room and fast! I’d rather talk about inner experiences, what did life do to you, what did you do to life? Deep conversations that can delve into any topic, even once in a blue moon…..common topics.
I finally see why NoBody gets me! Only my kids…..and I drove them crazy! lol…..but they always have told me….I’m so glad you aren’t like all the other Moms. In fact, my 10th grader calls me “That Mom”. (The different one that everyone likes)
Sorry for the novel…..but all your posts here were so reassuring to see! Thank you, you have all helped in more ways than you know! 😀
As an INFJ we often struggle with the ambiguity of our verbal and non-verbal messages we send out to others. And yes, we need intense closeness to our most beloved (which makes us more “extro” compared to other “intros”) but also enough distance to the crowd from time to time since crowds are exhausting. Insightful comments here. I am highly grateful to this platform.
Greetings Jen, I can relate to your sharing on almost every level.
I also have a very high energy extroverted son as well as an ISTJ husband and second son. Hang in there!
i am also an INFJ..just now only i knew that i belongs to this category..feel happy..
I am so happy to see your guys’ commemts!
it feels like…i am not the only one anymore
never meet any INFJ in my real life, hope someday i will… and i really want to be friend of all of you! Real friend is rare to me, i had lots of friend before, and i am really easy to make friends because I really like to help others, i like to be needed and i like to make some difference(positive impact) to people who needs help. However, i think i was also the one who distant “friends” from myself. I felt so lonely deep inside my heart, and i am sad about it. I sometime did something that intended to help others or help the minorities but hurt myself eventually. not many people appreciate my help, sometime i got hurt because of helping someone but the people that i helped didn’t help me. it;s like i always get into trouble(Now i really get hurt by losing a really close friend so i tried to learn not offer/give to much.), i always get into trouble for justice or truth, but in now a day, people wants to get out of trouble. I am really happy of being me; however, I feel sad sometime because of being me as well. because there are too little of our kind. and actually in realistic, neither my parents nor my boyfriend support me(they appreciate that good rare qualities of mine but they dont want me get hurt so they wont support i develop it).
INFJ and Cancer so I am really alone most of the time it seems. So glad to see that I am not the only one that does not fit!
infj / cancer . found this site cuz was lf a way to not be infj. but now i don’t feel as shitty. hopefully someday feel good about infj
Yes! I feel like my family doesn’t support me all too much ’cause they know if they did I would for sure get hurt
Hello! I found out about being INFJ two days ago and I was so relieved because I even could not describe my personality, not to mention the fact that I considered myself as being the only one of this type on the planet.
But also I was kind of happy because it is really a great gift to have THE FEELINGS that we have unlike others.
On the other hand I worry so much about not hurting others’ feelings that finally I become very dependent on other peoples opinions, this is destructive for me!
When I was younger I couldn’t even tell NO to a friend who asked me to go out for drinks with him/her (even though I really preferred to sleep in my fluffy bed 🙂 ).
I get very furious when I see that someone’s action towards me is unfair, I just hate that!
I think a lot about the meaning of being alive; I can think a lot for example about as the meaning of as simple things as chair, or a glass, or a human leg. 🙂 I know this is crazy.
I am never content with the present. I constantly cry about the past and long for the future. I always think that I’m not doing THE THINGS I was born for. And I think I will die never finding it out.
I have cried and laughed hysterically at the same time a lot! and it feels so great 🙂
Sorry for writing so much! I’m just happy I found out at least something about myself 🙂
Cheers guys!
PS to all out there who aren’t sure whether they are an INFJ personality type this link will reveal all!
https://www.16personalities.com/personality-types
Tatuli,
You have hit pretty much everything on the head for me. I’m glad that you haven’t mentioned how others or yourself feel/think that you are BiPolar either. I’ve always known that I prefer to spend time alone, but I like to be around people just not too much. I too contemplate the exsistance of life, but dwell on the emotions of others and do what I have to do to keep them from being hurt. I have found that this has caused me “physical pain” now though. I’m working at getting better about releasing my “toxic energy” that I hold on to. I wonder, how many other INFJs suffer from “Fibro”? Is there anyone else here that feels like they are a “gray” personality instead of “black & white”? I try to see every side of a situation most of the time. I’m also Libra, and I totally feel “unbalanced” in general. It does leave me feeling exhausted, then I feel guilty about taking time for myself. It does help me like most everyone else on here that I am truly not alone in these feelings. Thanks for reading, sorry it was so rambling.
Hi, I did the tests a few days ago and found I am also a INFJ type. I’m a bit gobsmacked at the moment and feel like I’ve opened an old attic door and am now fumbling around for a light switchto see what’s there ? Lol
I wanted to contribute.. I just discovered I am an INFJ and it feels like my world shifted on its axis. All my life I never felt like I fit in. I always felt like I had to “meter” myself out to people because I felt they wouldn’t understand me fully. So I felt I gave them segments of me, based on what I felt they would understand.
Hi to all the INFJs here. I discovered that I was an INFJ a few weeks back, and honestly, these 4 letters have changed the way I look at myself. Like many of you, I pretend to be something I’m not at school. I’m only 13 years old, and I guess most of the other kids my age are not mature enough to get where I’m coming from. I just can’t seem to engage in the meaningless conversations they like, for example, talking about movies, fangirling over celebrities etc. I just don’t get it, I mean, there are so many more things going on in the world, and what’s so interesting about movies and actors anyways? I knew that I was different, and I used to spend hours crying about how no one understood me, and I even thought I had depression. But like I said, ever since I discovered these 4 letters, I’ve changed the way I look at myself. Yes, I literally have no friends at school, and no one I can talk to, and people call me weird all the time, but the truth is, we INFJs are different, we’re special. We will leave our mark on the world, regardless of how many times we’re called weird.
I’m also 13 and an INFJ! I totally understand maturity levels and how difficult it is to relate to others. At my school, everyone sees me as an outgoing extrovert. I am considered “popular” but often feel that I can’t express and share my feelings with close friends. This makes it hard to keep the great friends that I have. I get so close to them and then just drift away as I watch them start hanging out with new friends because I can’t initiate friendships like others. Last year, all of my immature friends acted like I was the weirdest person on Earth just because I found it meaningless to have a boyfriend in the 7th grade. I feel like I can’t relate to anyone, but others think that I relate to everyone. I feel that through this all though, I have become a much stronger person.
Sam, I am an older INFJ but as I read about your struggles in school, I remembered that time in my own life. The seemingly pointless gravitation to pop culture in particular. I had few friends and none that ever truly knew me and never understood the deep thoughts on life that constantly washed through my mind. Cherish who you are and the gift that you have. Pop culture is nothing more than a mindless distraction from the reality of the world we live in. Hopefully you will find another INFJ in your teen years. If not, at least now you are aware that you are truly not alone and I personally thank you for your story and a reminder of my own life. I am now off to ponder this reminder. *smile*
It’s ok to be different. Hopefully understanding your own behaviors and thoughts will make you more confident. We do stand out to others because we are rare but special. Not everyone will understand. Not everyone has to. I’ve always felt like I didn’t fit in. I mimic others in the workplace to fit in, which can be draining but at home I can be myself. I’ve learned to show the world two faces. One for the public and one for my family. I have aquaintances. I do not have any close friends other than my husband who is an INTJ. Do what you believe to be right in all your decisions and disregard judgement from those who do not understand. Has anyone else been pegged as psychic? I get that alot but it’s due to INFJ intuition and ability to read people.
YES. So me! I was exactly like you at 13. I actually became depressed at that age. I’m 16 now and I am learning more about myself and it makes my life more calm. All I ever want to talk about are the huge issues and I feel lonely as ever in that aspect. Nobody ever wants to talk with me about a lot of the things I want to talk about. And I am usually talking about a pressing issue or one that should be pressed.o in the wor, it seemed,
That was me growing up! I never really felt like I thought the same way as others my age and I could never understand the obsession with pop culture. Don’t worry, it gets better as you get older (or as those around you get older…) Also, this might sound odd, but hanging out with old people helped a lot. If you’re burnt out, you can just listen to them talk about the old days, and they’re always willing to talk about deep subjects and share life experience with you. Plus you can feel like you’re doing some good in the world by volunteering at a care facility or something similar.
Me too! People can be truly awful and flippant about calling people “weird”. I’ve learned to wear the label as a badge of honor. Weird is wonderful, most people can’t handle it, but it is still wonderful
I just found out I was an INFJ ,and it feels so good to know I’m not alone! Being a sensitive guy is very hard in today’s society especially when your trying to fit in. I can relate to pretty much all you guys are saying especially thinking your bipolar. I experience amazing highs and amazing lows at times.Everyone thinks I’m a really sociable guy so,question why I don’t like to be in big crowds or why I like my “alone time”. Of course it’s my luck to be not only an INFJ the rarest personality type but,also a guy INFJ. But its comforting to know their are others out their like me!
Hey you guys! I have known for about 2 years now that I am an INFJ and it really has explained so many things. A lot of the time, I want to help others and change their life for the better. For example, I just found out recently that my friend has really bad health problems and I felt a burning passion inside me to go and find a way for him to live longer [because he says he thinks he will only make it to his early twenties; he is 16 and I am 17].
Also, I always feel like I want to end up making a difference in the world and that I want to die knowing that I changed lives. When it comes to my social life, I feel like I am a really good communicator, but a lot of the time, I just don’t feel like talking to people. I really struggle with my step dad telling me that I need to be more excited about things and I need to have more enthusiasm, and I am just being myself and I could feel motivated about something and I am just not showing it.
I also struggle with knowing what I want to do when I am older. I love design, but I want to help people by being a doctor. I also have a flare for business. I have actually considered doing a side business of party planning for people during college while I am also have a full-time job.
Thanks Lizzie, I just wanted to say that I can totally and completely relate to what you’ve said. Me too. I just found out I’m an INFJ the other day and it was so dead on I was shocked, and so relieved! Just wondering, have you ever checked out the “enneagram” before? Its nine personality types based on what motivates us and it’s pretty interesting. Also was wondering what you do for a living? I’m a counselor and getting my BS in 6 weeks. Then I’m continuing on to get my MS in counseling and addiction. (Online of course!) Thanks, Josie M
I agree with you 100%. I always felt guilty for doing that because other people in my life were so open and honest with me about so many things that I would never share with them about myself even having known them for years and having a close relationship. It always made me feel like an outsider. Like something was wrong with me because I couldn’t share all the parts of myself with my family and friends. Like each person only knows certain parts of me and if they all put the pieces they have of me together collectively they will still only get about 90% of me. I wasn’t really sure why I did this before but when I read what you said I realized why. I agree with you completely. I do think it is because I share the parts of me that I think that particular person will understand about me.
This has been my experience too. I seem to adjust to each person I am with. I hardly ever show all of me to one person.
Hi
I am also an INFJ, we need to celebrate our uniqueness. I; like so many other INFJ’s (from reading your posts,) have always felt “different” and as if I didn’t “fit in”. I hate taking phone calls and prefer to communicate by e-mail and text and have to control my diary to ensure I have enough alone/me time. I seek constant improvement and always enjoy learning something new ( I also beat myself up rather a lot as to my perceived lack of achievement and I probably always will do) . Like one other contributor, I also feel the need to escape to the country and be surrounded by animals and not people! I think the key is to accept ourselves as we are and not try and be or behave like other personality types. We all have our place to play in the world and should celebrate our differences! Learning you are an INFJ personality type is a good step on the ladder to understanding who you are and learning to accept and love yourself.
Hi Lizzy, I am in the exact same position. I am trying to digest all of this and it’s implications !
I am also an INFJ. I could never say whether I was an introvert or an extrovert. I always would just pick I was one according to who was asking. Yes INFJ’s are more introvert than extrovert but we are a lot more friendly than your typical introvert in my opinion. I do not know anyone else who is an INFJ personally. But now I feel like I am apart of something. Its nice. I am also a Virgo sign if that says anything about the combo of a Virgo INFJ (:
I’m also a Virgoan and an INFJ!
Me too re Virgo and INFJ
Alyssa R….we are twins….I’m an INFJ & A Virgo…..no wonder no one understands me! I had never put the 2 together as a combination, rather, I just assumed I was just weird, as I am not the typical Virgo.
I’m also an INFJ and a Virgo. Reading these comments is bordering on freaky; the similarities are uncanny!
I am a Piscis INFJ, friends with everyone ? The INFJ similarities are scary !
I saw your question, and while it isn’t addressed to me, I very much resonate with this — I have spent my entire life feeling like I never fit anywhere. I always wondered why I was so different. Even as a child, I had a difficult time relating to peers. I always did really well with adults and younger children. I always felt that I had to put on a mask in order to attempt to fit in with others. I spent so many years trying to fit – being who I thought others wanted me to be – that I forgot myself, and lost myself along the way. I ended up in an abusive marriage – lonely, scared, depressed, and suicidal. I am now out of that, and I am finally embracing myself – as the introverted INFJ that I am. I have a deep love for people, an intense desire to help them, a strong need to belong, and a desperate need for time to myself. I did the Myers briggs for the first time in 1996 as a college freshman. I did it again in 2013 in my Masters in Counseling program. INFJ all the way…
Yes, being an INFJ has always been an interesting experience. I thought I was just too odd to keep friendships. The problem, I think, many INFJ folks have is expecting people to be as honest and intuitive as you. When we care about someone or something, we care all the way. We would do anything to maintain that, but as most know, maintaining that level of concern is exhausting. Being older now, I understand how incredibly rewarding it is to be an INFJ; but when you are younger, it is rough. Thanks for posting this! We aren’t weirdos. 🙂
I’m INFJ, and honestly, I couldn’t tell you much about it. My mind is written in a language I can’t read. Life is all an adventure because I discover myself along with everything else. Sometimes I give up and say I’m weird, sometimes I think for hours and forget to eat. Life is never boring, not to me. I could go on for hours about what I think I know about myself, but I would not always be right.
Can you please explain what INFJ stands for? I don’t understand the acronym.
Thank you.
Kym.
Hi I just discovered I’m personality injf if you would like to ask Me anything I’m happy to answer.
I am an INFJ… I found it hard to fit in, but in a different sense. I never fit into a box. I was able to make friends easily bc I had a wide array of interests, but I also had much anxiety bc I would take on the pressures and problems of my peers. If I had a friend with problems at home for instance I wanted to do everything in my power to invite them to my house to escape their bad house life as a kid. When I was younger I was more described as “peaceful”. My senior year I was voted “most compassionate” and “most artistic” and “most unique”. I wasn’t a push over though – if I saw a kid being picked on I would throw down in a fight if the aggressor pushed me too much. One girl had a brain tumor removed and had speech problems my eighth grade year – the boy who made fun of her finally upset me one day and I kicked his chair over while he sat in it. I gave him a taste of his own medicine. He shaped up real quick and didn’t mess with her anymore. Always have had a strong sense of justice as well as compassion. Learned classical piano mostly by ear and watching hands growing up as sheet music was difficult for me to read for some reason. Never made below an A in English and had college reading level in the 4th grade. I do have attention deficit disorder which curiously effected my ability to focus in Algebra, but I was able to still excel in Physics and chemistry. I attribute this to the variables actually having qualitative/quantitative value unlike Algebra (snooze). I find it hard to be interested in something I’m not passionate about. I have to have time to myself for a few days or else I burn out quick and can shut down around people. Meditation is very important to me. Anyways that’s my lengthy INFJ answer.
love you
Hey Michaela!!
From a very young age, I have always felt as though I don’t fit in very easily with others. I have taken this Myer Bigg’s test a few times now and keep getting the same result for the most part (INFJ).
Do you feel as though you can tune into other people’s emotionality really well? Like you can instinctively tell what people’s true intention’s are and what they are thinking – as if on a subconscious level you just intuitively know what’s right and wrong for you?
Yes I know I did. Like an alien in human form. Like superman in a way.
Hey everyone,
I am INFJ as well and everything everyone is saying I can relate to.
I find that something that is the hardest is the observing. I feel like I see way too much, notice way too much to the point where I get kinda paranoid. I feel like I know people’s intentions, or true thoughts which can be a real downer. For ex, always feeling like I’m not doing good enough at my job bases on my boss’s behaviors.
Hi,
Before I thought about personality types I always thought I was a HSP however after reading more into INFJ’s. I can see myself as this as well… I wonder if there is a connection and what other people think?
is really old so you may not ever see this, but the answer to your question is yes! Without a doubt. I am an INFJ and always felt like I had to wear a different hat depending on who I was with.
I am an infj. I have always felt different. Even in elementary school I would play house by myself (unless others came along and wanted to play), at a tree on the playground that had sap coming from it. When i first read about being an infj, it was the first time I have ever felt understood and like I fit in somewhere in this world. I would be happy to answer any questions you might have 🙂
yes i pretend like a hit man thing, n now i cant leave that thing bcz it keeps them away.
yes i experienced alot about that pretending issue you are asking, in begining i were confused …who could b i… but as time goes on and on i fixed a job for me. and it was a hit man act comes up in the end. and as i felt somewhere that a man has to stand with his acts,now i m quite capable of dictate others steps towards me. now its like they have to count that every step. its my first time to involved in something like this survey n i dont know how i sounds like n i dont care’ let me say that loud.
I am also an infj and have known since I was 17 and did a personality test for my college intro to counseling course feel free to ask anything you like I’m an open book you can even email Me at aschaefercla@gmail.com
Well, I just found this article today after taking a lengthy personality test. When it revealed that I indeed was one of these rare types, I was not surprised. All my life I have struggled to find anyone like me (the whole time not realizing how rare we are) I never knew that I was an infj. I just knew I was very different, did not fit in anywhere AND it was hard to develop a deep friendship with anyone. I have since been more at peace with who I am but it is a difficult journey understanding my combination of traits.
Hi, is this done by some scientific result? – “The rarity of their personality type makes a lot of INFJs feel like they don’t fit in. This might lead them to emulate a more common personality type, such as ESTP.”
Oh come on everyone, being INFJ is not like winning Oscar, I too, am an INFJ (i came to know this when I opted for online personality test,result was INFJ [rarest personality type,but i didn’t believe my state of mind that time and re-answered all the questions once again, this time again result was INFJ, I became tensed and decided to test myself one more time but after three weeks, but again _ IINFJ] I was amazed to read full description after reading full result, as it was about 95% true ?. Since some years i feel like having more than one characters (states of mind) within myself. Literally, i feel too bad about it as i can’t talk to my batchmates in a casual way, however within my mind i think that, i can talk them all normall, but its not that easy, ya its damn true, that i like INFJs think a lot on what others think, and how they think,and i like so much to do it. But its very bad, as we over think toooo much and this kills our ability to talk and think normally, wwhen communicating with friends, elders as while talking to them, we know that they think that we(I) am talking like jerks or are(am) a jerk… Whatever i wrote, only a true INFJ will understand within his mind and feel it like it is TRUE) ….. Nd yeah, about the idea of forming the “INFJ Community” as i saw in one of the above comments, it is a dumb idea, being rare is not like winning a Noble prize, we should do what we are doing right now, day by day,this quality will make us more strong mentally, but we should be within touch of our friends so that we don’t get lost deep in our thoughts, yeah as this problem will surely result to some chronic psychological problem.
Hi! Thank you for writing this post. It was an eye opener. 🙂 now i dont feel alone anymore. I love to discover myself more as an INFJ! 🙂
You’re welcome Nina!
hi i am an INFJ too.
I find myself having less friends. Find it difficult to open up with them.
But i do have my small circle of trust, where i find myself connected mentally with them.
I remembered people used to call me weird because i appears to have split personality. And i thought i am really am.
Until i discovered that it was all in this personality – INFJ.
I am glad that i am not alone in this world, still 1% personality.
Jeff, 3 years since you posted it but this revelation has created huge aha for me to. Michaela, pi ached Jeff did her feel like he didn’t fit in before doing the test ? Well I’ve felt it since the day I was born. It has been incredibly lonely at times to dance to such a different tune. To know this is part of the type is massively helpful. Without going into too much detail here have faced being vilified and silenced – like a witch for just being me – which has increased so much In the Past 8 years ( heck of a story) that I’m now in the process of changing my life big time! Yoir site is so incredibly helpful. Hyper sensitive and aware always, feel everything now lead singer in a band ( all that silencing…!) in bliss, in bliss when I write or create… institutions had corporate world suck the life force out of me…have I tried to fit in yes yes yes – to be ‘ normal’ to do the ‘right thing ‘ which meant not truly trusting the inordinate about of times my soul, my health has screamed at me to follow my heart. Oh I dipped into it but because we are so different itexacerbated the feelings of isolation and being so quirky that it was too much , needed massive courage / self belief to sustain!
I need masses of quiet time alone and love it but do also relish ‘ quality company .’
Always wondered what the heck! One of my strengths is communication and yet o need time alone a lot and deep down shy too.
You’ve made my night / year coming across. This amazing site. Part of a community of INFS – my peeps! My species!
What a gift! X
Spiderman(extrovertion) is my favorite hero, but I am dead afraid of spiders. This should fit our description my dear :). Your intiution will figure out this quote by itself , I am sure of that as I am sure of you. So face your fears, overcome and evolve. Do not worry. We have superpowers hehe
Hi Michaela, I too am an INFJ and About 4 months ago I strongly believed I am an alien and I don’t belong to this world. It was a moment when I decided to accept that and to embrace who and what I am and make the most of it in the mean time. ?
I’m am one as well and that is exactly what I did looking back. So because I am now 39 and discovering all of this as well as a lifetime of unsorted or brushed to the side issues I am now having a very very very difficult time adjusting to life. Failure to launch failure in love friendships and I am no afraid of everyone hurting me so I turn I hurt others bc they see that as me being selfish. I’m not selfish at all. I want everyone to feel love peace and have a great life. It’s a sad case really bc now I am so depressed by the fact that I am a problem that others have to deal with. I get taken advantage of every chance others get and get accused of doing the same. I have only just started standing up for things in a healthy manner as a posed to holding all my hurt n anger back until I exploded into a monster. I have been in a horrible state of war within myself for as long as I know. Feeling like I let everyone down no matter what I do so I just became ok with failure. And eventually that calmed down for me and I was able to work but even in success at work I felt not good enough so I would self sabotage. I finally feel like if I had the proper medication or support and the proper tools to achieve success I could change the world. It’s like I always knew it but couldn’t put my finger on it bc I doubted how intelligent I actually am. I was always taught to work hard at a job. Never taught to prep for a future. I was also taught to shut up and look pretty. I hated my family in a way for that bc I watched them help my brother non stop sending him to college, flight school ect. I felt like I was never good enough for anything but being a slave in a sense not offended by the use of the term ment but I really did feel that way. I felt so dumped down that just in the last few years I’m realizing how amazing my mind is. It’s crazy how I can look at something and almost use what I think is common sense to visualize a solution. It’s like I see the entire mechanics of things and can take a guess at what may be wrong and 9/10 I’m right even if I may not know what the parts that need worked on are called. Which is slightly annoying to me. I love knowledge not bc I want to show off or be better than anyone it’s bc I want to help everyone if they have a problem that seems complicated or out of reach for them. Idk I have millions of amazing ideas and thought and so much so that if I had a team to put to work on it all and trust with all of my soul I believe I could change the world for the better on a huge scale. But I feel like I need some help getting there. Bc I feel so helpless in taking care of myself. I care so much about others needs I forget to take care of me in the healthy ways. I’m selfish in some ways. I am human idk. This is me. And I’m sick of being told I’m crazy or dumb or wrong or whatever. Most impressive people I have ever known of were crazy to society. But they weren’t. They were just full of thoughts like I am. Like pinky and the brain. I do have one huge regret and that is my relationship with my daughter. I miss her every day and I dream of her almost every night. I hear her cry’s and I cry. I am a wreck of an amazing person all at once. Imagine how super I could be if I just could get out of my sadness. Maybe I am not ment for what I thought I was and that’s why I was pushed down or away from certain successes. Idk. Cinderella story or malificent maybe. Or I could just be stupid and crazy. I sure hope I wasn’t wrong my entire life. That’s my biggest fear bc that would mean I am a horrible example of a human. And if that’s the case then get rid of me now bc I’m holding others back who care about me if there are any. Or I’m just a thorn in there side. And never did I ever want to be that. I only want to help and do and make dreams come true for people who deserve better than what they were given. I’m not just here to work n die. Life is a waste of time and energy if that were the case
infj libra here……………and I have been unsuccessful in educating my mother on infj …..I only fit in to her bi polar category…in fact this Friday she made me a doctors appointment to go and get on anti depress…and made such a dramatic show of it bringing in other family members to support her bi polar diagnosis….so instead of fighting like always to make her understand im going to go to doctor and im gonna get the pills filled and let them sit in the bottle and in 3 months when she Is going on and on about how much change she sees in me..im gonna take those pills and make it rain on her hard head
That’s frustrating Stephanie! Did you show your mother this article? Or any others? Maybe that would help. Hopefully the doctor will see that you’re not bipolar.
Oi para todos eu queria dizer que também sou uma INFJ, meu diagnostico não foi bi polaridade porém foi ansiedade eu até tomei remédios , que não funcionaram,
também tenho meus altos e baixos, em um dos meus baixos eu até tentei me matar, eu sei como todos aqui se sentem, mas eu só descobri que era INFJ a algumas semanas e antes me sentia tão sozinha que o suicídio parecia a melhor maneira de acabar com isso, agora me sinto melhor já que sei que outras pessoas também passam por esses momentos.
Highly sensitive INFJ here 🙂
Blog spots like these are truly life saving for those of us who spend our lives believing we are outsiders and feel like our true selves only when we’re alone. I can imagine that many other INFJ’s have found themselves in therapy because there isn’t much info out there to help us understand our lows and (occasional) inability to relate to others.
When I read Susan Cain’s ‘Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that won’t stop talking’ I felt an immense sense of relief and self acceptance. I recommend it to any introvert who has had to build thick skin to deflect the criticism of being aloof, stuck up, needing to come out of your shell, too quiet, too everything that opposes the ‘extrovert ideal’.
It’s true that it’s much easier to live with in school where you’re virtually forced into the same space as your peers, and your introversion can translate as quirky and enigmatic. The work place is a different ball game! It’s truly an extrovert’s play ground.
We are a rare, strong breed because we have no choice but learn to adapt in order to navigate our way through this world. A word that seemingly embraces individually in one respect, but then builds its institutions around nurturing and catering to a very specific personality type and disposition.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences, and to Michaela also. It’s always a breath of fresh air to remember that we aren’t as alone as we feel sometimes
X
Don’t take them. I’m an infj when i a was a teen, My mother did the same thing to me. Told me if I didn’t take them then I would be forced to go to an all girls school. She blackmailed me . They painted a picture of a bipolar teen so the doctor would believe it – it wasn’t true. There was and is nothing wrong with me. It ruined my body and my mind and my life. I went from 110 pounds to 235 in less than 8 months. They put me on lexepro cyprexa and depicote.(sp? ) Finally my primary doctor threatened to have the Dr disbarred for prescribing them as she knew I didn’t need them and I had no psychiatric disorder of any sort (aside from add) after discontinuing the meds I lost the weight but have struggled to maintain a healthy weight ever since. I have low self esteem even though people say I’m beautiful. I now have permanent stretch marks and loose skin to the point where I can’t expose my arms or legs or stomach . My skin looks like I was shredded by freddy Krueger and the only parts i dont have stretch marks on is my lower arms hands and ankles / feet neck and face. I was a prisoner in my own body. I wasn’t depressed – I didn’t have mania I was a unique infj rebellious teen. Please do not take them
I know that this is an old post but how can someone have the exact same problems. The stretch marks and the teenage years. INFJ, stretch all over my body and the constant battles in my mind AND my nickname is Jenn too!
I am so there with you Stephanie… had incredible pressure to take meds for a long time although when I’m ‘in my right mind’ I get that it’s the sensitivity and absorbing other people’s stuff that makes me feel ‘crazy’. Wish my dad and others who pressured me insanely would step back and see that not everything is indication of ‘illness’ or in need of fixing. In fact, might be more indication of what’s going on with them or others as I believe this personality type often reflects emotional scapes of others and environments. Thank you for sharing your story. It has been very difficult to be an INFJ, whole life.
I have been INFJ for a very long time.. I’m happy being a different kind of thinker… 🙂
I’m a INFJ too, I did Myers Briggs test last week for the first time in my life, and it was soooo clarifying, I always felt a stranger, I couldn’t relate with people easily, but there were always one or two people who foound me super interesting!
And yeah, I have hunches a lot, I just jump to conclusions. And I cry a lot, I mean A LOT!
If I see people suffering I can change my whole goals, I never thought about being a millionaire, but thinking better about that I realized I could help people, so I’m now looking for information on enterpreneurship besides my studies as a Web Developer.
Another INFJ here! I teared up while reading this because I was so happy to find a guy who was an INFJ! (yeah, I know I’m a little late to the party)
I am between INTJ and INFJ,
I am too but I think I lean slightly more towards INFJ..
Hallo,
I am also INFJ. I work as a controller in a production factory. When I got the job my boss explained me that I should not hope to make friends among my collages. Because as a controller you are expected to maintain discipline of posting and pinpoint mistakes of others.
I decided to just be myself. I implemented these rules:
* If we have a problem we will look for a solution together.
*What can not be fixed we will explain.
*We focus our energy on general improvement of our processes (we will not waste time looking for person who made mistake. This is unproductive, and leads to conflict)
Soon I was loved and respected as the confidant of the factory 🙂
Funny – same experience here. I am INFJ, and a software quality analyst. for 18+ years, my career has been finding others’ mistakes. for 18+ years, I have been coming into projects where everyone expected to conflict with me, as they conflicted with prior quality analysts.. and every new project team has come around to requesting me, because my approach is softer *and* gets results. When you find the right niche, being INFJ is a HUGE advantage,
I should also mention that yes – long before Myers-Briggs, I came to realize my brain just doesn’t entirely work like other people. Thankfully, I had family and found teachers and bosses that were happy to let me reach conclusions and learning via my own path… or else I never would have made it!
INFJ systems tester here. 🙂 I have same experience.
Maybe INFJ’s are better at finding ways to present criticisms of others because we are so sensitive to them ourselves? We’re also good with words in general. The combination of empathy, being aware of others’ emotions, and being sensitive to the ways in which criticism can be hurtful probably make us actually really effective pointing out mistakes/criticisms in a way that is truly constructive.
YES! I am an INFJ, recently realized. I was a health inspector for years and had to shut down many a restaurant (for a few days until the problem was solved) because they were a public health risk. I absolutely hated it, but… almost all of the owners, management and staff would actually thank me afterwards! They admitted that they knew they were way behind on cleaning, etc but until I “gave them permission” to stop and fix the problem in a “logical yet very kind way” they couldn’t do it. As others have mentioned here…I’d present it as “we’ll solve this in a win-win way, together.” I didn’t discover that I was INFJ until afterwards and would often feel conflicted that I was too soft or too hard on people.
The INFJ description has relieved a lot of my self-imposed high expectations. I grew up being told that I was weird and constantly felt like the black sheep of my family. Somehow I got along with a lot of different types of people. I didn’t realize why people constantly wanted to be around me and yet I avoided interacting with them more than I had to.
I was called “Lone Ranger” and “Weirdo”.
Recently, I was shocked when a co-worker told me that I was a leader. That didn’t make sense to me because I enjoyed walking to the beat of my own drums and I enjoyed being left alone to do so. Once I embraced my leadership talent I applied it to my work and to community services. This is when I started to feel that my contribution to the world was possible and that no matter how small the changes I’ve made for the greater good, truly made a difference in bigger ways. I feel that as an INFJ personality type, I can feel overwhelmed when I’m not able to resolve all of the problems that I see. It’s important to remind myself that “an inch by an inch is sinched and a yard by a yard is hard”. A great aspect of our personality type is that we constantly want to evolve as better human beings. I used that to my advantage by learning new methods to be more efficient and productive with the most ease. I embraced being so different and I wanted to keep building on it. This is how I ended up on this forum because I was researching more about how I function best.
Many blessings to all fellow INFJs and thank you for sharing as it has assisted me to love and accept myself more.
You have said this beautifully! I understand the desire to constantly evolve so much! My “self-imposed high expectations” have limited me too much, but I am changing that. I too got along with many different people and also felt I was just a loner, but was “followed” by many different people, much to my surprise. I always felt ashamed I didn’t stand up more for what I felt true, and then many people expressed to me that I had been one if the strongest, most expressive people they knew. What?!! Haha! …. I love that we’ve all discovered this hugely beneficial look into ourselves!
I’m an INFJ and would like to know more.
i am also a INJF i took a quiz and looked up the rarest and im like “WOW” i realize it is amazing and kinda sad sometimes to be a INJF
I took a personality quiz and found out I’m an INJF. It described me perfectly. There was just one thing bothering me. It said I was intuitive rather than observant. But I feel I am both traits. Is there a reason why I am both intuitive and observant?
Hi there! My Psychology instructor found this website for me and I’m so glad she did! I’m Josie and I’m an INFJ also. It’s funny because my family and I thought at one time (long time ago in my early twenties) that I was bi-polar as well! But I’m not. I studied the “enneagram” which has nine different personality types based on what “motivates” us. I’d be willing to bet that a lot of us are the same there too. Anyway, I’m going to school and just got my BS in Counseling and am currently an Alcohol/Drug Counselor and I teach small DUI classes as well. I couldn’t believe it when I found out that I was an INFJ the other day! Everything finally made sense and I felt so relieved. Especially when I read about how much energy and emotions I expend on others at work and home and need to go be alone to “recharge.” The people closest to me (all two of them, ha ha) don’t always understand my “alone/down time” they think I’m being aloof, anti social, or difficult or something. Anti-social, absolutely, but difficult? Anyway, I’m moving forward toward getting my MS in counseling and I’m doing most of it online, of course! I was also pleased to learn that many INFJ’s are counselor’s or writers. I write ALL THE TIME! Always have! I also play guitar and love music. I’m curious to know what other INFJ’s do for a living?? Thanks Michaela for this discussion board, I really appreciate it! And yes, feel free to ask me any questions also! : )
HI I an IMFJ,……. I have always believed my greatest traits are also my biggest faults. Seeing the Big picture often takes me away from the focus I need for the NOW so the later can be achieved. I am great at leading and inspiring. I soar with a team. But if I am working for my happiness alone, I tend to crash and burn. Happiness in my world has to be a collective. I see things for what they are and am often bluntly honest. I feel like I have a great purpose and it frustrates me that I can’t accomplish great things. Make a foot print so to speak. I have often wished I could just be normal…..but even before knowing that I had this personality, I couldn’t change me for long. You either love me or hate me for who I am. I have learned to choose my friend carefully and only have a few… Because I tend to give too much. I often retreat into alone time to find myself or just to be left alone. I am a workaholic because I find it takes less energy to be at home where everyone can reach me. Besides I get bored easily.
Hi! I’m also an INFJ and I also felt like I was bipolar, sometimes I get really annoyed with very simple things, but never to the point of start beating everybody. =P
I think I have a huge desire for revolution, for entrepreneurship and for evolution and truth. And I want to make a change but let everything for the next day. xD
Hi! I have taken over ten online personality quizzes and have gotten INFJ every time. I know that these can be unreliable, but I also see many of the INFJ personality traits in me. I was wondering if this certain trait is common among INFJs. I am painfully shy, but good with words and like to express myself through writing. I am afraid to talk to people but am beginning to find that when I notice either someone younger than me or someone who seems scared or needs help, my shyness seems to disappear and I can carry on a conversation no problem. Whenever I see someone who feels scared or upset it seems like my own personal issues seem to disappear. Is this normal or a common trait among INFJs?
Yes, Sofia
Jeff-
Finding out I am an INFJ has been such a great relief for me as well!
What advice do you have for an INFJ that just never seems to fit in with others in the workplace? I have always felt like an odd fit and have twice been laid off- basically being told “you are a bad fit.” This has been a lifelong struggle and while I want to connect with people at work, I do have a hard time dropping my reserved cloak and truly letting people in. Unfortunately work isn’t just about your product, it is about how well you mesh with the office.
In my personal life I have felt very comfortable connecting with a small number of people. I see no need to have a wider circle as I truly value the people that I befriend and feel like these are meaningful connections. The trouble is mostly in the world of work where we just don’t get to select our circle.
Your advice is appreciated.
I took the test a year ago and I was ENFJ. A lot has happened enotionally since then and I tested twice now, I’m an INFJ. I read the differences and I can feel how I have changed as a person.
Cheers fellows!
Long live and prosper!
the world’s rarest personality is the intj female
I am an INFJ. Growing up was very difficult until I realized that the moods and funks I would get into were related more towards the emotions of others and not my own. Reading up on empathetic traits really helped. Your own mind can become a nightmare because your thoughts never seem to shut off and being a human lie detector can be pretty hurtful. Sometimes you don’t want to know certain things. I’ve learned to enjoy and utilize some a lot of my previously unwanted traits as I mature. Mine as well do good with them 🙂
HI im an INFJ too can you add in facebook so that i could know more about myself and so i can see if wt is our similarity .. im an INFJ and i have that personality that is very curious may be because of my being not so much open to people like i want to know wt is about this world .. And to people that i am closed with im am very much talkative to them and to those im not im so much quiet .. Is you the same to me ?
INFJs must understand their power and their weaknesses.
As an older INFJ my greatest power is my BS detector that quite often picks up insincerity or duplicity. You derive great advantage from that but risk rejection when you call people out. That is what some will dislike you (and fear you!) for but I find others sense your power and become respectful. Hopefully you will develop that into leadership positions once you shake your reserve.
Next I have great powers of prescience, quite often able to predict successfully the future, behavior or events. Extraordinarily useful. The “EYE!” I am fascinated by symbology of the ‘Eye of Horus,’ or the ‘Eye of Ra’ (look on the back of a US $1 bill).
It is of great utility to pick up and sense what the other person is thinking or feeling, even before they do!
Many will honor you for ability to see through things or see right through someone. Carefully look, listen and feel.
You are an extrovert one-on-one or in small groups, often the life of the party, yet, quiet and reserved in bigger groups, in class, or new situations. Learn to get out there, day something!
Bigger ideas flood and occupy your mind even as chums prattle on about a stupid movie or pop culture. You are thinking about gravitational waves or who is best for president or what will happen to the price of oil tomorrow or what today’s dew point is or where is God.
Learn to banter, sports with guys, pop culture with gals. Fit in a bit so you are not seen as an alien! They will gradually come to respect you for your great insights, foresight and wisdom. Give them time.
Try not to “door slam” when people fail (often!) you. You will have to deal with disappointment as a perfectionist.
Read (knowledge is power!), relax, sleep, listen to music.
Music is great, mathematical, lyrically recounts past events, it will tell you what to do, stimulates pleasure brain dopamine.
Learn to play an instrument such as guitar.
Find something transcendent even if non-theological…art, literature, poetry, music.
To keep your health find that special one or two or three(!) people worth your trust and time, that is all you need.
Go to the gym and/or take long walks to maintain your mental and physical health.
This is very interesting! I was wondering if any of you know of the best careers for a person with this type of personality?
Thank you!
My husband is an INFJ and a gifted mental health counselor. Counseling, medical, fundraising, service (like social work, etc where you can help people), volunteer work, charities, altruistic organizations, clergy. INFJ’s would be VERY good in all of these sorts of careers because they desire to help others and have a strong moral compass and gain satisfaction (well, most of the time anyway- he hates the paperwork lol) from helping behind-the-scenes to make the world a better place.
Hope this helps 🙂
i am an adolecent i have to much to explain my inner world is way to deep and wants to change things.I AM SO SOCIALY AWRD and i go crazy with my one friend,but i know there is one perfect friend for me somewhere, and soooooooooo seriouse other wise,i hate comming in to partiez late,djnt like parties with people i dont knowHATE IT,I FEEL LIKE I INTRUDED WHEN I COME IN TO PARTYS LATE,i spend all my nights on my phone in my super dark room by myself helps me reset mysdlf before bed people call me shy but BOY i can become i leader quick and i plan out my life?
I’m way past adolescence and I still feel like an intruder when I arrive late to almost anything. I’ll find a quiet spot or a familiar face and try to regroup my thoughts and get a feel or vibe of what’s going on. I think all of us INFJs love the dark, the downtime, the internalizing. It is essential to carry on the next day. I once told a friend I would probably thrive in solitary confinement. She looked at me like I was nuts. “d” if you read this, it’s OK. We are not meant to be the life of the party. BUT if the party is in need of life, we will certainly rise to the challenge. Next time you have to be among the living, put something in your purse or pocket that you can look at or touch that will ground you. I currently carry a little owl finger puppet in my purse; it will eventually be given to some kid, because I’m always giving stuff away. Before the little owl it was small doll I’d gotten from a McDonald’s happy meal. This funny green plastic cowboy with a guitar used to travel with me. Now he sits on my kitchen sink. Anyway, you’re OK. Just keep being awesome and creative and kind. *->
I took personality test online about a year ago or so and I got INFP at first and in other ocassion I got INTJ. While comparing these two types I was thinking to myself if there’s one type I fit that had the characteristics mixed between the two types coz honestly I did not feel like I read about myself when I read the INFP and INTJ, only part of them sounded like me. Then I took another test and this time I got INFJ. I read the ‘verdict’ thoroughly and felt like I was looking into the mirror and talking to myself coz every word rang true to me. That’s the first time I felt like I was understood, I was not an alien. I was like any other human beings, only wired differently than others coz I am simply one of the few percentage amongst the population.
Hey, I’ve taken three tests already and I got this personality, I’m stressed out cause I can’t communicate with someone like myself, idk what to do.
People believe what they want to believe. As you’ll notice, all the commenter’s are identifiyng as INFJ, which presumably is rare but by all the comments it does not seem that way. Then again, an article like this would attract them. It is very easy to identify with other’s people’s traits though because we do (people in general) in fact share the same traits or feeling’s from time to time, it’s just to what degree and how often. I think the answer is realizing your not the only one on earth that matters and put the work in. A person can invision all they want, but without other’s it will never be a reality in most case’s…… so they matter greatly. I never really get into all the personality types or iq tests because in my mind they are both very complex matter’s to gauge. We are all bipolar in varying degree’s based on our environment,health,family matter’s and so on thru out our lives in my opinion. I’am not a psychologist but that’s my two cent’s. In a nutshell, just do what feels good that does not hurt other’s and avoid negativity and put the time in. Social issue’s are very complex problems to me and i view most things as a double edged sword in general. My main problem is just putting the work in. It’s easy to just lose yourself in other thing’s.
It is so funny you wrote this comment because I was thinking the exact same things!!
If INFJs are so rare, why are there so many here? They appear self absorbed and think they are special snowflakes. I think EVERYONE thinks they are a special snowflake!! If everyone is special then that means no one is special. Anyway, I think most people would be happier if they just quit focusing on themselves and demonstrated love for others, our earth, and animals. Go for a walk and appreciate and have gratitude for the things around you and the opportunities to learn the lessons this life is giving you. Work on improving yourself by searching for truth regarding the mysteries of this life.
Greetings,
I discovered I was an INFJ some time ago, but most of my life was spent feeling cut off from the world around me. I would engage the things and people around me with passion and vigor, but somehow, it was only a very rare moment when real connections were made. When I hear people talk, it is easy enough to join in, but often I find myself realizing within minutes that a real bond won’t be found in that person. So then, I shift into “what can I do for the other person” mode.
I spent years struggling with depression. I have always had a Savior-complex. Always trying to be the savior of the universe, and always inevitably realizing I can’t save the universe. Highs and lows? Oh yes. Most definitely. My older siblings have made fun of me from time to time, because my mood swings seem almost like those of a woman (which I am not, haha). Thankfully, through some expert counseling and discovering the ultimate spiritual reality in which I was meant to live, I have come through and grown much stronger emotionally, leaving my depression nearly always in the past. Occasionally I still have small battles here and there, but in general it is a thing of the past.
Additionally, I have loved being as unique as I have felt. Though for a time, I wondered if I was just incredibly conceited to think that I was really that different. It was a great relief when I discovered I was an INFJ, as it gave me some relatively concrete evidence that I wasn’t necessarily all that arrogant, haha. Nor was I crazy. There was an actually an explanation of, well . . . me! Haha.
The road is DEFINITELY lonely though. That is unquestionable. At 26, thus far I have gone through life with only one truly close friend until recently I was blessed with a second in the last couple years. Even my own father and siblings often seem not to really understand me, despite having lived with me for many years.
All in all, it is nice to know that while we may comprise only 1% of the population, that population is something around 7 billion, so that makes about 70 million of us. 🙂 Not so bad.
Reading your piece is really encouraging. A lot of times, I can’t help but think me being a INFJ is a curse. Was lonely as hell growing up and still feels lonely, as it’s so hard to find and make strong connections. I quickly learnt to bottle up things within me, which doesn’t really help but seems inevitably necessary. My third eyes was ever so sharp growing up, that I could almost predict things before they happen. Usually doesn’t end well, as coming from a Nigerian family deeply rooted in culture and religion, it was somewhat attributed to an evil possession. What I found and still find most challenging, is seeing right through the facade those I love and hold close put up. Hence why I say it’s a curse being a INFJ. Because in moments like that, I just wish I’m not able to see through as it really hurts. I’m still struggling but ever since I realised I fall into the INFJ personality type, it’s made the journey a bit more easy and I’m beginning to understand myself better. Hopefully with time, maybe I’ll come to fully embrace and come complete terms with who I am.
Hi im a INFJ too im under 18 though so i havent found it a struggle yet
I am an INFJ. I struggle every day with my personality traits. It’s exhausting but it’s the way God made me so I try to make it positive.
Hi, Jeff! It is so nice to finally meet a fellow INFJ! I have always wondered what was wrong with me and could never ever figure it out. I have just started going back to school, and one of the tests was a personality test. I just started out doing the research, and that is what brought me here. I actually feel great relief that I actually do fit somewhere!
Did you ever feel like suppose you’re in a conversation , say a group and you get a swarm of ideas which you want to say but you don’t or like the teacher taught something and then asked a question you like answered it in your mind and when the answer comes out it matches ditto what you thought and later regretted for being quiet. And situations where you could predict peoples actions and when they match you kindly rejoice that you were right. Now suppose you have a problem and you are determined to share it and you go all prepared to share but u end up being quiet and let it be to yourself. Then feeling bad\ sympathetic for a particular person who is guilty in something but other be hating the person and you have no clue . Then connecting some fanatical thoughts from books to real life and freaking out completely followed by feeling completely stupid.And my biggest problem that I BLANK OUT THINKING OF SOMETHING AT JUST ANYTIME OF THE DAY REALISING THAT YOU SPENT LIKE AN HOUR STARING AT A PARTICULAR THING. DAYDREAMING
Hi,I’ve just done the test as honestly as I could and found I’m an INFJ also.It was strange but comforting to read about things that have always puzzled me,why am I so content when I’m alone?the feeling of not belonging.
This I could always handle or deal with by considering the rest of humanity,..well I guess,a little out of touch.And that sounds so arrogant-well,I’m looking forward to learning more.
Rod.
It’s way too cool to see all this. I’m in my early 40s and I remember the first time I thought the thought, “Is the rest of the world crazy? Either that or I’m crazy.” That’s 30 years ago. I always knew I was different. Fortunately, I convinced myself early on that it really is the rest of the world. There’s a great deal of similarities in what I read here. Suspicion of bi polar or schizophrenia. Escaping for days at a time. Absolutely freaked the heck out when unable to be alone when it’s badly needed. High anxiety. I feel people’s energy and emotions like they’re my own if I’m not careful to put the wall up. Anyway, it’s nice to have a sense of normalcy. Cheers.
It seems strange, but I keep getting either INFJ or ENFJ when I take the test. The NFK I’m confident about, but while I have some extroverted ENFJ traits of giving constantly and loving socializing, I feel like I am in my head a lot (since I honestly get more energy writing than I do socializing) and I truthfully am awful at extroverted sensing. Am I really an INFJ in disguise?
hi I am Indonesian an INFJ. sometimes i feel that nobody understand about me, and I dont understand why people just live without thinking about the very essence of life. In relationship i found difficulties also, expecially when I hard to trust the others. Yes i have a very great love but i dont think so with my partner,
Im an INFJ personality type as well. Im kind of goth tho.
Hi Jeff. I found out i’m also an… INFJ… woohoo. i feel so alone in this world. I thought i was bi-polar as well. One day i could be all sunny and happy. the next i was down and feeling mighty low. It’s great though to see that i’m not alone
I tried a few personality tests on different websites and i keep on getting INFJ-A. I don’t think its true and i don’t quit like it. i like being alone and study, read books, draw, listen to music, and watch movies alone, but i don’t really mind company. the thing is, i cant really concentrate when it comes to people studying with me or people reading with me. i also often stare at something for a long time and think deeply, then someone calls my name and i don’t even realize that they are there. i also often read a book and think deeply then i stop for a while and come back and think that i was watching a movie, since i was imagining the events that happened in the book. i am also the quietest person in class when it comes to participating. People say that i am creative especially when it comes to drawing. I also don’t always plan what i will do, i usually just go with my feelings. so Jeff am i considered INFJ-A?
I feel just like all of you guys. Before I knew i’m an INFJ i was worried about my personality and perceptions. I also realised what I thought was being bipolar I was having situational depression.
Hi, so fun to be a INFJ and a Virgo. Double whammy! I am righteous, I vote, and I will march! But, I love dearly. Been called a rebel. What? I am also trying to fit in here. My mother used to tell me I would give the shirt off my back for someone who needed it. I thought, who wouldn’t?
Firstly, thank you to all the INFJ’s for sharing your comments! I very recently discovered this about myself as well, and have found both a satisfying sense of belonging as well as comfort in knowing my struggles can be explained.
Michaela, you said that it helped a lot to find an autonomous role at work and that is what I have thought lately as well. And Chad, you also said that working alone is best for you but you struggle to find autonomous work that can make a large, positive impact to humanity. I struggle with that as well. I have thought about careers in management to make a positive impact to my group, although my natural introversion really gets in the way. I hope to find a middle ground.
Sometimes it is easy to shut down because it feels like the world demands so much of us. I want to provide what I have found to be helpful when I feel the shut-down happening. I remind myself to ‘make myself available’ but in a more narrowed or focused scope. I narrow it down to my immediate family and my role at work. This allows me to continue to be available to those closest to me (who we can have a tendency to shut out during overwhelming times) as well as available at work (to avoid too much introversion at work, which comes with a host of drawbacks). I can then refocus my energies and this gives me the time I need to decompress and recharge while still being available to my core causes, my family and my job.
I discovered I was an infj 2 years ago, this is when my true self was revealed to me every question that I’ve ever had since childhood concerning my place in this world has been answered, please reply if you can relate
I am an INFJ-A
Krystal Nymann is my name I am an INFJ too. When I found this info I realized that I was not crazy because I never told anyone that I could feel the emotions of other people on such a level that even looking into someone’s eyes even without talking to them. I can feel their pain. For a long time, I did not realize what was going on because I was oblivious to all of this but when I allowed pain to make me unable to function I really started to reflect and feel the extent of my own self in pain which was very painful. I have always known my entire life that what would happen in my life would cause me much wealth and I am about to change the world so I guess that is in alignment with what it means to be the rarest personality in the world Thank you for your article
That’s me! Thank you for this great post. It reminds me of my brother commenting on my interactions with his neighbors -“for an introvert you are very chatty and friendly.”
Hi Jennifer, yes the INFJ I new was like that, too. Incredibly friendly and pleasant to talk to until all of a sudden he would need time by himself and disappear for a while.
It’s funny to read your post Jennifer. When I tell people I’m an introvert (INFJ), I’ve been accused of lying. The perception that an introvert is a recluse that sits alone not forming relationships is absurd. I can be “on” and come out of my shell. But, more times then not, I like to be alone. It really is hard to relate to most people. I find all of the research and topics on INFJ’s just fascinating. I also don’t feel quite so alone.
This is so interesting!!
I have always been an ISFJ but a few weeks ago, I took some Myers Briggs-esque tests online [couldn’t take the real thing].
The first one actually had me scored as an INFJ! I took a second one and that was marginally an ISFJ, like I usually have tested as.
What I discovered is that the more I’m involved in running my own business and exploring my entrepreneur-nature that is relatively new [the last 5 years or so], the more I have drifted to the N. I think I’ll probably end up more as an INFJ than an ISFJ in the future.
I can completely identify with some of the points you made, especially being social and extroverted in certain situations and having people surprised when they learn I’m an introvert. Also, being non-confrontational. That is me to a T!
Fun to read the list of famous INFJ’s!
Thanks for the great post!!
Hi Laura! Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts on this. That’s interesting that your personality has shifted a bit over time. Or maybe as you get older, you are settling into who you were meant to be. 😉
Laura, I can relate to your situation a lot. I am borderline isfj/infj with more preference for infj. The more freedom I get in my career, I become more N and less S. Thank you for sharing your story. It is nice to relate.
I appreciate all of your posts, and am grateful for your posting about INFJs, of which I am definitely one. You nailed most of the key fun things and challenges. I would add another one: It’s hard to figure out who I really am when I’m constantly trying to adapt to the personality of others, to be the person I think they need at that particular time.
I also had the experience of testing as something else (INFP) until l got a little older and settled into myself. When I started reading about INFJs, it all clicked.
Thanks Michael. It’s great to hear an INFJ’s perspective. That’s interesting, you’re the second person who has said that they tested as something else when they were younger. I wonder if this has to do with increased self-awareness or an actual change in personality type. Time to do some research! 😉
Michaela: About the question of whether a person’s personality type changes with age and/or experience: I think it might be so. But I think other factors come into play as well. I am an INFP – with a capital I. Sometimes, though, I seem to morph into an INFJ version of myself. Much like the Incredible Hulk. And when the crisis is over, I change back into my INFP self and go hide until I’m recharged. (Not really sure if Hulk has to do a recharge, but anyway.)
In my job, I spend part of my time (3 to 12 hours per week) presenting to small groups. For me, that’s the equivalent of the Hulk having to deal with an alien robot attack. Afterwards, I need serious alone time, but during the session I’m animated, funny, approachable.
When I was tested, about 20 years ago, the counsellor said I was INFP but borderline INFJ. I guess it’s complicated – as are we all.
That’s very interesting, John. I guess being on the borderline makes it easy for you to shift either way depending on your needs at the time.
Michael,
I am also an INFJ who is on the cusp of INFP. I think I have become more INFJ as I’ve gotten older because I’ve had to become more responsible for myself. I was raised by very strict authoritative parents, a very structured environment, and so I did not need to create or maintain structure for myself (in fact I rebelled against it!)
The older I get the more I see the value in structure and the more able I am to create a healthy structure for myself.
I also previously tested as an ISFJ and now as a INFJ, which has sparked my own interest in researching this topic which, ironically, is exactly what led me here!
Before I had my daughter I tested as an INTJ and then presently I continuously result as an INFJ which does fit me now. From what I’ve read, the change happened because I no longer decide for myself, but have to regard my daughter’s feelings and future as well and I think that’s one key difference between an INTJ and INFJ. I took an interpersonal communications class, our professor has us take the mbti and there were only 2 people out of 30+ that were INFJ, myself being one of those. It was pretty interesting.
I experienced the same. I think, it’s the fact, that as an INFJ, we expand our “Feeling”-Sensor to the outside and this will – in our younger years – conflict with our real needs. We find our inner light by doing the wrong things to achieve the right things later. I have been working – unknowingly and unintentionally – on finding my inner light for three decades now, since I am 15, and I often tried to be somebody else. The paradox is, that there is – scientifically and spiritually – no real “self” at all, but as an INFJ we must find this self somehow, because other types maybe have – from my point of view – a more superficial or “automated” mechanism of feeling and living their personality. It’s weird. The best thing – for me – to find and manifest my inner light is insight meditation (zen or vipassana) in combination with cultivating some close friendships and maybe – one day – find the woman that really matches me because nothing is more nurturing than knowing someone who loves and perfectly understands you.
I was unsure if I was really an INFJ until i saw your comment. I am always trying to adapt to others personality types and am puzzled at who i really am deep down.
I was wondering as I make up the 1% of the population with this personality type, i also make up the rarity of the population with type 1 diabetes as well…IS THERE a link between these rarities?
I too am an INFJ and relate to the struggle of finding and being one’s true self. It seems that I am constantly adapting my personality to fit a situation, and therefore being disgenuine and compromising who I truly am.
I am also an INFJ, and it is wonderful to know that I am not alone in feeling out of place in this world. I too adapt my personality to fit a person or situation. I have recently learned to see this as a strength and not a weakness. Being capable of reading a situation and adapting to it appropriately is a gift and should never be seen as disingenuous or a compromise of who you are. It is a gift that can be used to help others feel comfortable and understood. I hope to use this gift in counseling or therapy someday.
It’s interesting that INFJ’s so often do this (try to be who we think other people want us to be, or who we think we’re supposed to want to be!) since one of the strongest traits of our type is our intense need for authentic relationships.
I guess it’s because we are very cautious about letting people in. We don’t trust easily. And/or we just never think we’re good enough.
I spent several years thinking I was supposed to be an extrovert (not necessarily the terms I would have put it in at the time but that’s basically what I was doing)
I am Infj and developed diabetes 1 nearly 3 years ago. A few tears here, thought I’d look up Infj and diabetes 1, and voilà.. I think I developed it through extreme stress, other things may come into play like tooth infection (through stress), making day to night (lack of Vitamin D), a cheap tampon product possibly attacking my immunesystem (it did things the product normally doesn’t do).. I heard insulin production stops when there is too much cortisol.. then of course the other possibilities, being fed cow milk as a baby and further possibilties you have probably read up on/been educated on.. It seems I am also HSP (someone asked if there’s a link between HSP and Infj elsewhere) and on one of the more wellknown HSP sites a connection to diabetes was made. It also shared plant products that lower bloodsugar, which I found interesting.. So yeah, I think there might be a correlation, taking a lot of things in and with added stress it affecting ones body etc.
Did you develop it as a child ? I’m fairly new to it
I can totally relate Michael. When I was younger (15 or so) I tested as an ISFJ and when I turned 18 and my emotions calmed down considerably I tested as an INFJ. I tested myself again a year ago (22 at the time) and I once again tested as an INFJ.
I’m glad you an relate, Ambar. 🙂
Great article, and interesting research! It’s nice to see a perspective on the similarities & differences with this unique personality type.
One letter (T/F) can apparently make quite a difference, here are a few quick observations as an INTJ:
I often need to encourage myself to be sociable, it is “work” instead of “instinct”. However..
When called upon to teach or make a presentation, I love the art of verbal communication, converting wordless ideas and concepts into actual sentences.
I am also quite comfortable with “figuring out what’s in front of me” but can have difficulty converting my ideals into concrete steps for action.
(almost like my “feeling” side is a separate person that needs to be reasoned with – sounds strange I know)
Great read 🙂
Hi Philip, thanks for sharing your INTJ perspective. I like giving presentations, too, but only when I’m well prepared. 🙂
I’m INFJ. I wrestled for years with trying to figure out if there was something wrong with me because I processed things so differently than anyone I knew. Feeling lonely and misunderstood. Also never feeling like you can really express everything you see in people because it would just come off as creepy how much you observe from reading between the lines. But on the upper hand, so much fun getting to know people on an individual basis! And the friends I have are incredibly loyal 🙂
Hi Erin, great to hear about your experience as an INFJ. I have no doubt that you’ve used your INFJ spidy sense to make great friends. And I’m sure they appreciate the interest you take in them. I wish I had more INFJ friends! 🙂
Hi Erin! I totally know what you mean about reading people and their personalities. Sometimes I think I should make a living telling people their fortunes!
I once flunked a job interview because of this. It was before I understood that my intuition was above the norm. I was reading the interviewer so well that she got really creeped-out and I kind of slunk out of the office before the interview was over. It was so embarrassing!
Since this experience, I am more cautious with people and try not to delve too deep into reading between the lines. Because of this I often feel isolated and have a hard time making friends. It takes me a really long time to trust someone new. On the plus side, once I gain a friend, they remain a friend always.
Thanks you for sharing, I don’t feel so weird and alone anymore. 🙂
I didn’t realize the INFJ type was the rarest. The more I learn about this type — since the first time I took a Myers-Briggs test and found out I am one — and the more I sort myself out by putting my thoughts and experiences in writing, the more I identify with the type.
I also enjoyed your article on introverts and silence (when you have no words to say), and I can attest that sometimes it’s a good way to unnerve those who give a well-rehearsed answer to a probing question. I remember with one person, I didn’t know what to say in reply to his answer to my question, so I clammed up and just looked at him for a few seconds before I smiled and left. He looked not only annoyed but unnerved by it. I think he picked up on the fact that I wasn’t satisfied by his answer. I didn’t push him any further, though (I like harmony!) but I’ve noticed that silence is powerful. I can feel when they become unsettled by it. That’s usually when I smile and walk away.
Hi Sarah, thanks for sharing your experiences 🙂 . It’s interesting what you say about staying silent when someone gives a predictable answer to your questions. That is actually an interview technique used to get interviewees to open up.
I’ve heard of interviewers using this technique. I was quiet mostly because I didn’t know what to say, and because I also wanted to take in what the other person was not saying out loud. As a rule I don’t call people out if their non-verbal messages contradict what they say (I’m not a confrontational person), but it does stay with me as part of the overall impression. I can observe what they’re feeling about their own words as they reverberate in the air and in their own heads.
Plus, I’ve never been very good at thinking of witty replies at the right moment. Too much else going on.
Hi Sarah, it’s great to hear your insights on non-verbal messages. And I’m with you on the witty replies. I always think of the right thing to say way after it’s too late. 🙂
Hello! I’m an INFJ, as I have scored every time but one, according to the B-M test, I have taken the test four times. When I took the test again after quite a while a couple of years ago, I scored as an ENFJ. The explanation I think, was because I for the first time answered a question about what gives me energy as being around people. And this is partly true! Wih my job and with getting older, I noe more appreciate talking and being moderately outgoing. Still, realizing I need both the energy of people and silence and alone-time, I once again today scored as INFJ. 🙂 Consequently, it’s interesting to see that INFJs are believed to be more outgoing than we really are. Thank you for this blog.
Hi Margrethe. It’s so interesting to hear people’s different test results, and how they can change. I’m not surprised that you could be mistaken for an ENFJ. You INFJs are hard to figure out. 😉
Wonderful website Michaela- and thank you for this article. I am actually an INTJ now, but I think I spent most of my life as an INFJ. Years of training and education have, I think, supplanted my “F” with a “T” (at least under normal conditions). Nevertheless, your article seemed to nail how I think by default and the “T” may be an artifact of my various roles and vocations. I still think I am good at perceiving the emotions of individuals and groups, it’s just that I tend to subordinate these to objective information now days. As young as 4 years, I remember being overwhelmed by other people and their feelings. I think this is why I was so shy as a kid: new people are a lot to take in for a kid sensitive to these things. So, like some of your other replies have indicated, these things may change over time and with experience. One thing has remained though, like a typical INFJ, I feel the only place I really fit in is inside my own head.
Interesting insights, Kenneth. You made a good point about how overwhelming new people can be for sensitive children. People are very stimulating! And as far as fitting in goes – it’s pretty overrated! 🙂
Wow! I was just telling my husband last night that since I recently found out I am an INFJ it explains my extreme shyness as a child.It is exactly as you say “New people are a lot to take in for a kid sensitive to these things”
I recently found out my much younger sister (she’s 21 I am 54) is also INFJ I wonder what the chances of that happening are?
I am an artist and songwriter and writing music has really helped me to “wash away ” the emotions of others and get in touch with my own. Although I still get overwhelmed, especially if I don’t get enough alone time.
I also identify with being a highly sensitive person too.
This article and all the comments are a great help, thank you Michaela!
Loved it! I classify myself as an INFJ though I tend to shift in to INFP (Idealist)/ISFJ(Nurturer) sometimes. My guess is maybe it’s because we are always empathetic and can acquire other’s insight (especially when I am in an event/class/seminar/forum). But on a regular day I always test INFJ. Being an extrovert type of introvert is also kind of confusing but yeah, it does makes sense to me. Just one of the reason why people find us weird.
Thanks for your comment, Volt! Good to hear your thoughts 🙂
INFJ! Describes me all too well…very interesting read! 😉
Thanks
You’re welcome, Neli. Glad you enjoyed it!
I’m also an INFJ… had no idea they were so rare! Tested by a career counselor 14 years ago and said being a writer was a good career which I am now pursuing enthusiastically. Has created trouble in relationships.. but made me a good writer and dog trainer!
Yes, you are a rare jewel, David ;).
Hi there! Great blog, love it ^^ The on-line version of MBT called me INFJ. There was time when I felt being the worst wanna-be clinician, ever. Our training groups were filled with extroverts. While helping each other with difficult patients I felt out of place among them. I could sometimes plot the main problems in behavioral patterns before the others, arising from information fragments of different modalities and clues, which were not connected to each other in explicit ways. Sometimes I could see things no one saw, I could sense motives no one sensed, but I could not explain it. Vague feelings, fantasies and pictures, memories of stories and movies parallel with the patient’s suspected inner situation, they came. In the special way, these suspicions and conclusions were correct, and came long before the extroverts found them out. But when I tried to articulate them, they did not understand. My „reasoning” was labeled to be too fast, too detached, too raw, unstructured, devoid of enough reflection and filled with weird logical leaps. I had no words for my sensations, no logical structure for my resoning, and I felt terrible, needless. I had only symbols even I didn’t understand. During my training analysis my dreams showed me the strength of this type. But thanks to these experiences (and some more) I did not listen. My thoughts changed course fortunatelly, but this gift remained a curse as well. Since this is my ruling way of perception and judgement, when I am socializing, I may see patterns behind the words and deeds of people I don’t want to see, and I can’t decide whether I’m still working or just being myself. I think it’s an uncanny gift however.
I am also an INFJ and have struggled with my personality for years. When I was about 21 I had a roommate tell me that I needed to seek help for depression because I’d rather stay home and read on a Friday night than go out. I’ve been told that I am a bad friend because I do not text or call enough but I find that normal relationship behaviors either don’t cross my mind at all, bore me, or leave me drained. As I get older I find that relationships are easier but I really don’t have any friends beyond my husband and our families. I think once I was able to realize that their is no “right way” to live life is when I was really able to find happiness. Extroverts are always going to find introverts weird but that’s ok because I find them to be loud 😉
Thank you so much for your comment Michelle. It was great to hear your perspective, which you stated beautifully. I completely agree that there is no “right way” to live life!
Thank you so much for this post and to all the people who commented. I can completely relate to you all, and that is a very rare feeling for me. I have always felt that I was on the outside looking in, cursed to only observe the world. I still struggle to find my place and to show the world that I am so willing to help, if only they would listen. Thanks again. I don’t feel so alone, knowing that others feel the same. 🙂
I have only just found out I’m an INFJ. Originally I just thought I was a big introvert but knowing about who I am more now has really seemed to put my life thus far in a better light.
I literally tick all the boxes and now knowing this I can work on them/believe in them more.
I always strive to help others even when they don’t really want it, it’s because I care and if I have given myself the goal to help that person up to a certain point, I won’t feel complete if that goal isn’t reached.
Helping others helps me but I tend not to focus on myself. I believe that I live to help others- my only purpose. There’s nothing else to life for me.
I could say more but I fear I would go on forever :’)
Thank you for this article Michaela ^_^
You’re welcome, Freya. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! It’s wonderful to hear you are living your purpose and making a difference.
I am an INFJ. I have never felt like I have ever fit in or that someone truly gets me. I do appreciate it when those who I care about take the time to get to know me and try to understand me. I am very altruistic. I want to make a difference and help others. I am a teacher to kids who live in inner-city poverty. Like MLK, JR. I too have a dream that one day all will be equal, especially the poor. I am a HSP. I am very, very sensitive to external and internal factors. I have never to my knowledge ever met an INFJ personally. 🙂 We are very rare!!
Thank you so much for your comment, Esther! Wonderful to hear that you are making a difference in the lives of kids who need a positive influence in their lives.
Esther, your comment could have been mine. I have never fit in, and have never understood why, because I TRY to fit in….I just don’t. But I would give anyone anything they ever need, and have chosen to teach preschool special education in an inner city school for 38 years. I am committed to helping the poor and disenfranchised. So at least you have a kindred soul here in me.
I am too an INFJ and HSP (who is also dyslexic)! Great to see other people are like me. I have always felt different or people thought I was weird. I have always been drawn to helping others and volunteering for different causes.
hi hi me too, INFJ, HSP and dyslexic!
Hi There,
I enjoyed your article, as I do the majority of your work.
My name is Pamela, and I am an INFJ personality.
I am fifty nine years old.
I can honestly say that many years ago reading and studying about personality, followed by taking the M-B Test (a few times over my years) certainly was the key to unlocking my understanding about myself. I feel that taking this time to listen to ones own thoughts, so to answer questions about life and the like, brings about a strength. This getting to know yourself, is of upmost importance, thus allowing for an acceptance of being enveloped within the bliss of who you are.
Sincerely.
Pamela
Hi Pamela, thank you for your comments. I completely agree that getting to know yourself, and doing inner work is the key to self-acceptance and fulfillment.
I couldn’t agree more. I spent years battling my true self, and wondering why I didn’t fit in and wondering why I couldn’t be more “normal”. As soon as I surrendered to just being myself, without worrying about what others thought of my INJF behaviour, the happier I became! I even make light of it to work colleagues who I get on well with (working in a small office but limiting my social interactions with them outside work), whilst others will make tea for 2-3 people, I prefer to make my own and make a joke of the fact that I am a “lone ranger”. Once you accept yourself for who you are and make peace with yourself and allow you to be yourself, the happier you will be. I now have 4 close friends, we don’t speak on the phone, we e-mail, we don’t swamp each others social diaries but do make an effort to meet on occasions which suit all and we are all introverts to some degree, I’ve found I can’t maintain friendships with extroverts, the last extrovert I attempted friendship with accused me of behaving reclusively, whilst my perception of her was of her being “shallow”. I found myself distancing myself from her which apparently left her upset and confused for which I am sorry, but I have realised I make more successful friendships with like minded introverts and am now in a much happier place.
Thanks for the comment on which friends to pick. I was leaning toward two introverts and thinking about one extrovert. Your post has helped me decide which beginning friendships I should pursue further.
Hi there, thank you so much for your article. I have recently found my personality type as an INFJ and have been reading enthusiastically ever since. It has been interesting (and often jovial) finding out the reasons I have done a lot of the things I’ve done and why I am the way I am. But I found great relief in finding that it is normal to feel like you don’t fit in – I have felt like this from a very young age and although I have never had problems making friends, I can stand in a room of familiar faces and still feel alone. I have been in the military nearly 17 years so surrounded by different people, situations and decisions nearly half my life but I often find myself at opposite ends of the decision table to my peers who have progressed through the same training with me. I often thought it was mainly due to my cultural differences but I have never followed my culture closely. I have recently moved to a new role where I interview people in relation to their motivations and ideas. I find it easy to connect with people and my quiet and sensitive nature enables them to feel relaxed enough to share their genuine feelings and personal lives with me so as you can imagine I am totally in my element and happier now than I have been in years.
I wish I knew that ‘not fitting in’ was normal years ago as I would have stopped investing so much of my heart into fitting in a long time ago and could have moved on with what I love to do sooner.
Hi Angela, It’s wonderful to know that you’re using your innate gifts to connect with others. And, yes, trying to fit in is a waste of energy. Some people waste their whole lives trying to do so, so it is a good thing you’re learning to accept your true nature now! 🙂
I stumbled across INFJ via this website a couple of days ago. After years of searching in numerous disciplines of thought to understand my life and being lost in the woods it feels like somebody has parachuted in a iPhone pre-loaded with the Google Map of my life. I now know what I am and what I need to do. I am not broken, I do not need to be fixed, I have a gift. I thank you for being the portal. Full ahead both, life is going to get properly interesting from here on in ….
Wow, I love how you described finding this article, Matt! It sounds very magical. 😉 Yes! You’re not broken. INFJs are incredible individuals with MANY unique gifts to offer the world. 🙂
Hi there. I want to know how an INFJ deals with heartbreak?
Trying to figure this out now. But I am deeply, deeply wounded at the loss I am experiencing.
You need to keep yourself busy and occupied. We INFJ tend to already be happy homebodies but a breakup will make being a homebody miserable. Being alone to wallow, you’ll tend to regress and try to call/text/message your ex. It took me 3 months to get over my ex of 1.5 years. I joined a ballroom dance club that had activities and lessons multiple times a week – it was fun and challenging to learn the dances and there are so many nice people in ballroom in general. Just an idea! But it worked for me. I became more socially busy – for an INFJ – that I found myself meeting new guys by happenstance. I started to casually date, multiple guys at once too, and for the first time, I felt a lot more confident in dating.
INFJ’s can get there. It just takes time and keeping yourself busy! I really recommend just taking any community college class you’ve always wanted to take. I just took drawing recently – so relaxing and I met a lot of interesting people. I still want to do ballet and take Japanese. The idea behind taking classes is that you’re able to get yourself out there and challenge and enjoy yourself with a new skill – you are not forced to make connections – because let’s face it it’s hard to make real, authentic connections as INFJ. But! It’s an added bonus that you are in an environment to meet a lot of new people and get lost in new interactions.
Also note, you don’t need to overload your schedule. I kept it mostly 50/50 as a classic INFJ would. I enjoyed my social time and I also treasured my alone time to reflect on and soak in my progress.
Breakups are actually the best thing to happen. 1. You were not meant to be with that person. 2. You have more time to focus on your own personal happiness. You are doing everyone and yourself a favor when you learn to be happy and love yourself. You learn more about yourself and you will be a better person to the next person to come into your life.
Good luck fellow INFJ’s!! 🙂 🙂
INFJ/INTJ here.
I think the reason why we can seem to be extroverted in certain social situations is because 1) we can sense what is needed to “get the party started” or 2) we can read what someone is thinking/feeling before they say it so we have that needed time to formulate what is needed to be said and so come across as friendly and chatty.
I once was a sensitive, lonely kid who when asked what they wanted to be when they grew up always answered that “I wanted to help people”. I was terrible for overextending myself and burning out until I learned the power of saying no. I’m THE MOST introverted person I know. If I’m out for a few hours I MUST follow the next day at home. If I’m out all day or very busy it takes a few days to recover. As a forty-something it’s taken about 38 years to realise this. I had massive highs and lows. I need to keep on top of my B vitamins for energy and make myself go to bed on time. I think INFJs are never “switched off” mentally. We can be thinking of an upcoming situation, remembering something emotional from years ago or busy processing what’s happening here and now. So it’s VITAL to get that creative downtime where you can therapeutically express some of those emotions. In essence, we need to remember WE ARE PEOPLE TOO WHO NEED HELP AND HELP OURSELVES TOO!
Take time to be gentle to yourself when you’ve been
giving out.
Just my 2c. 🙂
Glad I found this site. A mine of info!
INFJ here, who presents as an extrovert much of the time. I’m an advertising account manager who works in a completely open, chaotic environment. I have to go and hide in a bathroom stall several times a day to cope with that! 🙂 The thing is, I genuinely love people – and I have an uncanny knack for solving their problems and making them feel good. But this can be an incredible burden. I’m sought out constantly for advice. And while I find helping others extremely rewarding, it can be such a drain. I’ve had to cut people out of my life when I feel emotional vampirism setting in. 🙂
The people around me, though, have made a genuine effort to understand who I am – and while they may not be able to relate to my core introvert feelings (I’m drawn to extroverts and introverts alike), they do make allowances for the recharge time I need.
My boyfriend is an extrovert who needs a lot of attention. After my work day, I need quiet. Just quiet. He comes charging through the door with passionate, overly detailed explanation about his entire day and turns the television on at top volume. It causes my heart to race…and not in a good way! 🙂 But other times, he walks in, gives me a long hug, and then takes my two rambunctious boys to the park so that I can decompress. So I’m ok with listening when it’s the last thing I feel like doing.
It’s funny and bizarre to me that there are so many people in this world that go to such great lengths to be noticed…to be admired. Attention makes me uncomfortable on good days…highly annoyed on bad days.
I’ve always had a vivid imagination. I started writing stories as soon as I could form words on paper. I’m also a lucid dreamer, for what it’s worth. I actually have to take ambien every night to thwart that. I do not feel rested after lucid dreaming. And I have a very difficult time shutting my thoughts down at night. It seems my brain thinks that’s the best time to start solving the world’s problems. 🙂
I don’t genuinely connect with very many people. Shallow relationships feel like work to me, and are not the slightest bit rewarding. But when I do make a connection, it is the most fantastic feeling.
Online dating as an INFJ was interesting, to say the least! 🙂
In any case, I’m glad there are others out there that relate to the life I lead. And thank you to the writer and the others who have posted here! 🙂
Get the brain shut down at night can be a challenge. Good to know others have this happening. I drive long distances with my job and when I have a passenger, most find it odd that I am reluctant to listen to music. I can discuss a very wide range of subjects while driving but music is a distracting din. When alone, I am very entertained just thinking, enjoying my vivid imagination and loving the solitude.
I have come to understand myself on a whole other level since understanding that I am INFJ. Once I took the test, two years ago (at age 59) and understood I was rare, life changed. I no longer feel that I don’t fit in and there is something lacking. People exhausted me and I only wanted them around when I felt energized and ready. Now when I explain that I am an outgoing, talkative introvert, I get interesting remarks and most people I know are very accepting but still don’t get the idea that an introvert can be a leader and full of ideas. All of my life I felt I didn’t fit in. Now I know why and just carry on with my life.
Hi,
I’ve taken a few variations of the myers briggs test and scored infj consistently on one of them and intj on another variation. Some of the questions are largely open to subjective interpretation, and of course we humans, being complex sentient lifeforms, I’m hesitant to accept being categorized into one of 16 different categories. I’m sure there are numerous variants out there that people have created such as INFTJ / INTFJ to try fit into a category. However that being said I do feel I was more a INTJ in my teenage years and then developed a strong affinity to sensing other peoples emotions as I grew older(I’m 30 now, male). I really enjoy helping others and have uncanny intuition. Enjoyed reading other people’s comments and the article , <3 INFJ & of course INTJ's! Thank you Michaela.
Hello, I am an INFJ!
Ironically, you wrote this article on my birthday – May 19th. Pretty neat, eh?
Most descriptions of typical INFJ’s fit me very well. I’ve only had very few close, close friends my whole entire life. My grandmother, who recently passed, was probably one of the few people I felt such a strong, deep connection with. I knew when she was crying, sad, frustrated, etc. I also knew she was dieing, and spent a lot of time with her at her home through the months long process.
I would say a lot of people either enjoy my company, or just cannot stand me. Most lean towards “I don’t understand [her]”. I can’t take bull from people, so honestly, I’m glad they avoid me. I find most people to be quite abrasive, lacking sensitivity, generally cold and mean. A lot of men approach me, and usually are turned off by me because I am, equally, turned off by their behavior – I know they’re not really interested in me as a person, and probably wouldn’t like me if they got to know me. I’m deeply fascinated by religion, art, books (BOOKS!), and love to write, play music…I have hundreds of journals and notebooks. I vividly remember my dreams, and love to analyze their meanings. I like science…but not the new modern, cold science(s) we’re into today. I love ancient astronomy, metaphysics, anything mysterious and complex. I don’t like to call myself ‘religious’, but I believe in God without a doubt.
I have a terrible relationship with my father (we haven’t spoken since I was 12), mostly because he was always critical of my personality and didn’t have enough sense to appreciate me for who I am.
School was an horrible experience for me. Growing up mixed race in a primarily Caucasian community, in a wealthy suburb, with a quiet, artistic personality brought the wrath of doom upon me. I switched schools a lot as a child, dropped out of HS when I was 17, but went back and got my diploma. In fact, the diploma program was/is much nicer because you don’t have all the petty cliques and stupidity which are rampant in most traditional schools.
Please send me messages via email if you would like to learn more about INFJs, as I (apparently) am one very through and through. I’ve consistently scored this result, even when I was a teen and wondered what type I was.
– Yasmine
Hah, it seems like I am one of those INFJ’s too! And Yasmine, my b-day is also on May 19th! Hahahaha 😮
I Yasmine,
I came across your post and I can RELATE 100% …Being an INFJ has really been very hard for ME and daily I feel the need to pray to get through just daily life bc I get “tired” of feeling so odd LOL. What is your email address we can email each other it would be nice to have some to relate top.
I took the Humanmetrics Jung Typology Test and got INTJ. I’m not sure how accurate that particular test is. All my adult life, wherever I lived, I had to have high fences and locked gates to keep people out who ignore the Do Not Disturb and By Appointment only signs. I’m never lonely and never bored, so these persistent people who crave my attention is baffling. I’m now a gray-haired, chubby senior–I hoped to lose my appeal–no such luck.
Hi, Chad here. Just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to write such an article. I recently discovered that i’m a INFJ at the age of 21, and so far everything I read is so accurate (I feel like I’ve been watched)! Anyway feel free to ask me any questions, I sort of in a way feel obligated to contribute!
You’re welcome, Chad! Here’s a juicy question: what is your approach to romance?
😉
This wasn’t addressed to me but, when I was single I did much better with online dating. I heard from a lot of people, wrote back to some and gave maybe 5% of them my actual phone number. First dates happened, second dates were rare. Honestly, most of the dates I went on were trite, superficial and I could tell that his only goal was sex. I often cut things short and, in one notable case, just got up and left.
My fiance scored a second date because I could tell he wasn’t looking for a fling and was being as genuine as possible. I tested him constantly and still do sometimes. It seems to work, in most ways.
In a relationship, I do find myself drained at times, especially if I’ve been working a lot (I’m an exotic dancer, which is incredibly taxing.) He’s understanding about my need for space but it does annoy him that he can’t put a single thing past me. He knows that I’m likely to know what he’s done before he’s even finished doing it.
In the general sense, being an INFJ is frustrating for me. I was adopted into a family of extroverts who will never even begin to understand why it’s so hard for me to deal with people, why I’m so content doing nothing (well, they think it’s nothing) or why I prefer to have pets over friends. I seem like I do okay socially but, as a rather extreme introvert, I have little social energy and use it up quickly. I wish I could be social and energized all the time but it just doesn’t happen for me.
approach to romance? a very open-ended question, so i’ll just try to freeform a little about romance in general.
my ideal romance is that i’m christopher plummer and you’re julie andrews, and it’s a magic moment dancing the ländler. our love has meaning, our love is pure, our love is undeniable and transparent. ~ so, approaching that–that is, trying to make it materialize–is somewhat impossible; that kind of romance either presents itself or it doesn’t. those two characters would never have met in a bar, so where then to find it? if i knew that answer, i’d have an extra dollar or two and that’s for sure.
two basic forms of me are drunk and sober. drinking, i’m the life of the party because shyness takes a leap and i know what every last person in the room is feeling, so i can put on a floorshow and tickle them into a laughing riot if desired. i’ve been attacked by women at such times. sexual, but not my idea of romantic.
sober i’m very shy, and it just depends upon how i feel that day on how i approach the girls. some days i’ll see a girl i’d want to talk to but won’t because for some reason i just can’t bring myself to it, not quite knowing what to say, especially since small talk isn’t one of my strengths. i’ve noticed that many women are unreceptive to my asking them their opinions of world events and other serious topics that i’d care to discuss. it then becomes a ‘what’s the use?’ scenario, and i’ll skip by them, feeling a bit down on myself afterward. other times, organically, my mood will allow me to chat them up just fine, down to getting the digits. problem is, i detest talking on the telephone (can’t read their gestures, perhaps), so of little use is a telephone number. so, it’s back to drinking, back to the sexual, away from the romantic.
45 now, i’ve laid and have been laid many times. i can recall only one girl with whom i was romantic. (she made me kiss her a lot, and we did have chemistry, so it was really something else.) i was young and stupid, though, and one day she rightfully left me, leaving me badly hurt. i never wanted to feel that way again, so i foolishly protected my heart from love and married for practical reasons. i drive a nice car, have a nice house, but i don’t have romantic love, so it’s all worthless to me, and i dispiritedly wonder where to find my misspent years.
guess i must be the other kind of infj, the kind who doesn’t mind opening up. 🙂
I enjoyed your article, Michaela. I’m an INFJ, but never knew it was rare. I have met others, because a class of us took this at university—but even then it didn’t seem like we were few in number. I’ve taken the test many times since, with most results as INFJ, and I think once as INTJ.
Unlike a few commenters above, I have few complaints on how life is or how I interact with others. I enjoy not thinking like the next person, and having insight into matters; if it has been a disadvantage I am often a pioneer and launch things early.
I am an only child which meant as I grew up I enjoyed my own company and value it as much as I value conversing with close friends. (I never thought that having a small circle of real friends was that odd.)
One thing that rings very true is the public service element, as I have been involved in the area of social responsibility for many years (since around the turn of the century), and unsuccessfully ran for mayor of my city twice as an independent (12 and 18 per cent of the vote).
I relate to Elizabeth (August 3, 2014) out of the commenters above in needing to feel energized to be around people.
I am an INFJ. I have always known I was different than most. I never knew why. I still don’t. Feel free to ask me anything provided I remain anonymous!
I am an INFJ and I often feel like the INFJoey cartoon above that I don’t really fit in anywhere. About 10 years ago my results were INTP so the IN is what’s always been strong and constant.
Thank you sooo much for this…all my life I’ve been struggling with social interactions and Boy! I thought I was the weirdest individual out there! I even thought of myself to be snobby and rude cos I didnt feel like going out or talking suddenly with friends. I put so much pressure on myself to be around others and endup becoming someone I was not. Now I feel like I wasted a part of my life for trying to be “normal” . I’m 35yrs old and just found out I should be looking for a career that I can be myself and be by myself for the most times. some people out there just dont get it and think you need to get out more or need a life. I just like the feeling of being cozy and do stuff done the way I like them alone without anyone talking over my shoulder with non relatively senses. lol
I am an INFJ. I, too, have always felt I didn’t fit in even when I did (if that makes sense). I felt conceited thinking that somehow I better understood the events taking place around me and the people involved than my peers. I am a personal trainer which requires me to be “on” all the time, socially speaking. Many of my clients are shocked when I explain to them I am introverted (due to me declining their incessant invitations to come to dinner, go out for a drink with them, or go to their holiday parties). They say,”what? You’re not introverted. You are easy to talk to and sociable.” I am but only because I have to be and because I “get” people quicker and better than most others. I actually do enjoy talking with people in a one to one setting as I learn so much from not only their words but their bodies and eyes as well. However, due to my overly social job, I often feel the need to withdraw and recharge often and deeply. This baffles most others because I come off so friendly otherwise. Something I wished people would understand about me is that being friendly and not being awkward in social settings does not an extrovert make.
I also find that my whole life I’ve vividly dreamt of helping others and those in need; the underdog if you will. I devote myself to teaching and helping through all careers I’ve taken because one of my strongly held convictions is the importance of reaching people through education (about anything and everything). Part of the beauty of eloping someone understand something is a that I get to experience a passionate, deep, and soulful place/connection to another person on my level, if only for a split second. In those moments, brief as they are, I don’t feel so alone.
I completely relate to what you share, Jess. People say the same thing to me when I tell them I’m an introvert. I also know how draining it can be to have to be sociable for your job. But it’s so true, that those soul connection moments make it all worth it. xo
Hi Michaela! I stumbled on your website thanks to other introver-penned websites, and I was immediately hooked by this article… of course because I am an INFJ, and I loved the idea of “decoding” myself! I saw you have already had a lot of comments from other INFJ fellow describing their situation, so I don’t know if there is still something left that you would like to know and that I could tell you:)
One thing from your article that really resonated with me, though, was the one about us having a very complex&deep inner world in place of the external one. I can second that. I’m starting out as a writer and can confidently say that I have created so many worlds in my head that, in the bluest days, I often find the “real” one boring, if not even saddening. Unfortunately I suffer from a mild mood disorder that often puts me in a very bad condition to deal with the rest of the world when I am on the depressive end of the spectrum. But, if I had to tell the truth, I am happy this way; I wouldn’t give this up not even for one billion dollars. This extreme sensitivity sometimes makes me see others as if they were hollow vases who are too busy hiding from the possibility of pain to see that the whole humankind is suffering. But at the same time, there are days when I marvel at the depth, the story and scars and simple, impossible beauty that every person has. Depression and social anxiety are worth it. I would happily be the awkward girl standing near the wall at a party, if that means I get to catch a glimpse of someone’s soul and spirit even just for one nanosecond. I suppose that often we paint the world with the darkest and the lightest colours at the same time.
I’ve known that I’m an introvert for a long time but only known I’m an INFJ for about half a year. It has helped me a lot with understanding myself – knowing what personality type I am.
I would say, I am almost always misunderstood because of this complex personality of mine. I like to talk (although I think a thousand times before saying + I’m a great listener) – mostly I ask a whole lotta questions to get to know the person in front of me. Since people sometimes mistake me for an extrovert – or simply because we live in a society where extroversion is the “healthy normal” – people tend to think something is badly wrong with me when I crave alone time. I can be totally alone (from humans) for a week without a problem, I can even be HAPPY during this time.
I sometimes feel more lonely WITH people than when I am alone and I feel great comfort in being with a small group of trusted people. But that’s not to say I do not find myself in situations with a whole lot of people. I love concerts, I LOVE meeting new people and I love travelling and new situations. But I NEED my alone time to survive and to keep my sanity. Depending on how I feel, I sometimes love parties. But at the end of the night, I am so overstimulated and mentally tired I could cry. The day after, I wake up feeling like I have the worst hangover ever – and I do not even drink alcohol!
I am constantly observing + feeling what feels like everything. When I meet people for the first time, the feeling I get when I meet them tells me if this person will do something that would cause me great trouble, a lot of anxiety or if it’s simply not a person who will understand me. Often I can’t even explain why this happens, and I have been told, many times, that I am just too sensitive or just plain stupid (aka prejudiced) to think like this without even knowing the person.
I listen to the tone of words, I listen to every word that comes out of the persons mouth, I read body languages – is it aggressive? – I this person belittling me or other people, is this person respecting my integrity, is he or she gossiping a lot, a cynic etc etc.
I am not talking about prejudice.
I think I – together with a lot of other introverts – are are able to connect the dots – even unconsciously – before anyone else has seen the warning signs.
I love my personality, I really do. But there is one thing i hate. It has always been a struggle for me to be understood – or at least – accepted. And hopefully, one day, this quiet introvert rebellion of ours, will change this <3
Thanks for sharing your thoughts + wisdom on your blog! I am really happy I found it!
I took the personality test 2 days ago and found out I’m INFJ. I cried 3 times while reading about what it means to be INFJ because I was so relieved that there’s nothing wrong with how I feel. I’m happy to know that it’s normal to feel different because I am different. I’m 28 years old but wish I knew this 10 years ago so to prevent all the needless dwelling and self analysis. I’m a lawyer and manage to cope with the pressure, but only because I believe I’m helping others.
Wonderful website. Thank you.
Great article, Michaela. I am an INFJ, and many of the issues mentioned by the other commenters are very true of me as well. I have been bullied since childhood because many people view me as “strange” or “weird”. However, my friends have mentioned that after getting to know me better, they realised how wrong their previous judgements were.
I do not feel like I fit in anywhere, including in my own home. My parents are frequently surprised by how little they know of me despite my being an only child, and this leads to daily conflicts. My friends get frustrated by my ever-changing moods as well, and puzzled by how I can be smiling one moment and furious the next.
I suffer from severe depression and resulting anxiety (especially social anxiety). Disorders like mine seem pretty rampant among us INFJs, judging from the other comments.
I had a terrible primary school life (Grades 2-7 for countries with other schooling systems) and led a school gang with the aim of protecting those bullied by other gangs. The people in my gang were the constantly bullied and downtrodden, and most of them were my close friends. Despite all this, I hate conflict and tend to avoid arguments. I once took 3 months to work up the courage to friendzone a guy!
Hi Michaela
I am an INFJ who struggles with selecting a career A LOT. I have swayed between ENFJ and INFJ throughout my life but I think I am now finally settling into my true self as I get older.
I have a University degree and graduated with really high marks but I prefer to work alone and I have some days of very high energy and inspiration and low energy days.
I am curious how you were able to create a life where you can make your own schedule, if it just consists of writing and how long it took you to do so.
Thanks so much!
Julie.
Hi Julie,
I created this life through powerful intention, big leaps of faith, and by transforming my mindset. Of course, I took a lot of practical action, too, but it was my mindset that really made it happen. Now, most of my income comes from private virtual coaching. I specialize in helping introverts, empaths and highly sensitive creatives create a life and career that allows them to make a difference in the world while honoring their introversion. 🙂
I just took the Jung Briggs Myers test. I got INFJ. I took it twice to be sure. It explains a lot to me. I am an artist and 44 yrs old. I still haven’t chosen a career path, but am in college (hence taking the test) and pursuing Accounting. I am fascinated by all this. I am sensitive to a fault and have recently left a good job due to conflict for which I saw no resolution.
Hi Elizabeth. So exciting to hear that you’re starting this journey of self-discovery. 😉
Hi, my name is Darlene. I used to think that I was rare, but since I’ve been online, it seems like there a zillion INFJs, so maybe we’re not very rare after all. It seems like they’re all over the place, but in real life, they’re not. In real life you can go your whole life and not meet another person that sees the world the way you do.
Hi Darlene,
“Rare” is a relative word I suppose. You may only be one percent of the population, but that adds up to a lot. It’s really great that you can find others like you so easily now on the Internet. 🙂
Hi Michaela,
Here’s another INFJ – reluctantly so 🙂 I actually test INTJ all the way, but I am not that. Interestingly, when going through the transformations that I have, personality typing can get quite tricky. Emotions, values, right and wrong, principles, beliefs, most of them transform as well – and often disappear. When that happens, the F infuence starts to get very low, resulting in a shift towards T. It also enforces the S a lot.
Anyway, if there is something you’d like to know, feel free to ask!
Hi Tom, thanks for your comment! I know what you mean about transforming beliefs and values. Mine have changed a lot over the past few years. Though, I don’t think my personality type has changed so much as it has emerged in its true form. 🙂
Hi! I am an INFJ. I took the test and found out in July, it all makes perfect sense now! My best friend, who wanted me to take the MBTI test is an INTJ (female) so we are two rare types! (:
I’m so so so glad I know about these personality tests, all my life, I knew I was different from everyone else, people used to call me the ‘quiet one’. I love reading up on this! Happy I found this site!
Hi Danielle, I’m happy you found this site, too! Thanks for sharing your experience. I know how good it feels to finally realize that there’s nothing wrong with you and there are others like you. xo
It is truly tough trying to let people whom I care understand me. Many times I feel like I am such a weirdo that I just assume a more common personality. Or else, I keep it completely hidden. It is very frustrating, not being understood.
I know what you mean, Ekaterina. Luckily, because of the Internet it’s getting easier to see that there are actually lots of people who are like you who understand what you’re going through.
I’m an INFJ majoring in psychology/sociology with plans for a counseling graduate degree. Learning to accept my unique, complex personality while integrating with multiple subcultures has had its challenges.
One technique is to project a personality type that more people are familiar with. This makes it easier to actual productively work with people. They feel more comfortable because we INFJ’s are conforming to a pattern they understand. While we InFJs learn through mirror/reflecting, thus receiving insight from that reflection process. As an inexperienced or young intuitive, sensing person its easy to merge so much into that role, or other personality type, that one loses oneself temporarily. One stops consciously “wearing the hat” and can start subconsciously thinking “I am the hat”. Which is why the alone time is so important. It gives space to clear out other’s energy-and return back to our own self and center. I think this is all due to the emphatic nature of our type–we are intuitively on some level constantly, “walking in someone else’s shoes”. Constantly learning from others. Sometimes those other shoes are in deed very painful and the journey rocky.
Eventually as we mature, we learn not to feel bad at others for not wanting or being able to do this process. Thus understand OUR journey. The process is difficult, confusing and painful. It effects you deeply emotionally and even physically through subconsciously driven psychosomatic responses. The continual angst is tedious for even us. So we learn to be authentically caring, and learn to focus practically on our humanitarian work when out amoungst people in an effort to stop not only other’s suffering, but our own when we are out around those who suffer.
Having people really know us in exchange? Eventually, that often falls low on our priority list. We save the real ‘get to know me’ for those who have the time and patience to walk with us as we break down whole systems of thought, cognition and behavior—and then repair and rebuild those systems. (Including our own.) Over and over again.
Interestingly enough, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr, Mother Therese, Nelson Mandela were all my main role models long before I figured out we were INFJs. *smiles* From what I understand, Carl Jung was also an INFJ. Yes?
Hi Sam, Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. I’m not an INFJ, but I can relate to what you said about projecting a personality that people can understand more easily. And I also find it really crucial to spend time alone to clear out the energies and be grounded in my own energy. xo
I believe your comment is vital to the idea of ‘filling ourselves up’ with something so we aren’t filled up with others confusion around where we are coming from and feeling that as rejection. I am a 1 with the Ennagram and an INFJ (female). On the Enneagram – 1 goes to 7. When i read ENTP – that is me at my best. Strong, funny and OUT THERE with loads of ideas and charisma. This feels like my integration at 7 as ENTP. When i tell people that i go home, collapse and can have intermittent melt downs – i get the slow eye blink. It does, not, compute. My family is large (I have 4 brothers) and VERY extroverted – so i’ve learned the ‘dance’. But (and here’s the ever-present but) – i die a little. I teach adult learning for the Oil and Gas sector and LOVE IT. But i am so exhausted i can barely think afterwards (but of course i can’t fall asleep either as i review every single facial response I caught from my students faces).
My point is – I am very successful out in the world when i present my ENTP (or whatever it is) and as an experiment – i plan to do it in a more energy efficient manner both for my benefit and for the benefit of others while managing my 6th sense, my sensitive heart and my personal space. I always have a ‘plan’ – painful combo the 1 w INFJ: thus the plan.
Hugs to you.
Hello Sam.
Thanks for sharing this.
Living as infj…
I think we all can agree this is gift and curse.
I was start volunteering since 10 years and I’m 50 now.
Without any family supporting or understanding.
I was just weird to them.
Now, they understand and supportive.
Also I am strong enough to accept who am I…
It was not easy journey…
Person like you, please keep research and help and guide young infj.
Good day.
Hi there! I am INFJ. 😀 I just wanted to say I liked reading this article. It has good details and pointers for the personality type. It’s really good to even have information for those who have recently found out that they are INFJs. So Thank you.
I have taken the Myers-Briggs Test three times over the past few years and still got the same results, only rises and dips in percentage values within the traits.
A little bit about myself, when I meet people for the first time, I am shy. However I am crazy fun when it comes to my friends. I am really engaged in a “one to one” conversation rather than a big group conversation. I want to give that person my fullest attention and listening is key for me, it helps me understand them more.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I think it’s brilliant that you’re collecting information from INFJs and allowing more exploration for others fullest potentials. Thanks 😀
Hi Jacob. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your experiences as an INFJ!
I’m 29 and I just took the test two days ago. I tested INFJ and my mind was blown. I had my wife take the test yesterday and she too tested INJF and my mind was blown yet again. It’s just the weirdest but most invigorating feeling at the same time. I’m still trying to process all this information but I feel I’ve gained so much insight in the past 48 hours. I’ve never ever felt the need to express how I feel on online blogs but after reading this site I feel obligated to. I’ve been married for almost 7 years and finally able to understand what we’ve both been going through is a major milestone in our relationship. (We both tested INFJ but our variants are different, I tested assertive, she tested turbulent.)
Wow! I haven’t heard from an INFJ couple before. Wonderful to hear that you found each other, and now you are both on the path to greater self-awareness and (hopefully) self-love. 🙂
I’m currently talking to an INFJ. I am so glad I had her take a personality test very early in our talking to each other. I am a ENTJ and that mix could have been an absolute disaster had I not known in advance what I was dealing with. ENTJ’s love to criticize and INTJs and VERY sensitive to criticism!!!
They are amazing conversationalists! However, they WILL shut down on you and it’s important to know that, especially if you are an Extrovert and give them their space. They are also very guarded, although she must trust me because she has been very open for an INFJ and she has even said she’s never this open with anybody. I LOVE how passionate, insightful and decisive they are!!!
That’s great to hear, Cooper! I love the INFJ communication style and approach to life, too! 🙂
As an INFJ and a Capricorn, I think I may have found the perfect outlet for my personality. First, I went back to school and made honors- grades in Criminology, minoring in Psychology. Before that, I did a lot of data-analysis and information systems work in a mental health provider. I grew up thinking I would teach English, so to put all of that together, I’m a private investigator. I do a lot of watching from a distance, recording, writing, and in the process, help people and companies with their problems. Testifying in court can be a taxing experience for me, but I just have to psych myself up for it, like many other things in life that we have to do. Running my own company gives me freedom from a lot of the day-to-day interactions with people that I might have to have in a regular office environment, but I do begin to find some of the tasks of running a company to be tedious. When I do have to make calls and talk to people face to face, I do feel the drain that everyone mentions. But MOST of the time, I’m doing what I love.
Hello BP, I am also an INFJ and a Capricorn. Lately I’ve been struggling trying to figure out what I really want to do with my life. I have been considering private investigations, I have a degree in criminal justice and homeland security. Do you find that being a private investigator fulfills you and truly helps and protects people?
Hi, Im Kris,, and Im a INFJ.. feels like I’ve said that before just different letters..lol. Just recently took this test and found out that there is a “type” for me, which has been interesting as I always thought I was a little different.. Here’s a summary, I’m a problem solver, “friends call me MacGyver” I can fix things, if I don’t know how, I will figure out a way to.. Its not that I want to be better than anyone else, but when I do something, I end up being exceptional at it. It sometimes pisses people off. but I don’t mean to or want to, for example I’m a musician, and fellow musicians have got mad because I can play their instruments better than them. But being a song writer, I always want to know everything so have learned to play over 10 instruments to be able to help me. Being a lead singer/lead guitarist there is a lot of attention that that position gets which I generally reject. I prefer to sit in my car by myself until we go on rather than getting the glory and praise. In terms of work I’ve always been the best or top performer where ever I’ve been. I like to create.. I’ve invented machines for companies, designed and built my house myself,, been the songwriter for all my bands. I love animals more than life itself, and can get teary eyed watching Ellen! lol, Though loving music, I don’t listen to the radio when im in a car,, my mind just thinks,, when I walk into a room, im not thinking about whos in there as much as how it was constructed, are the ceilings level, what kind of flooring do they have,, when driving its contemplating time travel and the existence of parallel universes. Sometimes my girlfriend shakes her head when she says “so what have u done today” and I say I was studying nuclear reactions on youtube!! lol. the weird thing is this sounds like Im a nerd,, Im not,, I’m a singer of a rock band, considered good looking, muscular..always joking around and smiling,, but oddly Im always stressed out,! between work , kids , relationship, future. but no one knows that about me. I’m someone who gives good advise, people value my opinion, and Im always trying to promote piece. Im non confrontational, hate arguments but I will start swinging if I see anyone mess with anyone that doesn’t deserve it. Im soft spoken and smile all the time. but if you hurt someone or an animal, Im not thinking of beating you up,, its all about where Im gonna burry you. Im a preper. I have survival gear all around the house along with many guns for the time of need.. I spend more time worrying about how things are gonna turn out rather than spending it with my girl for the present! I worry about my 2 daughters and have raised them to be very competent, some say Im overboard,, but Im proud of them. stress consumes me, but I never talk to anyone.. I love the people in my life, but love to be alone. People think Im a goof ball,but I just cant stop thinking….long rant, I know.. but what an outlet for someone like me! thanks..
Hi Kris I am soo like you it is uncanny. I am an INFJ and a Scorpio. I am very lucky I have a very supportive wife and I am able to work from home. I find it unusual that soo many posters here say they think themselves weird or a goof ball. I never feel that way. I do feel empowered to discover I have this personality. I am classic problem solver, it gives me the most pleasure and I love learning and discovering. I did well in school and I consider myself really well rounded. I have a core group of very close friends and everyone else I consider acquaintances.
It’s eye-opening, and sad, to see how many commenters were told they have something mentally wrong with them, or wondered that themselves. Why does our society persist in making those who are “different” out to be some sort of pathology or sickness? It’s so harmful…people should just be allowed to be.
I’ve tried the Myers-Briggs and several other type tests and I always get INFJ. Everything ive read about INFJ is right on cue with me. As a child I was very shy, and always was the wise one. Most people today think I am an extrovert but in reality I am not. Although I am very friendly, I get drained after a while and need my alone time. I sometimes feel as I have a sixth sense or psychic ability by knowing something about people or situations just by knowing.
The hardest part about this personality is that you feel as if you are not really living life 100%. I feel half the time I am analyzing or looking at it from the outside. Also we are non stop personalities for growth. We constantly strive to learn learn learn and more learn. I guess that explains my two Master’s Degrees with a perfect 4.0 gpa.
Being a rare INFJ, 1% population especially for a man, finally makes sense. I have always told women, I don’t know any other man like me. And I have always thought of myself as different. I thought well maybe my IQ is just higher. Sometimes I have gone through the ups and downs, almost Bipolar type, but I always knew I wasn’t but very hard to separate. Lastly, I guess you can say we are very gentle, kind people. We think about others and are true friends. I only have a handful of friends. But on the outside I have several people that come across as friends but they still dont really know me. We def are weird and different, but hide it pretty good naturally.
I agree with you 100%, except for the fact I am a woman. I too have seemingly bipolar tendencies; when there is chaos or conflict I break down and become highly irrational.
I, too, agree 100%! Although, I never really liked referring to myself as a psychic and I don’t like when other people do either. I have always felt the word intuitive was much more fitting – it just seems like I can KNOW stuff that will happen/did happen. And the whole bi-polar when there is chaos is right on also – I feel like I have to remove myself for the situation, almost like having anxiety.
I only took the test a year ago and I felt things made a lot more sense since then. I did feel different growing up and still do but I understand it now. 🙂 People are genuinely surprised when I reveal I’m an extrovert, some even don’t believe it! Haha!
What struck me the most with being typed as an INFJ is the need to make the world a better place. It’s not like the people around me didn’t get that but I honestly didn’t understand why they didn’t feel the same way as I do, feel strongly or driven about philanthropy. Haha forgive me if it sounds rather self-absorbed, it’s just that I’ve been made to feel as if I needed to validate that part of myself. Knowing I’m an INFJ now, it’s a lot easier to explain my personality especially my idiosyncrasies! 🙂
Oh I meant introvert! Haha! 🙂 I don’t view social situations too negatively and enjoy meeting different kinds of people but after awhile, I need to shut myself off from the world. I can get so lost in my thoughts that my secret desire is to just be a recluse but I know I can’t help people that way so I try not to spread myself too thin.
Another thing I’d like to add, I used to feel troubled by the fact that people had a hard time understanding me even those closest to me (and there are only a few!) but I’ve made peace with that (prior to the test). It’s ok if they don’t get me. I like me. 🙂
Great article. I have been tested at least 6 times for a variety of school work and jobs and have always come back INFJ. I had no idea it was a rare personality type until today. I have never felt like I don’t “fit in” per se, but always have known I assess situations and processes things a little differently than most of my friends and family. I really enjoy figuring out people and situations in my own way. I feel like it keeps life interesting. The only thing that I find can be a pain is being an introvert who excels in social situations. I don’t particularly like large groups and I definitely do not enjoy attention but I find it easy to communicate with others and naturally offer advice and diffuse tense situations. Probably part of why I’m 30-something and still trying to figure out what I want to be when I “grow up”. 😉 Thanks for the post!
I am an INFJ and only recently started researching my personality type. I communicate very well, but get thoroughly lost in my thoughts mid sentence and trail off or go on extreme tangents and people sometimes don’t keep up. I am sometimes called an “odd talker.” Does anyone else have this same problem? My fiancé is an INTJ and he gets confused with my complex emotions at times, but we compliment each other well since he is highly logical, and I emotional. It’s an interesting balance in our conversations.
My boyfriend is an INTJ and I am an INFJ, I feel your pain! I always forget my thoughts, regain them again, and go right on ahead. Defiantly with the INTJ as a partner is a blessing and a curse! My boyfriend is always trying to figure me out when its just my emotions but at the same time, we fit perfectly together. Since he is concerned with his analytical side that I am happy and me being very sensitive, it works out perfectly. I have never been so happy in my life! Conversations are the best because there can be so much depth added when its backed by logistical emotion and intellectual thinking! Very cool to see someone in the same situation 🙂
I am very excited that I have found this page and got to read all of the comments left. I took a personality test when I was 18, and it stated that I was an INFJ. At that time, none of that really mattered and I didn’t look into it more. Then about two years ago I began a journey of self exploration because I was interested in finding a career that fit me. I took the Briggs test, and the result was INFJ. As I read on about the personality traits, my heart began to race. Never in my life have I felt like I was really understood- and right before my eyes were now pages upon pages describing ME and my life. I had answers!
Reading these comments from fellow INFJs has filled my heart with joy, too! I have had the struggle of feeling that I may be bipolar, and it is such a relief to see that there are other people like myself who have felt this way. I’ve always noticed that I was in tune with my feelings and EVERYONE elses around me too, and I was always so worried that I was just being crazy. I’m delighted and humbled to know that it is a gift to connect with others so easily (despite that fact that I would rather just be home alone :] ).
Has any other INFJs went through a period of thinking that they experience a higher/deeper level of emotions than others? I was telling my mom recently that I felt so different from everyone around me because of how strong each of my individual emotions were.
Also, I too have always been a very observant person throughout my life. I have always watched people, analyzed every word, movement, facial feature. I’ve been able to make strong bonds with people (a select few of course) throughout my life because of this.
I’m also always in “lala land” (a term given to me by my husband to decribe my quiet blank stares throughout the day). I’ve had this happen my whole life; I will be sitting and contemplating everything, everyone, ideas, feelings etc. To others around me it looks like I’m just zoned out but really my mind is exploding with thoughts about literally everything!
I’m glad I got to post a little bit about myself with others who can relate.
One more thing that I wanted to mention is that my best friend of 14 years is also an INFJ. I found out a year ago, and everything clicked when she told me. We have had a long journey together! There has been many ups and downs, and even lengthy periods of stopped communication between us (once for 2 years!) But we always pick up right where we left off, almost like we never skipped a beat. It makes sense now because we both TRULY understand the other. I just think it’s neat that we both have the rarest personality types, but we met and became best friends and still are going strong. It’s the strongest, most rewarding relationship that I have in my life. I hope everyone else here who is an INFJ can experience this kind of friendship one day. There’s nobody else I know that has such pure love, acceptance, understanding and compassion.
Hi Cathy!
I do feel like I have stronger/deeper emotions then most… Others realize it as well (I think), saying I am too sensitive and/or emotional. I really live myself into situations whether they are fictional or real, and I do get very emotional in doing so. I’ve had people tell me to get therapy, etc.
Since I am in touch with my emotions and the emotions of others, I find that even the most quiet people want to tell me their deep dark secrets or confide in me. Do you have a similar experience?
I am an INFJ, and a freshman in college, which can clearly present some interesting situations. I have a very strong set of moral beliefs that I find difficult to break, and I certainly don’t want to break them. Thing is, in college, it almost seems like drinking and some promiscuity is normal. While I don’t necessarily feel that I don’t fit in all the time, I certainly do feel that there is something different about me, and it is a struggle to sometimes feel so alienated from people. The romanticism and artistic ideas typical of an INFJ don’t evade me, I’m writing a romantic novel right now. But anyway yeah, I do love being an INFJ, while it can be a struggle at times, one simply has to just look in the mirror and see that they have a unique and very great personality.
Thanks for sharing, Nicholas. I think that’s awesome that you’re writing a romantic novel! I love the romanticism and artistic ideas typical of INFJs – it really jives with my INFP emotional ways. 😉
I would honestly love and welcome any feedback, if you’re interested just let me know! People seem to like it so far.
I would be interested to read it and provide feedback. For the record… I am no plagiarist… too honest for that. If you click on my name it will go to my blog and you can contact me from there. I’m not fond of publicly posting my email address.
Done, thanks!
Hi, I’m also a INFJ. I recently just found out. I’m still 14 years old but my knowledge and understanding is not match with my age.
There are many time I always wondered why I am different from others. How to say… Like being too mature, unlike how a child suppose act.
This caused me have a large distant between my family. Because we can’t understand each other. What i feel and see, they can’t understand and would criticize it.
I started to understand things that I suppose not is when i still very young, which is around 9. At the time I probably just started to be a INTP.
People says being INTP is very rare. But for me, is like a curse that nearly destroy me. What keep me alive is my belief and morals.
Seeing something others can’t, and feel something people wont understand. When tried to speak up, get criticize. And more worst, the person who criticize is my family.
Being a INTP, I’m very sensitive on detecting others feelings or more like seeing through others feeling. It is not something I want, but by eyes contact with others, it make me see through something hidden inside like their hostile toward me or they’re trying to use me. Their inner feelings toward me. It brought me bad and good things. It is one of the reason I nearly break down, and nearly choose wrong path.
People always see me different, they fear and envy me. But I had been wondering, will they able to survive without any love or affection from family? Or much more worst, their hostile and seeing you a stranger.
Still…my opinion, INTP is best when comes to adult and choosing career. But worst when comes to your childhood time, because at the time nobody will understand and want to by your side. It will be very painful.
I’m an INFJ too.
I was so excited when I found out. You are right on when you say that we can sometimes feel alone. When I finally took the Myers-Briggs test and found out what the INFJ is all about, it explained pretty much all of my tendencies.
I too, am still a minor and trying to figure out what to do. I really want to be like Richard Branson and Elon Musk, I have so many ideas for companies. (That would benefit mankind, of course). I read everywhere that INFJ’s are doomed in the corporate world, are destined to have kids and work low-paying jobs. I may be grasping at straws here, but was just wondering anyone’s thoughts about whether I could make this work.
Hi Alicia!
Fellow INFJ here! I believe it’ll work! 🙂 Even if it doesn’t turn out exactly as you had planned, I think you’ll discover a pattern somewhere along the way- a focus in making the world a better place, improving people’s lives, etc.
As a child, I wanted to be a lot of things (all at least for an extended period e.g. For 5-8 years) like a police officer, doctor, human rights lawyer, activist and I ‘m about to complete my major in Environmental Studies. 🙂 I’ve always been ambitious and driven and I honestly can’t imagine allowing myself to be stuck in a corporate world or any job that doesn’t benefit mankind in some way (I do have an artistic side though so I indulge in writing). While most of my friends are married now, I honestly don’t feel the inclination nor does it matter if I tie the knot. If it happens, it happens. 🙂 What matters to me more is philanthropy.
With the J in our personality, it means we’ll realise our ideas and dreams. 🙂 I don’t know you but I believe in you!
But say, besides on what you’ve read, what makes you doubt it’ll work?
don’t listen to them!!
whatever the typing system you’re using, MB for example, you can go and do and be whatever you want. Just be sure to surround yourself with the knowledge to back your ideas and the people to support your heart as you pursue your goals.
I should have become a mother – i love kids far more than the average adult – instead i found myself as a step mother and i rocked it. I used to have the worst paying jobs, then i looked around to see where the money was AND where my contribution would stand on its own merit and i pursued that line of work and have found success and $$ (but most importantly, personal satisfaction, obvs).
Your ideas are both golden and valuable – i see so much attention put on INFJ’s being good counsellors or coaches, but our ideas hold their own weight and are worth pursuing for our personal betterment, for the satisfaction of creating!
Do it. Break the rules – because at the end of the day, there aren’t any rules.
Surprised that I am actually going to post this, but another INFJ here 🙂 Took three different test to make sure….all back with INFJ and I couldn’t believe how accurate it was. Throughout my life, it has been so frustrating trying to explain why I think in such a (sometimes) dramatically different way then others, and it truly, at times, feels like there is nobody in the world who can relate. So interesting to read this article and people response!
Hi there i just found out last month that i was an infp but i just don’t seem to fit right. So i took once again the test and this time with the focus of finding my real home i answered each questions truthfully and got an infj as an answer ^^ not disappointed with what i knew it was very life changing knowing i have people who share the same feelings and perception (somewhat) in my life ^^
I am an infj. I have always known that there was something different going on with me. I process information into one big whole,making the connections of how everything relates to everything else. I have misjudged people, primarily because I was noricing their attributes abd potential instead of noticing the detrimental facets they possess.
I have always been overwhelmed by overstimulation. From crowds and chaotic noise…heavy metal music would probably make me lose my mind.
Tell me, does anyone here notice that people will pick on your weaknesses because (I think) they are frightened or intimidated by your strengths? This has and continues to happen with me. I could be a jerk and make them feel like complete worthless lumps of flesh, but seldom do I resort to that tactic.
Please share your experiences regarding this issue and any solutions or coping mechanisms would be dreamy;)
Yes! It seems like most people don’ t get the stuff we do (I’m an INFJ, too), and I’ve never understood why until I took the personality test. Those people that pick on you see the amazing person that you are, and the potential that you have, and try to bring you down because of it. Confiding in a few close friends and standing up for yourself in a respectable manner (tell them that you are beautiful and it doesn’t matter what they think, because that’s not the truth-it’s ok to admit to yourself and other people that are not worthless, and people might think you’re cocky, but they just don’t see the truth) might help. If not, just remember that no matter what other people say, you are not your weaknesses. You might have to just let it go 🙂
Yes! It seems like most people don’ t get the stuff we do (I’m an INFJ, too), and I’ve never understood why until I took the personality test. Those people that pick on you see the amazing person that you are, and the potential that you have, and try to bring you down because of it. Confiding in a few close friends and standing up for yourself in a respectable manner (tell them that you are beautiful and it doesn’t matter what they think, because that’s not the truth-it’s ok to admit to yourself and other people that are not worthless, and people might think you’re cocky, but they just don’t see the truth) might help. Oh, and of course helping people (like volunteer work or listening to a friends problem) is completely in our nature and makes us happy! If the situation doesn’t improve, just remember that no matter what other people say, you are not your weaknesses. You might have to just let it go 🙂
Hi, I am an INFJ as well. To me it seems that I was born with this personality type. I can remember as a little girl feeling different as if I was standing outside of the circle looking in, and this has continued my entire life. Myself, I have always found solace in my “heavy metal” music and circle of friends. Anything that speaks against “the norm” or conformity works for me, and I have always been in an entertainment career that has supported my need to work freely & independently. When I have had to work in a controlled and highly micro-managed setting it has emphatically, intuitively, & physically drained me to a point of panic attacks and exhaustion which ultimately left no choice but to remove myself from the situation. Not to mention the added bonus of un-necessary judgement & hatred being lashed out at me for being an attractive woman. I have always stood behind my morals and values. I pride myself on being the person who will stand up and fight for what is right in effort to stop the wrong when necessary. Yes, I am mostly introverted and truly value my alone time, but my closest friends (who have known me for over 20 years) would describe me as the most exciting person they know that they have lived vicariously through. Friendships mean the world to me, and although I do have many acquaintances, my true friendships last a lifetime. As far as the psychic gifts, I have gifts that seem overwhelming at times that I yet to still develop and work to the highest good which include, Clairsentience, Claircognizance, and at times Clairovoyance. I am a natural intuitive which has helped me channel spirit readings through the tarot for many years. I do not tolerate animal abuse or injustice to any human being. Reading that ‘Martin Luther King Jr.’ and ‘Mother Teresa’ had this personality type seems to make sense. I can relate to the mysterious nature of celebrities such as Nicole Kidman who is also an INFJ. I am very grateful to learn of this personality type, so I don’t have to walk through life feeling like “the only one”… The rock band ‘Green Day’ has a song that has always moved me called, “I Walk Alone” and the following quote sums me up quite well~ Don’t ever mistake my silence for ignorance, calmness for acceptance, and my kindness for weakness.
I’m an INFJ, I can tell I’m a rare breed. Not just because all people are special and stuff, but because few people I’ve met have truly explored such complexities of lives, few have taken the time to withdraw and realize the relationships they’ve forged and the role they play in others lives. I truly want to save those select few friends and family that I love, and I want to be there for those who don’t know me and need someone like me. “A champion for the downtrodden”
Thank you for this. I couldn’t have said it any better.
I am an INFJ, which I recently discovered during a psychology lecture. Knowing this information gives me a completely new understanding of myself. I have always been labeled as shy when I clearly am not. I am very vocal with my closest friends and family and tend to “be shy” around strangers and acquaintances. I like to listen to what other people are saying. I would rather listen to what other people have to say and allow myself to understand new perspectives that talk for the sake of talking. I am slightly shocked that this type is so rare, being that my mother and I are both INFJs.
Im a INFJ. I live in Venezuela but I lives for almost one year in the US back in 1995. i like to see people´s behavior. Im a daydreamer. I paint. I write. I do documentaries of major artists down here in Venezuela. I like to listen a lot but I like to make people listen to my points. I say it once. What else would yo like to know? Slds, I
I almost by-passed writing a comment because as an INFJ type, I wanted to avoid too much attention. However, I read a post from Alicia and I realized that I must share my experience. Alicia, ignore what you heard about being doomed in the corporate world and having to be stuck in a mundane low paying career. I don’t know where you read that, however I am an INFJ too.
When I attempted to fit in with everyone, I was stuck in retail and thought that my life was going to be boxed in to making $50,000 a year doing something uninspiring. At 32 years old, single mother struggling to pay for groceries and barely surviving I decided that I had nothing else to loose than to go for my dreams. Once I gave myself permission to be me and to trust myself – my life completely changed. I went into one of the toughest sales career and made over a million in a short amount of time. Since then, I’ve been promoted several times in the corporate world.
The benefit of being an INFJ, is that we tend to get the job done and go above and beyond because we know it’s helping the greater good. With that being said, it’s to our advantage that we avoid loud crowds and are highly selective with with the company we keep. It gets us away from trouble – such as drinking with co-workers and getting drunk after work – wasting time, money, energy, and opportunities.
Please know that your personality type can support you in becoming the leader you admire and respect. It takes someone to think differently and outside the box to make real changes on a micro and macro level.
Keep being you and dare to step out in to the world knowing that your rare personality is powerful and can be empowering to those yearning for great leaders.
The resources on this website is a perfect way for you to explore your uniqueness and know that INFJ types are successful once they own their greatness and act on it.
p.s. I read somewhere that INFJs are not great sales professionals. I ranked top 1% sales executive in my company worldwide consistently. We can do anything! 🙂
Best wishes to you and my fellow INFJs,
Anonymous INFJ
Thank you for this Post! I needed to read this. I have been down in the dumps as an INFJ. Feeling like nothing is going right in my life…from my career, love life everything has made me feel like a victim of life. But I know as an INFJ we are very UNIQUE and made to stand out from the rest of the world!!
World think of us as abnormal, as a Child, I was more introvert than average, never wanted to be center of attention, shabbily dressed (even today I have very little understanding of Fashion), avid reader (never left a signboard on the sidewalks), but utter coyness led people to understand me as not so courageous, We are generally good speakers only when we have some cause to, can listen ten times more than I can speak. The world inside of me is so big that I am often absent-minded. Loyal in relationships and often chose man above god
Hi, I’ve done several test the last couple of years. First one I did said ENFJ, yet I do not feel very extroverted. So I have re-done test and I did a larger one and it came out INFJ. And I do feel more like that, it felt like home.
I rather be alone, and I enjoying that.
Yet enjoying being with friends that I can trust and be who I am with. I have always felt that I do not fit in, and still do. I also feel that people tend to think that I don’t fit in, and maybe that is due to that they do not know how to “handle” our personality. I’m a person who a very in-deep, shallow behavior is making me feel bad and humans are very much shallow in our society tody. It is very much EGO, and I am anything but.
I do feel very alone at times, feel that no one wants to be with me because of reason that I have hard time understanding. I get feeling that I make people afraid of me, but I am just human with my imperfection as anyone else.
I also have hard time telling my feelings, so I do need a person that I can trust and feel that I can be me with to open up.
I have easy to talk, so people see me as an extroverted person. Yet if they look harder, they would see that I do only have handful of people close to me and that I tend to actually withdraw myself from places like work. Usually take walks during lunch-hour alone, so that I can eat alone. Why? I think that I have come to a point in my life where this shallowness, and talking about others makes me feel really bad and I do not need that negativity in my life. I am a very positive person, see good in everyone and trying to understand why people behave bad and forgive them for there actions.
There is things that is so me – like reading between the lines, knowing things and it said that we can not say why, yet I am spiritual and understand why. I understand that communication that is taking place. I know what will happen, not always how – but I know it will happen. Good or bad. 🙂
So I’ve known that I am an INFJ for the last couple of years, confused myself with help from someone that I maybe was an ENFJ. Have now come to terms with that I am just that, an INFJ.
All the love, Annethe
Hi. I’m a 15 yr old INFJ and I recently discovered my personality type. I’m going to ask a very dumb question, so prepare yourself:
What personality type will I get along with, most, when considering dating?
Wow, that was really hard to word out…Anyway, I haven’t even started dating and just wanted to make sure what kind of personalities are best for me to date when I start. Feel free to ask me to ask any questions and I would really appreciate it if you checked out my blog. Thanks. 🙂
I’m an INFJ. I discovered this about 2 years ago while taking the MB Test. I wish I had known earlier in my life about being an INFJ the rarest personality, bc since I was 5 years old I always felt odd or weird compared to other people my age. It has been VERY HARD for me to accept being an INFJ in this world. I think different and I can see things most ppl can not (feeling). And then what I hate is being judged bc, I’m different. It’s hard and it’s also been HARD for me to date and find a partner. I’m 30 years old now and fear that I will not find my soulmate. When it comes to dating I’m very picky. Others tell me I should be proud to be so different, but I feel like it has made my life so hard to have this rare personality, I sometimes wish to be “normal”….Any other INFJ’s feel this way?
Infj here. Totally understand. When I choose a person, it’s entirely intuitive and nothing can stop my feelings from comig forth. So very rare that someone will cause that in me. Makes me feel like I have to win a damn llottery ticket! Just know that when you find the right man for you, it’ll be so real a wonderful, rather than a string of boring, uneventful and stressful short term relationships.
Hi, I too am 31 yrs old. I do feel this way too…this wondering how I will ever find a life partner to connect with. I know I need to go, put myself out there and search for one. But I might as well be speaking a foreign language to myself. That’s not me, that making myself the center of attention/marketing myself to others.
Being an INFJ has been the HARDEST for me! I really wish I wasnt at times, bc I find it so HARD to connect with other ppl. No one seems to get me, and I’m 30 years old,lol. I feel like ppl find me weird or odd, and it has been a tough time with me dating as well. I’m very picky when it comes to dating. I dislike being judged by other ppl bc my motives are always true and good, however when ppl see you as “odd” they tend to judge you quickly. It’s been a painful life thus far due to having a rare personality. Not trying to sound like “Debbie Downer” but it has been very hard for me.
I think best thing about us is that we turn out to be the most sought after people when it comes to soliciting advice and sometimes we end up as secret keeper for so many people
I’m an infj. Had no idea until recently. Its helped me so very much to know! Before, I felt like a total outcast with so many contradictions. My mom always told me I was an extrovert, but I didn’t feel like one. I couldnt understand what and how my feelings operated and felt so self conscious about them. My intuition is so powerful and made me feel crazy. Knowing I’m an infj allowed me to calm down. I feel proud of myself now and can direct myself easier. I can concentrate on my ambitions rather than nervous about my extreme personality. Take me or leave me, I’m selective and I love you more than anything if I feel the connection btw us. I hope every infj comes to self acceptance! 🙂
I knew it, I knew I was rare from the get go! I have always felt different than other people, I couldn’t understand why they were so obsessed with shallow things when there were great injustices going in the world. I also didn’t understand why I seemed like an extrovert but on the inside I was introverted. It all makes sense now 🙂
I’m and INFJ, too! I just found out through a personality test at school. Its so cool to see other people with this personality type, because I just found out that it’s really rare! Seems to fit me perfectly though! 🙂
Hi everyone! I found out I was an INFJ a while ago from the test my friend sent me. It makes a lot of sense to me and I can relate to everything written about the personality type. I think the best part about finding out was knowing why when I’m around people too often I just break down. But, I honestly love having this personality. People come to me with everything since they trust that I will not tell anyone and it makes me feel great knowing that I can help.
Hey, I’m an INFJ. I found out when I was 11 (5 years ago) when I was taking random personality tests online and stumbled on a Myers-Briggs test. I got an INFJ and of course didn’t know what that meant so I went to Wikipedia. It was a bit scary; this wikipedia understood me better than my parents did! So I kept on researching and I took different versions of the test but always got INFJ. It made everything make sense. No one ever knew what to think of me before. It sort of freaked people out: I understood them but no one could understand me. My friends thought I was a bit of a enigmatic recluse and some even became uncomfortable. I didn’t understand why, but once I understood that I was just mysterious at (most) times, I learned to tell people what I was thinking instead of hoping they’d figure it out. INFJ: the people who can understand others but are hard to understand.
Anyway, I thought I’d say all this because I was reading the comments and it seems a lot of people changed going from middle school to high school, which I did not. It seemed like an interesting data point.
i have just red your article and find it useful. I myself am an INFJ and let me give you some sort of tip about myself. i believe INFJ have two phase of living. first is exactly the same as you described, being gentel and caring. However, I believe there is another mode alongside usual mode which can activate automatically when the situation calls for it. IN this mode I become very determined and serious I want to open all the gates and confront many problems. This usually happen when i focus on the true purpose of works i want to do rather than some personal benefits. in simpler term i prefer process orientation rather than goal orientation.
Thanks For Your Reading
Hi there. I just found out I am an INFJ exactly 2 nights ago when my friend talked me into taking an online personality test just for fun. So I hit the web, got the result, and got way beyond my head as I read it. The complete description of INFJ traits and how they perfectly suit each part of me really well gives me goosebumps, a good one. I never thought I would ever finally be able to find the right word or term to describe myself. Reading your article and some others on INFJ just solidifies the fact that I am one, and happy to be
Anyway, one thing I still find it hard to believe is, “Are INFJs really that rare? Making merely 1% of total global population, really?”
Thank you for your article. Keep up the good work 🙂
I know what you mean. I’ve recently been reading about INFJ, having known I am one for a while but had never read up on it. I can understand now that not everyone sees the world in the same light and it makes so much more sense now! It’s so strange to read about your own personally in so much detail.
All the best
Finding I was an INFJ has definately made me more comfortable in my own skin.
I am 60 now and a middle child. I have always blamed my quirkiness on birth placement.
I have read a lot about INFJs and fit the description. I walk the track at the gym and can feel the emotions of those around me. They can be smiling and talking to me yet it feel they are deeply troubled. If I walk with them, it is often revealed. If my “eyes” are open, I pull in emotions wherever I go. I can sometimes turn this off by focusing inward. Probably to the outside world I look dazed and confused.
Many have thanked me for helping them. I just thought I was a good listener.
I do prefer being alone when I get overwhelmed. I, like others here have felt I might be bipolar.
Learning I was INFJ has helped me to relax and accept myself as I am.
I am an INFJ and an extremely introverted. I was so relieved when I learned about my personality trait. I had lived my whole life thinking I was damaged or crazy. I always felt guilty for not keeping up friendships because they were so draining because they never went very deep. I am so lucky that I am married to a man who loves me and accepts me for who I am, and knew I wasn’t “damaged” before I did. It has been life-saving, I have had suicidal episodes throughout my life because I would feel others feelings so deeply, and therefore felt responsible somehow. I also felt no one (before my husband) understood me and thought I was different. Now I understand why I felt that way and I’m ok! I grew up in a family of extroverts who were alcoholics, not the best environment. If only I knew this information earlier!
Dear Mary,
I, too, being an INFJ, have on rare occasion, mulled over the idea that suicide would almost be preferable to living a life where “everyone” around me’s thoughts/feelings (the true ones they cover up)/sufferings etc…. that I can’t reveal I get and understand due to the risk of being labeled “crazy”. Thank God, my rational self tells me that’s silly! Also, when I withdraw and my loved one’s think I’m depressed etc., I even feel responsible for their totally “off” observations of me!
Being “oversensitive” as my mother has described me since my teenage years-and she was correct-I feel your pain…BUT! YOU are a lucky lady to have a husband who understands who you really are and why you respond to life as you do, and loves and supports you so lovingly. I had the same, but he got injured after 7 yrs of marriage-the last 18 he was bedridden and I lost that guy to pain pills,etc—although I stayed till the end (that completion and integrity thing). He passed in April. I am lost and feel I’ll never meet someone at my age (56) who will “get” me as he did.
Feel blessed, Mary. I was touched by your comments because you have a wonderful supportive mate to help you navigate this energy draining world. Merry Xmas
Michaela,
I came to know I’m an INFJ over twenty years ago when in a Masters degree program. It really helped inform me about my interactions with others. It also made me more aware of the likelihood of being perceived as distant or cold, when in reality I just need some “alone” time. I’m a bit classic in that I’m very socially adept, (I work as a consultant) but able to focus intensely internally when the need arises. I find your blog to be quite enlightening. I look forward to the exchange of ideas
You know I read this article. I have just found out about the personality types and it was a friend of mine who directed me to take this test. I had no idea what any of it meant until I just started digging about a day or two ago. It is quite interesting that there is so much information about this personality type. I always knew i understood and processed in ways that people could not understand and many times you give up as they cannot understand nor make sense of it. From what I have read of this article I can vouch and say these things to be true of my own self. Reading between the lines is a specialty, among the specialty it can also be a curse. I am so pleased to know that there are other people who share my personality type. I suddenly do not feel so alone in the world anymore. However, it is interesting to know that only that 1% share it with me. I always said there was never anyone else like me, I suppose it is really true. Thank you Michaela, you’ve done a marvelous job.
Another INFJ snowflake here. I love reading everyone’s experiences, and can identify with most of them. For a long time I was in denial that I was an INFJ because so many websites and books describe us as charitable, selfless social worker types who put society’s needs over our own. While I care strongly about social problems and have deep sympathy for others, I never fully identified with this prototype. I’m an artist who dreams of having a positive impact on the world through my art, and in order to do that I have to focus on myself and my creative expression more than helping everyone solve their problems. I guess this makes me a more self-centered INFJ? I feel like my calling is to create, not to get bogged down swimming in the depths of sympathy. Therefore my sympathies have a limit — I tend to put a cap on them so I can focus on controlling the only thing truly under my control, myself. So a self-centered control freak INFJ perhaps? Anyone else feel this way?
100%
when i was younger i’d feel compelled to ‘help’ – being the only girl in a large family it felt natural to do so.
Over the years i have worked through my own heart and come to see that each person must figure out for themselves what they need to do and all too often ‘help’ can really impede another’s progress.
Support is different, i can be with someone in pain and empathize and feeeeel it, articulate to them what is happening. But I only do this for my besties. It is way too energy depleting to give to every hurting human, as much as i feel their pain, i have left off meeting them all there.
I feel I can best support others by calling them to have the courage to pursue what they really want for themselves. Being a cheerleader.
Helping doesn’t really work for me, i have found people will figure it out when they’re ready, not before then and not just because I am there and ready to support them.
It feels like this desire to ‘help’ comes from our own need for understanding and love from others so we can feel safe with our overwhelming emotions. We are mirroring what we hope others will give us – and they love to feel it from us!!
But at the end of the day, what we really need is another INFJ friend and or to give up the dream of having mere mortals (wink wink) meet us where we are.
I just found out two nights ago that I am an INFJ. It all rangoes so true to me that I have spent every moment since then researching everything I can find about this personality type. For the first time in my life (I am 32) I feel comfortable with who I am. I have always been shy, I remember hiding behind my mother when I was little whenever meeting new people. I am very gentle, loving and kind. I feel such great empathy for people. I can feel what they’re feeling, not just sympathize with them. And I cannot stand abrasive, shallow people. They make me cringe. I often feel like a snake that is coiling up or a turtle retreating into its shell. I am perfectly happy spending the majority of my time alone. My boyfriend is an ENTP and we get along wonderfully. I love anything artistic and I love science. I love music, but I HATE bass. I can feel that awful noise inside of me and it makes every one of my nerves stand on end. I often drift off into my own world. My boyfriend tells me that I have this completely blank look on my face when it happens. He hates it when I do this because he feels like I cannot function. It’s really just the opposite. I do it so I can CONTINE to function. Because I simply cannot tolerate any more of the intrusive noise of the world for that moment. Others perceive me as very shy and sometimes even stuck up. I never initiate conversation with strangers or with those I do not know very well. I’m never the first person to introduce myself. I avoid conflict. I used to work in a kitchen at a college and the cooks would often get Into some pretty intense screaming matches. I would hide in the freezer until it was over. But with those I love I am extremely affectionate. There is so much more I’d like to say, but it would take an incredible amount of time. Glad I happened upon this site!!
Really helpful thanks. Did the MBTI test 5 years ago and got ENFP, but I know myself better now (or was more honest) and got INFJ. Like others I have always felt different from other people but this makes a lot of sense. It explains why I get so frustrated with myself when I haven’t yet figured out what I should be doing with my life – it’s really important to me that I make a difference to other people’s lives. And when things are not right, I have to do something about it. I’m encouraged by the fact that this is the same personality type as Martin Luther King, Ghandi and Mother Theresa though.
Im an INFJ… I always feel that there is no one can understand me… I’m so lonely and confused all the time… :'(
I am INFJ – your post is quite an accurate description of me, especially the part about others seeing me as extroverted. I appear to be quite social – and I do love people – but when my cup is full – it is time to go. It took my husband (a extrovert!!) several years to understand why I didn’t like to carpool with other couples when we would go out, or why I always prefer staying at a hotel instead of with friends. The best description I have ever heard – just about the differences between introverts and extroverts was made by my pastor: Introverts need quiet, safety and solitude to recharge. Extroverts needs people and activity to recharge. Interestingly enough, my husband is ENFJ. It’s a great balance – he challenges my comfort zone and I keep him from running to death 🙂 Great site
I found out my personality type only a week ago and its given me so much comfort -not to say that I wanted to be normal, on the contrary I love the way I am I just wished there were more people who understood me. But now I feel I have a ‘people’ to which I belong. I’m also one of those who learned to channel a different personality when I was younger to help myself socialize, its interesting to hear that that’s not uncommon with INFJs.
Another INFJ here, just to be sure I have taken the MBTI a few times and while the percentages change slightly, I always come up as an INFJ. For sure I totally get the whole driven to help people thing and I also went through most of my life feeling like I didn’t fit in with many people. I do best with other introverts that are intuitive. I also have a love for language which I guess is normal for this type.
I really enjoyed this article.
Being an INFJ and a Pisces, I got double the sensitivity. It’s really true that I can be quite chatty and most people view me as extroverted till i need time for myself. I do find it hard when it comes to having friendships because I can shut down very easily and have an issue with knowing that even if someone considers me a friend I feel I’m always doing something wrong. On the other hand when I love one on one with people more than a crowd, I love listening to people it helps me understand them as a person more. I think the best thing to know about INFJ’s is to just be patient and try to understand.
I am INFJ and born in March. I don’t know if I have double sensitivity, though. I would like to think, since I am older, that I have become less sensitive.
Im an introvert and yep was once told by a beloved someone that i have very little circle of friends because there are only 5 people… I am not an INFJ but every test i took shows very different result… Only the introvert was right… =) And finally i am someone who have more than one personality… Anyways… Your article really makes me wonder who was it that’s an INFJ in my circle of friends and family…
I recently discovered I was an INFJ, and oh my goodness, my life has drastically changed for the better. I’m only seventeen, but I’ve been struggling through a really difficult turn of events. I’ve never considered myself as depressed, but during these last few months I’ve come very close to that state. Aside from family crises, I felt that no one understood my struggles and that people would be better off without someone as detached as I was. However, one day out of boredom I decided to take the Meyers-Briggs personality test. Upon discovering that I was an INFJ and possessed the least common personality type, I was not very surprised. How could anyone connect with someone as strange and nonsensical as myself? Honestly, it made my heart sink. Soon after, though, I stumbled upon a blog created by and for INFJs. It contained, without a doubt, the most comforting collection of articles and personal experiences I’ve ever come across. Everything these people were going through made complete and utter sense to me. I felt a sense of comradeship with people I had never even met. I’ve finally accepted myself, thanks to all the INFJs out there who’ve shared their thoughts (as daunting as task as that may be for us introverts). Thank you all. 🙂 I highly encourage those who feel like they don’t belong to take the test and find people you can connect with, it will change your whole outlook!
This was sadly short; apparently not written for an INFJ, though you did say nice things, so thank you. (Although, to emulate an ENFP, that would be so much more fun)
I’m an INFJ, and to be honest, I love it. Although I constantly try to improve myself, I am very much satisfied with my complex personality!
I love being an INFJ too! I just took the test today just out of boredom. But I’ve been loving my personality and understanding things that sometimes people do not and reading between the lines. I honestly thought being kinda of an extrovert outside and recharging alone at home was normal. It didn’t occur to me that only the rarest of people on earth do that 😉 To all INFJs out there, love your life, because you have that special ability that others dont – to know when to hype and when to recharge your spiritual self, while being able to read between the lines as well as work hard.
I just discovered I’m an infj and I don’t know a whole lot about it yet but the pieces seem to fit on my personality. because one day I will want to go see Freud s and spend time with them but the next day I will want to be left alone and usually snip aat my sister. And my mom always says it’s really hard to read my expression on what I’m thinkinng about. But I hope to learn alote more soon.
I found this article interesting, but found the comments even more interesting! I have always tested infj since the first time I took the test as a teen, and am now in my late twenties. I found my personality more challenging for me in my adolescent years, when I felt so alienated and different from others. Like other posters, I was also misdiagnosed as bipolar as a teen, as I struggled with a lot of extreme mood swings. It wasn’t until my mid twenties that things started feeling a little easier and I became more comfortable with myself.
For me, it has been important to practice self acceptance, learning to embrace my strengths and weaknesses, working through the shame and learning to love myself. It has also been helpful for me to learn to moderate myself, to regulate my emotions, practice good self care and always have a creative outlet for my emotions. Also, for me, having a project that I am passionate about helps me so much. And of course, relying on my small close circle of friends and family is critical. There have been times when I have shut people out, and in my experience this is a very destructive habit. I read in other posts here that some infj types have struggled to maintain relationships like I have done in the past, and this only leads to burned bridges and an increased feeling of being alone and misunderstood. ‘Reach out and be reachable’ is a motto that keeps me grounded and connected.
It bugs me when people refer to an infj like we’re aliens
I know you mean well but the truth is in the end we still think and feel like normal people and this just feels a bit weird
But I will admit I agree with this a lot it all makes sense, when I’m bored I end up thinking about how I could help someone, I mean I don’t think of it as my duty to help others I just enjoy it when they enjoy it and it just feels good inside
No idea why though
I am very much infj though sometimes I am little bit infp but mostly infj. Infj personality fits me to the dot. It fully represents me and I feel like I am becoming more infj as time goes by. I like my personality because its unique but its also hard to be with this personality because at least to me lot of times I am not good with simple things that are expected both in careers and socially, but then I am good at complicated things. Also even though I can easily talk to people, no one really gets me. I always feel like I have secret life that no one knows. And I am little bit socially awkward.
This is so weird because I just had a friend comment the other day about how to seem extroverted I seemed confusingly introverted. I pondered this. Now I get it! And do glad I’m not alone. 🙂
It is intensely difficult to be an INFJ. The biggest thing I struggle with is carving out an identity for myself without rushing around and solving everyone else’s problems.
My very helpful nature sometimes causes me to be taken advantage of, so I don’t often end up with many friends. However, the friends I have I keep tabs on carefully to make sure I know how they are at all times. I’ve been trying to correct this as of late, since I feel I’m a little overbearing.
In school, I find myself biting off a lot more than I can chew, managing several clubs at once and taking honors classes.
I often feel that I am building a universe in my own mind unbeknownst to others. As my own world grows bigger, my presence in this world shrinks more and more. I want nothing more than to be jaded and unfeeling, but this opens me up to emotional attack. I feel everything. Just… everything. It’s hard. All my teachers worry about me when I just crumble apart.
hey my name’s michaela too! anyways, i’m an infj and i wanted to let you know that this article was very accurate and helpful. i found out about the 16 personality groups about 5 months ago. when i found out i was one of the rarest, i was surprised to say the least! i’m currently still in high school, (15 years old) but i’ve learned a lot about myself since coming across this information. thank you so much!
Hi Michaela! I rarely meet another Michaela who spells their name the same as me. Glad you can relate to the article. 😉
Hello All, My name is Tim. I understand from taking a test that I am an INFJ. After reviewing some of the literature on the subject I agree. Here is why. I am a psychoanalytically trained licensed clinical social worker, licensed attorney, and certified guardian ad litem. I actively practice both. My focus at this time is family court reform and guardian ad litem reform in Missouri. I am pursuing further education and training in order to conceptually integrate conflicting worlds: Mental health (psychoanalytic thought) and law (jurisprudence). I am currently a first year candidate in psychoanalysis. My thesis is a critical analysis (not intended to sound “critical”) or deconstruction of guardian ad litem practice from an integrated practical application of mental health and law creating a systemic nexus.
Hello! I am another INFJ and I must say that this article was quite accurate. I see that it is a year old, so maybe I have nothing new to share, but I would like to do so anyway. Fitting in has never been for me, except when I found out about the INFJ type. It can be very overwhelming not knowing what it is about you that makes you different/special, but it is an enlightening experience to find out. With my best attempt at sounding humble, one of the greatest challenges of being INFJ is making friends. I have a certain je ne sais quois that draws people to me and makes them want to be my best friend. Maybe because I’m good at reflecting their own personality? It can get dramatic and depressing, especially since I am intensely loyal to my only two best friends.
My favorite little quirk, however, is my ability to be conscious of all my internal mental processes. It took a long time to understand that not everyone can simply choose to think a different way in order to surmount an obstacle. I actually think INFJs are dangerous to a degree. For example, I used to be afraid quite often. One day I became aware and taught myself to channel fear’s adrenaline into courage. I think many people are capable of this, but it was extraordinarily easy for me.
I’m a bit of a long-winded typer, so I’ll end here. My brain is now racing with things to tell you, but we’d be here forever if I kept going.
I am an INFJ. Since discovering my personality type, I don’t feel so alone anymore. Reading each characteristic feels like I discovered a long lost friend, and I am so grateful to finally have it laid out plainly for me. Ironically, I was deciding between become a Nurse Practitioner, or a writer, two seemingly completely different career options, however looking at what is great for my personality type, both are included (health care, creative). I’ve been struggling lately with my decision to choose a career where I am interacting with people all day long on a constant level, as having worked as a nurse for years I’d come home from work and quite literally need at least half a day to recover from that level of interaction. I was always told I was an extrovert growing up, and while I’d smile and nod and agree, deep inside I always felt like this wasn’t true. I’ve always felt like I was never really sure of my identity, who I was or where I fit in. Misunderstood, but yet others felt like they understood and knew me for years. Anyway. Thanks for posting this.
I can relate to most of your problems .I did not have a clue about myself till i took the test and it was a revelation altogether ! I am not sure if i want to just fit in ,the world is too odd for me esp when it came to choosing a career. I want to achieve all my dreams in life and being successful is pretty important but it seems I cannot follow someone else’s path ,as an INFJ to be true to my conscience I have to make my own !
Hi. Great post. I found out after many years that I am an introvert. I *thought* I was just a shy extrovert, but it turns out I am socialized introvert. I had to peel layers and layers away of projections, and work through the fact that I am an Empath. Highly sensitive. I def thought I never fit in. Kind of felt like the old woman at the edge of the woods in those stories we read. The healer that people come to, but that doesn’t really fit in, in regular society. It is very hard for me to go to events, but it has gotten a little easier. I love my home and sanctuary. Most people just think I am ASD, or SPD, but in truth I am highly attuned and have had to learn to protect myself from taking on others emotions, and even dis-eases. That is a tricky one. I am 37 and just maturing. I sort of feel like a late bloomer in fact. That is okay. I love my life. I home school our children, 3 boys, which is another learning experience in itself. Peace be with you.
I’m an INFJ and for the longest time never felt like I fit in. I’m exactly what the article indicates. It’s tough being in a relationship because we read people so well that you can tell when people aren’t being honest or not, which is the cornerstone of any relationship.
I have this personality. I think a major issue for me in the past was not knowing who I was…
I am INFJ, and learning about it has helped me understand myself a whole lot better. It hasn’t helped anyone else understand me any better, but then again, I don’t really care if they understand me or not!
I notice a lot of people on here commenting on mental health concerns because they’ve felt so different. I’m curious if any of you have looked into being empathic vs, concerning it with a mental health issue. I say this because I notice, and it also probably has a LOT to do with my type as an INFJ, that I am SO empathic that I actually pick up on and absorb other people’s energy…to the point where I can feel others emotions over my own. I can actually be affected by others in the same room as me because I’m so good at reading people, and most of the time I don’t even know I’m doing it. It’s more than second nature to read people and put myself into their shoes, without them having to tell me their story, so to say. So, you all may look into being highly empathic as well. I wasn’t aware of this about myself until recently and it makes SO much more sense, especially with the type of people I’ve been surrounding myself with and the outcome of those instances. You might find this relates to you as well, especially with this personality type.
I found out I’m INFJ just a week ago. Ever since I read my personality type, my world view changed. I always felt like I didn’t fit in, I felt lonely ALL THE TIME, I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t make a lot of friends, but I really, felt lonely my whole life. Reading my personality type made the loneliness go away, because everything I read described me, and it made sense why I felt lonely; for INFJs only making about ~1% of entire population. and now I’m proud to be INFJ. I was really excited when I found out I was INFJ, because it’s the rarest of all, and I felt unique in a positive way. I used to not like being unique because that’s all I felt, feeling different from everybody else and wished I was somewhat normal. But now, I’m embracing my uniqueness and being confident about it! Honestly, I feel like finding out my personality type is one of the best thing that’s ever happened to me in my life because it taught me who I am and made me accept myself and be okay with being myself 🙂
I took a few personality tests today. All revealing I was INFJ. Makes sense. I remember most of growing up feeling lost. Who am I, What am I supposed to do with my life? I felt out of place most of the time. Not really sure I belonged anywhere. I’ve always had alone time. People never understood. If I went to parties, kinda forced myself to socialize with everyone. But that wasn’t me. Guess you could say I’m well liked. But misunderstood. I was elected captain of my football team in highschool. It was tough for me because I was put on this pedestal that I didn’t want to be on.
I was prompted to take the Myers Briggs test by a guy I was dating, a psychic. major, he advised me to take the test a few times over the course of a year. He said doing this during highs and lows would leave me with a more accurate personality type. Well, 3 out of 4 times, INFJ. Once I was typed as an ENFJ, that was shortly after a promotion at work? Haha. I think its pretty safe to say though, I am an INFJ (not shocking, since reading about it made me feel as though websites knew me better than my own parents). I don’t remember ever really feeling lost or like an outcast, like some have mentioned above. I’ve always been pretty well liked and I truly like and get a long with most people. However, I have always struggled with social enviorments, they give me a lot of anxiety. I dont like small talk, it makes me uncomfortable. I like to joke with people instead to relieve tension and for whatever reason it seems to open people up. People like to share with me, strangers tell me all about themselvses on a regular basis, which I enjoy.
While reading a lot of peoples stories of feeling lost before discovering they were INFJs my heart hurt. Although, our type is good at speaking, finding the words to discribe ourselves can be hard (or at least for me). We are also extremely critical of ourselves; physically, emotionally and intellectually. I have a bad habit of taking accountability for things that are out of my control, I run myself to exhaustion and forget to take care of my needs. Leaving me really low sometimes. (There’s just a few faults for you). 😉
Honestly though, I feel as though every INFJ needs a true passion, something that feeds their soul and even in the lowest of times, is still worth pushing on for. I was really lucky to have my inspiration born into my life. My youngest brother has down syndrome, he is the light of my life and guided me into my passion. I truly believe he saved me, he kept me from becoming lost. Here I am now, a strong advocate for people with disabilities. I worked as a direct support staff in homes for people with disabilities and now I teach kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Seeing the growth and successes of the individuals I have been lucky enough to work with over the years, is enough to make my heart explode! It truly brings me so much joy even through the tough times. All you lost INFJs, I full heartedly wish you luck with your journey of self discovery and I hope you too can find your passion in life.
With what you just said I couldn’t relate and agree more! You’ve got it spot on!
Hi, I really like this discussion. I tested myself at age 16 and was INFJ and now, at 44, I still am. My twelve year old daughter tested INFJ, too.
I have found I can be in public for about three hours then i must retreat back to my home.
I think for introverts, society’s praise of becoming famous can cause issues of low self-esteem. But honestly, most people are learning how to focus upon the abundance and positive aspects of life. It has been a rough ride in recent human history. We are having to create a new blueprint for ourselves which allows us freedom to be and celebrate on Earth. Dream it in!
Hey folks.
From the looks of the comments above, people are being very honest and open and fair in this forum. Very cool.
I have a situation that I am interested in potential feedback on.
Situation: 32 y.o. white american male, athletic, physically tough, ‘very successful’ per the stereotypical western measure of success (not necessarily agreeing with that scale, but trying to paint the setting), definitely fit the INFJ personality type.
When I was 5 y.o. I was given a small knit dog puppet (actually he appears to be a mouse but I pegged him as a dog early on so that stuck). I took him everywhere with me as a kid and I was very upset if he was lost or threatened in any way. He was shelved for my teen years and 20’s because young men aren’t supposed to have small knit dogs (mice) as friends, and he was largely forgotten.
Shortly after I married my lovely wife she found my dog at my parents house and she asked questions so I told her the story. She was excited and asked if we could take him home with us. I hemmed and hawed, but I eventually agreed.
So now he lives with us as our dog and is a largely present in our home life. To my surprise I find myself just as fond of him as I did when I was 5 years old. My wife is equally as fond.
I can’t say that I have ever known of anyone else that shares a similar situation (then again I don’t really go around asking folks:-), but I am curious if this may be a characteristic more common to a certain personality type.
Can anyone else in this group relate in any way to this situation or something similar?
Thoughts?
Thank you for reading.
Hey there, I’m 18 and I can explain and agree, what you’re saying is a very big part of being an infj, I get it a lot, an infj not only finds people’s feelings easy to see and understand but we also give objects feelings when they mean something to us.. I still have my teddy “woofy” in my cupboard with my blue blanket from when j was a child because it has a warm memory behind it.. Congrats you’re in the 1% 🙂
I try couples time to take a test
First I got ISFJ, but when I read description I don’t feel that me. so I try to other site. I got INFJ & INTJ
but I more INFJ, because all my school mate thinks me is extrovert. I have much friends but I don’t really have close friends
now I’m at “Turtle” state
I cut interaction with all my friends *not close one*
I don’t really want to meet face to face with them
I tired… so I lost much friends now
Who can stand me just 3 friends
sometime I have dilemma to spend my time with friends or alone.
and I very sensitive too. the worst is about smells, I can’t stand with parfume.
I very observation person and my mom tell I ever make report to her because I see other people make an ‘eye contact’ to other before answer my question.
I really hard to myself, but for other I more soft and try to understand their feeling
sometime I feel I hurt someone with my word and I can’t sleep because of that.
I’m really confused about myself…
Hi, I’d love to talk, I’m 18 and found out I am an infj in the lat few days
As I have just finished school (year 12) I have been beyond scared about finding a full time job as its known for ‘infj’ to be.. The amount of relief that fell off my shoulders when I found out I was an infj was amazing
I am still looking for a job at the moment with each one I look at being equily perfect to the last and then these jobs being criticised by others on the web makes it unbelievably difficult and stressful. I have a girlfriend of 2 years at the moment and I am stressing about everyone I am linked too simply because I can’t find a job, I have looked at the typical jobs for infj’s (ie. Doctor, dentist, psychologist and a practitioner is what I’m looking at, at the moment) some other problems I’ve had, have been, making friends with all GROUPS in school, making teachers happy aswell as friends, trying harder than others to not fight, changing my personality for each and every person I came into contact with, and finding part time jobs and having different personality a with each person in each job I had. Some good things were that I could make anyone smile by conversation.. Since school has finished and all this stress has fallen on my to get a job I have been losing a lot of sleep, have cried… Which is strange for me as I haven’t cried since grade 5 or so, and a thought on suicide… This has been my lowest and it still scares me.. Talking to you would not only be good for you but help me understand myself.. Please ask any question you need and thanks for taking the time to read my lil ramble.. Aha :S.
Hi, I’d love to talk, I’m 18 and found out I am an infj with no other close personalities.. My closest was 60% I’ve only found out my personality type in the lat few days
As I have just finished school (year 12) I have been beyond scared about finding a full time job as its known for ‘infj’ to be.. The amount of relief that fell off my shoulders when I found out I was an infj was amazing
I am still looking for a job at the moment with each one I look at being equily perfect to the last and then these jobs being criticised by others on the web makes it unbelievably difficult and stressful. I have a girlfriend of 2 years at the moment and I am stressing about everyone I am linked too simply because I can’t find a job, I have looked at the typical jobs for infj’s (ie. Doctor, dentist, psychologist and a practitioner is what I’m looking at, at the moment) some other problems I’ve had, have been, making friends with all GROUPS in school, making teachers happy aswell as friends, trying harder than others to not fight, changing my personality for each and every person I came into contact with, and finding part time jobs and having different personality a with each person in each job I had. Some good things were that I could make anyone smile by conversation.. Since school has finished and all this stress has fallen on my to get a job I have been losing a lot of sleep, have cried… Which is strange for me as I haven’t cried since grade 5 or so, and a thought on suicide… This has been my lowest and it still scares me.. Talking to you would not only be good for you but help me understand myself.. Please ask any question you need and thanks for taking the time to read my lil ramble.. Aha :S.
Just to add I have my high energy days and my low days as everyone in this post has also stated, I too have a second persona which everyone knows which may include even my own mum, I feel most comfortable by myself, I can’t look people in the eyes because I’m scared They might think I’m trying to be aggressive in some way, I walk with my eyes to the floor all the time, I make most mistakes when people are watching me as I care more for what people think of me because it can change the way I think of them.
I too was thought very weird in high school and had very few close friends. I had difficulty completing homework in the huge study hall so would read a book in which I could fully engage and then would take it all home to do in a much quieter place. My mother, an extrovert, dragged me to social engagements and I hated every minute of it. She told me to change but I think it was because her friends had extroverted daughters who were the cheerleaders and homecoming queens.
I found a career as a special education teacher who specialized in working with children and adults with severe disabilities (helping others but not in a large classroom). Interactions with chatty adults are naturally limited at work since they are only 15 minutes long before the end of recess bell rings and we all race back to our classrooms. Perfect!!
Last year I retired from public school teaching but took a job at a parochial school where I teach kindergarten. I spend all day with active and energetic 5 and 6 year olds. But I don’t need to spend any time socializing because there are only a few other adults and we are all just as busy as each other.
After raising 2 introverted daughters, I remarried an introvert and helped him raise three extroverts and one introvert. I was (am) a loving, nurturing mother with high expectations.
Our house is now very quiet. Life is lovely for this INFJ. There is peace of mind knowing that I was given this personality type to help others and that I am in good company with Mother Teresa, Mahatma Ghandi.
Hi! I’m I found out I was an INFJ no more than a 2 months ago, and it was completely right. I had known about my life path 33/6 because I was always deducing numbers as I looked at the time, and while reading farther into numerology I discovered a personality test and I thought why not do some more self discovering. I found it interesting that both my life path number and personality type were so rare because I had always felt different from everyone I had ever met. iNFJ’s are definitely the compassionate type for sure, couldn’t say I’ve ever met another INFJ but I’m not sure. I also a made the choice to be vegan over a year ago and it has helped me in my life tremendously, It helps me in my belief that everything is connected and to be compassionate.
I just found out I was INFJ. It’s been quite fascinating reading about it. My husband has sworn for years that I’m an extrovert and I have tried telling him over and over I’m not. I was so confused. I didn’t know why I didn’t fit in with the rest of the world. I didn’t know I connect with people, but still need massive amounts of QUIET.
Now, we both understand me a little better =). I understand why I can socialize, but cringe when I think of big outings. Why I’m the one always trying to help out friends and get so angry with others who sit on their high horse and don’t pitch in. It explains why for Christmas, I made this big deal in our family about giving gifts to strangers who needed random things, and my family thought I was nuts. I thought the whole ’cause’ thing wasn’t really me, mainly because I’ve never been in much of a position to help others. But my husband reminded me of all the local things I do and the more I see it, the more it fits. It’s not just the causes either, it’s the whole moral balance I think everyone should have. I get upset when I run across any injustice. But I also don’t follow the crowd and sensationalism. Meaning, I won’t tag onto a cause just because. I can usually cut through all the junk and find the truth. It means my friends and I aren’t always championing the same issues. So I didn’t fit with the either side. I didn’t fit with those performing injustice, and I didn’t fit with those who jumped on a social bandwagon without looking for the truth. I fit somewhere else . . . and there were very few other people there.
The reading between the lines thing I’ve always had. It’s strange how that comes out, by the way. Someone can say the smallest comment and I somehow know what’s going on their lives. I don’t know how or why that works, but at least now I know I’m not crazy :).
I have always thought I think differently from everyone else, and do NOT fit in at all. I use to think perhaps I was born in the wrong time. The wrong age. The wrong planet. Anyway, I’ve only started digging into the research and hope to continue to learn more about myself :).
I am doing an assignment for a university subject and I had to do multiple tests and then analyse. INFJ and I can identify with all the comments above. I balance between my work extrovert (which I don’t mind) and my lovely moments of solitude. I discovered a term called social fatigue that I use when people have worn me out. I successfully work as a middle manager in the public service and I have a small circle of close friends who get me.
I’m 14 and I recently found out I’m an INFJ. It made me feel really good. I have a lot of moral principles, and so I like labels. I’ve always felt like I don’t fit in with my friends. I feel like I’m walking in an endless kiddy pool full of shallow people. Now I know I’m not alone and it feels good.
If you ever want insight into a damaged, or INFJ gone wrong, then I can help you out.
Yes please!!
I’m so excited to discover that there is actually a label for me that I agree with. I have a number of friends who are counselors and they have assured me that I am an extrovert and ENFP. I have hated taking the tests in the past and have over thought every question to the point where I couldn’t even give a concise answer. After being told by these friends that I do “certain things” and feel “certain ways” because of my ENFP personality type, I decided to take another test. I scored INFJ. I took it again and had the same result. I took 3 other tests from three other sites with different questions and scored the same. I cannot tell you what a relief it is to read the descriptors and see that all my warring facets are a normal part of this type. I only wish I had known this when I was young, when I honed the skill of morphing into the personalities of those around me. It was exhausting and draining and I would always need to find space away from the people that I did this with. Interestingly, I never dated and was so extremely picky about guys that I didn’t expect I would ever marry. After high school I ended up meeting this really intriguing guy, an extreme introvert/artist, and I knew instantly that he was different. We spent 8 months writing letters back and forth, spent a total of 3 weeks together in person and then married. We’ve been married for 27 years now and last week he took the test and scored INFJ. What are the odds of that happening! We are the best of friends and are known as “weird” by most of our circle. Thank you for posting this article and providing a space for some of us to express ourselves a bit.
I am an infj too. Just like u describe, i don’t really fit with mainstream society. But they think i am a warm person cause many times i find strangers enjoy talking to me, i still don’t know the reason
Hi, I am an infj too and so happy to have found this! As a child and teen I had such insecurities and wanted to belong that it just drained me. I´d be one way in school and just drained at home. I ended up going to therapy in my 30s for a horrible break up and had the best therapist for me. I opened up at my pace so that let me go deeper at a snails pace and thanks to that I realised there was nothing wrong with me and that therapy was the best choice I could have made because it led me to holistic alternatives (strange but true) and that is how I discovered that being an introvert and sensitive is ok. I don´t need to socialize 24/7 and if people understand then great if they don´t well that´s there problem, like someone posted here if they are your friends they´d get it. I have been chewed up and spit out more than once by “friends”, coworkers and some family too but now I know to just move on, people misinterpret your intentions of helping with being a pushover which is hard sometimes but finding out I am an infj just lets me move on and try to learn from my mistakes, though my desire to help and try to build a better world will always be a part of me.
You have no idea how much I needed to find this today since tomorrow I have to face a group I have been having trouble with… and I think this is the reason.
I am an INFJ and always felt pulled in two different directions between my heart and my mind. I am very creative and very analytical, and it took me a long time to stop trying to jam myself into one of these two boxes and accept I do best when I embrace both aspects of myself this is also very true of my natural introversion paired with my genuine desire to help people. I am a marketing copywriter by profession, but in every job I’ve ever had, I always been the “counselor” where people naturally gravitate to me to share their problems. It’s essential to me to provide people a safe emotional space for them to be themselves. Conversely, because I feel very deeply, I often need to withdraw into my home, by myself, to provide some emotional space for me to decompress. This took me a loooong time to understand and to respect. We don’t live in a society that understands or respects introverts – so it’s imperative that we learn how to do that for ourselves. It’s taken me time to understand I’m not being “anti-social” but “self-nurturing” when I opt to putter in my garden with my dogs vs. going to an event with friends. I feel things very deeply, and express my emotions easily from an intellectual standpoint easily, but sharing my feelings from a feeling perspective is reserved to a very small number of people whom I trust completely. It’s not a lack of trust in others, as much as INFJs can get easily hurt, however unintentionally, by others’ lack of understanding or awareness of our depth of feeling about so many things. We’re selective about baring our souls and hearts, while being inclusive of others doing so to us. Emotional safety is a big one for INSJs.
I recently discovered that I am an INTJ. It fits me to a T. Unfortunately, I am an outgoing introvert, which people just do not understand. I am quite adept at socializing, yet I get easily overwhelmed and need to find a quiet space to recharge during social events. This has lead to me getting called rude by my own father. As smart as he is, I just have never been able to make him understand.
I have always been different from my peers. I have always been the one who comes up with the ideas no one saw coming. If most people think there are only 2 angles to a situation, I point out 1 or 2 others they never thought existed.
I say the things others only think. It gets me in trouble. I have never been one to kiss ass, ever. I don’t play that game. It drives management crazy. They say they want honesty, so I give it to them, lol.
Others don’t get me. I upset their apple cart just by being me and not playing their crappy, drama-ridden games. It leads to me not getting promotions, or, in some cases, keeping the job. Yet, I have the ability to make the job much better, fair, easier, productive, because of my abilities and ideas. Management doesn’t reward people who are smarter than they are, lol.
I have a small number of friends who understand me. Oh, and my cats. Cats are perfect for INTJ people. I never need a break from them.
After 40+ years, I took the MB test, and discovered I am an INFJ. I read a detailed article on it, and as I read it, tears began to flow. Suddenly, all of my past difficulties and characteristics began to make sense. And, for me, the kicker was the part about being a rare type. Now I see why others have had a difficult time understanding me, and why I have been so reluctant and unable to explain why I do what I do.
I’m not surprised, but it’s great that it finally makes sense!!!
INFJ Libra here; Also, I have ADHD as well. Does that create a whole new personality?? 🙂 I found out about a year ago that I am an INFJ. When I read the synopsis, I have to admit it made me feel really special and unique. So is there a club for us? I would love to meet and talk to my fellow unique persons.
Warmest Regards,
Christopher
303 S Charles Street
Dallastown, PA 17313
717-417-5488
I took the personality test and first got INTJ. Upon taking it again, and being more honesty with the feelings I convey, I found that I was an INFJ. Which makes more sense, since feelings have always come naturally to me. Reading that both of the personality types I got were extremely rare, and the more likely one of INFJ the rarest, I felt extremely unique. Which I am told is normal for a Romantic, type 4 in the 9 types personality testing. This makes me feel special. More importantly, it makes me feel like everything will be okay. I’m only 17, but life has not been easy for me. Reading this description is like staring into my own mind. And I can’t believe what a relief it is knowing that all those feelings of not fitting in makes sense, because I’m not like others. While understanding that my personality is very rare, it still hurts knowing that the life ahead of me is going to be very hard.
I’m an INFJ. I’ve never felt like I fit in, often felt just kind of like a weirdo so I just became a really great faker. To this day, only a handful of people know who I really am, but i have perfected the image and can pretend for a period of time. Spending time with anyone outside circle of authenticity is exhausting.
I am an INFJ. My boyfriend is also an INFJ. We’re really compatible. My only problem with him is he lacks integrity. He’s not consistent with his spiritual, ethical and moral beliefs. I don’t know, Maybe, he is not mature enough.
Hii I m an INFJ. The article is exactly true!!! Many times, I feel that I don’t fit in. I am always inspired by Gandhi’s thoughts. I think of others first than of my self. I love friends but have very few friends. I believe in closeness of relationship than show business. But I can’t find any comment on decision power as I am weak decision maker. So pls give ur views on this point. Happy to be a RAREST PERSONALITY TYPE.!!
Hiya! I’m an INFJ, and very relived to know what’s been pressing me most of my life. I love being with people, so I’ve never felt exceptionally like an introvert, but then I get so drained from social events I’ve always thought I must be abnormal. I get feeling about my friend feeling bad sometimes, just gut feeling and I’m really good at seeing what people are really thinking by interpreting their bodylanguage. I tried being a secretary and in assisting roles, but they totally killed me inside and frustrated me, so now I’m studying psychology and even though it’s still early in the studies, I’m positive that it’s the right career for me.
I was told a lot of times I was weird when I was a kid, by other kids. I always thought that there must be something really wrong with me, and I never felt like I fit in anywhere. Sometimes I still get frustrated trying to explain to people that I need time to myself, otherwise I’ll get grumpy and stressed. I’m hyper-sensitive and feel physically overwhelmed if there’s a lot of sounds, screens etc. I’m also terrible at receiving criticism. I’m pretty much a textbook INFJ :). I feel lonely at times because there aren’t a lot of people who really, really understand me and also because I rarely open up to people fully. But I figure if you don’t understand what you are, then it can be a curse, but once you discover who you are, it’s a blessing, if you do right by yourself and take care of yourself 🙂 .
Hi, Michaela,
You are an angel with a mission and I appreciate what you are doing here. I’ve known I’ve been an INFJ for several years now. I studied the Meyers Briggs when I was getting my Masters in Instructional Technology (the science of how people learn) 15 years ago and have worked to use these gifts to help others learn to use their “intuitive” side. I realized that even thinkers can develop this trait, because though I am not a T per se, I married one and have learned to process the thinking way in order to communicate with him, and he has learned somewhat to listen to his intuitive, feeling side.
I believe people can develop qualities of other personalities, as I have been able to do. I believe most of us have the traits there, even if they may be weak. The desire just has to be there. I have to be careful when teaching others how to use their INF because some people may not understand and will think it is too deep, or that I am off my rocker. I am an observer and wait until they are ready. As I get to know people—sometimes even strangers who I am able to develop deep and lasting bonds with in a matter of hours, I’ve found people really and truly wish they had that gift to be able to tap into that alternate universe.
I read what I wrote just now and I chuckle. Do we INFJs exist to better the universe? To help people become the best they can be? To live a higher law? The answer is a resounding YES!!!! With every breath I take, that is my purpose. For your amusement here are examples of some blogs I have posted on a website I recently developed. I do not expect you to post them in the comment, but you will see examples of how INFJs write and think and process in these two posts:
http://sharingwhy.com/?s=vision%3A+the+fifth+dimension
http://sharingwhy.com/listen-and-trust/
Thanks for your site. It’s fun to read and see all of the people you are helping.
I have been dating an INFJ for about 6 years. As the Tale of Two Cities says, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
The INFJ that I have been dating is amazingly intelligent. She had a 4.0 in high school, college, and grad school. And yet she often tells me that she feels inferior to me intellectually. This is one of the reasons she uses for not marrying. I am not as smart as her, and barely got through my undergraduate program. Though I did graduate from grad school with a 3.95. It frustrates me no end to hear her downplay her intelligence.
I have at times wondered if she was bi-polar (but writ small). She is a perfectionist, every thing is orderly in her home, it always looks like something from better homes and gardens.
It is hard to believe she is introverted as she comes across so sincere, smooth, and well polished. Yet she will say she does not belong in this group or that, because they are all so much more cultured than she is. (which is not true at all)
She is very productive, especially Monday through Friday, and has taken years to understand it when I take a mini-power-nap for 25 minutes in the afternoon. No matter how tired she is, she just keeps on going.
I could go on but fear I am taking up too much “air time” here. I felt I wanted to share something here as the author had asked people to do.
I am also an INFJ, and I have to say, this article is spot on. I grew up in a small town in America, in what’s commonly known as “the South.” Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes, it is correct that you feel like you never fit in anywhere. The phrase “alone in a crowded room” comes to mind. Until I learned about introversion, I sincerely thought I was clinically insane and went through the first portion of my life with “What is wrong with me?” as my personal mantra. I’m still on my road to recovery and understanding my personality type. Most INFJ’s are perfectionists, and as Paul mentioned about about his girlfriend, I do feel inferior a lot of times. I downplay myself a lot, and when I read that Mahatma Ghandi was an INFJ, I immediately thought “Oh, I could never compare to Ghandi. He’s an incredible human being, I’m nowhere near as much of a man as he is.” I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety, and depression. Life’s been fairly rough until I finally admitted that, yes, I am different, and no, it’s not a bad thing. Hope this helps, I’d be glad to answer any other questions, should you have any.
I am a mental health practitioner, and also an INFJ. I think your article and the subsequent comments are all excellent examples for shedding a little light on, and explaining people of our “unique” persuasion. Like a few posters above I discovered my type several years ago and it was a light bulb moment for me, like “oh, no wonder I’ve always felt so off/weird/strange.” I also felt both the happiness at being describe as rare or special and at the same time undeserving about being compared to people like Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, and Mahatma Gandhi, that’s a lot to live up to!
Being a mental health person, especially when I use to work as a college counselor, I did a fair amount of research on the MBTI during my M.S. program and for all of our gifts, I’ve read non peer-reviewed work that suggests INFJ’s may pay the price with higher rates of depression and other forms of mental illness. I personally can attest that my own powerful urge to help others and to use my gifts to make the world a better place has in the past been a source of deep pain, frustration, and occasionally depression when I felt that I was unable to effect any big positive changes in the lives of people around me.
After years of thinking that I was an ENFJ, yet never quite fitting into the template, I recently took some very comprehensive MB testing and found out I’m INFJ. To be honest this comes as somewhat of a relief, as for years I have struggled with being the outsider from an internal perspective, yet still managing to communicate effectively with others. Like others in here, I also though some element of bipolar disorder was at work, but the mood or personality shifts associated with the disorder were not radical in nature. Instead they came about very controlled, as I found I would unconciously change subtle aspects of my personality depending on who I was communicating with. This made it very easy to get on in social circles, even in larger groups, but I was still aware that they made me anxious at points, which confused me as the current typology at the time indicated ENFJ, I didn’t realise the extrovert function was an act or defensive measure produced by my subconcious intuition and ability to mimic others to avoid conflict or fit in socially. It’s a relief for me, because while I was fine in that social sense, after a period of time I would feel anxious and tired and depressed for no reason, and feel I needed to get away to be by myself, a state in which I am probably the happiest as it allows me to indulge in my creative side and delve into books or film. Now I know that I’m INFJ, I feel like I don’t need to belong to these groups, I’m just what I am and no amount of ‘shape shifting’ is going to change that, after all we are the rarest personality, so its doubtful a lot of people would get us anyway.. well ok the weirdo’s get me lol.. But yeah, it makes a lot of sense from where I sit. It also makes sense in terms of my relationship.. well lack there of.. issues, I’m terrible on dates, except for talking, I don’t feel at ease at all until someone initiates a conversation. I ‘m awkward and shy and don’t approach women, and have a tendency to internalise anything I might want to say or do, regardless of what my intuition is picking up.. sure, If I’m not lost in some dreamland, and paying attention, I know when a girl likes me, I’m just terrible at doing anything about it lol.. I wonder if this is common among other INFJ’s? And going further, I always thought my job of a records investigator, was a terrible choice and that I was stuck in something that didn’t relate to who I was.. then after discovering I was INFJ it all clicked in place.. the problem solving skills, the empathy, the lateral thinking, the logic paths, and the coaching and coaxing of others.. all part of my typology. I’m also a natural musician, and play by ear and feel, a bass player to boot, which is not uncommon among this type, but the skills involved are also related to INFJ which makes me feel a whole lot better about my skills and what to do with them. In summary, I might be an outcast or feel alien from an internal and sometimes external perspective but at least I’m closer to understanding how to deal with that 🙂
Yes, I am an INFJ and man, it is hard sometimes. I am a lider in a church and it’s so hard to HAVE TO spend a lot of time with people. I love helping them, I think I take a lot of energy from just hepling people who struggle, but then I have the tendency to cut myself from the world. Not to mention I work for a corporation, hehe. My apartment mate can’t understand why do I close myself in my room while being home and stay alone so much time. I also struggle so much with condemnation and I want all things to be perfect and when i make a mistake, wow…the end comes hehe.
I got Advocate (INFJ-T). I am reading more into it……I have always felt like I didn’t fit in….anywhere.
I’m an INFJ. It was nice to read your article 🙂
I’d happily answer any questions you may have.
Hi! I’m an INFJ. I have been different my whole life. I have been called “worse than Jesus” when it comes to forgiving and helping other people and “Mother Theresa”. in school, high school, university I’ve always been a loner… I’m also a misanthropist.. I will never understand the evil withing people, their closed minds, their lack of understanding… but also, every time anything bad like: abuse, misuse, bullying, being treated like dirt happened to me, I always forgive and try to understand. I will not have it seeing it done onto others, though. I always get in between fights, i stopped people from beating their kids on the streets, I shared my home with strangers in need, I’ve given the clothes of my back… I helped as I could, also because i know what it’s like to suffer.
I hear this planet, i feel the wind, the sea, the power of the stars, moon and sun, the thoughts and energies of animals and other people…. there are no words to describe my suffering, joy, pain… or any emotion… I’m weird… but at least I’m happy that I’m not ignorant like most of the people. And I’m full of love, genuine, powerful love.
and ashamed to be a human being…
Last week I found out that my mom is also an INFJ, which explains some things… we never really got along… until some months ago..
Hiii Michaela . I am an INFJ personality type.It has been hell sometimes as people don’t understand why I need some alone time ,even my parents . It affects my personal life quite a bit .I have very limited people I actually converse with and even then I don’t actually trust them .When I am constantly exposed to others I need some huge recovery time.People don’t understand that I am not blowing them off or being arrogant that I just need to be alone.:).But I won’t change it.In the end it just means I am unique , well as unique as all the people in this blog:D.I am just Glad to meet them all ,few people in the world who knows whats it’s like to be me ,well almost me . SO IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR JUST WANT TO CONVERSE I WOULD BE HAPPY TO ANSWER YOU . <3
Hallo, INFJ here. 😉 I’m fifteen, and just this year I learned I was an INFJ. It definitely helped me to see that I belonged, you know? I had a “type,” I fit in (in the loosest sense of the word). I then, of course, forced all my lovely friends to take it. I realized that my twin neighbors, who are a year younger than me and have been my best friends for ten years, were both INFJ’s. Supposedly we are less than 1% of the population, and all three of us somehow ended up in the same neighborhood, best friends. Also, get this: both their parents were INFJ’s as well. Their entire family turned out INFJ. How crazy is that?
I am also another one of those rare INFJ types… when I discovered my personality type (and began to understand its characteristics) I finally began to understand myself. I was also able to start accepting myself for who I was and no longer worried about becoming the fantasy extrovert ideal that the world around me seemed to believe was more desireable. It’s been a relief to know why I’ve always behaved the way I have… especially why I tended to avoid social situations while at the same time wanting desperately to have a meaningful conversation amid the inane small talk…
For about 25 years or so, I have spent my time wondering why I’m such an odd being. It’s taken me down the path in which I felt alone and out of place because I felt no attachment towards other’s. It wasn’t till I found out I was one that I realized why it’s been so difficult meeting other’s similar to me. What’s worse tho is that it’s still hard because it’s rare to find another one. I honestly wish there were more out there so that way we can feel less like outcasts and freaks and more like human beings that do share similarities to other’s.
I’m an INFJ. I remember standing alone observing other kids playing when I was 6, and not even feeling particular desire to join. My mother remembers that I used to come home crying from the playground when I was 3 or 4. On the other hand, I never pretended to be something I’m not. I have a strong self-awareness that helps me finding emotional support within myself, even if I’m very sensitive to social and emotional stress.
Kids in high school respected me, but rarely befriended me – I was told by a few of them that they are not sure about what to talk to me, that they felt I would be bored with what they usually chat about.
I can smell manipulation at 100 m distance, which is why I often don’t offer help or support to people who seem to play victims. If somebody is in genuine trouble and willing to take responsibility, I will help as much as I can, while taking care of my boundaries.
When I was younger, it was difficult for me to say “No” or to enter conflicts, but I learned to be much more confident with time. It’s still a challenge to me not to take insults and arrogance personally, though.
I’m extremely independent and private. This might be a reaction to my upbringing, but I feel a need to rely on myself rather than anybody else. I cannot tolerate stupid rules and unreasonable authority.
I’m very good at writing, and the way I do it is by listening to my feelings and translating them into words. What comes out is never pathetic, oversimplified or one-dimensional – I’m very good with finding balance between feelings and logic and seeing many possible perspectives.
Many people initially dismiss me as “weak” or feel a need to protect me, only to be quite shocked when my hidden decisive side comes out.
That’s what I can think of right now. There’s more, but this is the basic picture.
i recently found out that i have several people close to me that are also infj
I just found out I am INFJ. I have always been seen as outgoing and well like by groups, but have always enjoyed the time alone the most. I am very opinionated and often alienate people on social media with my dislike for government.
People know me well for my off the wall humor, and church service. Most of my frustration is with society. I did not do well in public school. I get extremely frustrated with the direction of society and the world.
I’m an INFJ Virgo – So, a huge perfectionist basically! 🙂
I was very depressed when I worked for a large, corporate company. I didn’t find happiness until I made the jump to a smaller company where I had a bigger role and could make a bigger difference. I think this suites the INFJ personality type quite well.
I’d say I get overwhelmed quite easily and find it difficult to ignore emotions. I’d also regard myself as an introvert, though when I ask colleagues and friends they see me as an extrovert. I think this difference in how I’m treated compared to how I want to be treated can also cause me to be overwhelmed.
My partner is an ESTJ Pisces. Completely opposite ends of the spectrum! I find I make him more patient, and he makes me more ambitious.
I’d love to know if anyone here has partners that are also opposite personality types and your experiences with it? 🙂
My ex is an ESTP, with who I lived for a decade, and my best friend is an ENJF. 😉 She is basically me, though extraverted.
I recently found out !
Im a virgo too.
the girl that I fell for is ESTJ!
My story of love is simple and sad and Long and absolutely weird !
I think every INFJ needs an ENTP as a partner because they balance each other out perfectly (: I am an INFJ and my husband is ENTP. We have always said we were soul mates even at age 15. We broke up at 16 for 3 years and found our way back to each other, and we both had always had that feeling we would end up together in the future. Now married at 24. So try dating an ENTP, they might be your soulmate! Good luck
i married one too! going on yr 3 married but going on yr 6 together <3
i am also infj and virgo. i am vwry picky and also perfectionist
I’m an INFJ Virgo too, and I truly empathise with you. But I am so glad you have a partner who complements the way you function.
I am a single man, and I find it very hard to romantically connect with women. My previous relationship lasted 5 years, but again, I think I lacked the courage to call it off when I realised deep in my heart that we weren’t right for each other. I have been wondering if I’m just weird or whether my expectations are too damn high. I am slowly realising it is probably neither.
I’m just trying to understand myself better and a bit of research on the INFJ type has helped quite a bit!
It took me over 30 years to discover I’m an INFJ and from the moment I found out, everything seemed to fall into place. The need to be alone (which I blamed on being a single parent before I found out), the feeling I had all my life that I didn’t belong and that I was “weird”, the fact that I “read” people in a conversation by what they don’t tell me and on and on. I guess I’m a classic example of an INFJ. That glorious moment when you find out you’re not alone, that there are more like you, even though it’s 1% of the population… But since I found out it has given me a lot more peace that I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be. I’m not weird. I need my space, I need to express myself creatively (writer, painter). I attract extravert types, who seem to help me open up and I work for a small company (6 employees) where I am appreciated and feel very happy. My brother is a classic INFJ too, by the way.
I recently discovered that I am an INFJ. I’ve always felt different from others even as a small child. I relished time alone and did so quite often growing up. I’m also blessed with an uncanny ability to read people’s emotions. I am often able to tell them intimate details about their mental and emotional state I can also tell when someone is lying to me. It’s been suggested that I become a counselor or psychologist by many people I come in contact with. At first I viewed my hug capacity for empathy as a weakness but now I understand it is a gift and that the World needs and requires me to share it. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me.
Ah, not only am I odd in my INFJ status, but apparently in my dislike for being an INFJ.
I am very successful in my professional life. An INFJ attorney is a powerful adversary.
However, I dislike this constant need to help people. It is rarely appreciated and my methods aren’t always understood. I jump to “fix” the problems of people I have known only a short time, which is off-putting and quite effectively bars any meaningful friendship.
Hi everyone! Thought I would jump in the convo since I recently found out I too am an INFJ, I gotta say when I found out it sort of was of an aha moment because I never really understood why I never felt like I could find a place I truly fit in, weather it was during my childhood and teen years making friends or at work, I mean I had friends but never felt like anyone really “got” me even though I often find friends and family members come to me for advise or when they need someone to listen, so reading INFJ traits I felt like OH that’s why im like that!! I can pretty much sense people think I don’t want to be approached but really I don’t mind, I enjoy having deep convos but find myself often needing to recharge my batteries like most INFJs do. I too am a Sagittarius and while I don’t fully buy into astrology I hear Sag’s and INFJs crave exploration and I know personally if I don’t travel often or take on learning something new and exciting I start to feel like I have no purpose, I need to feel the joy of exploring something like a new city or a new language and its interesting because in my city and around its people I feel very quiet and reserved but take me on and adventure and I want to interact with all the new people I meet. On top of all that I am never settled unless I know the people I care about are happy and secure, guess that would be another typical trait huh? Anyways its all new and interesting but feels nice to know why I am the way I am now and realize my brains not totally loosing it, just very vivid I suppose lol. Big relief knowing there are rare INFJ gems out there that have felt like this too! Side note any INFJs love artistic things and music?
Hey Ashton! I’m an infj Sagittarius too, and it’s great reading your story about traveling and exploring. I couldn’t agree more on that, the eager to do something new, to have some sort of goal has always been very present. And yeah I really love music and movies. I want to combine those two later into making a film myself. After 3 years of doubts and thinking I have decided to start studying philosophy which seems to suit me pretty well. Talking about real things, people who aren’t afraid to go deeper, that’s what life is about to me. Did you study anything?
Hi! I’m an INFJ! I found this out a few years ago in high school, and it really helped me understand myself and where I was coming from. I find it difficult to have such strong integrity and convictions in when I’m surrounded by so many people who don’t. I have a lot of trouble in romantic relationships because I tend to continue and continue and continue to give people the benefit of the doubt, always trying to “help” my partner long after they’ve become toxic to me. I think that’s one of the biggest faults of INFJs. We are always helping people, even when it’s no longer healthy for us.
I took the personality test yesterday, and it returned INFJ. I read the summary on humanmetrics.com and can personally relate to much, if not all, of it. Something that stood out was the ability to understand people’s emotions; this was reassuring, as I always felt arrogant for believing that I could read people very well. A surprisingly true one for me was the fact that INFJs often “perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of ‘hard logic,'” yet in scientific careers “tend to be as successful as their T counterparts.” I do research in quantitative fisheries science and have done well, yet my deepest desires always come back to the human elements of environmental issues. It must be the urge to help others and get back to that blurrier, intuitive style of problem-solving.
Hi! I’m an INFJ. I used to be so depressed because I thought I didn’t fit anywhere. Well, I still think this, but discovering this test showed me that it was ok; it’s just the way I am and there’s nothing wrong about being different. Understanding there’s nothing wrong with me helped me a lot. Being special is both a blessing and a curse. You feel you don’t fit in this world, you hide and find comfort in your inner world, but your differences can be a valuable contribution to this world. The more different you are, bigger is the contribution. That’s the beauty of being a INFJ. Helping. Being able to read people, to see beyond their masks. Fighting for a happier world. Giving something, our differences, to a world and people who don’t have them. That’s the way we fit here.
i myself am an infj and i can confirm that i do try to be other types! not strictly another mbti, but i will try to be more extrovert and am easily influenced by friends
its something im trying to fix!
i can also confirm that most, if not all, of this post is true!! all of it matches perfectly with who i am : D
i always feel uncomfortable about not fitting in, but my friends have come to accept me and so have i, to some extent! i still feel very uncomfortable in being social because i dont feel like i fit in and am strongly introverted ):
I am so glad to find you all after so much time. I am an INFJ, but I was miss-typed by an inexperienced counselor when I was much younger. I was miss-typed as an INTP. I suffered for that error for over 25 years. I am 45 now. I struggled with depression that nobody but me knew about, since I rarely talked with anyone. I was married twice in the past, but have never asked anyone to marry me(I was convinced-not asked by them). I have never known a love that even came close to satisfying my needs. My personality(tempted to say situation) is further complicated by illnesses and injuries that have destroyed my self esteem. As if being a shy introvert wasn’t enough. I have mixed connective tissue disease. That’s a combination of Lupus, Scleroderma, Reynalds Syndrome, and esophageal dysphasia. I have rosacea on my face that never diminishes. I walk with a cane from two damaged legs. I lost my right shin to a brown recluse spider bite. I was stung on the left shin by an Arizona bark scorpion. I’ve had my right hip replaced. I have a 11″ scar in the middle of my chest from a vascular emergency. These days, I know people around me, and chat with some on very rare occasions , but I have no close friends to confide with. My mother was the only person who really knew me, but she passed way in 2013. In spite of being handicapped physically, I am forced to walk everywhere ;because, my car was destroyed in two hail storms. When I do make eye contact, I am usually looking up. I am a short man, and that is the origin of my perspective. Email is not just my primary form of communication with the world. Mostly, it is my ONLY communication with the world. I often go for several weeks at a time without physically talking to anyone. I don’t own a phone. The way I vent myself is through songwriting and composition. My life is music. I graduated with honors from the Virginia Governor’s Magnet School for the Arts in 1988. I have written hundreds of songs, but have never released one for fear that I would be asked about my physical self rather than my music. I am still trying to find that courage. My greatest fear in life is feeling that nobody will even realize when I’m no longer here. I often feel like being an INFJ puts me in conflict with the world, while my disabilities have left me in conflict with myself. I often write long emails filled with details, but I almost always receive 3 or 4 words in response. I never found my place in the world. The playground in my head is filled with empty swings and lonely toys. I have contemplated suicide many times throughout my life. Being an INFJ has always left me stuck in the planning stage, so I am still around in spite of myself. When someone goes looking for themselves, they often imagine the lights coming on to illuminate the paralyzing darkness they have endured. The only thing that really changed for me is that, now I know the name of my enemy.
It sounds like your enemy is aspergers syndrome.
I’m an INFJ. I have sometimes felt I don’t belong to any of my friend circles. I often felt I’m the odd one. I used to wonder why I enjoyed my close friends’s company but behaved other times like an introvert. I could sense others feelings just like its happening to me. I avoid quarrels or situations of fight because I can’t stand those. I’m not shy but people misunderstand me as I’m shy. I know what my needs are and how strong I’m but others won’t understand.
Well, damn. All us poor bastards. How crap is life as an INFJ really ?? haha …
Well I’m glad to see everyone struggles with the same stuff.
But yea, its hard.
And I can honestly say, I’ve never met another one like me in ‘real life’ – But beyond the struggles, I’ve made my peace with it, and have adjusted my life to match my needs ( most the time).
I work with doing complicated problemsolving ( which is a lot fun) by myself, only talking to people through my pc&phone. I do not need to talk to co-workers ( how awesome is this hehe).
I’ve chosen not to have a boyfriend, because …well honestly, who needs all that drama accompanied by love. ? And its its not worth it. I’d rather sleep in peace at night and not have arguments when I’m too tired. …
Also I joined an online university – since the classroom model, never worked for me. I have two friends whom I rarely see and they are totally cool with that. I’ve had my fair share off fake bullshit people – now I only spend time with smart people who do not bother me with smalltalk 🙂
And as a side note: of course I have a child also ( single mom, yeah!); she is 2 now, and clearly extroverted and has the energy of a duracell bunny.
I’m truly glad whenever she sleeps or I can hand her over to the daycare …sigh ! Those are the only times I wish i wasnt who I am.
But otherwise, INFJ life rox 🙂 We belong in life, and if ‘normal’ people listened more to us, I’m sure the world would be a better place.
Hang in there fellas <3
Hi Everyone, 35 year old INFJ Male.
I discovered I am INFJ almost two years ago. I felt liberated, knowing now that I’m not a raging lunatic 🙂 Since I’ve discovered the Test, I’ve tried to debunk it with no prevail. INFJ. On top of that I’m a libra, which makes it more focused and complicated. I now recognize the strengths. Most all people close to me like or love me very much, although it’s very clear they do not completely understand me. I speak in riddles to them, I hand them things before they reach for them, I know what they’re going to say before they say it, some find it annoying, which I guess, I would too. I have a great career, and am successful, but yet feel unsatisfied. I’m up before most and I stay up later to finish than others, until I crash. When I crash I become critical of someone I’m dating, because they do not focus as hard. It has been a real challenge. I want things I pursue to be perfect, and I do protect. My only child is 15, and he knows “that’s just how dad is :)”. If I am crossed, Depending upon how close the individual is, I lash out and bring up all of the things they fell short on, sadly, I feel that is neccessary, even though it isn’t, collectively. My only salvation is trying to understand the types. People we are not compatible with, watch out! That is part of the problem, because we care so much. The internal stress raises cortisol, we have to have a release or retreat of some sort. Today I’ve retreated to my hotel room, where I read, always searching, for more I can learn. I am trying to focus on the benefits of this personality, since I have it, and now know it. It is very powerful if used properly, but can be distructive if one does not understand the benefits. At the end of the day, I Absolutely love my personality now that I am aware of it. I’m in sales but not high pressure, more of operational, people can see my eyes look into theirs and they know I can see inside. False people will not keep eye contact, only if they’re introverted too, and you can draw out their true self with kindness, and it elevates everything. Real false, truly bad people, will not stay in our presence if we reveal our strength. They know unconciously we know. This sounds malicious, but it is our strength, use it wisely. I hope to continue to learn about us! I’ve yet to meet an official INFJ.
BAck to my lair I go…
For that matter all I’m going to say is – yes. You are right… All these , and not only these features or rather flaws fit very well. But again, it resolves nothing. Good to know I’m not the only one so… so ”jewels of the personality spectrum” 😀 Love that. If only I knew how to get along with myself. F..k!
Hello, I’m an INFJ. I’ve known for a while that I’m an INFJ but just recently I’ve been researching all about my personality as well as others. You’re pretty dead on with a lot of the information. I’ve always felt out of place in this world and a lot of times it seems like I’m the only one who ever thinks like me.
Growing up was interesting, I moved over 25 times throughout my school career. That made me learn how to gain friends quickly and learn how to detach from them just as fast. It was harder when I was younger because I wasn’t ever at the same maturity level as everyone else (it doesn’t help being the youngest of 3 older sisters because that just made me even more mature and I definitely don’t wear the “baby of the family” role). In school, I was always (and still am) called “weird”. I’ve just took that as a complement! Through everything I never tried to become another personality just ’cause I didn’t fit in. I like who I am and have learned to embrace my “weirdness”. Now that I’m older, it’s still a big challenge because my sisters call me “perfect” all the time, that drives me up a wall. I know for a fact, I’m so not perfect! I don’t know how to deal with that one yet… I was reading some other comments and saw that some people with INFJ personality have dealt with feeling bi polar. I’ve never had any issues with that. I have a feeling that all of the moving and new schools and whatnot might have blocked out that part of me. I will say though, I do love my time to myself!
Some more interesting things about INFJ’s: Deja vu is very common; being able to understand dreams is very important to an INFJ because sometimes they can’t tell the difference if they are awake or dreaming; they love to counsel people; helping people is what drives them; they have the ability to take on someone’s feelings and feel the exact same; they live mostly in their minds instead of their bodies (meaning, they’re posture is very reserved instead of outgoing); they feel misunderstood a lot which can lead to depression; they are able to give comprehensive answers or solutions suddenly (many people believe this to be a magical quality of the INFJ); they may appear to others to be reserved but feel colorful, fun, imaginative, playful, and daring inside; they love playing with ideas and philosophies and theories; “old soul”; very insightful; they rely heavily on their sense of vision; they often “think” by way of images rather than words; peace makers; they can see past a person’s façade; some feel like they don’t communicate well with others, yet others seem to think that they are a social butterfly; able to read body language very well; they are able to effectively read, understand, and relate to others; they have a difficult time recognizing their own emotions and how to deal with them; vivid imagination.
That’s all my research so far! I hope that I didn’t over share. I love learning about this sort of stuff. If you have any questions I’d love to help answer them!
Today I found out that I’m the INFJ. And it’s quite a relief to be honest. I’ve always felt I didn’t fit in. I sometimes felt like a walking paradox. I usually ended up mismal because of my unability to tell what I really am. I feel like there are too many labels because I can’t choose either I love spending time with people or they make me tired. It might sound weird but I often get very passionate about people, I love meeting new people and just talk to them trying to get to know them and on the other hand it eventually make me so tired that all I can think of is sitting in my room and just enjoying my loneliness. And then after two days I feel this crazy desire to get social again. I think my type of personality might be quite hard to understand, I sometimes can’t even understand myself. But it makes it all so much easier to me to know that it’s just natural for me. I think everyone should get to know their personality type in a young age, it gives so much strength and power.
I’m from Venezuela where most of the people is very outgoing, they like to shout a lot and you’re expected to be around your family at all times. My mom has 8 siblings, so you can imagine that I have lots of cousins and extended family. They usually make big parties and reunite at least twice a month. I’ve never felt like I fit with this part of my family and they’ve always told my mom that I’m super rude because I tend to stay in a chair reading, while everybody is talking or making jokes. It’s not that I don’t love my family, it’s just that I often feel overwhelmed when there’s a lot of people around me talking, specially when they start talking or making jokes about things that I find superfluous. I just found out that I was INFJ, and it was like taking that first gulp of fresh air after being under water for too long. I’m a preschool teacher and I love my job, working with children is amazing, specially when you feel you’ve teached them something that can last their entire lifetime. I also want to study Psychology, so yeah, both of them fit perfectly with INFJ. Good luck to all of you!
Hi Amanda, I am an INFJ, live in Venezuela and am a Psychologist. I´ll post my experience in separately. Good luck!!
I get INFJ for personality tests. But I am still not sure if I am an INFJ. I mimic other peoples behaviors and I lie a lot to avoid criticism so I am not sure who I am. I am not sure. I can be really irresponsible sometimes, maybe because I am 13, almost 14 though :}… I relate to a lot of things that INFJ’s have. People have been asking me for advice for a while. But I find it hard to concentrate and my mind can get really foggy sometimes ( but i think my anxiety may be the reason why). I like to be organized but my room constantly gets messy despite the fact I clean it since I find it hard to work in a messy environment. I don’t read a lot and my writing isn’t the best because of so many ideas and I try to revise while I am writing haha. I can easily open up if people seem like they may care but only a few people know me too a great extent. I feel different from almost everyone. I dislike trying to act like others but I stand out like a sore thumb with different interests from others my age (I listen to foreign music, i watch Japanese anime – i have a knack for languages i guess- and generally like darker things, interested in studying mental disorders). Sorry if it sounds like I am bragging/rude,I just hope that hearing answers will make it easier for me to understand myself. Does it sound like my personality is INFJ?
You sound exactly like a young INFJ struggling to find yourself which is what makes an INFJ grow and tick. Like all things young, you start off all woobly before you start to become an INFJ master. You are lucky…these types of forums didn’t exist at all until I was in my 40’s, or fairly recently. As a kid (and adult) I just had to wing it and wonder why I was so f’ed up and so awesome all at the same time…hahahaha! Then, I figured out it was the rest of the world that was f’ed up and I didn’t worry as much…:)!
This is a very comforting read. I am in between jobs now as I had to resign due to conflicting values with the organization I was in. I did my best to shut my mouth but I’ve had enough when the injustice and insensitivity around me was too much. I found out that I was an INFJ last year and it made perfect sense as to WHY am I acting like this. Some people think that I am a fool for leaving a UN-affiliated job (given the competitive selection process), but I just had to say something against the disparity between its supposed-values and the way people around me are acting. I’m, sometimes, admittedly questioning whether it was a good decision to walk away, but after moments of feeling down, I lift my head up knowing that I am fighting for what is right and they (the wrongdoers) have not seen the end of it. The cycle of abuse must stop and somebody has to speak.
I just found out a month ago that I’m INFJ. I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the decades…and I mean a LOT. I can spend hours upon hours contemplating the origins of the universe. Friends would look at me funny as I went on a philosophical muse for an hour talking about why we even exist at all.
I’ve also fought with depression, highs and lows, relationship problems caused by my personality etc. I’ve lost friends because of the way I act. I’m blunt to the point of crude.
The best way to describe my view of the world and struggles:
I can almost pin point someone’s thoughts just by walking by them. I know how someone feels before they do and I’ve never been wrong with this. It’s almost frustrating to the point that I WANT to be wrong. I don’t feel in ‘tune’ with reality. I feel like I’m in 3rd person view watching a lot of sheep go about their lives oblivious to the injustices that mankind has wrought upon this planet and it’s inhabitants. I find it extremely agonizing that almost no one else understands the underlying motives of people that I grasp within seconds, yet I can’t decipher someone’s block of code because it’s not how I would have done it.
I have alienated almost every significant other I’ve ever had. At first I am everything they have ever wanted….until they see the ‘secluded’ part of me that retreats into a shell to contemplate my existence. Then I am the uncaring, rude, and thoughtless man.
I have no idea how to change this. I just know I need to recede into myself and think things through.
As much as I lack faith in humanity itself, I spend all my socializing trying to HELP others….without realizing it until later. I have ALWAYS been the guy that everyone went to for venting and talking through their problems. I’ve always been told the insight I had was spot on and helped them tremendously. I don’t know why us INFJs can do this….we just can.
There is a lot of crappy things some of us have to deal with internally. I just try to remember that the biggest threat to me is myself. If I project that line of thinking toward something productive I can usually get out of the low periods.
Hi everyone! I am an INFJ. As a child was attracted by knowledge, nature, reading books, music and even astronomy. Subject of bullying in school and fearing that this repeat again in adolescence, I developed an alternative personality as a ESTJ. Began at university Enginering, but ended first years changed to a graduated of Psychology, followed of an MBA degree. Got maried and developed an executive career. At one point felt drained, dissatisfied, doing things without meaning, not living a fulfilling life, without fit in none place. So decided to find my true personality, involved in a chain of changes involving divorce, change of career and activities. Studied again in formal courses but also by myself to develop a new career as Teacher, Coah and Psychoterapist. Began a Blog about Psychology called Excelencia Personal. Specialized on Emotions, attend consult in person as on Skype, and dictate Workshop on Emotional Intelligence. Also changed my Religión and writting a novel.
Hello, I was interested to read your article as I am always interested in psychology subjects. Imagine my shock when as I was reading it was describing the things I did and felt. I have been described as Rude, Depressed, Shy, Highbrow, Moralistic and many other things that have hurt me terribly. You can count on no hands how many close friends I have outside my family but I do have a small circle of acquaintances I have managed to keep in contact with over the years.
Yes I prefer a good book to a party, I have tried many times to integrate with others and always found myself on the outside looking in hoping to be invited. But you know, that’s ok now that I know there is nothing wrong with me.
I tend not to tell others of my problems simply because I don’t want to burden them, they have their own issues that I help with but they don’t need to hear about mine as they tend to keep on about theirs and would relate their problems with mine. So I keep quiet and listen as I try to resolve things of mine myself. Sometimes all a person want is someone just to listen, not give advice or make any comment but just to quietly and patiently listen.
I often see and sense things that others don’t and this scares people I feel, sometimes it has made my work colleagues extremely jealous which has led to a whole other story of things that has happened. So again I stay quiet to prevent confrontational events. So I am glad to see that I am not alone on the outside looking in. Thank you for letting me glimpse into this new theory and showing me that I am just me, and that I am perfectly fine. I am off now to do more research into why I do things the way I do and learn more about me. Perhaps even get to love me a bit more. At 52 I think its about time Hahaha
While discovering I was an INFJ helped me find an identity in an alien world, and gave me comfort in knowing others felt and saw what I did, in the end I have found no way to overcome the things that pull me apart emotionally. Love…I want it…but how can I keep it? People…I need them sometimes, but mostly they get on my nerves and the guilt of that grinds on my soul. Share…how do I share the things that drain my mind to put into words only to find they have fallen on ears coupled with minds incapable of comprehending all that I see? It is a see saw …up and down…up and down. I don’t give up because the other parts of me won’t let me…hahahaha! I love it all…to hate it all…to love…to…hahaha!
INFJ Capricorn here. (Share a birthdate with Martin Luther King Jr, January 15) Phlegmatic-Melancholic. Third culture kid. infj, isn’t so rare after all! 🙂 during primary school until jr. High was bullied and was extremely shy. I battled with depression during my teen years. I was studying in a community college when I took the Myers Briggs. Not long after that, got diagnosed with Non Verbal Learning Disability. People get surprised “but you speak and write English well and know a few other foreign languages” others often see me as “the party girl” or someone who is adventurous and travels often. I enjoy serving in church and volunteering in organizations. at some point, I feel like “dr. Jekyll/ miss Hyde” (dual personalities living in two worlds) I express myself best through writing.
So I recently found out that I’m an INFJ. This is very comforting to me, as I always felt a bit “odd” in social situations, even as a little kid. I always thought I was over emotional or to sensitive, but I’m glad to see that’s normal! When I looked at the Truity website for my personality type, I found that my major is one of the ones that I would truly enjoy doing (Speech Pathology) and I found it very encouraging. And thank you Michaela for this wonderful article on INFJ’s. 🙂
I found out that im INFJ type and thanks to my friend that made me do the test so he would understand me better and so he would have instructions manual xD i know, its crazy but reading all the comments i feel like there are people same as me in a way and im so happy cause first thing i said when i found out was ”im gonna die alone” later on i found out many people and other types like my personality so i felt better afterwords. but im happy that there are people who think like me (not much but few of us) and everything i read is like my life in many different versions its so weird xD
Wow, I’m a rare type? No wonder it’s hard to meet people like me around here. I thought I never fit-in with this world, like an outsider, or sometimes when I’m really depressed, I thought I was sort of “Anti-Christ” or the rare-type of evil genius destined in his gene to resent the world that rejects him and to antagonize the whole world. But thank God, I’m still part of His creation (no offense to those who don’t believe in God. If you don’t, well…you got the idea anyway!). I hope everyone, since we are pretty much scattered among those who don’t share our feelings and thoughts, stay true to who we are, and as much as the lone-wolves as we can get, we are not alone. Help comes in its own time. Be brave and bold! Let go your wings from chains of self-restrain, and soar in the sky as Eagles.
Well said, my INFJ brothers and sisters! I found out that I am an INFJ and it made so many things come together. I’ve always felt different, almost in a superhero kind of way; so this really helps me cope with reality as I’m able to see that other people really just aren’t like me.
As a child, I sometimes felt like I was watching everyone else from behind a one-way mirror. When the attention did shift to me, I physically could feel the energy of everyone and would often “choke” in the spotlight. I wanted to make an impact everywhere I went but never wanted to be the center of attention. I was willing to take the big shot if no one else was, but again, didn’t desire the spotlight once it was on me, even if I thought I wanted it on me at first.
I have a hard time at work where I’m viewed as this great leader, when on the inside, I just wonder why others don’t do things the way I do. I’m curious how many of you have ADHD and if it’s a part of our personality or just an added complication of mine. I’ve always obsessed over hobbies but had the hardest time focusing on things that I didn’t stumble into myself. Because of this, I never was able to finish college but ended up in a job that typically requires a degree in finance anyway and I’m making really good money. I should also note that I am treating my ADHD with medication that helps me get out of my mind and actually put pen to paper. I get a lot done and do high quality work. (No, I would never praise myself like this in real life.) I’m viewed as this outgoing expert-type character so I often am tasked with public speaking responsibilities, where I initially had to overcome anxiety but ended up being very good at it. My trick ended up being that I speak from my heart, not on specific subject matter. That’s a rule I have to go by now.
Regarding social interaction, I have been able to … feel … people with low or no character for my entire life. I am blown away when others let these people into their circles and act surprised when they’re stolen from or taken advantage of. When it’s not a work function, I’d almost always rather stay home. Even my family gatherings can wear me out. It’s strange, because I am a dominant personality in these gatherings but I’m also always the first to want to go home.
Our biggest weakness as INFJ in my opinion is expecting more of others than they’re likely to give, and it can cause HUGE conflict. Nontheless, I continually will cause said conflict if I feel it’s going to make for a better long-term outcome. The problem is that during the short-term, I can feel the conflict becoming a part of me in an uncomfortable physical sensation in my chest and this can ride with me for as long as the other party is still sore at me for trying to “fix” them. I have no doubt this could cause heart problems or some type of cancer to develop if I made it a part of my routine.
There was a time in my life when I started to expand my knowledge of humanity that I became so disgusted with society that I turned into this negative ball of energy. The more I read about the mechanics of society, the more frustrated I became. Disgusted even with myself, I had to constantly meditate to see the silver linings; that we have come a long way since the days that we owned slaves or spent all of our time trying to conquer other civilizations. It’s no surprise to me that Martin Luther King AND Hitler are INFJs. I’ve found that in order to be happy, I have to ALWAYS put others first. If I don’t, the negativity creeps back up and I am likely to confront others and cause conflict I don’t want.
I love philosophy more than almost anything even though I didn’t know what philosophy was several years ago. I can talk about why we’re here and how we should plot toward the future all night and actually be energized by the interaction. Small talk absolutely bores me to DEATH. Ugh…
Working in finance might seem like an odd choice for an INFJ but I have theorized that we can fix the capitalist greed not by hating it, but by changing our spending habits as consumers. Having worked with high-ranking executives, you might be surprised to hear that they aren’t bad people; they are simply driven by money and pats on the back by their colleagues. If we, as consumers, can change our mindset from “Give me the cheapest thing I can find.” to “Give me the highest quality item produced in the most humane workplace in the most eco-friendly way.” without focusing so much on price, we will change the corporate mindset. All they care about is what the consumer cares about. So be careful buying things just because they’re cheap. We’re making the world a worse place by doing so…
I have a wife that finally understood after many years that I simply need down-time to recharge my batteries. I’m making it a mission to understand her as well. I’m not one to hand out compliments unless I truly feel they are deserved, but I need to find times to compliment her more since it is very important to her personality type. To me, compliments aren’t necessary, as I can read the gratefulness and kindness on people’s faces. I forget that compared to us, others are basically autistic when it comes to body language.
I’m now considering a move to management that is causing me some anxiety, and the potential change is, of course, what brought me here. I want to make the move based on the fact that in theory, I should be able to make a bigger impact on the world; but I don’t want to leave my comfort zone at the same time since I know my current position is much less stressful and requires less hours be worked.
At the end of the day, I know that we are capable of changing the world more than any other personality type. People look up to us and respect us, even if they don’t understand us. We have to stay positive to help everyone move ahead. For those of you that feel excluded and nervous, even as adults, I recommend you get your dose of social connection on internet message boards. Even if we don’t like it, we need some form of communication with others and we can make a difference even by simply adding our perspective electronically. Stay strong INFJs; I’m so glad to know I’m not alone!
I am INFJ type. I am through a hard period which because I want to change myself into other type~
I always believed in been unique, don’t have to follow the norms of the society and to follow what is right for you. Quite shock to realise to INFJ is only 1% of the population? Pretty amazing! The most accurate statement is when we INFJ is misunderstood by been extroverts because they are real introverts. The reason for this, they like compassion and people but at the same time they need to have there own space and privacy for INFJ to develope and to reflect. Now I understand why I fit into this personality! Hello to you all!
I knew all along that I am a INFJ and to he honest it sucks. I so want to fit in, go out and have friends then in the end I would get back to my loneliness and think about what not! it’s like living in a paradox and unlike many I have solid idea about myself and no matter how hard I try I can’t change it and that kills me even more.
I wish someone knew something or invented a drug that could change me into a normal human being who is not afraid of being judged.
I recently discovered I am an INFJ type. Actually, it made me feel better as I have always felt `different´ from other people and felt I never fitted in! I suffer with anxiety, especially in social situations and always feel I am in a different world to other people.
I wish I was more confident and outgoing!
Any suggestions, please?
INFJ, Virgo disability rights activist always confused as an extrovert! Thank you all for sharing your story. Oh and I date an ESFJ.
I’m a INFJ. My Professor told me my scores were very high but I’m not so sure. I 73% N 40% F 30% J 3%
Now I get it, I’m somewhat relieved and somehow pleased that someone took the time to put a name to “this” complex personality of mine and of yours if you are an INFJ. Also a Virgo INFJ (sounds like a common combo). As a Virgo my high functioning creativity never seemed to match my need for detail, organization, professional drive, doing volunteer work, holistic and naturopathic interests…but it works pretty well. Over the years professionally I would find always find a unique corporate niche’ to fill, bosses would be thrilled with my results but never could figure out how to duplicate what I did, makes annual review time almost comical. On the intuitive side I could fix financial reports, visually finding breaks in old computer code by casually flipping through greenbar pages of code. In fully functioning reports I would take unused but predefined sections in the reports and use the unfilled portions for my own purposes (data tracking that stayed updated at all times-hands free). In later years I was assigned special projects for the oldest brokerage firm in the US and other firms as time passed, and I loved working with my tight knit team. I was allowed to set my own work schedule, I was allowed to train service dogs while at the office, I never once had a performance review that made any logical sense to me. It always began “We really don’t know how to evaluate you, because none of us can figure out what you do or how you do it, but we see the results and your team loves you.” If any of the younger women on staff had HR questions and uncomfortable asking, I would always be the one to ask about the information during the weekly staff meetings (maternity leave questions, just before retiring lol), but I was always able to get the facts, with a little humor, and I didn’t mind asking questions for someone else’s benefit. I have been with my spouse since childhood we met in 10th grade he is my counter balance in all things, we compliment each others skills, emotions, values, and his is an authentic, genuinely good, and patient person. Child rearing we did as a team, seeking to raise a good person, who could make their own choices, explain why, to have a moral compass, understand that his life was by his own design (after he became an adult). We did not set out to raise a good child, we have seen that backfire too many times into a dependent adult. I have done demanding volunteer work for many years in different capacities, always an “advocate” always with passion, tireless, I have the need to create balance and fairness. I love a good underdog, a good special need, a unique niche’ that goes unnoticed until I get my hands on it. All of the above (and more) puts me squarely in the INFJ camp…and I’m good with that.
I know quite a bit about this personality, because this is my personality type. I am pretty much your typical cookie cutter INFJ, with the exception that I am a little closer to the centerline on the feeling/thinking spectrum. I am pretty extreme on the intuitive end of the scale, which can make me seem even more aloof than the average INFJ. If you have any questions about us INFJs, feel free to ask!
I am just learning and fine tuning my understanding of what INFJ is. I think it was about a year ago that my sister told me about the test. After the results of the test it was as a new door was opened. I have struggled my whole life basically and thought I had some weird problem that I just didn’t fit in 😉 Ha!!! I’m no longer alone. I have suffered a lot in relationship’s but now I am feeling like I have something for once to carry me through to the bright side of my life. I am a Taurus who is almost 50 and beginning to enjoy me and the beauty of the gifts I always new where there but found the wrong partner who verbally tormented my sweetness. I’m still healing from the mess yet feel I again will be stronger than ever. TNFJ!!!
I’m an INFJ. I have always worked with disabled. All of you other personality types are missing out. There is no better drug than the helping others drug. Yes…that’s right– even my comment turned into an advertisement for volunteering. Go help someone, people!!
I am a pisces INFJ. I fit quite well with this categorization, however, I am not tidy–organizing things is something foreign to me, and actually since we become so immersed within ourselves, this actually makes more sense to me than being as organized as I read that other INFJ’S are. I am incredibly inspired when I write poetry, years later I will read something I’ve written and cannot believe that it was I who authored the piece.
I do not fit in to this world, and the suffering of humanity devastates me. I am not power hungry, and cannot bully my way to the top. The best way I can express how I interact with this world is that I learned how to play poker about a year ago, I play my hand of truth–when others bluff it drives me crazy, even though that’s part of the game, I win based on merit, not lies.
I have determined that there is no possibility that I can enjoy a healthy loving relationship, unless perhaps I find another INFJ. I’m just too intense.
I am an INFJ 🙂 I enjoyed reading this very much!
I am in an INFJ/INFJ relationship. Although communication is rough at times, we are besties and crazily into each other … as long as we have our own alone time. Anyone else in this situation? Any advice? Thanks!
I have done the Myers test about 6 times, always come up as a INFJ, I actually think its more common in women being male and an INFJ is confusing deep and often contradictory, you understand the great benefit of self development only to remmember that the work you do isnt pernement one day you will pass on. I think well I know alot of INFJ power comes from emotion its the strength and the weakness, for the honest truth emotional intensity of others can just over cook me often. You never feel like you fit in and there’s a reason to it. Because we dont. Infjs true proffesion I belive maybe in politics, thats were I think my carreer will take me, a person altruistic enough, resistant to over selfishness, to genuinly care and fight for those ideals with passion, I think too many INFJS take the side line, when really there emotional leaders. There is one stated strength of a INFJ not mentioned, predicting the future acuratly it comes from being able to see pattens well and from those pattens know whats going to happen, you inform advise others of what will happen but they dint always listen it happens and your advice can look wasted on them. The overactive imagination also annoys me constantly relaying the past or future events in my head, others can also look at you as weird because you like too sit alone, they say your being rude when you just need to recharge
I found out last year in my Psychology class that I was an INJF and the description helped me so much because in school I struggle with being a really loud out going person with only a few really close friends but awkward and uncomfortable with other people, as well as preferring to do more low key activities with friends rather than partying, a lot of people described me as an extrovert which I didn’t really feel like but at the same time did because of how energetic I was with those few people, anyway the most accurate thing I read about myself in the description was “Introvert commonly mistaken as an extrovert” which I actually found really helpful because I felt really confused about what type of person I was up until reading that and finally having it phrased perfectly helped, especially when I tried to explain to or other people (particularly my extrovert friends who would comment stuff like “but you’re so outgoing!”) . Another thing I found funny was a small descriptive comment which said “often believes they’re psychic” because I had started saying that as kind of a joke due to a lot of stuff which I said would happen between other people would start happening. (Eg I told my best friend her boy friend- who I couldn’t stand -would get her a snowflake necklace for Christmas, which is kind of odd for us because we live in Australia so snow isn’t a significant deal around Christmas for us) and then he did and I was so shocked aha
I’m an INFJ. I’ve never felt like I fit in anywhere, at any time, at any point in my life.
Ironically, I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 5 times (different doctors – also, to the comment that bipolar means to cross moral compasses is incorrect…. or to go crazy with shopping means one is bipolar is just silly as that is an example of a symptom one COULD have).
I’ve also noticed that other people have a very hard time understanding me, as I’ve also felt heavily misunderstood regardless of how carefully thought out my intentions and actions are. A lot of people assume to know what my intentions are, as well. Very frustrating.
Has anyone else encountered similar issues?
i am an infj myself. i’ve only met two others before. one is a girl i dated a while back, the other is a girl i am currently falling for. it was really interesting to meet another infj because for once i actually had an idea of what i seem like from an outside perspective. it was also very interesting to see the differences between us, and how our different pasts caused some of those differences. even with our crazy similarities, we were each unique.
having been in an infj/infj relationship, it was kind of funny how we would interact at first, before either of us opened up. we were very quiet and reserved, but at the same time we were each trying our hardest to understand the other, trying to catch a glimpse of the other’s soul.
question/observations are welcome, or whatever else.
INFJ here. Just found out today and as I read my personality profile I just could’t believe how accurate it was.
What stands out the most is the feeling that I never fit in growing up. Whenever I’ve mentioned this in the past people have judged me and said that I thought I was better than everyone else, but this was never the case. I honestly didn’t fit in and tried to become more of an extrovert and go out with people at my school but it just didn’t feel right.
This all changed when I began travelling the world. I grew up in Spain but aged 15 I spent a year abroad in England and aged 16 a year in Japan. Aged 19 I moved to the UK permanently and in an all of these countries I have been able to find people that I felt comfortable with and I’ve felt like I fit in.
I don’t know if I’ve just been lucky or if it’s a matter of finding the place where you truly fit in, but if anyone like me grew up somewhere where they didn’t feel they fit I really recommend going out of your comfort zone and travelling the world and see where your intuition takes you, if you’re able to.
In terms of relationships, I’m with an ISFP and I think the greatest struggle is my tendency to overanalyse feelings because I’m so perceptive of them, whereas my partner finds it difficult to express feelings or explain why he acts in certain ways. Finding out about personality types has really opened my eyes though to the fact that we’re fundamentally different in that one aspect, which is good to know.
Hello all fellow INFJ’s. I just found out i was one today after taking this quiz. After reading all of your comments it all makes so much sense now. I have been a beautician for the past 6 years and have been quite successful at it. I am able to use my creative artistic side along with my technical skills to do some pretty cool things with hair. Also having such a deep intuition most of my clients keep coming back to tell me all their problems. Along with all of my co-workers, family and friends. This gets very exhausting to me, I will withdraw and sometimes do nothing but sleep, rest and read for long periods of time just to try to get my strength back. My husband who is actually an ENTP type is almost my total opposite. We have been together for almost 10 years though. So when i go into my extreme introversion he understands and takes that time to go visit his friends or family or entertains himself with games, sports and sometimes reading. I have struggled with depression my whole life. I have been diagnosed with depressive disorder and anxiety. I get overwhelmed even going to the grocery store for too long. I tend to get the things i need and get out quickly. I live in a small town and i prefer it that way. Currently we are looking for a house close to the woods near a river or lake, since that is where i find myself the most at peace.
INFJ here. I tend to be melancholic but peaceful. I think it’s my way of dealing with the negativity in the world around me and trying to see the positive. I’m good in social situations and people think I’m an extrovert. I’m genuinely interested in others, but not in small talk. I’m most comfortable alone and with my spouse, who understands me tremendously. I can withdraw and have completely cut off social relationships in the past. Just disappeared and didn’t look back. I hate to be that way, but I know deep down it’s the best choice. Intuition and creativity are high. I never have felt I belong in this world.. and I often mourn that I can’t do anything to change the bad. I don’t feel bipolar (though it is in my family), just sensitive sometimes. And I refuse to rely on anyone else for help, no matter the situation because I was raised to be strong. I have pride and can handle things on my own. I think I tend to over analyze. That can be good when I’m trying to figure out a solution for myself or help others find a solution to their problems. I’ve never been career driven and prefer to experience as many different situations in life as I can. I’m stubborn and that’s something I’m working on. I have to understand that I’m not always right just because my spidey senses tingle. lol Thanks for letting me ramble. Nice to meet other INFJs.
It was difficult to breath reading all this. I was tested 5 years ago as an INFJ, by an ENFJ who was in love with me but married. The connection i felt with him lead to my divorce. I’ve been single for 3 years now and feel i can’t connect with potential dating partners. I fell in love with one of my followers on Instagram. I make stop motion films as a hobby. I run the story department at an animation studio so i am collaborating with groups all week, talking and coming up with gags and dialog etc. On the weekend I make stop motion films alone in my backyard. I’ve made almost 400 of them. I connected with my follower in a way i never knew existed. And i can’t give up on him. But he lives in England and can’t move here as he is raising an autistic son in a London school program. Today i cried at my desk as I found out how rare it is to be me. I am 54 and have felt different my entire life. Really different. Now I find I am rare too. That doesn’t help but it explains a lot. All I want is to be with my love but the distance has made it so difficult. He makes me feel like Amelie. Playful but private. Thanks for this blog. Its going to change my life. X
Hi. I’m an INFJ quite a classic one really, I tick all the boxes. At the moment I’m really trying hard to understand whether or not I intuitively zero in on other INFJs when I spot them. I’ve done it a few times in my life, just see someone and speak to that person for 10 minutes or less and sense this immense familiarity like I know them from another life. And then find myself aggressively perusing that friendship and wanting desperately to make it happen and every time, I get a similar and positive response. It’s such a thrill to do it, and feels like finding an oasis in a desert. So I’ve asked some of them to do the test and see whether they are INFJs too. So far I know 2 INFJs, 1 INTJ and 2 pending results.Is there any research on this subject?
INFJ here as well. I remember taking the test in high school and not wanting to say what type I was because I was the only one in class like that. Even today I rarely find other INFJs. As with others who have responded, I have felt very alone and like I don’t fit in (at least not for very long). It is interesting to read all of the traits and feel like at least someone some where understands me 🙂 . It’s funny that so many mention bipolar – I am not, however I often feel like I could be just based on my responses when I get over stressed. My hobbies and interests are more in arts and literature – cultural things, but so diverse that it surprises most people. I find my type quite helpful when dealing with others (especially my kids) but end up feeling quite exhausted when dealing with other people for too long. I recently discovered that a close coworker is also an INFJ (she had no idea I was) and find it very nice to have someone who can understand how I approach things 🙂
Being an INFJ, I love reading articles like this. It really helps me to articulate why I have good social skills, but rarely feel as if I fit in with people.
Hi I’m an INFJ too. I took the test many years ago during college. My professor made me take the test again because he didn’t believe that I was one of the rarest personality types. Lol.
I never felt like I was bipolar and my mom always thought very highly of me. Not trying to be arrogant or anything. Really. I always felt like I could do better though. My studies, caring more, try to be more social/confident. I felt like everything was a struggle.
I’m feeling better about myself now that I’m older and responsible for my own family. All of my energy and time is devoted to my family. That makes me feel good. There is still a slight struggle to always do the right thing. I gave up a career to take care of my kids and put less stress on my parents. I’m always thinking of others. How will my decisions affect others? I can’t help it and I can’t turn that off. I also have a few friends but feel like I truly don’t belong anywhere except my home. But I’m ok with that. My ideal life would be to live on a big farm but near the city. Grow my own vegetables and have lots of different animals. But then have time to go out to the city and see a show or 2. Strange right. 🙂
Hi Jeff, I’m one too and I will tell you I’ve had a difficult life with this personality I mean difficult!
Yes like a lot of people on this forum i once thought I was bipolar. And depressed. And narcissistic. Even a multiple personality disorder. Upon taking some online tests that tell you if you have these mental issues I actually took all of them and it said I had 90% of the mental disorders listed which of course is ridiculous. But once I discovered the INFJ I am it all made sense why I thought I was 2 people in one as we are labelled the ‘diplomats’ and to be a diplomat you do indeed have to see both sides all of the time. I found making friends easier as a child and tried to keep these friendships but my parents relocated so all was essentially lost. So I find myself alone quite often which is actually quite a revelation because there are a lot of people who want to be my friend but I’m afraid they just haven’t made the cut! Lol. My boyfriend is the only person that seems to get me in this world he’s an ENFJ so very similar I suppose. All through my life I have never been able to stick to a career I’ve wanted to be a doctor, singer, writer, journalist, criminologist, lawyer, dietician, flight attendant basically almost all the careers known to mankind! But I’m currently pursuing family therapy.
The benefits of being an INFJ is my writing style which is indeed captivating, sophisticated and unique (not to be immodest just repeating what people tell me) and I love love love being able to see right through people it means I can eliminate all the negativity before it enters my life but that just goes to say how many positive individuals really are out there since other than the odd acquaintances here and there there really isn’t much representation of friendship in my life
Hi, I am an INFJ. I grew up in a small community of 200 and it was very hard. I didn’t really fit in anywhere. I couldn’t seem to make an emotional connection with anyone outside of my family. I was lucky to have a loving and understanding family that supported me throughout my life. I always got along better with my teachers than my classmates. I have struggled with trying to find my spot in life. I know that I really am my harshest critic and I find it hard to find what is good about me. I have struggled with depression, feelings of worthlessness, and social anxiety for most of my life. I made a giant leap a year ago and moved to Korea and became an English teacher. This is very ironic since this fits perfectly with my personality type. I had a lot of anxiety about ripping my roots and moving somewhere so different but that has helped me to grow. I love teaching. My students have told me that they can’t believe I am an introvert and even people watching my teaching says that my whole personality changes. It is weird but teaching in a way enervates me. However, I can definitely see the perfectionist side with work and wanting everything just right. I had no friends growing up and have finally made two. They have been lifesavers, both of them, ironically, are extroverts. However, they understand me and my quirks and still love me anyway. It helps me to accept myself. I feel that if they love me how I am than it shouldn’t matter what others think about me or judge me. I am still struggling with what I want to do with my life. I still have trouble forming romantic relationships and have only had one “boyfriend” at that lasted a total of 3 months. I am still working to make connections with people but I am pleased that slowly but steadily I am making progress. I thank everyone for sharing their stories and wanted to share mine as well. I wish to reach a hand out to all those out their like me. You guys give me hope and a feeling of acceptance.
Hi! I’m an INFJ! I always knew I was different and always felt out of place with people except a select few. It was my friend who is a therapist who told me to take the test and we actually both are NFJ’s but she is Extroverted. But I found it interesting that I only get along with other NFJ personality types so in an experiment I had all my closest friends take the test and they are all INFJ’s as well! I was shocked and it made me excited to have answers to why I can only tolerate certain personality types. Now I use this to my advantage and when I meet someone new I ask them to take the personality test! So now my group of friends have grown and we all give each other energy and always know how to lift each other up. It’s like we are a support system for each other.
I’m an INFJ too. But I also have depression and social anxiety issues. I don’t know if they may have been caused by me not realizing my personality type and trying to fight it too much, thinking there was something wrong with me. I just don’t know what to do with myself right now. My social anxiety gets in the way of doing things so much!
having the INFJ personality type, we are particularly prone to depression and loneliness. it helps a lot if you find something to devote yourself to, a cause or a passion to pursue.
with the social anxiety part, i found that challenging yourself to leave your comfort zone will make a difference. basically to face your fears. you can start with small steps and work your way up. as you challenge yourself, you’ll find a newfound boldness in yourself, and you’ll be able to have confidence in situations that were once overwhelming. i’m still working on it myself.
Hi Everyone!
I love seeing all these replies. Thanks Michaela for asking! I
love being an INFJ – I always have – even though I did not always know. I do feel alone sometimes but that helps to justify when I need to withdraw from the world. I go through a self-discovery phase every two or so years and every time it feels like a major mile stone, almost like I rebuilt my core and reconfigured everything around it. I am not into charity and I don’t feel guilty about it at all. It is almost strange that is something tied to a personality type. However, I do like to help people especially when they feel down or seem to not believe in themselves. There is nothing more powerful than when that person does a 360 and seems “cured”.
Career wise I have never had direction – I have a job that I LOVE but I am still trying to find THE job. I am pretty sure this might end-up being just that (but I’m keeping my options open) LOL. I have thought that there’s something wrong with me – especially as a teen – but honestly most teens feel that way.
I am a hopeless optimist – and I find different personalities most interesting. Only problem with us INFJ’s is that we feel alone when we’re are the most universally compatible personality type. How ironic! I have found that we sometimes have more than one “soul-mate” and that is the only people I can connect with. I don’t people friend whom I don’t consider “soul-mates” and others find that offensive at times. But the friends I am willing to call friends are as precious to me as my own soul. Everyone else in the world is a possible friend but on average that takes 2 years of building trust and knowledge. Most people are not that dedicated to me so I will never let them in!
This might sound harsh – but that is how I make friends and keep them for ever.
I don’t care that I am different – I care that every one else is different and have so much to explore.
I’m a INFJ too. And I too sometimes have this feeling that I’m slightly bipolar. Its scary to a certain point. And I have issues with perceiving the world. I blindly help people without considering if they’re legit or not. If they are not genuine then its between them and god(karma), but as for me, my concious is clear. I’m happy assisting. And I get frustrated at times with how not everyone feels this way. And I’m very emotional about it too. I sometimes try not to help to much so that I don’t get too involved in it and get affected by it. I take most things to the heart and some people might think I’m overly sensitive. I think too much, if I make one decision I have to run through all the consequences in my head and picture every possible outcome. And for that every possible outcome I will picture another 10 nonsensical outcome which means I never stop thinking. I wouldn’t say that I am an optimist but I’m not a pessimist nor a realist either. I’m basically stuck between how I want the world to be and how the world actually is. A walking contradiction of sorts. I have little friends and I have only a handful of close ones. People think I’m very sociable and outgoing, but I prefer being alone. I can handle crowds but I don’t necessary like being there . I am usually the one by the drinks at an event or sitting alone at a last row of tables . Because i know for a fact that I don’t fit in with most of the people there. Being soft spoken seems to be a curse as well.And i sometimes get frustrated with life, people don’t seem to understand the essence of life. Its nearly impossible to be an INFJ and live in a 3rd world like country in Asia. People have zero civic mindedness and it bewilders me sometimes as to how they operate mentally. No concern of others whatsoever. This causes a lot of pent up emotions within me and my anger management is non existent. I can’t express myself and its daily struggle for me…Nobody understands, sometimes even my mum.
My way of life/habits:
I strongly believe in karma, hence why I’m afraid to cheat, lie or anything along that lines fearing that I would get them back ten-folds.
Loyalty is extremely important
Everyone is equal, no one is superior than the other
Respect is a two way thing, you give and receive.
I like seeing people happy, so I tend to go the extra mile. When I see people being happy because of me and when they show their gratitude, I will start to tear up.
I pay attention to the slightest details.
Fussy(extremely)
Its very difficult to satisfy me
I believe instead of solving a problem, lets work towards finding the root cause and eradicating it all together. Which only works in an ideal world
I try to always see the best in people, no matter what. I try to reason for them for their selfish behaviour.
Compassion
I’m a loner and I know for a fact that I will make a very bad bf because people will never understand me. I’m 30 now and I have never had a gf..lol
Sorry for the long rant…just wanted an outlet to vent out my thoughts … cant do it in facebook cos then i will just be a drama queen. thanks for the article though. It was a good read. Have a good day…cheers!!
I’m an INFJ. Never felt bipolar though. Haha.
I’ve always been able to see through peoples’ fakeness, which makes it all the more difficult to have to fake extroversion in social situations. I like realness and detest superficiality!
I’m also very idealistic… sort of a political vanguard. Dating is almost impossible. I’m so picky and refuse to “settle.” I can’t stand materialistic people. I hate drinking. I love being alone in an art museum or in nature. I have just a few friends, but sometimes it’s difficult to reveal my true self, even to them.
Being an INFJ is rough sometimes, but I’m glad I am who I am! I feel grounded in my principles. I am content.
I am an INFJ and also an 11 in numerology. I came to this site to see if there was a connection. I am in my senior year of studying psychology and searching for the ultimate truths to the many mysteries of the human experience.
I am a INFJ, a pisces and numerology number 6 which equates to a lot of empathic traits. I have always been an “outsider” or at least felt like one. I can connect easily with anyone but hardly ever find anybody who connects with me. I have thought that I just see life differently than most other people but I am so happy to be this way. Don’t get me wrong it’s very draining being so open to others emotions but I see it as a blessing more than a curse. I know that I have a higher purpose and this physical life is not the only life we have. I take the negative energy into me and turn it into positive energy which is given back to the planet. I would rather feel too much than nothing at all.
Peace and love to all ✌ ❤
Thank you for writing this article! Funny, because I took the personality test twice on different days to make sure I was indeed an INFJ. Being an INFJ mixed with the strong emotions of a Scorpio and a numerology number of a 22, it’s been a colorful and exciting life with a lot of self created struggle and ups and downs. I feel like as a child, I morphed into whatever everyone wanted me to be and died inside. As I moved into adulthood, I found myself fighting this and chose to be me, which may have been confusing for loved ones around me. For me, self discovery has been key for happiness and allowing myself to accept and love all of me. I find that asking the question why often helps with this self discovery…I question my feelings. Why do I feel disconnected? Why do I feel hurt and then I dig deeper until discovering the answer. I have found that finding acceptance in all things first is vital to healthy change and growth. 🙂
Hi Y’all!
I’m Peter a 24 years old medical student from Hungary, and I am an INFJ.
I found this article, because I googled “extroverted infj”. My MBTI tests used to show a strong “Extroverted” component of my personality, but these results seemed always ambivalent to me.
It’s true, that i’m functioning at a high energy level at social events, but I am get “tired” in time as well, and have to be alone. At least in my head.
My mind is in constant motion all day long, and I think this is the reason why i seem to be extroverted, because I want to share with my company my thoughts, my insights and my conclusion. Others have been always told me: “the less is more”. Although it is true, but it is difficult to me to reach this state, because there is so many things inside me, and I have got an abounding inner world. Usually it is satisfying to paddle on my stream of thoughts alone, but when it gets overflowed I have to share my thoughts with others.
I also feared, that I am a bipolar (or suffering from cyclothymia), but when I learned a bit more about myself and INFJs, I concluded that these “Up and Downs” tend to be “normal” in the case of this rare personality type.
Salvation….
I am 29 and its been a very difficult journey so far.
But I am glad I survived.
In the last few days these four letters – INFJ – has been bringing me to some inner peace.
I believe its time to recharge myself and make an impact on this world or contribute in whatever time I have left on this planet.
I read this comment threat last night and I can’t believe I went so long in the dark without realizing these things about myself. It’s comforting to know I am not alone in the world, as consuming and suffocating as a thought that, often, may be. The bi-polar thing struck a cord. I was about to succumb myself to therapy, which i still may do, for a proper diagnosis, but I no longer view myself a sick person rather than a hypersensitive one. Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. There really is strength in numbers.
Hi there! I’m a 24-year-old INFJ female, and can so easily identify with the different obstacles and issues that my personality type frequently come up against. Especially experiencing a sense of cognitive dissonance–I know I’m an INFJ, have tested as one repeatedly, and yet I find myself operating in ways that are more in line with other types. Primarily because of the nature of my job position or the social situation in which I find myself. This is a trait I find myself drifting further away from as I grow older and develop more maturity, but my ability to act as a sort of social chameleon–tailor-fitting my personality, my responses, and my interactions to fit the person or persons I am currently with–has existed since I can remember. Due to that, I have a wide circle of acquaintances who vary drastically from one another, and many of them count me as a close friend and feel they know me well–even claim that I am amazingly similar to them, that they feel inordinately comfortable with me. Conversely, I only consider two or three people out of that very large pool to be close friends and confidants. There’s so much disparity between who people perceive me to be and who I truly am that sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of who I am at my very core.
The pace at which I reveal my innermost thoughts and feelings to others is positively glacial, but oftentimes people don’t seem to notice. They feel like they know me well and feel no hesitations in divulging intimate details about their own lives, but if questioned might struggle to list five unique facts about me. I’m under an unfounded compulsion to guard my heart, my thoughts, and my feelings almost jealously; which I do, until they come bubbling to the top, unbidden, in moments of conflict, criticism, or anger. So frustrating.
But those same frustrations are unique assets, I feel. Knowing others and sussing out their motivations and personality is as natural as breathing, and in knowing others, I can bring out the best in them and quickly earn their trust. Knowledge which I use for beneficial ends only (at least ideally I do, though I realize I’m flawed and prone to mess up like everyone).
Reading and learning about my personality profile has been enlightening, and it’s comforting knowing that although the INFJ life can feel lonely, I’m never truly alone. People like me are out there (point them out, please?) and the things I consider to be flaws or issues are truly valued by others.
Wow! You sound like you just might be my twin!!! Ha ha! Although I’m 30 years older I have never (ever!) met anyone like the ‘secret me!’ I too am a social chameleon but live in an extremely rich inner world!
Denise x
Thank you Michaela for your work in helping us INFJ’s understand why we are “not normal”. Myself being an INFJ for 40 years I have being delighted with the experience.
My survival tools
I often study other people just to mimic their social interactions to become less of a sore thumb in life. This has worked. Equally important is being surrounded by people who kind of understand you, at least to the point they help smooth out the rough edges.
I lost my circle of protection with changes in my family structure later in life which has been much more challenging.
Seeing the bigger picture, the patterns and having insights is awesome. Learning to close the curtains on that is essential if you think too big, as many expect many big things. Its very uncomfortable at first when you don’t why you don’t fit in or why everyone gets upset that all you want to do is eat icecream. They are like, hey fix this please, and you don’t understand why they are asking you. For me it was an eye opener when I ventured into a career and away from that safety of family. You may find yourself wondering what do these people see in me that im just not getting. Takes some practice but in the end you get it. Oh I get used to everything being my fualt. No worries it gets better.
Harnessing the skills, finding balance and putting a team around me has been helpful.
Hi all.
I am an INFJ. This description is me to a T. Especially “INFJs are highly sensitive to the feelings of others. They take extra care to be mindful of other people’s feelings. They will go great lengths to avoid conflict or criticism.” This is to the point that I get insulted and I cannot say anything back. I am so afraid of hurting anyone even those hurting me. I have a true blue evil mother-in-law who will plot the perfect moment to tell me I’m worthless, or “if I were loving I would be able to have a child and an easy pregnancy.” Sorry for the vent. I am so drained. I feel like people are always taking and I to this day still cant bring myself to say no. I still put everyone before me. Sigh. But I am glad to find this page and perhaps others who can relate since I always feel like I dont belong and no one understands me. I think I most often have been called “weird” and “loner” by mostly extroverts and those who just don’t care to take the time to understand. Perhaps I can learn ways to protect my heart and decrease the immense drainage I feel by others.
I took a personality test a few weeks ago and discovered that I am an INFJ-A. It shed some light on questions that I’ve had about myself for quite some time, and has done a lot to explain why I’ve struggled so much to fit in throughout my life.
Now here’s the real kicker. My live in girlfriend, and soulmate in so many ways is ALSO an INFJ, though she is an INFJ-T. I knew that we clicked, but I never would have guessed that we had the same very rare personality type. We struggle with helping our families to understand, and both of us have always felt like the black sheep.
I’m one too! Reading the comments here makes me wonder though whether that is good because so many of them seem superficial and shallow. Is this just callow youth speaking with the lacking prefrontal cortex development? Also, it is a deal killer for me that the bad guys of the type are not mentioned. I mean the man hiseff, ADOLPH H. fer crissakes! This is puffery and fluff.
First of all, I am an INFJ, just so there is no confusion.
Second of all, I am a youth, and while yes, I am not as wise as I would like to be, that doesn’t make me superficial and shallow, nor does expressing poetic feeling make the people above superficial, even if some of it is a bit extravagant.
Finally, while I understand your frustration with the absence of historical figures with evil reputations, (it is always necessary to understand both sides of a given subject), it is fairly standard for all personality types to want to associate themselves with the better aspects of life, including people. It is not just the INFJs who have such habits.
While I appreciate your desire for authenticity, in the future you might consider using gentler words when criticizing the feelings of others, if for no other reason than your benefit. People are less likely to admire or respect the one who calls their thoughts and feelings “puffery” and “fluff”. I am in no way encouraging you to lie, but just be sure you are wording things in the most productive way possible.
P.S.
This question is for everyone.
Maybe I’m ignorant, but aren’t INFJs typically morally oriented, at least in terms of being driven by moral beliefs? If so, I am not quite sure how much of an INFJ Adolf Hitler could have been, considering that he himself said “Humanitarianism is the expression of stupidity and cowardice.” Could someone please help me understand this?
I love this site and reading many of the comments! I am an INFJ and even though I know that I still struggle with many of the negative aspects INFJ’s tend to feel. Like many posted at some point in time you or other people thought you were bi-polar. I’ve experienced both. And the whole feeling like you don’t fit in, I still feel that often. Especially with my family. The are all so busy with their own lives that they don’t have time to really understand me. Anyway, didn’t mean to make this a downer post but just wanted to validate everything other INFJ’s have said they’ve felt. As I said, I have to and still do many times. I’m just getting accepting myself, letting what other people think of me be their problem not mine and realizing most people aren’t going to understand me. While I miss having more friends, I’ve gotten to a point where I value being myself even more.
Anyone who’s done some internet searching about INFJ knows that one of the things that comes up is how for the INFJ many relationships are one sided because of how understanding and empathetic an INFJ is. This makes relationships very hard and only worth a very select few really having access to you.
Hi. I am an ISTJ mom of a 14 yr old INFJ. I came across this article in trying to understand her as a teen. We pinpointed her type a few years ago and it was such a relief for me as a parent! My parenting experience from the moment she was born was SO VASTLY different than all of my friends. I felt like a huge failure because even as an infant she was happy and energetic, then moody, cranky. If I was upset for any reason she would cry and fuss until I either calmed down or gave her to dungeons else who was happy! She was intuitive from day one. None of my friends had any idea what I was talking about. Thankfully, my mom (an ENFJ) told me to ignore everyone else and parent the child I had – that they’re all unique. When I read the INFJ description I knew why my experience was so unique!
My INFJ loves music. It is her passion. She loves to be with friends, but also likes to have pj days. I’m an I, so it works. I have encouraged her to explore music therapy or linguistics. It has to be her passion or she won’t do it. Busy work offends her ;-).
I am truly saddened by all of the gross misunderstandings I’ve read about here. Any description of an INFJ gives very direct and clear info on this personality type and it is extremely accurate. My daughter knows how I feel before I even do. What a gift! I pray all of you find your gifts!
Hi, Fellow INFJs! It’s good to know you are out there. As a Pisces, a rabbit and an INFJ (tested twice), it seems that I possess all the INFJ characteristics times three. Overly idealistic and dreamy, always peace loving and nonconfrontational, and always sacrificial, I always want to help the little guy on the street, have fantasies about the promotion I have been passed by or the perfect love yet to be materialized, or dream of a world with no conflicts. I feel awkward in a crowd and am tongue tied when I have to make a speech in a group of people. I have a wide variety of acquaintances but just a handful of real friends, all before or from college. In the past 30 years, I have had some friends, but none is close. I start to love my solitude. As Micheala puts it, we introverts are rich when we are on our own. I am always the last one to know office gossips or whatever is going on. I am fine with it, too. I turn inside a lot and have started to meditate. I am not sure if it’s an INFJ thing. I am ultimately optimistic even though I can be very disappointed or experience a great deal of hardship. I also see the good side of people a lot. I feel like I’m drawn to Mother Teresa.
I am INFJ. I am drawn to help others, but withdraw from social things as I feel quite drained by too many people, but too much time by myself, I have learnt, is also not good for me. People find me hard to get to know. I have few friends, which is fine. Those I do have are close to me and I have known them for years. I am very observant of other people and their emotional states. I am quite intuitive, which sometimes amazes people, but really it is just being observant and reflective and being able to make calculated deductions. I find writing and nature photography are great meditative things to do, which revive my energy. Music also has a similar effect.
Hello! Another INFJ here who also happens to be a cancer. I never knew how rare the personality type was and I thought I was the weird one the entire time. Never had anyone who could fully understand me and many times considered a therapist. I’m happy to be able to relate to everyone and realize I’m not alone. Just wanted to say hi and if anyone needs someone to talk to, I’m here:) I’m just really happy I found this site !
Very glad I found that i’m an INFJ … I’ve been struggling for years. Graduated Graphic Design about 4 years ago but dropped that whole world as it was superficial (I wanted to work at a fashion magazine in NYC ) did internships at Harpers Bazaar and other fashion magazines but found most people to be fake and living in their own world of lets play who’s more popular. New York proved too much for me and I ended up moving back home to CT..then moved to London (which is my favorite city ever) I loved the culture, the people, the diversity but was hard to find a job so I came back to the USA. I am originally from East Europe and have always felt out of place anyway.
Growing up I was social but different, very compassionate. I spend my middle school days at the library helping put books back and studying. If classmates misbehaved I would go up to the teacher at the end of class and apologize for them. I am very emotional..literally cry about everything. I get angry with myself for that because I look weak. I always want a “career” so that I don’t feel embarrased saying i’m a nanny when someone asks. Especially when out with my husband around professionals. I can’t talk to people..small talk irritates me and I find it lacking in value. I have quit probably 6 jobs in those 4 years..I last about 6-7 months and I quit because I get used..I work hard and they spread me thin. Still trying to decide what to do with myself! It’s quite hard and sometimes I wish I had a stronger personality.
I am also trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing. I was really struck by your career frustrations because they mirror my own. I also tend to work very diligently and find myself getting taken advantage of and consequently becom
becoming so necessary to the operation that I an pigeon-holed and not allowed to grow or promote. As a result, I just leave a job after a year or two. Additionally, I have a difficult time doing a job that has no meaning or higher purpose or working for an organization whose sole purpose is profit instead of trying to better the world.
I have always felt that people do not understand me, and I therefore have few people who are close to me and really know me. I have very deep feelings, however, and I cry easily, worry, become anxious easily, hate injustice, while on the other hand love people so deeply and experience moments of pure happiness over the most simple things. I also have wondered if I were bipolar. Reading the words of other INFJ’s has made me feel much less like I am alone.
… you have a stong personality! Your intuition makes your personality strong. The strong external “Feeling”-Part makes us vulnerable, but not weak. INFJ are extremely strong, I am one too, I feel myself connected with the final eternal truth, from time to time I lose it, however this feeling returns all the time. Sounds ridiculous, but can’t stop this ;-). Try to shift your awareness to a spiritual part in your daily life, meditate, make Yoga etc. This helps. Cheers.
Hey,
So today, I discovered that I am INFJ and it feels like the biggest relief that I’m not alone in feeling alone. For years, I have struggled with people “getting me” or even attempting to understand me, but now I finally know why.
Although I hate to see that so many people have struggled, it’s also a great and amazing thing that I too share my fellow INFJ’s ups and downs… it feels like a sort of sense of community, a haven from the shouting of the outside world.
Thank you for creating this page, and to all of the people who have commented. It is helping me feel like I am right for being myself, and is helping with my internal battle of wanting to fit in and also wanting to be me.
Hiiii,
I am so glad to find out I wasn’t the only one who felt out of place. I just found out I was an INFJ a few days ago and did more research on it which lead me to discover this article. After reading the comments I started tearing up because I was very relieved to learn I wasn’t alone.
It all makes sense now… when I started high school I was alone and I felt like I didn’t fit into any group for months. I still feel like I don’t fit in, but now knowing that there are people out there just like me, it has made me feel so much better. I still eat lunch alone and don’t have a set group of friends. And I will admit it gets lonely.
Thank you so much for writing this article. And thank you to everyone who has commented and shared their experiences. It makes me feel loads better.
Michaele! I would love to thank you for this article. I am, of course, an INFJ. I found it hard growing up because I was sooooooo different that my mom still to this day asks were I got my personality from. 🙂 I hate to bring race up, but being an African-American INFJ was difficult. My fellow Afro-Americans would constantly call me white or I talked white. And my white counterparts would claim me as their own but poke and say that I was different from the other Afro-Americans we grew up with. 🙂 they just didn’t know how different I was I guess. But I just wanted to say that it’s great to know that I’m not alone with this inner power-struggle of wanting to be me, which is as convoluted as a Rubisk Cube, and wanting to make people happy. So thank you 🙂
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at a very young age and had been on about 9 medications up until the end of last year. I found out I was INFJ last year and told my doctor this and since then I have gone off three of those 9 medications so far and my doctor wants to completely take me off of them because he believes a mistake was made and I never needed them in the first place. I am doing so much better now because I dont feel as drained from all of the medication side effects. So this is my warning to ALL people, especially parents who do not fully explore personality testing for children: Explore ALL possibilities for a child’s behavior before making a horrible mistake that takes away a child’s livelihood (my grades dropped from straight A’s to C’s and D’s) as well as empties your pockets. My parents and I spent about 1300 a month for those prescriptions that I never needed in the first place. I was on those medications for 15 years so you can do the math on that one.
Hi, this may be controversial, but I have taken the Myers Briggs test five times in my life over two decades, and I have changed from INTJ to INFJ. And I can feel within myself that I have actually changed. I was INTJ until about 5 years ago when I stopped a career in Law and trained to become a Counsellor. I also had to undergo therapy as part of my training. In addition, and during that same time period, I felt the need to become a much more spiritual person, and as a combination of those factors, I have changed a great deal. All the people who know me well have commented on the surprising changes in me. The changes are too many to list and explain, but you can ask me anything if you like.
I was not surprised to see that my type had changed, but I waited 3 months and took the test again to get the same new result: INFJ. Everything that I have read about INFJ is true about me now, and of course there is only one letter that has changed, but that is where I can really feel the differences in myself, for example, becoming an empath, when I didn’t really have any empathy before, only compassion. I used to say to people that “I live up inside my head” because I was quite disconnected from my feelings, but therapy changed all that. And it’s so true that people think I’m an extrovert because I am very conversational, but that’s always been the case. It doesn’t change the fact that it takes me about 2 days to “re-charge” after socialising, and I love being alone for several hours a day, if possible. Ok, that’s it. Great article!
It feels good to find this place! I was called “shy” growing up but neve bought into it since I really loved being around people, just for a while, until I needed to re-charge, so the label “shy” neve felt right. I learned I was INFJ years ago, but knowing didn’t move me any closer to belonging and being understood. Now that I’m older, I just “get” me and don’t really care if no one else does! I offer few explanations as to why I cancel plans or change my mind now, and that’s probably the only thing I wish my younger self knew how to deal with. That was the hardest and most isolating at times…..not wanting to do something and having to explain. I hate explaining myself and why I am the way I am. That’s why it’s nice to be here and not have to explain because everyone here just knows.
I got INTJ/INTP/INFJ… On the same Myers Briggs test at different times… So m confused about my personality(seems funny right). Recently I got INFJ in another type of test.. All I know is people always tell me I am very different (in a good way) and they find me very complex and difficult to understand. I have been unsuccessful in finding another person like me.. But that is irrational thinking and maybe quite impossible. After all this world was made such that no two persons are same.. Even the twins have their differences. I don’t know why I felt the need to share this.
Its insane how little of them exist out there…but I have 4 friends that are all INFJ’s and it just shocks me that they are so rare…and then I have like 4 of them as friends..
Hello Michaela. I’ve just (unknowingly) completed my second personality test which confirmed that I am an INFJ.
It does explain quite a bit, as I often feel too sensitive, contemplative, and delicate for this world.
I currently work in a role supporting others with learning needs, and find this rewarding. I am also very creative and have a degree in Illustration. I dream a hell of a lot, and enjoy social interaction, but value (and often crave) my alone time.
I’m an IFNJ-A. It’s been though, because I was always very shy and introvert, although I can easily emulate a new personality, just like the text mentioned it. It’s great to see that I’m not the only one! When I was a teenagers the only teacher that didn’t really treat me like I was a weirdo and made me feel like I fit in somewhere was my Sociology teacher (Which I believe is the only IFNJ I met in my life, since he was very like me; seriously envolved in activism and social justice, very understanding about other people’s feelings and always mentioned that he gave up of his major in psychology because he thought that he could do a better job changing the world being a teacher. I really miss him, he was the best.)
I’m not involved with charity or volunteering, but I’ve found a way to help people through art and writting. Since I was 13 I was writting novels about minorities finding power to achieve their dreams. Nowadays I’m writting a novel that envolves minorities and ecology. I’m very interested in politics, social development, ecology and equality.
I made the test more than three times and everytime the result was INFJ-A. I’m very glad that I am part of the 1%. lol
My mother and my boyfriend happen to be INFJs. They are both incredible conversationalists and seem extraordinarily extroverted when in face they are not. They are incredible to get to know and adore helping people.
I just took the Jung personality profile, three times in different formats, and discovered I am an INFJ. I know it is purposely vague, but in spite of that it is “scary” accurate. I am proud to have such a rare personality, and I am willing to discuss it with anyone who has a question or comment…
It really does make sense that I got this personality type. I struggle with keeping good friends. I love people, but I also don’t. I guess you could say I’m picky and it has a lot to do with people being fake. I love kindness, but I love honesty and authenticity more. Fake kindness just doesn’t seem like kindness at all to me. When someone first meets me or sees me they assume I’m quiet and then are always surprised by how talkative I can be once they get to know me. I’ve always had trouble finding real connections with people (although I can find a connection in some way with almost anyone). Since this is the rarest personality type, it makes even more sense that I have trouble making true friends. Being so rare and add on the fact that you won’t be exactly the same as every INFJ. There are some warped opinions on what is good out there and not every INFJ is going to agree on what they believe in except for the basics of what being an INFJ personlity is.
I am a INFJ What is just recently found out, but in all honesty it does not really mather what personality you are. Everybody is beautiful in there own way, people need to learn to respect those who are different then them. 🙂 Because the differences is whats makes us one of a kind. Dont try to be like everybody else, just be who you are. 🙂 I am not a born leader and I will never be. I only hope I can help make this world a better place for everybody, and if that is bridge to far. I hope to at least make as much people happy and to feel loved. If i achieved that, I achieved what should be everybody goal in life. 🙂 If people have questions please feel free to ask though 🙂
I am an INFJ too. We have a huge capability to develop internal power to use it in a beneficial way for us and others. Don’t give up your own needs for tranquility, spirituality, inner nutrition. Define your concepts, reduce it to a maximum and then let it go again. And then, after a pause, we start to feel “strong”, “right” and “truthful” again and manage to handle the “external” materialistic needs in a light way (since we are anchored in our “inner” world). However, as soon as we are forced to act according to external necessities, it causes stress for us. Therefore: Find your inner light. That’s the only way an INFJ can survive! 😉
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Male INFJ, here.
I’ll describe my experiences in life at great length, in the hopes that whomever reads this can perhaps find out that, maybe, they’re not the only ones in the world who might feel the way that they feel, or do things that they might feel are strange.
I have always been an introverted, shy person. This wasn’t because of anything physical- I personally believe that I look relatively handsome, and my intelligence isn’t too shabby either, and so at the surface, I should come across as someone who would be able to get along with a great many deal of people.
I didn’t. I’ve always been, and will most likely always remain to be, a loner. This isn’t because I don’t enjoy helping others, or interacting with other people, but because I fundamentally cannot cope with constant social situations. I enjoy playing videogames and what-not with friends online just like any other young adult my age would, and I can do a great many things that help me fit in with society, but at my core I’ve always felt a little bit disconnected with most of society.
At a young age, somewhere in my early teens, I was diagnosed to have a mild form of autism- Asperger’s Syndrome, to be exact. Whether this was a false diagnosis because of my introverted nature, or perhaps because I really do have some characteristics that make up the autistic spectrum, I do not know, but I do know that as a result of that diagnosis, I had a rather rough teenage life, constantly going from one ‘Special Needs’ school to another.
(This was because during highschool, within which there were thousands of students, with each class making up upwards of 35 children, gave me such a big headache that I physically collapsed on several occasions, since I originally came from a tiny little village, of which the primary school class that I attended only numbered a total of 14 students, with whom I shared my childhood).
Nowadays, I’m unemployed still, since my special needs school was unable to offer me exams at my intelligence level (To elaborate; I studied gymnasium material, whereas my school was only able to offer a rather low set of exams to me), and since I’m unable to work at a place where there is constant social interaction (Such as consumer goods stores- I’ve tried), I’m forced to make ends meet by trying to do my best, doing art and other such things online, in the hopes that someone might commission something from me and that I’ll be able to help support my single mother, whom I live with, a little better.
At the end of the day, however, I can’t say that I’m unhappy. At my core, I’m a very giving individual, and even though I won’t be in a financial situation to help out others on a financial level or with gifts or such things, I hope to be able to make them happy by providing them a shoulder to cry on, an ear to talk to and a friend to rely on.
Feel free ask me any questions you’d like to know my answer to, and I’ll do my very best to provide a detailed answer.
Reading each and every one of these comments feels like I have finally found home 🙂 As an INFJ, I have always felt like the odd man out, never fitting in, and still do to this day.
My spiritual life, which is always changing and growing, has been so important and dear to me. It’s what keeps me at peace with the world and with who I am.
I have very few friends, and I am finally okay with that. I am okay with being the black sheep of the family too. I absolutely love my own company and I love self-dates! I’ve even taken a few solo vacations too.
Instead of reiterating what everyone has already said (because it all fits me to a “t”), I will just say that it is so refreshing to finally be understood by those who are just like me.
Thank you for sharing your stories 🙂 <3
Two nights ago i was processing my thoughts as we INFJ do, comtemplating a visit to a psychologist hoping to find an answer to my identity. During my self reflection I stumbled on the briggs meyer personality test and at that moment my life changed significantly.
My whole life i thought i was weird, perhaps mentally unwell…now i know i’m just different, very different. Words cannot truley express how i feel after discovering my true self, relief and a feeling of freedom as if my conscience and subconscience met for the first time, were overwhelming feelings experienced.
Thirty seven years old, and have only just discovered who i am. I have wandered through life not knowing who i was trying numerous things only to find them without true purpose. Without a sense of self, it made it impossible to find direction. It is like being a prisionor of your own mind, i wanted to just hide forever and even comtemplated a life as a monk at the Shaolin Monastry as every failure dug deeper into my soul.
Okay..so i have discovered the real me however this world is not made for people like us <1%.
I have no problems meeting new people and friends, though i have little interest in most because they are shallow minded and lack insight. Most people can talk about random topics all day but i don't know how to interact with them as the conversations are dull and uninteresting. This means i am alone most of the time.
I notice that people find me to be weird, snobbish or anti-social because i dont like to socialise and have nothing to say causing many awquard moments of silence. Often they will avoid me and i'm left thinking what i did wrong or why are they ignoring me. Its so depressing because they dont know the real me… I cant escape this and it effects me wherever i go and in whatever i do because this world is not made for INFJ's
I have lost all my friends i grew up with because of who i am, not because i am a bad person and deserved it….No no no just because they didnt understand me and because i didnt understand myself more importantly.
I know what people are thinking almost instantly and their hidden motives like its a super hero power. This may sound cool but it affects me in all facets of life because sometimes i dont want to know what others are thinking, as it influences how i feel and act toward them. This is a major problem for me as i find most people not suitable for friendship. At times ignorance is bliss.
Since reading comments from others like myself i dont feel so alone but that being said, I wish i had INFJ friends who understand the real me..
I took the test and it was shockingly accurate!!! but only a real INFJ knows another, so please comment on my post!
Big bear hugs to my fellow INFJ's worldwide!
It is so amazing to finally be understood. I always felt as if i didnt belong in this world. I left alone and misunderstood.People would always tell me to find like minded people to be friends with, but they never understood how difficult this task was.. I was commonly deemed as shallow or too judgemental. Learning that my personality is rare and only 1% share this personality type, it finally makes sense.. I would love to get to know and meet others like myself.
Hello All. My name is Rebecca Elizabeth Webber and I found out today that I am not in fact an ENFP, but an INFJ! Not only that it now makes complete sense that I have been designing disaster prevention and relief systems since 9/11 because I saw a lack of organization that I thought I could remedy. Oh 11 year old me… I’m 25 now, I am a Modern Applied Cultural Anthropologist (among a lot of other personal identities) and I have a tremendous mount of information to share with the humans of the world. I have been unsuccessful at getting anyone to listen to my ideas, maybe because I was pretending to be an ENFP? I wonder if other INFJs had to overcome this before anyone would listen to them? Can’t wait to learn more.
I’ve linked to my Public folder if any of you are interested in seeing my work. Not all up yet, but I am very excited to talk about it all as I get it out of my head and on to a screen. It will take a long time to get through, but I am ready to help lead humanity onto a more sustainable path. Thank you for this post!
Check me out everywhere @RebeccaEWebber
I know I’m incredibly late to the game of finding this article, but I’m an INFJ and I really, really still feel like I’m struggling to understand and “find” myself (I’m 21). I feel like everyone else my age is graduating college and figuring out their lives, but I can’t figure out what to do with my life until I understand myself. I find that I typically want to talk about really deep stuff whereas most of my friend group, when we hang out, just want to talk about very trivial things – it’s hard to get on common ground and leave a get-together feeling really emotionally satisfied. I just want people to *get* what I feel. I feel like that’s my end-all-be-all that my life is working towards.
On the outside I feel like I have to please everyone but on the inside I know that I value authenticity and I just want to talk about everything in my life to everyone because that’s what I want others to do for me. There’s a constant internal tension. Boy do I sound like a Debbie Downer right now!
I’m so glad I found this!
Reading this and the comments felt like I was reading through my whole life from other people’s story. I have felt the same way, as everyone here had shared. And I have went through almost all the same grievance, confusion, anxiety and the loneliness. Everything in this and all the people who shared their stories have fit me to a T.
As a child I grew up mostly alone, I thought differently to how children thought. I was completely different and wondering why that was so. I felt lonely even when other children wanted to always be friends with me, like I was the ‘it’ girl. I was easily liked yet often misunderstood.
It had come to a point where I stopped formal education in primary school to be homeschooled and even graduated early to learn several courses in the arts. Yet it feels like I haven’t got my life figured out as I watch others around me getting stable jobs and settling down. I’m in my 20s, yes, but most peers my age are graduating, getting stable jobs and earning, and travelling.
My parents could not understand me well; they thought I was strange. I get it, but it’s hard to translate yourself into words knowing they will not fully get you even if you explained anyway. I could not explain why I felt the need to just take a step away from everyone, hurting my handful of friends and family.
It was strange how I needed to withdraw back on my own unlike other people, yet I’m one who could easily fool people in parties. The smart one, the wise one, the funny one, the relatable one; my opinions are well heard, even sought out among friends and acquaintances. What I said mostly made sense to them, they didnt know that I observed people too well. I knew how to blend because I knew how they felt and I unconsciously read them like a book.
It gets funny when I say I’m a loner, nobody would believe, and nobody really understood that I was genuinely happy all by myself. After all, I seem very sociable.
I was diagnosed with Manic Depression four years ago and had to go through therapy and medication. I thought I was going crazy; who in the world would be happy being diagnosed, after all. It took me long to finally be able to stand ground and wholeheartedly accept my condition, that I will not let this condition hinder me in any way; trying to find ways to better myself in life.
I just recently found out that I am an INFJ. Everything about it describes me and its opened my eyes. Now it feels like a whole new world has appeared before me and it feels like the last four years had been a lie.
I am still working on myself, I have not given up. I still help others as much as I can. I am happy, overall and I’m happier knowing all these now.
Now I’m just getting to know myself a little better, that even if most of us are particularly loners, we’re not that alone after all. Even if that means we only make up about 1% in the world’s population. Finding all of you in blogs and forums is relieving, knowing that someone out there in this world knows what I feel and actually gets me even if I haven’t met them. I am glad. We’re not ‘that’ strange, we’re just rare. LOL!
I’m sharing a part of my story here because I have read everyone else’s as well. I know another INFJ might see this and hopefully it would help put a smile on their face. God knows all your stories have brought tears to my eyes.
INFJs, We are so cool!
We have personality traits similar to some amazing famous people!
This is insane, I’m loving myself even more now.
I read some comments. Yes, we are rare. No, it doesn’t make us better than anyone. In fact, being an INFJ just means your life is going to be more difficult that most and the main reason being is how you handle things.
I used to be proud and thought it was so cool to be rare. It’s not. Too many fake people, hard to find genuine friends, and friends or not the weight of anyone around is felt on your shoulders and in your stomach. If you don’t know what I’m talking about- you’re probably not an INFJ.
Now, that I’m in my 30s. I am more comfortable with myself and my solitude. And, I handle my emotions much better. It’s not cool, and it’s for sure not easy.
Hi guys,
Just as everyone else has stated, it’s amazing to find a community of INFJ’s and to realise that there are more like-minded people out there!
Thanks to Michaela for creating this platform!
I’ve been searching for months/years (online, careers advisers) to try and find a career that is tailored to my personality. And you can guess what the reaction has been with lots of family members and the careers advice centre workers (“is there something wrong with you?”, “have you been brought up an only child”?, “are you suffering from social anxiety”?, “are you shy”?, “you are an excellent communicator”, so I can’t understand why you can’t fit in”?… etc).
Of course, none of these are correct.
In fact, when I was 18, I took a gap year from school, and went travelling to Africa for several months, helping underprivileged families build homes and wells. For this trip I had to raise a few grand, which involved doing various half marathons, charity nights and power point presentations to local organisations. Then in 2011 (during my university holidays), I went to Japan for a few months to help families who suffered through the tsunami (providing clothing to families, removing debris from the streets etc). On both of these projects I travelled alone…and absolutely loved it!
So I doubt this makes an INFJ shy and anxious! But going back to being an INFJ, I had a passion for these and I genuinely like helping people. This is why I did it…. It definitely wasn’t to make my CV/resume look better! As the research shows, we need to have a purpose in order for us to work at our best. I’ve been an advocate of “money doesn’t buy you happiness “ and “I’ll take job satisfaction over money!” Its hellish frustrating, because we know, we are as competent as anyone out there!; when we have that desire and passion! (and ideally, left alone!).
These ventures (and how I act socially…. being like a social chameleon….. as other people have put it) have made people think im extremely extroverted…when I just crave my alone time. On every trip/holiday I’ve ever been on, I’ve always needed several hours to myself i.e by walking, hiking or reading. and no one understood why…. People ended up asking similar questions as the ones mentioned earlier. When ive been volunteering, some people have thought this tendency was due to a language barrier (which is understandable, but not true).
Over the years, I’ve learnt to accept who iam and very rarely explain my actions and thoughts to friends. To be fair, I’m seen as so unorthodox, that nothing surprises them anymore! But, ironically, I’m the one who they all come to see, for advice!
I always knew why I did these things, but have never been able to explain this verbally or in writing!.. until I read the INFJ profile!
In 2012, I graduated with a degree in accounting and finance, but I haven’t wanted to hold a job or establish a career in this field. I’ve worked in a few private and public roles, but I couldn’t stand the office environment (as you guys know).
…. you have the drama, talk behind your back, negativity, small talk. I couldn’t stand it, and the longest ive lasted in a job has been 1.5 years (which felt like a lifetime).
So I’m 26 now, and don’t really have a path to follow!
I don’t want to sound controversial (because I know all charities/organisations are not like this), but I experienced pretty bad customs out in Africa and, saw firsthand, that not all the money you raise, goes directly to the people you think it’s supposed to go to.
In essence, I would prefer to work directly with people than indirectly and sceptical of many of these third sector organisations.
I’ve also tried working in many warehouse roles, but these are pretty much the same (small talk, repetitive work, no meaning etc).
Don’t get me started on retail/sales; I’ve never tried and I never will!
I’ve read a few books/articles on the INFJ personality, and many have suggested counselling. But being very sensitive, would this career really suit INFJ’s?
I’ve often thought of “throwing in the towel” in regards to the rat race/trying to become a professional. And instead taking a minimum paid job with zero stress, which provides you with a great deal of autonomy (e.g night time security guard). This means you wont be drained and have more energy to do activities that you love, in your free time.
I’ve read articles online (and have thought myself), there are a lot of hidden positives about a job that doesn’t require brain power. I know that, us INFJ’s, have to have meaning in our jobs, but I was thinking you could counterbalance that by spending the time (like you could on a night time security role), surfing the web, reading books, learning a new language. Basically any activity that keeps you intellectually stimulated.
Either that, or travel the world. And get by, by doing various jobs e.g go an exchange programme where you work for free, but in exchange get free food and accommodation. At the same time, you’d be learning a new language, new culture etc.. stay for a few months, then move somewhere else.
I’d like to hear your views on this, because I don’t really know where to go at the moment! Any other roles anyone can suggest? Anyone out there, who’s had a similar trajectory? If you have been successful, please let me know what you did!
P.S Although ive done physical work abroad and in warehouses; this work wasn’t skilled and I’m not a very practical person, so id be no good at “trade” jobs like carpentry, electrician , plumber etc.
All the best to the INFJ’s out there and sorry for the long post!
Hi there Bohemian,
I could relate myself to many things you have described…especially with regards to career;I worked in a well known corporation too, but due to many such reasons(as you have described) I had to quit in a couple of years. I think of studing a different field that interests me, but then the job prospectus of that field isn’t so good as my current field. And eventually when it comes to life, we need money to support ourselves; it’s already difficult to socialize and get intimate in order to find a partner, due to this personality(my parents are very anxious about me being a single woman); we need to be on our own, once the support from our parents is gone. Many forums suggest professions such as doctors, psychologist, etc for INFJ personality and I’m particularly interested in psychology. But, at the same time, I think of the student loan and other stuffs and so I’m not able to decide strongly. I’m 28 already and still have not planned out my life. Life is hard for everyone and especially with this personality, it seems harder as we yearn to find meaning in everything we do. I’m sorry that I could not help in answering your question, but I’m in the same boat too. Any suggestion about career and life would be much appreciated, from my fellow INFJs. Thanks in advance.
I am also a INFJ. And this post describes me exactly. And it freaks me out. From the the career path of helping others all the way to never truly knowing my self or “fitting in”. I had also read some of the information on the Myers Briggs as well regarding to INFJ personality types. Everything is described perfectly.
Hello,
I made that test several times because I was looking and wondering why I just feel different, and it showed me the same result for four times- INFJ, once INTJ- which I would very much prefer, and once something I do not remember. But I dont have it confirmed by a psychologist, though. Astrology didnt give me answers (I am a Capricorn with a moon in Leo) even if I consider it being a science – just research the history. Other personality tests gave me messy results.
This forum/ website is really cool, however it looks like I am the only one who hates being an INFJ or probably the others did find the right path (if there is any) already.
Actually it is a quite lonely life as we live in an ignorant world, I try to somehow adapt into. Not easy.
Staying tuned…
P.S.: I am not a native English speaker
Hello 🙂 , I’m also an INFJ.
In some sense, I do take pride in how rare my personality type is. However, being an INFJ isn’t as great as people think. Sure we had people like Nelson Mandela and Mother Teresa to represent our personality but if you are one of us you can also understand the burden that we carry upon ourselves. We put people in front of our own needs and though that is good hearted of us, we are more prone to break down because of all those burdens.
Although I’m still young at the age of 15, I’ve broken down many times because of human’s insensitivity and selfishness that I also contemplated suicide. It hurts me to see the world where it is. How many wars are we going to fight among ourselves? How many groups are we going to discriminate against because of gender? Race? Religion? Sexuality? Beliefs? I’m tired of how humans are leading themselves into their own extinction.
A 15 years old is already contemplating of suicide, how far has humans torture themselves.
It’s nice to know that there are people like me!
I began to believe that I’m not normal and there was something wrong with me.
Since I was a small girl people bullied me for being different,that made me extremely sensitive and made me go through a lot of major depression periods.
I’m used to watch and analyse people’s personalities and behaviour, sometimes I wounder why people are so immature.
Because of my childhood trauma I don’t have many friends, on the other case I know a lot of people.
People say that I am nice to talk to (though most of what I do I listening )
They think that I am innocent and shy girl.
When I am with a large group of people and the conversation is boring my soul tend to travel and go to the fairy land or the outer space , I even go to the future or the past.
I am sorry , but I am really happy to know that someone understand what I’ve been through.
I guess you will know why I apologised if you are an INFJ
Don’t loose faith my fellow INFJ-A – Your leader has arrived! 😛 my Ultimate goal is to take over the world mawhahahaha : -) lol A positive outlook is what we need more and more in this world, if there are only 1% of us, then lets make that 1% count. d: ) Never give up, Never give in. And yes it is that easy, because i know the potential in everyone that strives for what all humans have in common.
Hi I am a 36 year old Male INFJ, Scorpio, Life Path Number 8, and a Sage Soul Personality Type. I guess I was made to be introverted and artsy. I feel just left out of the loop with the rest of society. I am not comfortable in big crowds of socialization. I like being by myself. I like studying the mind like why people pick one political party over another(Dem over Republican) and vice versa. I am personally a Moderate to maybe Liberal Libertarian. Another example of me studying the mind I why person would find another person and another person wouldn’t find that person physically attractive. I like physic readings too with tarot cards which I find invigorating. I like to study celeb personality types too. As far work goes I don’t find anything interesting. I would think I wanted to do this( hair styling) or something to do with fashion but I was like nah I don’t want to do that. I personally maybe want to do something to do with animals as I like dogs.
As an artist I can totally identify with the comments made from other infj’s. I too, was diagnosed as a “soft” bipolar because of mood swings but didn’t agree with it nor follow those crazy experimental psych drugs as thought it would fool with my brain even more. Now I am glad that I didn’t go that route and that I have found there are some other ” normal” people like me. I love a heart to heart conversation with one person and especially my nice quiet time alone in my studio! Hate shopping. Happy to live in my head. Whew that feels good! So a hearty HI to all my tribe!
SHIT, I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE WHO COMMENT IN HERE ARE TALKING ABOUT MY LIFE. INFJ’S FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, IT’S TIME TO MEET.
sorry for my english,i’m greek.
I find it hard to meet a potential significant other. Most of the dating I do is on a dating site(not gonna say which one it is.) I think most of the girls that I get along with I think are ENFP I think. I am not gonna go up to a girl I don’t know in a place and try talk to her. Most of the girls that I get to know to potentially date it just flames out. I don’t have alot to say usually because of being an INFJ. I don’t know if other INFJ men can relate to this.
Hi Chris! I can relate to you, though I am a girl :). I find it incredibly hard to find a match that can deal with my initial shyness, sensitivity and someone that can respect my authentic self. I’ve confessed to 2 guys and both times I got rejected. However, the thing that hurts me the most is that they string me along knowing how I felt and the feeling wasn’t mutual. I wonder why there is no one that I can find who understands me and why I act this way? But I have 2 say I have 2 best friends who have an ENTP and INTJ personality types which is said to be suitable for INFJ. To be honest, I’m so close to my ENTP friend that it is somewhat enjoyable. We share the same idealist views on several topics and my friend knows when I am being shy or too selfless and protects me. Honestly I’m sad that I don’t bat the other way :’). Any how, I want to say “Don’t give up!”. I’m sure that one day, you will find an honest girl who loves you for you. Patience is key my friend 🙂 !!
Ha Sophie! Thanks for replying to my post and sharing your personal experience. Thanks also for telling me to hang in there and I will find that special woman one of these days.
So I just scrolled through all the comments…honestly not really paying attention to most. However I can see the common thread. We all want to feel special and that we belong to a group or a community of some sort. Even a community of rare, people oriented self isolationists. I have tested a few times as INFJ…yes I think I am one but I have to say that our personalities change as our lives and responsibilities change. I am going to go stand outside in the rain right now. Being outside in a storm is better than fixating on a personality type that we may or may not be. Breath, everyone is different and we all just have to love who we are and wrap our heads around what we want to become…to make this world a better place. Namaste
I just took the Jung-Briggs Myers test. I got INFJ. I took it twice to be sure. It explains a lot to me. I am an artist and 44 yrs old. I still haven’t chosen a career path, but am in college (hence taking the test) and pursuing Accounting. I am fascinated by all this. I am sensitive to a fault and have recently left an excellent job due to conflict of which I saw no resolution.
I took the test 2 days ago, INFJ. Upon reading the detail regarding the traits of an INFJ, it opened my eyes somewhat. It was if the website knew me better than I did, which was refreshing as I have always struggled with the thought that I am somehow different to most around me and now I better understand why. I was born an only child so have always enjoyed my own company, and given the choice, I would much prefer to stay low key all the time. I like to read life from situation to situation and at a distance, dissect and plan my next move. I’m never the life of any party, and I rarely start conversations. Where others may be uncomfortable with silence, I quite like it.
I’m in what seems to be of recent, a failing 3 year relationship and a lot of the failing within, I have put down to my other half not truly understanding me. Which raises the question, as INFJ’s are in the minority, do you think we are hard to understand because our personality type doesn’t have the same exposure to the masses as others? I always put it down to my introvert nature and always prioritising everyone and everything else before me. Within this relationship, I have always upheld that I should be the provider and do my utmost for my other half, whatever the situation. What I feel has happened in reality, because of the constant ‘serving’ – I have lost respect and now anything negative (no matter how small) is being made an extremely big deal. I’m 28 years old and I have grown to hate myself and who I am.
Thank you for the article
Ive cried with every INFJ post I read. Im 38 and sad that I spent 22 years thinking I was a weirdo who was incapable of ever receiving the love I give out, all while never fitting in anywhere! What an eyeopener!
Ive always known that I was lead by intuition with a keen sense of “understanding the grey areas” the place between light & dark, good and evil. Its an ability thats hard to describe, nd one thats made me hard to understand. I see the BS on people before they open their mouths. Although Im nice, I always feel like they also know I know they are fraudulent LOL
Its alot… *sigh***
Hi. I think I am an INFJ too! I fail to see the bad in anyone and love everyone unconditionally. i hate conflicts and try to avoid them as much as possible. I usually have a gut feeling about things around me, especially people; and more often than not it turns out to be right!
Too be honest, I only recently found out that I am an INFJ A-T personally type, which came as no surprise, due to my years of experience being such (33), but is a great relief to feel a part of something and to read all of the amazing comments on this thread.
In short, I have also been classified as soft bipolar, a.d.d, mild schizophrenic, and all the rest, all the while lifting an eyebrow to the psychologists and therapists who cant seem to relate to something they cant feel and arent experienceing. Its not to say it didn’t help and I repect their efforts but… I am fine and never better.
Having this personality type can be hard. My advice and I hope it helps: Breathe. Find your center. A fact that calms you down. Be in the moment. I believe now, thats it better to make small steps towards your goals and influences than to believe you can or “have to” change the world today.
You are loved, worthy of love and can love.
Let others be themselves. Let other people in when they are trying. And dont let yourself get burned out. There is a great power in saying no, but know that sometimes something amazing can be gained by saying yes. Dont be so quick to burn a bridge and vocalize how others make you feel. Know when to let go and let things be.
Do what you enjoy knowing you are unique. Therfore, dont give up. Its valued. Your valued.
In being this personality type we do have a great advantage over other people, remember that, but it isn’t a contest, nor does it mean you are more or less than because of it. Biggest advice: Dont beat yourself up and try to appreciate exactly who you are and want to be. Thank you all for being who you are and for listening. 😉
I took a personality test and came up with INFJ. I didn’t know what that was, so I started researching. I’m ok in social situations, but I have never fit in. My wife says I’m some kind of alien. I don’t feel cut out for society.
Wow, I just found out this morning that I am an INFJ to a T. Am just finishing up divorcing my somatic narcissist wife, married for 16 years with 4 great kids, then she decided to have a 1 year long affair. I even tried reconciling the marriage, she ended up blaming me for the affair so had to divorce her. Knowing I am the personality type that a narcissist targets brings me some relief. If others are in my situation, check out Kim Saeed’s website too, it is called “Let Me Reach”. The divorce has been hell on me, which is what brought me to Kim’s site. Lastly, I always thought I was a little different than others, even my closest friends always said that I march to the beat of my own drum.
Hi Jim,
Same here, except for my ex’s affair. I don’t know if the crazy woman ever cheated on me. I’m pretty open to understanding if she ever did, I wouldn’t mind as long as she agreed upon an open marriage. The true cheating is when there’s no communication from the cheating part before the act.
You seem to be a great guy so you just got rid of a harmful woman. I’m happy for you. I’m an INFJ, loving, strong, extremely introspective but an extrovert at events, love to study and am tired of my energy being sucked by emotional vampires. I helped a million people, then I’m to blame for whatever it is they want to target me for. I got tired, now I don’t hide my wish to remain in my own world. Yes, I always beat to my own drum too. Highs and Lows. But they are misunderstood because the highs come when I need energy to complete something, then I hide in my shell. It made family, friends, and ex-b…crazy wife think that I am bipolar, but I know I not. People generalize these scientific concepts and try to label everyone. I always hated labels. To me, the only label is: I am human, so are you.
I thought for some time that I had a slight autism because of my discomfort in social meetings, if I cannot work the crowd (if I have no conversation topic to keep going). I know I am an OCD, over-achiever, loving and even self-sacrificing individual. My ex took advantage of that. During pregnancy, she drank and took pills. I couldn’t control the situation. She even stabbed me and got arrested for it because she put my daughter in jeopardy, who I held in my arms to save her from her mom. Now, I’m recently divorced, 38 years old, my ex went through rehab because I pushed the situation until she did. I saved her life two times from suicide and other issues, still the f…judge deems the right thing to do to give my daughter’s custody to the mother, just because she’s never touched alcohol anymore and went through rehab. The Justice system sucks and yet we see no one commenting on that during elections. Funny!
Anyways, sorry for rambling. But I wanted to let you know you’re not alone.
Hi Michaela,
I am a text book INFJ. I first noted to be so in Nursing school. It was In my psychological Nursing rotation that we were tested as part of the program, and taught this aspect of the Myer Briggs as all psychology is taught through self re pore. The personality type was never internalized personally, because as I initially stated I am text book INFJ, and seemed to always focus as well as apply what I had learned and experience to and towards another person. As far back as I can remember I have never fit in, and this misfit was always a result of my advocacy, and deep intuitions and or gut feelings. My ability to read inside the mind of others and to see through many of the dishonesty that were presented to me left me early on with a sense of mistrust for many individuals as well as the Social setting as a whole. I Love Silence and Solitude some of my best work is done alone. I have never considered my self to be bipolar but I definately new that there was something VERY DIFFERENT going on inside me. Now on the other hand my children joke around and say dad is Bipolar, but my wife knows much better, and is very well aware of the uniqueness of a relationship with a INFJ’s as it expresses itself deep sincere, and possessing such spiritual qualities. My area of nursing was Neuroscience in a level I trauma ICU. The experiences of working with neurologically compromised and comatose patients helped to greatly increase the INFJ ‘s ability for unsightfullness, and intuitions. Almost to the point as though it is a curse. I can see things that others can not, I can hear things others can not, I can smell things others can not, and I think things others DO not. This has all served to even greater miss the fit. I also find my self more now than ever int the escape.
Hi, I too am a INFJ. I would be happy to answer any questions you may have as well. I am so incredibly happy I found your blog as an outlet. I have always had that intuition or gut feeling as I have called it in the past to be able to ‘feel’ what others think or are feeling, Almost in a creepy way where I thought I was weird or different. People often are surprised if I ask them what’s wrong & don’t take ‘I’m fine’ as an answer & really get to the bottom of what’s on their mind. I have also had several instances of ‘feeling’ something was off, before several of my loved ones have passed as well, almost knowing something bad was going to happen before it actually happened. Thanks for making me feel like I am not weird or abnormal. As I read your posts, it’s like an awakening or a weight off my shoulders that I am not either.
The world is destined into a unbearable pain, 70% of the population will die, it is certain to happen this century follow by the collapse of hatred and walls between humans and real peaceful world will rise. pls register in mind
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZazlYlVgpzU
Found out I was INFJ a few years ago and only just got around to reading about it recently. I must admit, I have been feeling like the outsider my whole life. My friends and family don’t know I feel this way because I am really good at faking contentment.
Now, I know why. It’s a lot to take in.
I am an INFJ (and a teenager) it was such a relief to know there are people who see the world as I see.Before knowing my personality type, I thought I just had to “man up” but now I get why I feel what I feel.. and your post definitely helped me in this journey 🙂
I have always had a hard time finding people who i feel are truly soulmates.
But i often settle, “interesting”, “strong character” etc.
And i am quite picky when i bond, but when i do – its often for a long time.
(I guess they learn to live with my “quirks”)
I like me, as i am.
Extrovert, when i feels like it.
Introvert, all the other time.
I borderline INFJ < & ENFJ (with 1-3%)
If i should describe me with one word? – Omega
I don’t if anybody else can relate too this but I think school was boring unless it was a subject that I took an interest in like geography. I was basically in special classes from 7th grade on up. I spilt time in regular classes and special classes in 5th and 6th grade I think from what I can remember. My aunt who was a teacher said that 3rd grade that the adjustment is hard and that’s when my struggles started. My 3rd grade teacher did retire after that school year when I was in her class.
Great day everyone! It’s nice to see a community for us INFJs here. I’m 23, and I found out I was like you all back in my teens.
I have to admit, it’s tough being an INFJ (Well, at least we’re unique). The mental state of our minds are always on a roller coaster ride. An extroverted behavior today, then an introverted character thereafter. The worse thing is that those who truly understand us are pretty much nowhere to be seen in plain sight, especially when we only cover less than 5% of the whole population.
Still, on the brighter side, it doesn’t suck at all. In fact, I’m glad I’m an INFJ 🙂
I realized that I am getting more and more in sync with my inner voice (N & F) and it actually saved me from a few painful experiences (relationships, friends, family, etc) in the past by acting on my inner voice beforehand. The most tedious part is to explain how I did/found it/out, but most of them won’t understand anyway lol.
Fellow INFJs, I believe most of us will feel inferior at some point in our lives. However, don’t be alarmed, for you all are not alone. Believe in yourself. Your intuition (N) and feelings (F) already know what you will become, then have faith in your judgement (J) and act on them. After all, we are much more capable as compared to other personalities in listening to our own inner voices.
The biggest contentment in life is not seeking acknowledgement from external means, but it’s the internal means that will make the difference.
Cheers!
I’m majoring in computer engineering, and for my computer science class we had to decide what personality we have, in order to help with our group project. I found mine to be INFJ and was talking to someone who said it was the rarest, but I couldn’t believe them at first. I find this to be very helpful and VERY INTERESTING!
I am an INFJ and although the advice given in the articles and comments was useful, I noticed that it never mentioned how often I feel like I am being judged. I feel like everyone in the world is looking at me, trying to find my flaws, and talking about me behind my back. Sometimes I hear my name whispered in the halls at school. I see people pointing from across the classroom. I pretend not to notice or care, but inside, I’m dying. I feel like the whole world is against me, that every little mistake I make is written down in the record of my reputation. I feel like everyone is watching every move I make, and judging me for the littlest things. If any of you feel this way, PLEASE REPLY. I need to know that I am not alone in this. Thank you.
Anna, you are not alone. I feel the exact Same way. I always felt like an introvert with extrovert tendencies. I do feel continuously judged. I love meeting new people and talking but then I get so drained and I want to be alone with my phone turned off. I am glad I saw this website because at least I know I’m not alone. I also felt bipolar too even though I was never diagnosed with it and I felt that I didn’t fit anywhere. Talking with other infjs just like myself makes me feel better and not so alone or different
Yes! I have been recently looking into going to a psychiatrist or counselor of some sort because I have been really struggling lately with anxiety and paranoia. I am in my 3rd year of college and just started at a University. I feel as though I cannot talk to any of my classmates even though we are all in the same program (social work). I don’t dislike any of them but I feel as though I can’t communicate with anyone because I feel like they are ALL judging me, like they think I shouldn’t be in the program for some reason. Actually this morning I had to walk across the street on campus and a guy in a truck hardly stopped at the stop sign as I was crossing the street and I had an argument in my head about how I might as well just go home because that guy in the truck obviously thought I was useless. I felt like I must have made him mad or I’m annoying or he did it on purpose to hurt my feelings.
But when I think about these things and type them out, I know none of those assumptions are true. I get so lost in my paranoid thoughts throughout the day. I have really been struggling lately. It is a relief to see that many other people feel the same way.
Hello everyone! I feel so happy to have an answer to the question of why am I so different to others. I just wanna.Ted to say hello and give everyone a big hug. 🙂
I’m bipolar and an INFJ. It sucks.
Hello, fellow INFJ’s! I am 48 and I’ve known I was an INFJ for thirty years. Thankfully, I grew up in a loving home and I have parents who have always celebrated who I am.
Navigating the world has been a thousand time easier knowing WHY I prefer certain things and react in particular ways, but being an INFJ can still be a struggle. I encourage all of you to lean into your INFJ strengths; there are so many.
I relate to the loneliness you feel, but I have cultivated about ten friendships over many years and even though I know some of these friends may not “understand” me, I know they appreciate who I am. I am very aware of my shortcomings, and also often have a sense of purposelessness and laziness unless I am doing something that makes a difference in the world, but I try to give myself alone time (even with a husband, three kids and a job!) to re-energize, and be ready for the next challenge.
I am a college Spanish teacher, and I love it, but this morning I got the opportunity to teach a small group of twenty-somethings the basics of the Myers Briggs. It was such a fun hour and a half! I felt lucky to get to share some insights with them and encourage them in their uniqueness.
Please remember, you are rare, and that makes you extra special:). This may complicate your life at times, but you are equipped for things that few other types are: DEEP caring, insight bordering on psychic-ness, creativity, inspiring others, passion, determination, altruism…the list goes on.
INFJ on!!!
What a relief to read this. Spent so many years of my life trying to fit in and act like an extrovert when i’m not. I drank to fit in. Unfortunately I’m an alcoholic so drinking was a no no. Didn’t know that at the time though. Been sober may years now.
Interestingly, I only recently found out I was an INFJ (A/-T), however I had already spotted that I’m prone to mimicking others behaviors. I was really surprised when I found out it was the rarest of the personality types though, as being an Asperger’s suffering INFJ, I must be fairly uncommon.
To the INFJs who commented and said they were Virgo or Libra Sun signs I found your comments interesting due to the fact that I am an astrologer and I also an INFJ, but my sun is not in Virgo, it’s in Taurus. Which my first thought was maybe “earth signs” could be what was linking us..but then I saw a few people who commented and said they had suns in libra. If you are going off of a sun sign solely then a libra suns qualities would not have any real similarities to an INFJ’s Going on solely a libra sun your qualities would be of a superficial level. Libra is an air sign, are is above the surface and about the mind not about emotions..and they are bigger on relating and socializing with others then other air signs. Not saying you aren’t an INFJ libras, I’m just saying that soley a sun sign comparison is going to make you libra’s even more confused onto why you are so different then other libra’s. There is a reason behind this, I’m not sure if you are aware that each persons birth chart has 12 house systems and 10 planets and the positioned of these 10 planets in those 12 houses will make up a persons personality, and to complicate it more the planets in a chart will or will not make aspects to one another and that will flavor the persons personality even more. All this is depending on where, when, and at what time you were born. So me being who I am and loving to find patterns and similarities and analyze things I was curious to see what your birth charts looked like and to see what is it that is actually linking us INFJ personality to each other In our birth charts. Is it us having say Taurus sun or Virgo or libra sun all in the 11th house? Or is it us having our mercurys opposing our plutos? Or maybe we all share Venus Neptune aspects or we all have Venus in Pisces or Venus in the 12th house or Mercury retrogrades or in the 12 house or Mercury in Pisces..I won’t know unless I see other people’s charts who tested as an INFJ. But I think there is something that all of us have that’s linking us together, if you want send me your birth info and I’ll see what I can find when I have some free time. I would need birthdate, birth place, and birth time. Only if you feel safe in doing so. I just have a feeling that others like myself are going to have planetary aspects and positions like myself. INFJ is a very different breed of personality. Also it’s nice to see that there is others like myself in the world. I enjoyed reading all the comments 🙂
Hey guys, I am myself an INFJ, and this is nothing but a curse to me. Always worring about other’s feelings, while being overwhelmed with this feeling of loneliness. There’s like a wall between me and other, especially with woman I may be attracted to, although I see things clear and can read their mind. I just don’t like what I see inside of them so I flee, listening to my instinct, that will never take down its vigilence. Every scenario is leading me to a life of loneliness and starvation.. My only way out would be to find a purpose that matters, a cause to fight for. Hope some of you will be happier than I. ++
I actually had no idea about these personality types until recently, I knew about introverts and extroverts and as an introvert I wanted to study it a bit deeper to understand the difference. Then I saw these 16 personality types and thought I’d test and see what I get, when I finish it the first time I got infj thought it was pretty accurate and thought nothing of it. Later I started reading and watching videos about infj and saw that they are supposedly very rare which made me think it must have been random chance I got it the first time I did the test. So I took the test three more times (one of them at another site) and got the same result. So I guess I can assume I am one, which actually would explain a lot. :p
Thank you so much for your insight! LOVE this article and appreciate your desire to understand. Being an INFJ has its challenges…it is truly a gift and a curse! Again, thank you!!
I am absolutely an INFJ. Now a retired psychiatric clinician, finding my place in the world. These personality types were never spoken of a great deal in psych circles, but I have always known that I was very different from most people…..since teenage years. I am now 62. Your blog really nails the introverted personality and I so enjoy it. Even after years working in psych field I am only now NAMING this thing I have lived with. Thanks for your insights.
because i spent alot of time on that response just to have it erased because of a typo in the email field and i can never get that energy back and also no one will ever see the amazing thing i said 🙁
I am a Virgoan and I was born September 4 1955. I am an INFJ. I live alone. I work alone. I am fully tuned to the needs of everybody else. My philosophy is “we are all energy and matter. our only reason for being here is to contribute to energy and matter (life) and move along
Enough said
Kinda sucks ass being an INFJ, but i mean people genuinely like you or at least find your personality interesting, but the problem is you can socialize too an extent and you love human interaction and the whole concept and idea of it, but as soon as you are invited to an outing in place you aren’t familiar or comfortable with you’re like….uhhh….
I hate invites to places, though I understand they aren’t negative. I try to force myself to go out and experience things, trying to teach myself to like clubs and busy bars where it’s not intimate conversations but I always end up finding myself checking the time to figure out how much time i have left until I can leave without raising suspicion. It’s a challenge but I also love myself which I feel comes from my appreciation of uniqueness which I know I am, and I can do just fine on my own, but I don’t want to be alone. I want a close group of friends I can constantly count on and a special person in my life to give myself too but it’s incredibly hard when you aren’t in social settings a lot and lack the ability to talk to strangers because you over analyze the situation in your head.
It’s not all that bed because when people like you they normally really do and even at your worst they see your best, the friends i’ve lost were on my accord not their’s so I assume that counts for something.
Keeps things interesting and frustrating. Maybe it’s just me.lol
I’m a Psychology Major and in two of our classes we had to answer the Myers-Briggs Personality test. When the professor asked who was an INFJ, only 2 out of 50 students raised their hands and one of them was me. We didn’t really tackle the different personalities further and I decided to check it out more. I was so relieve to have opened this page. It really explained a lot. I have lots of friends, I do. But if asked, I’d prefer the solitude. In truth, being alone is a lot less lonely than being with other people. But simultaneously, I also want to be part of society, of something much greater than myself. I get confused so often to the point of depression and questioning everything about my life.
I practically live inside my head a lot that is when I am by myself but when the time comes and I need to interact with people again I have to revert to my persona archetype (Like after a long break from school). There are also the highs and the lows. Some days, I feel bold sociable and interested enough and there are also those days when I have exhausted my energy that I just withdraw while finding everyone else annoying,
cate, So do I… i really2 understand about what your feeling. OMG thanks God i am not alone.
I’m a Psychology Major and in two of our classes we had to answer the Myers-Briggs Personality test. When the professor asked who was an INFJ, only 2 out of 50 students raised their hands and one of them was me. We didn’t really tackle the different personalities further and I decided to check it out more. I was so relieve to have opened this page. It really explained a lot. I have lots of friends, I do. But if asked, I’d prefer the solitude. In truth, being alone is a lot less lonely than being with other people. But simultaneously, I also want to be part of society, of something much greater than myself. I get confused so often to the point of depression and questioning everything about my life.
I practically live inside my head a lot that is when I am by myself but when the time comes and I needed to interact with people again I have to revert to my persona archetype/ my public mask (Like after a long break from school). There are also the highs and the lows. Some days, I feel bold sociable and interested enough and there are also those days when I have exhausted my energy that I just withdraw while finding everyone else annoying,
I AM NOT BIPOLAR. I KNEW IT!! for such a long time i thought i have a bipolar disease. I thought that i have mental illnesses. But it’s just me.Thank god.
I am INFJ, at least I think so. Half the time I take a personality test it comes up as INFJ, other half it comes up as INTJ. Its strange because they are quite different personality types, one is compassionate the other is logical. So either I’m the most rare personality type, or the most rare personality type for females, lol. But I feel that INFJ fits me the most based on the description.
Finding out my personality type of INFJ has been extremely helpful. It’s giving me hope that I and the world around me are not insane. Maybe understanding this will lead me to someday not have to compromise myself in order to survive.
I’m an INFJ -T. So i’m an advocate. I’ve always felt disconnected from individuals around me and now know why. I fall in the category of rarest personality. Makes sense since i’m so different and have high goals. i’m currently 17 and learning this information will help in the long run I believe.
I recently did the test and was INFJ. I had never heard of these tests but had to do it as part of a module in college. I have to say I was a bit embarrassed by the result yet looking at all the character traits it was ME!! I have struggled a lot in my life and the sense of not belonging and being overwhelmed by the suffering of others often made things unbearable so I suppose its good to know that I’m not alone and not a weirdo!
Although like psychologists also say, no personality test can ever be 100% accurate about someone, I took the 16 personalities test and I got the INFJ. I can say I relate to most of the characteristics so I guess the test came out accurate. One of the very few things I cannot relate with, is the whole ”fluent verbal communication” thing, lol I don’t have that..at all. I’m also not an ”extrovert type” of introvert.
I can carry on a social conversation, but only with people I really am comfortable with. I get very distant, rigid and often awkward with people I don’t know well/ feel nice with.
I don’t know if most INFJs look actually ”social” on the outside but I know I definitely don’t. My poker face is also a defining point of my behaviour. I have the perfect poker face for everyone. Strangers will rarely see some obvious reaction/feeling on my face.
Reading these comments… is really amazing. It’s incredibly relieving to hear and see so many thoughts and issues that completely resonate with me. Knowing that I’m not the only one thinking of myself as bipolar and seeming like an extrovert when really all I want to do is read while listening to music has just lifted this huge weight off my chest.
Discovered my INFJ personality type just about 2 weeks ago and since then can’t stop reading articles about it.
Everything others write feels like a strange revelation that I am not alone feeling all these strange emotions inside.
I’m lucky to have found my soulmate, an INTJ husband. We share so many things in common except that he’s absolutely logical and non emotional lol
I have one extroverted best friend whom I care deeply and never get tired of trying to help her solve her deeply rooted problems (using my own experiences and revelations as reference).
I consider myself highly logical yet very deeply emotional. and I too have tried therapy while dealing with difficult moments in life (I read this is very common among INFJs).
Finding the perfect career is also challenging for me, as I get deeply disturbed when I feel like my work lack meaning and or the people/company I work with don’t share the same morals and values as mine.
Now I work as a buyer which I find fulfilling because i get to work alone with data, yet still apply to human beings (still being part of a team, and feeling my work matters when the stuff I buy is being welcomed by customers).
However my ultimate dream is to have an animal shelter to make this world a better place for them.
I am a feminist which refuse to follow society pressure to have kids “just because”. I get really aggravated when my principles are being “attacked”. Recently i feel like I’m in so much better peace inside, not really caring what others are doing with their lives as long as I’m comfortable living mine. This somehow hurt some family members (parents & in laws) that expect me to follow the norms (i know for sure, just as any INFJ would).
My old blog (link attached) is solid proof of what a true INFJ i am, and i wrote it years ago, before even learning about MBTI personality types.
Bless u all, fellow rare species 🙂
I just found out that I’m an infj. All throughout my life- I’m 23 now- people would always tell me that I was so sensitive, or so serious. It was kindof implied as if it were a bad thing. And I always hated those labels. I tried very hard to be someone else- extroverted, fun, social. And that aaaaaalll came spiraling down when I went to college. I felt like I HAD to go to parties and socialize and be crazy to be a normal person. I felt guilty for not wanting to do those things. Whenever I was alone, I started having anxiety and panic attacks. I tried to pack my schedule so that I wasn’t alone in my single dorm room often, but that made it worse. And then it eventually got to a point where I was constantly anxious and depressed and didn’t know what to do anymore- enter therapy and psychaitry. I’m finally beginning to understand and accept myself. I would tell my therapist about all of my social anxieties and describe how my roommates would act and what I thought was really going on. And she would tell me that I wasn’t crazy, and that I definitely sounded like I figured it all out. I started reading “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” and I’m FINALLY beginning to accept myself and see the strengths in my “sensitivits” and deep emotions. I definitely recommend it, it’s a great book so far!! I can’t wait to keep reading and learning about infj’s now 🙂
Hi all, as a 27 year old INFJ all of your comments resonate with me. I want to share some feelings i experience commonly and how I am in the process of dealing with them.
> Extreme fear of missing out – for example if I am home on a saturday night i get a lot of anxiety thinking about people out socialising and chatting up girls while I am home alone on my computer. This leads me to sometimes take drives and go out shopping by myself so that I am around other people. I have spent many saturdays walking around shopping centres. >>>>>> Planning your weekends in advance and making sure you are going out at least once on saturday and once on sunday helps with this.
> A deep wanting for people to like me, to the point where I find being around strangers uncomfortable – This need for people to like me leads me to sometimes mimic others behaviour and even go completely silent in groups so that I dont say sometimes controversial>>>>>> Lately i have found it best just to relax and not to try and portray some image as people can see right through that – rather, just be your genuine self and I think people will appreciate how you can relate to them on an empathetic level
> A need for change – While i find that most people are happy to settle in some career and have a family I find myself restless all the time and longing for something more, and always questioning my purpose on the earth, i.e. a deep feeling of stagnation. Havent found any answers to this yet.
> A tendency towards negativity – I find that shutting off negative in flows into your mind helps. For example, i stopped keeping up to date with the news and politics as it would always make me angry or get me down. I also try not to stop negative thoughts and say the opposite just as the thought is entering my head
> Extreme sensitivity – all it takes is one little comment, change of tone from someone or even a look, and I will fixate on that all day and it will ruin my day. still finding ways of dealing with this. I think the best thing to do it eliminate sources of negativity as soon as they become apparent.
> Inability to connect with anyone, even my own family – I find myself often times completely unable to relate to or get to know people, for example i have been told several times by several co workers that I am ‘Reserved’ and ‘mysterious’
> A feeling of not belonging anywhere
> Extreme risk aversion – not sure about you guys but I generally take almost no risks in my life and this is has led me to working a boring office job and achieving not much in my life it seems
hmm thats all I have for today folks, hopefully us INFJs can help eachother out so we can live our lives to our full potential! thanks!
Hi Ben,
Reading your comments really remind me of myself!
Extreme fear of missing out – i used to feel this, at least9 until my late 20s. I am 30 now and much more content with how I prefer to live and socialize (which is minimal hehe). I used to feel this hesitance to go out with a group of friend, but deep inside I dont want to feel left out. As time goes, the saying is true, birds of the same feather do flock together. Now I enjoy more solitude and spending most of my leisure time with my husband and 2 cats.
> A need for change – this can be used to your advantage. We are idealists who wont settle for less. This urge of idealism is so big in me and I have only noticed it recently. I have very low tolerance to anything against my belief. I feel the need to utilize both my creativity and analytical strengths in my career, which I finally found at 25yo (changed career direction when all my friends have settled in their jobs). Keep on looking and always take calculated risks whenever making new decisions in life, you will find your calling!
Extreme sensitivity – this too is something I’m still working on. It helps to have an intj husband with constant cold logic. In the beginning we fought a lot about me saying how he’s so insensitive. But now I see it as a training for me to use more of my Te and rationalize every encounters that may hurt my feeling. It’s not always about me, most of the time its coming from others personal situation. INfJs are said to be so emphathetic, which is true, but we can also be very self absorbed (me at least, INFJ type 4). I learn to be less touchy feely learning that its doing me no good.
Inability to connect with anyone – i get this feeling a lot too. But mostly I shut down from people who have in a way hurt my inner self. I learned that I avoid being around my parents too much because they stir too much emotions in me. As “emotional sponges”, i feel very miserable around my unstable parents, they fight a lot when I was little, even until my adult days. They stay in a mentally abusive marriage their whole lives and this affected me deeply. Probably one of the biggest factor of me becoming a solid infj as well, since I once tested as an extrovert as a kid. But then it could be that chameleon tendency we have as infjs
I was surprised to hear other INFJs to mention bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (with extreme rapid cycling) a few years ago at the age of 34. It’s strange, because prior to this time I hadn’t experienced any symptoms. I still doubt my diagnosis and have found that the symptoms have lessened by 85% since I started taking really good care of myself. I personally think that I am really sensitive to highs and lows and my response resembles bipolar symptoms.
This is so true IMO.. Though I am an INTJ female which is also very rare.. we share many similar issues, problems, positives etc.. I was diagnosed from my teenager years with a mother who was getting a degree in psychotherapy….. I loved my mother.. but putting a rebellious teenager… (why are we rebellious? lol) through psychological testing.. when their entire life they had been misunderstood…….. I probably messed that test up on purpose…. but I really don’t remember.. I have a firm belief that the rarest introverts get labeled this bi polar, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic tendency, etc.. while actually we are laughing inside when they tell us such nonsense… I let them think they know what they are talking about and I move on……So many inventions/innovations/ etc. have been missed out on for decades for they didn’t listen to the introvert! 🙂
So I had taken the test a couple different times without the seriousness that it deserved and each time I would get something that I felt didn’t quite fit in so I didn’t pay much attention to it. However, a friend who was really into it made me take in on a really long car ride and so I decided to give it one more go with the seriousness it deserved and lo and behold I got INFJ. When I read the description it finally felt like I could identify completely with it. Growing up I had always felt like I was misunderstood. Example, in high school I had written an essay and the group of people that read my essay (who were suppose to be the “smart” kids) gave me bad grades and then my teacher read it and was blown away and gave me an A+. I have always felt like my inner life was more developed and special than my outer life, yet people would always say that I was very outgoing and had lots of charisma, which I had always felt like were signs of an extrovert. As far as careers goes, I had so many different jobs cause I was always wanting new experiences and meaningful work. I had a sales job were I was essential let go cause I would help people instead of selling to them. I have a new job at a nonprofit and it has been awesome! The bipolar thing is also something I had noticed but I am glad that I am not the only infj to feel that way. I don’t have a facebook anymore and rarely do I use any of the other social media platforms because I could see through the shallowness that was rampant there and it would depress me to read through those things. I have come to accept that I am the kind of person that loves saving people and I long to be viewed as the knight in shinning armor. I do genuinely like helping people. One quote that really spoke to me was, “If you aren’t making someone else’s life better then you are wasting your time.” I think I grew up relatively well because I came to accept that I was different and would always be misunderstood at a young age. To my fellow INFJ’s, be honest with yourself and do not be afraid to live your life. Do not create your life based on others judgment!
I’m INFJ and the really surprising thing to me is that other types actually perceive my type has having no flaws or weaknesses. Are they KIDDING??? I feel like I am just one massive jumble of flaws and weaknesses. The symbol of my life is a dart which misses the bulls-eye by a quarter inch. I just can’t seem to win the prize or get the gold ring no matter how much effort I put into things. I read that people wish they were INFJ and I’m like…. YOU FOOL. It is not fun to function backward compared to the rest of the world. And we literally do function backward from most other types. If you ever see an INFJ that can pull off something even close to ‘normal’ you are seeing a very stressed out, very very tired person who is putting out 1000%. No. You don’t want to be one. Trust me.
Hello! I am 38 years old and just found out I am an INFJ. What a revelation! It has empowered me to finally be at peace with myself. Like many in this thread I once thought that I was probably bipolar. I also felt that I did not fit in. I found myself always looking for a friend that I could connect deeply with. This was a hard task and I have a few close friends that get me. Some friend would think of me as an extrovert and that would always take me by surprise. As a child my dad use to admire what a big heart I had. I used to cry with genuine sadness at others’ misfortunes. I find that I am constantly trying to read people’s emotions and read between the lines. This can be exhausting. Once I found out a lady was having an affair with a friend’s husband. Later on this turned out to be true. To this day I remember the expression in that lady’s face that led me to this conclusion. I have always felt that I have a big purpose to fulfill. That I have a big mission to help humanity. In all honesty now that I now I am an INFJ I am proud to be one. One of my biggest struggles is how sensitive I can be to what people think of me. Also, I am always trying to make everyone feel good in social settings and that is quite draining emotionally.
Sorry for posting on your INFJ forum , however I want to enlighten you all. I am a INTJ female which is also very rare. Mark my words on this.. I have done so many things to better humanity, healthcare, people etc.. because I am deeply passionate in many areas other’s never thought about. So rest assured I have witnessed and struggled my entire life to stay afloat.. they extroverted evils do want you squashed! The will do anything in their power to make it happen…. They pull out all cards to make you feel like an idiot. The most important suggestion I can give you right now is… be proud, stand tall, don’t cower…. No matter what they try to do to you! We all know introverts are rare and usually so cool! 🙂 It makes them so angry….. they try to get rid of you !
i am a 19 year who is apparently a infj, but through my short walk through life I know that all that really matters is
too love GOD and find out what he gave you as a talent and use it to help people,
for the need to save and serve = being blessed.
so regardless of personality types everyone should have a servants attitude towards the world .
GOD Bless you all
Hey everyone ,I discovered a Few months ago that I am an infj before that I use to think that why am I so different? For other people’s like my sis or bro it was quite easy to communicate but for me I use to get stuck in that moment could not able to utter a single word people around used to say do I ever speak? Because they haven’t heard me speaking but that was not exactly was with I am really comfortable with my family and friends but with strangers I get really conscious and uncomfortable.i know for a infj it is very difficult to get out of the shell we take time alot of time but we do after reading this I really felt better that people like me also exist in this world thank u so much..
It was only a few days ago that I found out I was an INFJ. And it was only today that I found out I was the rarest personality type.
It’s weird cause it doesn’t feel like it, then again, I’ve only discovered this was a thing a few days ago. The article made complete sense to me. I am an introvert- but with the friends I’m closer with I am very extroverted. I also enjoy public speaking- I’ve never struggled with it. But I find it hard to speak to people in crowds in group situations- so I stay completely silent. I find pleasure in helping people- it makes me feel good to help someone. I am very much in my own little world- I’m often not aware of what goes on around me until after it occurs. I am very sensitive towards people’s feelings- directly and indirectly.
I feel quite special knowing I have this personality type- it makes me feel like a unique person. But I do, at times, feel out of place. I have actually tried to change myself numerous times to “fit in”. But now I realise that isn’t the right thing to do- I have learnt to accept myself for who I am.
I am an ENFP and have gotten a fabulous INFJ in my life as a coach. She is amazing and we are working so well together. She told me she loves to work with ENFPs and would work with them exclusively if she could. I feel very privileged to have her to work with.
I’m an INFJ who also happens to have been born to an INFJ mother, and let me tell you, it’s like having Mother Theresa for a mom. We have the best mother-daughter relationship ever. I’ve always known I was different, even as a kid. I have very few close friends, even though people tend to be drawn to us. That’s one of the challenges : people being drawn to us, because often, they want to be in our company, and at times, we just want to be alone and it may come off as us being rude. The best thing to do is embrace being an INFJ.
Can I just say what a comfort to find an individual who really knows what they are discussing online.
You actually understand how to bring an issue to light
and make it important. More people have to check this out and understand this side of the story.
It’s surprising you aren’t more popular because you certainly possess the gift.
I think I have finally realised who I am. I have struggled my whole life to really fit in. I did the 16Personalities test a couple of times, and I either got the Architect personality or the Entrepreneur (my fake personality who tries to fit in), but finally got INFJ two times in a row, and after deep meditation and consideration finally came to the conclusion this is me. It all makes sense now. I do look for meaning in everything I do, and find helping people in some way really makes me feel useful and motivated. I even trained a couple years ago to become a religious worker. I later realised it was not for me though, but the need to help others in some way ir another is still there. I just have a natural compassion for others. Career-wise, I’ve changed so much from one to another that you would’t believe it.
I always considered myself an enigma. I thought nobody understood me, and I didn’t really understand myself, but now it all makes sense, I mean, we make 1.5% of all personalities – we’re the rarest of them all – no wonder we find it so extremely difficult to relate to others. It’s so hard for us to connect with others. I never really understood why this was so: was it because I was socially inept, selfish, stuck-up, lacked empathy, etc…? I spend the last 34 years of my life trying to figure this out, which has lead me to terrible bouts of depression and loneliness, but I think I have finally seen the light. This is so refreshing! I have typically found a healthy solace in my work or personal projects. I am currently pursuing my dreams as an entrepreneur,and I’ve come to realise that I have a tendency to naturally lean towards ventures that contain a social aspect about them.
I always knew I was different than most people; I was just never able to pinpoint what it was that made me so diametrically different than the majority. Now I think I can. I did feel disappointed initially; I actually wanted to be the INTJ type. But I think I’ve come to terms with myself and I’ve decided to embrace my weirdness, rarity – even freakishness, and exploit it to my advantage as much as I can. We may live in a world that is mostly tailored to the personality types of the most common ones, but that makes us the more necessary, to bring that balance back into the world.
We all should feel proud of ourselves! We are extremely rare people, and though many of us may have struggled most of our lives until we finally discovered who we truly are and the motives behind our behaviour, we can now start working on using our natural gifts and talents to live a more fulfilling life. I would really like to connect with other people who are just beginning this journey or who are willing to guide someone who is just starting it. If so, let me know here in the comment so we can connect.
well, I am an INFJ, but when I discovered this I was at theology school, where the type is not all that rare, so I did not know that it is rare. I appreciate the things that you said about us, especially because I always wondered why I was so conversational if I was an introvert. I am close to the center, both on the I/E scale and on the J/P scale.
now that I have read more comments, I want to say that I am happy with who I am, and I never thought that I was bipolar. I am a poet, which is probably a very good thing for an INFJ.
Hi guys,
I’ve known i am an infj since my teens and i took the myers-briggs test at least 10 times in the following years, just to see if i was different, but nope. Still same result. 🙂
I am so conflicted as a being that i often thought that maybe i need therapy…i withdraw from people and situations leaving them in complete shock, like i am one min at a gathering, the most enticing and bubbly person and 5 minutes later i am going home, just like that, with no explanations, leaving all like “what the heck happened ?!”. I too suffer from the complex energy fluctuations, today i am feeling 100% going to the gym and starting 100 other tasks and tomorrow morning i feel like i can’t do anything. I have noticed that this is caused by my emotional state fluctuation….this is what’s completely draining me. I don’t know how my emotions get like that, it’s like someone else decides if i am feeling low or i am feeling up. One thing is great: i have a great intuition. I know things…people and situations and have flashes of what is coming. It never failed me. My intuition is the strongest thing in the world. I just know, sense, see stuff. I just decipher everything, every motive behind. I like dreaming and am constantly reflecting and doing introspection. I prefer being alone, studying and listening to music. I can be with myself forever; and then i go out and everybody says i am the greatest social butterfly of all times.
This is my life. A constant contradiction worth the price of lifetime therapy.
Btw…how do you guys focus your attention ? Can you focus long-term on something?
Hey Karla 🙂 I completely relate to what you said. I wish I could sustain being sociable, I really admire extroverted people, I often feel embarrassed of myself when I shut off and stop speaking for hours at a time!
Regarding your last question of how do we focus our attention, I have always struggled with keeping focused. I was diagnosed with ADD as a child and prescribed Ritalin, something I am now morally am opposed too.
I can only stay focused on a project I am motivated by. I noticed that my motivation comes in erratic bursts. My solution to this is working on multiple projects simultaneously. Making sure to break a project up into small steps, and tackling a few small steps a day, or every second day. In this way, I never feel bored by one particular project.
I think the ultimate solution, would be choosing projects that you are emotionally invested it. The reward for working on such tasks will keep you motivated.
I am a 64 year old woman who just learned I am an INFJ. What a relief it was to discover I am not from another planet, something I’d wondered about because I’d never met anyone quite like me. And also to realize that we are the LUCKIEST OF THE LUCKY, because what makes us feel the very best about ourselves is something that is always easily within our reach: helping others.
I get such a rush from doing small kindnesses for others, for which there is never any lack of opportunity. For instance, standing in the return line at Costco the other day, I noticed the young mom in front of me telling her young son (~3 years old) that he had to wait to use the bathroom until she’d returned her stuff. First he looked very unhappy, then he sort of bent forward and held onto the front of his pants.
Thinking that discretion was needed, I moved up to her and softly said, “I’ll hold your place in line so you can take him to the bathroom. If the line moves fast enough for me to be next, I’ll let the person behind me go ahead of me in order to save your place in line.
After hesitating for a few seconds, she said, “OK!”
Leaving her cart in front of me, she took her son’s hand and together they raced for the rest room, returning a short while later, all smiles. The mom thanked me sincerely, and the whole episode made my day.
So, how lucky are we that we can always find a way to recharge our batteries, just by going out of our way to be kind to others?
This always works for me, even if no one is watching. Like when I pick up a piece of trash someone has dropped, and dispose of it properly, all the while knowing that I’m the only one who will ever know I’ve left the world a better place than I found it.
That was very touching, thank you for sharing you have inspired me to do more acts of kindness 🙂
I have known I as an INFJ for a few years.
As an INFJ, I must say people on this comment thread are really complaining about first world problems. I know that’s a very non-INFJ thing to say but we all need to learn to harden up a bit 🙂
Too many “oh I knew I was so rare”. EVERY person on this planet thinks they’re so unique and rare. The hardest thing about us is our fluctuations in energy and wanting to be alone (sometimes at the most random times).
Just a piece of advice, don’t take this MBTI personality test to be so gospel as there’s a lot of disagreement about it in the psychological community, to the point where some psychologists call it “Chinese whispers”
Here’s a quote from a Psychologist.
“When you read the basic descriptions, they’re all written in a positive way,” says Riggio. “[Psychologists] call that the Barnum Effect. The Barnum Effect says that if you write something that’s so general [it can apply to anyone]. They all sound right, they’re all so positive and kind of generic, people say, ‘Oh my God, this is a miracle—it totally applies to me.'” Basically, they’re like horoscopes
I just discovered i was an infj but instinctively have known it for some time. I find that as a male, we have a harder time as we are brought up to be tough, macho and strong. We were told to behave in a certain way. Maybe thats why i had such a hard time growing up. Chatting up people was difficult, having an ambition was difficult, conforming was impossible so i had to learn to be a chameleon. To appear extroverted or introverted when necessary. To find an outlet when i need space. I even fooled myself into thinking i was extroverted. Maybe female infjs behave differently, i am still thinking on that.
I have described myself as a chameleon to others before. I totally get what you are saying. As a male presenting person, it’s been strange growing up in US culture.
Not getting too far into gender stuff, I identify biologically as male (which is true), and my body feels like mine and like it’s the right one, but in terms of gender I think of myself as a human being.
Acknowledging that this is how I conceive of myself helped me get perspective, and I realized how much I simply don’t identify with typical US male culture. Being an INFJ, I’m appreciating, is not the experience that most people have, LOL. I don’t really understand achievement – like I don’t see the point in it. I get having nice things, financial security, and all of that, but I just don’t get how that could be an end in itself – how that could be a sufficient substitute for one’s life and identity?
The emotional empathy and compassion was the other piece that was really difficult. I have learned a lot of really great skills for acknowledging and experiencing my feelings, and that helps a ton, but I still am acutely aware of and often flooded by any group that I work with. As a ‘guy’, you’re not supposed to know the inner emotional lives of people – you’re not supposed to know exactly how someone’s joke or teasing is impacting another person in a painful way. Our society does an extremely poor job of creating space for that if you’re male, let alone teach you skills for how to be whole and authentic in those moments.
Therapy was revolutionary for me. It’s been really nice having a professional who has no other interest other than my own emotional and mental wellbeing to get feedback from on all of the things that I struggle with, perceive, have questions about, etc. It’s become an invaluable outlet for me, personally, and one that has also freed me to take more risks and explore things because I know I have someone I trust who will be there to help me, should I need it. (And one other sidenote that I’d be curious about any other INFJs who’ve utilized therapy – I pretty much drive every session, LOL. I come in every week or every two weeks with my thoughts and observations about things, and they just listen to me and offer some confirmation or good questions for me to consider. Is that an INFJ thing, or just my own unique idiosyncrasy?)
I just found out I’m an INFJ. Ever since I was young, I’ve always thought I was “different”, but as you go through puberty, and things like that, I just thought that was a normal part of wanting to fit in. But I’m an adult now and I still feel this way. I can’t count how many conversations I’ve had with so many different people, going on and on, and I seem so outgoing, like I’ve known them for a while, some people for some reason even randomly tell me personal things about themselves (I’m a cashier), which confuses me, and I don’t know what to say lol, but at the end of the day though, I don’t consider them friends, just customers. I’m very soft spoken, and have been complimented on my speaking voice xD, but there are times where I don’t want to say anything, because sometimes I’m just so overwhelmed and tired that talking and being social drains more energy. I love helping people, especially for free; once i got asked by a classmate “Why would you just give away those cds? you could have given it away for $1”, although I didn’t say it out loud, it ticked me off, in that it’s not all about profit; I really do just love helping people. I often reflect and think about homeless people and how they might have gotten to where they are; it might be ridiculously dumb to give them a $1, but I always do; I believe each of us are here, not just to exist, or to live, but to give; it makes me teary eyed at times seeing the conditions they are in. I have friends, it’s easy for me to make them, but I’ve never had a best friend, until now, I think. Be prepared, because if I care for you, and you’re crying, I’m going to break down and cry like crazy, even more than you are :T
Interesting to see so many INFJ’s
Im wondering on upbringing similarities in the formation of the personality for example INFJ female me- born to extremely introverted alcoholic father and extremely extroverted mother – middle child of 3 with 2 very extroverted sisters. Our family of 5 were very healthy and active except for me. … I just knew I was an alien left here and was waiting for my real family to come get me. Anyone relate? does birth order (middle child is the fixer and peacemaker) and family personality help form our personality and could being ill give one the pause to be deeply reflective and intuitive ?
To Julie –
I think my upbringing had some serious impact on my INFJ personality type.
I’m the first born son and have a younger brother. Growing up in the ’60’s and ’70’s, my parents had a very shaky marriage, never divorced, but they were always fighting and my Dad was extremely strict and rigid with all of us. He was basically the dictator of the family, and a spoiled brat to boot. As a young boy I had maybe 4-5 ‘Real Friends’, and I was extremely introverted because of not wanting to be close to any type of confrontations.
Being so hypersensitive to the ‘fights’ between my parents, I could walk into the room and I immediately could sense what was going on between them. Holidays were the absolute worse thing ever because they were filled with so much tension that I just couldn’t handle it taking the joy out of anything Santa brought me. I also wanted Aliens to kidnap me.
So now, at 61 yo, I can spot bullshit coming out of someones mouth before they even speak!
INFJ and proud of it!
Robert
I also am INFJ. Till I found this out, I never realised why I understood people on such a deep emotional level, but could never make any good friendships. Now I know that I was just waiting to find someone that had my personal beliefs and values. I never really wanted to hang out with people that I didn’t agree with their actions. Although I felt extremely lonely and un-accecpted, I couldn’t bring myself to compromise my beliefs by making friends with people who compromised these belief. Also I am very un-confident, and can’t see how anyone could like someone quite, shy and boring like me! However, now I realise it was all just part of my personality, I’m starting to accept myself, and understand why I do what I do.
I always thought there was something wrong with me growing up. I wasn’t like any of my friends and thought everyone was better than me. I had no love or emotional support growing up. I married a narcissist for 23 years which was soul destroying and self-sabotaging. I only found out 6 months ago that I was an INFJ empath and now I know there isn’t anything wrong with me. I finally feel I know who I am and that feels amazing. Tracy
Some genuinely nice stuff on this web site, I like it.
Hello,
I fount out that I was an INFJ last year, we had to the MG personality test. The teacher told me I should look on the internet, and I would be surprised at what I would find.
Well I did not take a look until last night, and what a surprise!!! today’s date is 02/23/2018
I recently discovered I am an INFJ. Like other INFJ’s who make this discovery, it really does feel like a major relief of “Now I know why I am the way I am!”. The loneliness can be draining. I care for others problems more than they do. I care about others way more than they care about me. The insatiable hunger for the intimate connection of a soul mate. This level of understanding with another that is cosmic. So strong that the power of it is felt by others. Only an INFJ can appreciate the complete bliss of looking into a lover’s eyes. That stare from across the room totally oblivious to everyone around. That knowing of I am yours and you are mine. I am very vocal, opinionated, and driven to be the help of the helpless. I hurt so deeply when I read or hear stories of abuse. I become very aloof and stop talking because it just feels good to be quiet. Then I am asked if anything’s wrong or accused of being moody or antisocial. I am very content to be in my own company and alone. I am intensely spiritual and connected with God. Reading people is a gift and a burden. It’s hard to relate when you see others with their masks off and they don’t know they’re being read like a book, their motives revealed. Knowing their intentions and their next move. Failed relationships are just a way of life for an INFJ. Only a few close friends you can count on one hand. Our good will is always taken advantage of. We refuse to compromise our principals EVER. We find our truth and never let go. We are the warriors of a good cause. We detest ever hurting another’s feelings. We don’t feel connected to this world. We love talking about the deeper subjects and aren’t good at the superficial. And yes, when we meet someone interesting and sincere, we blossom like a rose and engage in conversation that could go on all night. We tend to connect so strongly and so quickly with others and they’re never ready for it. And then we feel stupid after we are by ourselves again that we came on to strongly and revealed so much of ourselves or overwhelmed the other person. Being an INFJ is NOT easy and I’m not sure being in a room full of those the same as me would be a good thing either. LOL Other INFJ’s would agree I’m sure. But I wouldn’t change being an INFJ for anything. Thanks for your wonderful article.
INFJ ~ I’m glad to have found this site. I really didn’t realize how being an INFJ was affecting my life and happiness. As I was reading of so many folks talking about being posibley BiPolar, I found myself overwhelmingly sad. Sad for the folks who are not on here commenting, but struggling with and medicating for something they don’t have. I’m sad for all who are struggling and finding themselves at a point they no longer want to be in this world. I get it. I think to survive this world, we must first come to terms with being an INFJ. This means, saying out loud, “I’m remarkable”, “I have wonderful insight”, “People don’t get me and that’s okay”, “You don’t need to share or prove yourself to anyone but yourself”, “Always strive to find your inner peace”, and if you feel as though the world is swallowing you up, go Volunteer, talk to a therapist, watch some self help videos on YouTube, but by all means know that YOU are Wonderful. YOU very much tip the scales to a ‘positive’ in the world that has so many negatives. Your existence is felt even if you lack confirmation of it. Believe that it ripples out and touches someone or something for the good. <3 And be available to a fellow INFJ should you come across them, because Boy Do They Need You!
Hi, I’m also an INFJ. I noticed that my personality wasn’t common, but I didn’t realize how uncommon. Reading these articles is almost unnerving. I’m open to any questions, if they’re out there.
I’m floored by this. What first started last week as a lark with three of my adult kids comparing and contrasting our test results, is now providing me with an explanation for so much about me. It’s both depressing and exhilarating.
Roofs aren’t normally meant to final a lifetime.
I am an INFJ! I’ve never fit in anywhere, and I’ve always wondered what in the world is wrong with me? In high school, some days I would walk around at lunch and go from group to group talking to everybody and loved every second of it! While on other days, I would hide in my car and avoid any kind of human interaction at all. I never understood why I felt like this, and nobody else understood why I would just suddenly want to hide.
I love my friends and I love hanging out with them, yet when they ask if I want to go out or even just have a game night, I’d rather be alone. I love talking to guys and texting, yet sometimes I feel as though I would rather shave my head than go out on a date and actually have to talk to them. Groups of people, even if it’s just family, give me extreme anxiety and I can only handle being with everyone for so long before I’m just done, and need to be alone again. I’ve always wondered how it’s possible that I could be so extroverted, and yet so introverted at the same time. It’s truly fascinating.
Another thing, I have always felt not only do I sense other people’s emotions. I feel them too. Whatever kind of feeling is in a room that I’m in, I feel it extremely strongly to the point where it physically hurts me. I’ve always thought and been told that I was crazy, that it’s not even possible. Now, I know that I’m not crazy. That this is a gift that I have, even though it doesn’t always feel like a gift. This allows me to empathize with others on a level that most people can’t. This gift allows me to fulfill my life calling of helping and building up those around me.
While being an INFJ can be extremely miserable sometimes and nobody really understands us. We have to remember that there is a good side to being an INFJ as well. That we have the capability of empathizing with those around us who may feel misunderstood as well. We have the ability to make the world a better place!
This was not funny, and certainly makes no sense…. Please delete (OR ignore) the comment made in my name back in 2014.
Well, here is a very long overdue apology to the writer, owner, page administrator and readers (whether comments where posted or not): For 5+ years, a few friends enjoyed the little inside joke they played by posting this comment. They had never heard of the test, much less the topics discussed among those more rare types, such as INFJ.
I’m gonna sound really pretentious and gimmicky right now, but this kinda described my real-life persona pretty well. the pitfall they describe is dead fucking on, and the sympathy thing too. I used to cry a lot when people I didn’t even know well-got hurt or didn’t feel good.
Can’t find anywhere in this whole piece what the heck INFJ is supposed to STAND FOR?!?
And what’s up with the goofy NESTED COMMENTS that get skinnier and skinnier??? Weird!