I’m writing to you from bed today. Mainly because it’s the weekend and because I can. I’m sharing another strange little introvertism I hope you’ll be able to relate to. It has to do with going out to eat or run errands. Allow me to explain with a quick reference no one under twenty-five will get.
Another strange introvertism
Remember the theme song from the television show Cheers? It goes like this…
Wouldn’t you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
and they’re always glad you came.
The first part is very true for introverts, we tend to like to get away. But as for the rest? Typically, I like to go to the place where no one knows my name. Even if —especially if— I’m a regular at a restaurant, I still like to feel anonymous.
I realized this the other day when I felt tempted to avoid a lunch place I frequent because I knew the owner would recognize me.
When I go there for lunch, I’m usually still in introvert mode, or just very hangry. I pray that the owner won’t be around so I can slip in and out without him noticing me.
It doesn’t make any logical sense because he doesn’t even say much to me. He just gives me that “welcome back” look and asks how my day is going.
But I think as a fellow introvert you’ll understand that there are times when you just want to put on your invisibility cloak.
You want to go to the place where no one knows your name and eat in sweet anonymity. And that’s perfectly okay because we can’t be “on” all the time.
Introverts need pockets of solitude in our day so that we can be at our best. That doesn’t make us anti-social or shy. In this crazy world we live in with all its flashing lights and busyness, it’s natural to be a little self-protective.
Do you feel the same way? Feel free to let me know by replying in the comments below.
BIG announcement
Even thought we introverts want to be invisible sometimes, we also want and need human connection. But we need to socialize in a way that honors our introverted needs.
That’s why I’ve started a new website that will help you to do just that! It’s called IntrovertSocialSkills.com, and it’s the place to find smart conversation and connection resources for introverts. I’ll be posting new articles there starting this week. For now, you can hop over and grab my free Introvert Conversation Cheat Sheet.
I hope you have a loverly weekend, innie friend.
Xo,
Exactly this! If I had a super power, it would always be invisibility! I love to observe but just don’t always want to interact. And I LOVE to go where no one knows my name. My daughter describes being anonymous like that as comforting!❤️☺️
Glad you can relate Nancy! 😉
I so needed to read this and see I’m not alone and not crazy. Literally the story of my life.
I live in a small town, so if I go somewhere for lunch or dinner I can just about bet I will see someone I know. When I do, this is what happens, oh, you’re by yourself why don’t you join us? To avoid that, I now bring a book. I don’t get to read as much as I would like so not only am I getting some reading time in,, and no one invites me to join them.
There are days when I just don’t want to talk to anybody. I just want to stay inside my head, and most people don’t know this. I’m constantly plagued by small talks that is inescapable.
Yes! Sometimes you’ve chosen that moment to run errands because your mind has been too busy and you need to short it out for a bit by shaking up the scenery. Being expected to make small talk just adds more draw on a busy mind and doesn’t allow it to drain. But we try to be polite and do the pointless words thing, then we leave tired. Ha! Kinda funny that they have no idea that we are wilting while they’re recharging.
Yep I understand completely and that is why I’m still single lol
Glad you can relate, Chris. 😉
Agree. I didn’t renew my membership at a yoga studio because I wanted anonymity. But the owner & other students kept organizing these community activities. It just put me off. Now I am rediscovering the joy of working out at a new gym where nobody knows my name.
I regularly “switch up” my workout times at the gym, so as not to appear like a “regular” to anyone there. People are less likely to notice someone that they don’t see very often and in that way, anonymity is maintained.
CONGRATULATIONS ON THE NEW WEBSITE!!!!
Thanks so much!
I totally agree. The idea of being anonymous is so comforting & I don’t mind eating by myself while others busy interacting. I never feel out of place.
That’s great to hear! I feel totally comfortable eating alone, too. 🙂
Here’s something weird: A few years ago my husband and I drove to Boston, we were both in our 50s at the time. He attended ComicCon (don’t ask!) one day so I drove myself to Salem and had lunch at a wonderful Indian restaurant. I struck up a conversation with a young man (very early 20s) who was also dining alone. I discovered that he was headed to a poetry slam, had never had shellfish before because he ate Kosher (my husband is also Jewish but not that strict) and many other interesting things. I shared some of my Poori bread with him, as he’d never tried it before and we had a great time conversing. I would NEVER do that at home in Vermont. I found it very strange that I felt like someone else while alone for a day on vacation.
Thank you for your facebook page. I can really relate to so many of your posts. Have a wonderful holiday celebrating whatever you choose to believe in!
You are not the only one who has experienced that, Madeline.
There are particular people whom you can talk and feel very comfortable. My Colombian friend Erika is a good example. When I have reunited with her at Kings Dominion with her American husband, mother, and my sister, I have felt so good and normal. I have never felt as socially awkward around Erika as I do with people at work, my neighbors, total strangers, and estranged family relatives.
i exactly feel in this way , but i never noticed my such behavior before reading the article, about a year go, i avoided a shop when i was hanging around with my friends only because the owner would recognize me and start small talk.
I thought that I was the only person who felt this way. Of course, I do not like being around strangers who think that they know me. But, it is better experiencing that than to be reunited with family members whom I do not know well or even talk on Facebook.
This killed me, in the best way! I literally change the words to that song and sing “where nobody knows your name”, no joke. So I gasped when I saw that writen. Lol.
I relate to how you go about getting a bite to eat or doing errands. I think ahead about what I want/have to do and decide if I can deal with small talk in certain places, depending on the day I can be fine with it. If not I try to go to another location where I’m not known. Sometimes it’s not possible and I have to mentally prepare myself or go another day if I can wait.
So funny, nice knowing there are ppl who think/feel like me.
For a while, my husband and I kept eating lunch at the same Panera Bread. The girl behind the counter started to recognize us…even remembering that they forgot to give me my apple last time, with my lunch. No big deal. Except for the fact it was starting to “weird me out!” Luckily, my husband agreed…so we stopped eating there for a while until we were “strangers” once again. It’s helpful when you have a partner who AGREES with your weird introverted ways…which leads me to an idea for an interesting article: When extroverts and introverts get married, and what sort of trouble and discontent will occur!
Thanks for sharing that! It is so nice to have a fellow innie who agrees. That is a great article idea, I’ll keep it in mind!
I was literally thinking today that sometimes I wish I was invisible! I’m about to go home from a long day at work and know that my husband will want to spend time with me and chat. I’m not saying I’m not grateful for my husband, because I definitely am, but sometimes I wish I could just slip in the house and lay on the couch undetected and without him asking me for dinner, etc.
I’m kind of the opposite, actually!
I would rather be a regular somewhere so that the staff knows and respects that I’m quiet, keep to myself, and don’t regularly engage in chit-chat. They serve me up my regular order, accept my nod as thanks and go about their business.
It’s beautiful.
Yes, I get that feeling sometimes too. That’s part of why we moved where we are now. Lol didn’t want to run into anyone we know too often.
Sometimes I’ll go to another town or location just because I don’t wanna run into anybody I know. Most people think it’s weird but I’ve always been like that.
I’m just seeing this while dining alone in the Marina. Enjoying me, myself and I.