Are We Compatible? MBTI Relationship Matches For Introverts

It’s that time of year when most of us are acutely aware of our relationship status. Whether you’re coupled up or single, knowing your MBTI relationship matches comes in handy.

Before I introduce you to your matches, which I’ve compiled in a colorful new infographic, I want to let you in on a little secret.

Your MBTI relationship matches aren’t rules for your love life to live or die by. This is love we’re talking about after all! Matchmaking — even when the matchmaker is the MBTI — is more an art than an exact science.

There’s no need to dump your fiancé because he didn’t make the cut on your MBTI relationship matches list. There are always exceptions, dearest. As comedian and actress Charlyne Yi puts it:

“Compatibility is weird. Love is confusing. Love is one wild beast.”

Okay, now that we’ve got that little caveat out of the way, let’s be honest.

It’s really nice to have some guidelines surrounding compatibility. After all, no one knows what lottery ticket is going to be the winner. But it sure is nice to understand the odds before you invest your hard earned money in a ticket.

Knowing your MBTI relationship matches gives you a better idea of your chances in the love lottery. Sure, you could beat the odds, and find love with an unlikely match. But you could also discover that the MBTI did not lie. Sometimes, the Myers-Briggs can help predict relationship compatibility with eerie success.

Now you might be wondering …

How does it work?

How exactly does this Myers-Briggs thingy determine your matches? Allow me to explain.

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator designates 4 “functions”:

Intuition (N)
Sensing (S)
Feeling (F)
Thinking (T)

Each function has a direction or “attitude”, which is either Introverted (I) or Extroverted (E).

Every personality type (including yours!) has a dominant function. For instance, the dominant function of an INFJ is Introverted Intuition, whereas for an ISTP it’s Introverted Thinking. According to experts, we tend to fit best with personalities who share our dominant function, but use it in a different direction.

For example, someone with dominant Extroverted Feeling would get along best with someone who has dominant Introverted Feeling. Like I sad earlier, there are always exceptions. We are all unique butterflies, after all.

How accurate are the MBTI relationship matches in real life?

As an INFP, the charismatic ENFJ is #1 on my list of MBTI relationship matches. Apparently, the ENFJ’s dominant function of Extroverted Feeling is highly compatible with my Introverted Feeling dominant function. This makes sense on paper, but how does it play out in real life? Well.

It just so happens that I have dated a couple of ENFJs. To be fair, I can see why the good ol’ MBTI would match us up. I actually got along very well with this type … for a little while.

But to be honest, I didn’t like the dominant nature of the ENFJ as a partner. I have a pretty strong personality myself, and I felt like I had to revert to a more submissive role for the relationship to work. Also, the ENFJ need to have an audience exhausted me — especially when the audience was made up of me, myself, and I. So, my perfect MBTI relationship match was not so perfect after all. But the MBTI has been right in other cases.

Take my friendship circle, for example. Most of my female friends are ENFPs and ENFJs, and we get along swimmingly. I also have a healthy handful of INFJs in my life. All of the above types are considered ideal MBTI relationship matches for an INFP like me.

Your turn

Are you ready to discover your best MBTI relationship matches? I’ve put all the innie matches together for you in a brand new infographic, which you can share on social media, or download and print for future reference. Here it is:

MBTI relationship matches

 

I’d love to hear your experiences

I’m dying to know how your MBTI relationship matches have panned out in real life. Are you, or have you ever been, in a relationship with your ideal match? Were you actually compatible, or not so much?

Please do share your insights and experiences in the comments below.

Love,

 

michaela chung

36 Comments

  1. Wonderful article Michaela! I couldn’t agree more with what you said here. 🙂 As for my relationships, I was in one with an INFJ, and I can freely say that it was great. It ended for reasons not related because of our personalities. My close friends are INFJs and INFPs so I can freely say that I have the best connection and understanding with these two personalities. 🙂 One of my past relationships was with an ESTJ, and it didn’t work out well due to the fact that she had an ESTJ stubbornness and was unable to show emotions at all. As an HS empath INFJ, I could not cope with this. There were traits I liked such as dedication and honesty, but to be honest, I didn’t like the lack of emotions and an judgmental attitude she had.
    Again, great article and so spot on for me! 🙂

    Reply
    • Thanks Marko! And thanks for sharing your experiences with the different personality types. 🙂

      Reply
    • As a single INFJ, you won’t find me comfortably out in the world looking for love. No bars for me, and I’d mostly rather be home than at a party.
      Dating apps come with their own frustrations: my carefully constructed profiles solicit replies mostly from people who don’t seem to glean much of substance about me beyond my appearance and age.
      Rejection is hard enough for us, but the cyber dating world, like the rest of social media, seems to have desensitized some people as far as kindness and respect goes – – my one week free trial on match.com was enough to produce an idea for a screenplay about a hapless cyberdater who meets a psychopath online…
      I wish there was an online tool for introverts to meet in person, for dating as well as friendship.

      Thanks for the work you do!

      Reply
  2. Such a great share!! My longest most gratifying and growth oriented relationship was the INTJ INFP. She became more self assured and independent and I learned better how to cope with my stresses and emotions. Being an introvert has so many challenges when not supported by an aware core group of friends. Thank you for always finding my inbox and sharing your insights to this world of wonder.

    Reply
    • You’re welcome! Thanks for sharing about the INTJ INFP bond. 🙂

      Reply
    • Jesse , that is interesting. “Funny” isn’t it how it says for INTJ “It could work” but for the INFP it says “Not likely, but still worth a try.” That is interesting what you wrote about in your comment. I would enjoy to talk on the different personality types etc away from this article.. how about you?

      Emi

      Reply
  3. Although my boyfriend has not taking any of the personality tests, I have tried to type him, and he seems like an ISTJ. As an INFP who has started to read more about the functions according to the MBTI, I see why this type of pairing could make for a difficult match. My boyfriend and I definitely have to make the effort to take into consideration the way we both naturally communicate so that there are less misunderstandings. He would rather not discuss his feelings most of the time and he is also very practical and down-to-earth. I, on the other hand, don’t always have to discuss my feelings, but I am driven by my values and I do like to discuss things about which I care a great deal. Also, I definitely see the way things could be instead of consistently being in the moment. We both have different ways of trying to solve problems and once I realized that he is most likely an ISTJ, it just put our behavioral tendencies into perspective.

    I think that my sister is an INFJ, and while INFJs and INFPs are often thought of as types that would get along very well, I’ve also read a lot of comments from both types and from my personal experience with my sister, I know that there can definitely be personality clashes, sometimes major arguments and break down of relationships. I think one of the things that often comes into play and can make for problems is how extroverted feeling by INFJs and introverted feeling by INFPs are demonstrated in relationships. Both types value their privacy and need their space, but I think that some INFJs may see INFPs as being cold and distant because of the introverted feeling, while INFPs may see INFJs as expecting too much because of the INFJ desire for a feeling of external harmony in the environment. During arguments my sister has sometimes accused me of not caring about her or others, because of these differences, even though I tend to care a great deal about people in my life. I just don’t always make how I feel obvious to others. These two types at their unhealthiest can also become too dependent on each other for emotional support, which is why healthy boundaries are also important. When I start feeling to drained by an interaction, I know it’s time to get a bit of distance.

    Reply
    • Interesting insights about your relationship with an ISTJ. I agree that understanding each other’s personalities helps a lot! Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  4. Thank you Michaela I’m an infj and those mentioned as a great match are definitely my favourite types of people to be around. There’s still something to learn about love, self and relationships from the other types who may not be the best match.

    Reply
    • Well said, Bianca! 🙂

      Reply
  5. This info graphic doesn’t take into account sexual orientation and so is excluding anyone that does not identify entirely straight.
    I avoid extroverted or introverted sensors as an INTJ, so some of those ideal matches suggested heighten my ‘flight’ response.

    Reply
    • i’m confused how this doesn’t take into account sexual orientation. it’s based on personality and everyone has a personality so therefore everyone is included. just because you’re a gay ISFJ doesn’t make you less of an ISFJ. or am I missing something??

      Reply
    • I also am not quite sure what you mean. The infographic is not gender specific and is based on Myers-Briggs personality types. It applies to every human with a personality type regardless of ethnicity, sexual orientation, or gender.

      Reply
      • Don’t agree but as your mileage is heteronormative I’m not surprised you can’t get my point.

        Reply
  6. Enjoyed the Article. This Valentines Day AM I awoke next to my ENFP lady love. Her prodding nearly a year ago was how I discovered MBTI and my INFJ-ness to begin with.

    It has been an exquisite adventure and shows every sign of only getting better. She has helped me break out of my shell in so many ways, led me on journey’s of discovery, places I would never have gone, things I would never have done, people I would never have met.

    And she understands and even senses when it all gets to be to much and I need to retreat to the forest by myself and pushes me out the door!

    She is the first person to have ever really gotten me out of my own head. And whenever I find myself in that place where my never still mind is spinning out of control, she always says something that breaks the spin.

    It took me 54 years… and a delightful extrovert to show me what it means both to truly be happy and to truly embrace life, and to truly love and be loved.

    Reply
    • Ah, the INFJ + ENFP pairing – a classic match! Thanks for sharing your experience with an ENFP, John!

      Reply
  7. I like the article! I agree, you can’t base your life on a love matchmaker, but it can point you in the right direction! I am an INFJ and I believe my partner is also an INFJ. We have been together for over 5 years now and we are best friends. This MBTI Matchmaker says that we are a match made in MBTI heaven, and I believe it! 🙂 We both have the same weaknesses, so if we were unaware of them they could push us apart, but we communicate well and so it all works out good for us, because we understand each other! 🙂

    Reply
    • Thanks, Ashley! Oh, I didn’t know you had an INFJ partner. That’s great to hear that you’re living proof that this can be a great match. 🙂

      Reply
  8. Thanks Michaela for this timely article. Happy Valentine’s wishes to all!

    I’m an INFJ and like Michaela, I’ve dated my MBTI top matches but with ‘extroverted’ personalities. Although we could chat well together but some conversations came forth too intrusive to me. The intense interest felt like ultra violet scorching over me… I ended up shying off after 2-3 dates.

    I do wonder how it would be to meet an INFJ or INFP, my ‘introverted’ MBTI top matches someday but it’s too rare to find in guys and I haven’t any luck.

    Reply
    • Hi Pamela, thanks for sharing that. You might be surprised at how many innies can come into your life when you open up to the idea. After I really embraced my introversion, I started attracting fellow innies like a magnet, especially INFJs and INFPs. I hope you find your perfect matches. 🙂

      Reply
  9. Hi!
    I can completely relate to your compatiblity issues with an ENFJ. I was never in a relationship with one, but from my experience with my best friends who happen to be an ENFJ and an ENFP, I would become quite drained. Some definite control issues on one side and relentless competition and drama on the other. I’ll let you guess which is which. I recently met another INFP (finally!) and we’ve hit it off extremely well, but both of us are taking very long to be open and comfortable with each other. It is interesting to experience what others must experience from me. I do get along very well with these types and prefer them to the other types as friends.

    For some reason, though, I think I prefer being the only “floaty” one in a relationship. I was in a long term relationship with an ISFJ, which worked amazingly well. He was sweet and sensitive, but practical where I was not. Besides my frustration with his inability to detract from a set plan and routine, our relationship problems were unrelated to personality type. I think. I needed intense moments of quality time he was not able to provide, which might be personality. And it is very possible that I was putting him on a pedestal whilst expecting way too much from the poor guy.

    I find I am still attracted to people who are sensible (logical). It might be that I am completely fascinated by this otherness. But man-oh-man, a dreamer and artist gets my heart racing…

    In general, though, I find I nitpick when it comes to choosing a significant other. Adding in the MBTI types has made me even more cautious. I have a feeling I will need to fall in love quite desperately to ever go the relationship route again.

    So here is to the perfectly imperfect guy who is going to match me imperfectly well.

    Happy Fie-the-Government Day!
    And thanks for the innie platform, Michaela. Them innies get me all excited.

    Reply
  10. I do not agree with these at all. I’m an INFP who has had multiple, terrible relationships with INTJs. We just can’t understand each other. I am engaged to an ENFJ are a perfect match. Nothing else in the world works. I know the types pretty well, and these are not correct, in any aspect, I’m sorry.

    Reply
    • Hey Megan, the way the graphic is presented it does initially look like it is pairing INFP and INTJ since they are side by side. Actually, the pairings for INFP are listed directly below next to the hearts. If you take another look you will see that INTJ is considered a poor choice for an INFP and ENFJ one of the best, just as your personal experience suggests.

      Reply
  11. Thanks Michaela for this article. I can truly relate to your frustration to an ENFJ, I have never been in a relationship with one, but I have a friend with whom I have a constant argument with. Though we actually has common interests and trait, I often feel exhausted with his dominating and always-right nature. Also they could be very very bad enemy to our independence. My ex was an INTJ and it seems that my crush happens to be one too. Though we can see world in a completely different perspective, they are the one who can accept me as I am without feeling any superior to us. And also give me lots of space and independence I need most.

    Reply
    • Thanks for sharing your experiences with this, Arina! 🙂

      Reply
  12. I’m an INFP and my absolute favorite person on Earth is my ESTJ husband. We have been together for 8 blissful years. We are polar opposites, but our core values and morals match up and we both have the capacity to let the other be who they are. We appreciate the differences in each other.

    Reply
    • I think you raise a good point, Heather, which is that shared values are key to any relationship, especially when you are opposites in other ways. Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  13. I definitely agree with the combination INFJ + ENFP, it is definitely the most attractive to me (Infj).

    I lack of experience in the love relationship, but as friends ENFJ are great as well but I would not get into a relationship with one except if we share the same values.

    Two J with different values would not work.

    Moreover, it highly relies on personnality, as an introvert I have many difficulties to get along well with other introverts. Maybe because we are too much hard word to open ourself…

    Reply
  14. My financé scores as an ESTJ but I strongly suspect this is his work persona since he is highly intuitive, sensitive, and very emotionally aware. I think he’s an ambivert or a closet INFJ.

    I’m an INFJ. I’m not supposed to find him a match yet he longs to understand me and accept who I am in a way I have never experienced before. It is amazing. Truly amazing.

    As you said, we are all different and these guidelines are just that—guidelines. Most ESTJ’s are too concrete, loud, and brass for me. Overwhelming. But not him.

    Great article!

    Reply
  15. For me, ENFJ is the perfect match! It just so happens that my fiancé is one! We balance each other out so well! Also, he’s more of an ambrivert, so he doesn’t mind not being around people all the time, which is okay with me since I’m such a strong introvert! I don’t even know when we found out he was an ENFJ, I just have known I was an INFP towards the beginnings of our relationship, so with finding out his typing, it just made a lot of sense! Anyways, great article ?

    Reply
  16. Ha, ha, apparently my heart didn’t care for MBTI compatibility because my INFP-self has been in a ”romantic” relationship with a INTJ for 20 years! I’ll be honest, it wasn’t always easy, especially in the beginning – misunderstandings aplenty – but we managed to hold on and get through and are stronger because if this. These days we accept all of each other and chose to be amused rather than bemused by our differences in opinion or attitude but honestly we’re on the same page more often than not anyway. He’s my best friend and I count my luck stars every day that we get to go through life together. So, in conclusion, MBTI profiles are super-useful in helping understand one another’s way of thinking but they don’t mean a lot when it comes to matters of the heart…in my experience anyway.

    Reply
  17. I am an INFP myself and I have been falling for ENFJs. I can relate to the audience issue you mentioned, but what I feel is that in their quest to help everybody, they sort of neglect their loved ones… What do you think? Cheers for this 😉

    Reply
  18. As an INFJ, and only having connected romantically with three people in my life, I can’t say this is wrong!

    I had a 5-year relationship with an INFP, which was sublime in many ways. It ended for compatibility reasons that weren’t really related to how our personality types interfaced. (This is a contradiction in terms, I know!) In this particular match, my extreme conflict aversion (I was an immature INFJ when the relationship began) paired with his desire to always have his intuition validated meant that his intuition ruled the day – and mine never did. I ceded the borders of my being to validate his until I couldn’t anymore, and then the door did slam. There was an age and experience difference, here, so one could say he definitely wore the pants. Perhaps this would be different between two other individuals with the same types.

    I then briefly dated an INTP, which was actually a VERY refreshing match! His “T” actually went a long way towards helping soothe my continual “F” neuroses, and this made the day-to-day relaxing, in one sense. This ended for reasons entirely unrelated to type.

    Now I’m with my INTJ best friend of 15 years, and believe I have found my soulmate!! The problematic part of being with the “P” folks – namely the vacillating on how they interpret a situation differently from day to day, the prospecting, which made me ever more neurotic because I felt I couldn’t count on their emotional constancy – is not present at all. He has proven his unconditional loyalty and love to me for 15 years already, and I know that he means what he says and says what he means. What a breath of fresh air! It also helps the conflict aversion that this is one man who wants me to tell him when things are bothering me, and MEANS it! No passive aggression! Just straight listening and kindness and solving problems together. I read an article online that described the INTJ – INFJ pairing as a “dark horse,” and maybe it is. But if he’s a Vulcan, he’s sure as hell the most romantic Vulcan to ever walk on Earth. Maybe we bring it out in each other.

    Reply
  19. Seems mostly correct to me. I’m an INFJ who’s been with a relationship with an ENFP for 7 years. We balance each other out very well. My best friends are INFP, ENTP and INTP. All apparently good matches 😉 Incidentally, I just realised I don’t tend to have many J’s in my inner circle. ?

    Reply
  20. I am an INTJ, and my partner is an INFP. Although we’re not necessarily the most “compatible” by our MBTI types, our relationship works because we compliment and balance each other well. My practical side brings him down to earth, while his creative side helps me think out of the box. Since he is a Feeler, being with him has encouraged me to work on processing and communicating my emotions in a healthier way. As introverts, we have learned a lot about how to balance our needs for intimacy and space and communicate our needs without hurting each other. Plus, it’s always nice to have someone to take a break with when we become overstimulated at parties! Haha.

    Reply
  21. It’s interesting to see that you have different “typical” pairings, depending on the type’s maturity. Just by looking at the first responses, I got a sense that these are none of these ‘teenagy flings’ that I see massively reported on the internet.

    Now, as an INTJ woman, I have to say that NO Sensor is ever going to reach my bottomline. Even when taking maturity into account, any ofour interaction are dead-end for me (not sure if this is clear to ISTPs and ESTJs, since they keep trying…).

    ENTJs and INTPs are not “alluring” enough to get me on board either. I suspect it has all lot to do with them having poorly developed emotionality.

    Now, INFPs are the natural deal for me. Communication is not particularly difficult, but the major missue is always bound to the Fi-Ne/Ni-Te dichotomy.
    I have a single life-objective that I’ve been pursuing since age 10: my time is precious and counted. For the INFP men that I’ve known, their life is a free flowing river tuned to the shores of their feelings: time doesn’t exist for them.

    We basically always end up living side-by-side and looking in the same direction.
    This is no ordinary “coupling” at all. It is more like a “deep” friendship.

    Reply

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