Introvert, or extrovert? That is the question … or is it?
For years now, I’ve talked ad nauseum about introversion, and how it differs from extroversion. Meanwhile, I’ve neglected an entire personality type:
The mysterious “ambivert”.
What the heck is an ambivert?
If you’re thinking “ambit-what?”, don’t worry, you’re not the only one who is confused by this term. An ambivert, which is the personality type right smack dab in the middle between an introvert and an extrovert, is an anomaly to most of us.
We imagine some strange cross between Bill Clinton and Keannu Reeves. This mix n’match concoction of a person looks like any other human, but really they are a hybrid. They have an extrovert’s nose, an introvert’s eyes, an extrovert’s femur, an introvert’s right tendon …
Of course, the above picture is far from accurate. Outward physical characteristics don’t determine whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert. Identical twins can fall on vastly different sections of the personality spectrum.
To answer what does make an ambivert different than an innie or outie, I think it’s important to get back to the basics.
Introvert vs. extrovert 101
An introvert is someone who gains energy from being alone, and loses energy in stimulating environments, such as social situations. An extrovert is someone who is energized by being out and about and socializing.There are several traits associated with being an introvert or extrovert.
– often quiet
– tends to speak more slowly
– drained by crowds, busy environments, loud noises
– enjoys solitude
– hates small talk
– hates the phone
– can keep up a fast-paced conversation
– energized by busy environments, and doesn’t mind crowds
– doesn’t like being alone for too long
– enjoys chit chat and banter
– can socialize for long periods without being drained
What makes an ambivert unique?
People often think that an ambivert is simply someone who socializes more than a typical introvert. Not quite. The true telling factor is how much recharge time someone needs after socializing.
If they need zero to very little, they are likely an extrovert. If they need ample alone time to feel at their best, they are an introvert. If they need only a medium amount of recharge time, they could be an ambivert. You might be wondering, what the heck is a “medium amount”?
The truth, is there is no set amount of time. Just like how an introvert’s social stamina differs from one person to the next, an ambivert’s need for alone time varies. I have a close ambivert friend who can make small talk with anyone, but is out of commission as soon as 9pm hits. Like me, she needs her recharge time after socializing, but to a lesser degree.
Ambiverts also tend to have a more even distribution of both introverted and extroverted traits. For example, they might love talking on the phone, but hate crowds. Or they might enjoy the solitude of nature, but want to share the experience with a small group of friends.
Here are 4 more common ambivert traits:
Ambiverts balance out whoever they’re with.
The even temperament of an ambivert can balance out an extroverted personality, and bring out an introverted one.
They are social chameleons.
Ambiverts are comfortable in a variety of social situations. For example, they don’t mind group conversations, or being the centre of attention. However, they also enjoy hanging back and observing.
Too much downtime makes an ambivert anxious.
Ambiverts enjoy spending time alone, but become anxious if they spend too much of their spare time in solitude.
They can tolerate small talk … for a little while.
Although they don’t despise small talk as much as introverts do, ambiverts are bored by too much fluffy banter. They’ll tolerate chit chat for a little while, and then want to dive into more meaningful conversations.
The lucky ones?
Some say that ambiverts are the lucky ones. They don’t have to deal with the challenges of being an extreme introvert or extrovert. They can happily navigate the middle ground, where there isn’t so much isolation, and misunderstanding.
Personally, I think each personality type comes with its perks and problems. I’d love to hear from any ambivert readers, who can shed some light on the challenges of having this personality type. Please do share your insights in the comments below. 😉
my biggest problem as an ambivert or “i guess i am” is that my diffeent types of personality which makes people think that i’m an extravert while i’m an introvert. So i make friends most often when i’m extravertizing but can’t hold that friendship for too long because of my lack of phone talking and chit chat . They most often wonder if they did sonething wrong to me when they see my introvert side which is even so confusing to me. I think i’m just an introvert who sometimes wants to change the enviroment and see how other people actualy live by just being littlebit curious.
I’m very introverted but I feel the same way about meeting and maintaining relationships. I might have a really great conversation with someone but I don’t do the filler chitchat phone stuff to maintain the friendship. I feel bad because people think I’m a little pretentious, you know. I find I get along really well with older folks. When there’s not much to say, we wait until something comes up. In the meantime we enjoy cookies and a little wine.
I feel that. I used to describe myself as a pessimistic optimist because I would connect with people of polarizing personalities. I would meet people, get deeply connected then fall of the radar as if I was afraid they would learn a dirty little secret about me. I can be there for others but I am soooooooo much more than I appear.
Absolutely, that is how I feel, pessimistic optimist, I’ve justified it by saying I’m a realist, not true. I could meet people on both sides of the spectrum and have something in common with either and like you, fall off the radar only because I felt like I didn’t mesh with them well enough. Hard life we live and by the way, I prefer the one on one connection even though I can manage my way through presentations with hundreds of people but also hate networking, not my thing, at least not for very long (unless there is a little alcohol involved…). Thanks for saying this, YoLocalGoddess!
I can totally relate to what you are saying.
I love people, but hate crowds. I don’t call or text unless I need something or have something to talk about. People don’t understand that I need time to recharge. Sometimes I don’t feel the need to talk and it has nothing to do with them. It’s hard to explain and I’ve lost many friendships because people don’t give the understanding that I give because I know what it’s like to feel unexplainable.
I actually took a test and am 1% percent away from being a PERFECT ambivert. I can also definitely agree that ambivert are definitely not the “lucky ones”. It’s difficult enough having a combination of the problems extroverts and introverts have, and it also takes ambiverts (or at least me) much longer to figure out what kind of person they are regarding social interaction and other stuff.
This is so like me
I am an ambi too! I love it . I love talking to strangers and love people in general . I’ve not been this way all my life though .
Also love to research things and can spend lots of time doing it.
Love family get togethers AND time alone , but not too much time alone .
For me personally, as I have grown closer to Jesus Christ , my loving savior , I’ve noticed more of a coming to the middle – ambivert . I was more introverted when younger / as I’ve realized how much God loves me, I’ve in turn grown in my love for others . Everyone is made in His image and is therefore , very special !
I am most definitely an ambivert and I would whole-hardheartedly disagree with the fact that some say we have it the best. I would say I have it the worst. I long for the ability to have small talk with people. I want to socialize and don’t mind being in large crowds. I want to go out with friends and meet new people. However, it’s hard for me because I also tend to sit back and listen. I have a hard time communicating and being myself for the fear of being judged. It’s awfully frustrating and leaves me feeling down and disappointed most of the time. I need my alone time to recharge but after too long I get anxious and depressed. I want more than a handful of close friends but I can’t seem to overcome my own insecurities enough to be able to socialize the way I want. It’s extremely frustrating. I want what I can’t seem to give myself. I’m currently reading “The Irresistible Introvert” which is what brought me here. I’m hoping applying what you have written in the book will help me to overcome this.
I feel you Dan, I was like you before, wished I could be more like the others, be either an extrovert or an introvert, because I was envious of their focus, it seemed like they knew more what they wanted out of life. But since I never could really decide what I really needed and wanted, I got more and more quiet from 16 till my 20’s because I never felt anyone understood and got irritated by the fact and stopped sharing my thoughts and feelings, because I have so many of them, and I DO feel you all. This is how I overcome it and feel like a fucking genious today 98% of the time.
I never felt like I fit in any place and tried everywhere, because everything seemed interresting, almost. But I just realised I’m just a really fucking huge independent and free spirit, I never wan’t to seek out to find out what I need, I want to listen and know it all, so I can find my own best opinion about it all, but never feel pushed into anything. And since I’ve always tried to fit in and “please” people, because I love you all, and always believe/hope for the best, now my role is to always apply myself, to everyone, because I feel that is my strongest ability. And when I truly shine my inner self, I will find the ones to love and be loved by.
Hope you can get some out of it, if not, feel free to always talk to me!
In the Myers/Briggs typology system, based on the percentages of my test results I’m 47% Extrovert and 53% Introvert, Intuitive 92% and Sensing 8%, Thinking 61% and Feeling 39%, Judging 63% and Perceiving 37% If I remember correctly. All I know is that I can cross party lines in the extroversion and feeling spectrum easily, the judging and perceiving thing was easier to cross when I was younger however as I mature my analyst personality comes out more. The only natural Ambivert I know as far as personality types are concerned is the ENFP they often are the most introverted extroverts there are according to what I’ve read on them.
So since I’m pretty close in definition of an Ambivert. I wanted to comment on the four common traits from my perspective and experience.
Ambiverts balance out whoever they’re with: Yes we do, we tend to get along with most anyone often playing Devil’s advocate between personality types and often defending each as per their unique differences and embodying respect for each other’s differences. I get the “Would you go talk to them for me, they’ll listen to you” requests often. I often have to explain why people act the way they do, and point out that it isn’t wrong for them to be this way, it’s natural.
They are social chameleons: Yeah I still sometimes extrovert myself in social situations, then later get the “Why are you so quiet” remarks later as if something is wrong, I’m often just introspecting and sometimes need quiet alone time to do that, I’m not two faced anti-social. I do attend parties when invited, get introverts out of their homes so they can get some sun, and introduce others like a good wing-man. Other times I hang with the cool kids leaning against the walls or in dark corners. When it comes to being the center of attention socially I can do it in bursts, considering I’m primarily introverted, I don’t think I could possibly be around hundreds of people all the time.
Too much downtime makes an ambivert anxious: This is true too, yet not in the way you might think, I do get antsy and want to do something but it doesn’t always have to involve more then one other person, I’m fine with intimate gatherings of 1 to 3 people, and can feed my social needs that way. Sometimes I’ll just go out to a store or the mall, or festival alone and see what interesting characters I can find and make conversation with, I met most of my friends this way and the weirder the better for me, most normal people bore me, I like quirky, weird, abstract people, too much routine kills my mojo. Don’t get me wrong I still enjoy cuddling on the couch and take an evening in. I maybe intense at times however I gain experience and grow exponentially through those experiences, at home and outside.
They can tolerate small talk … for a little while: Yeah we can humor others, conversations about snack cakes, surfing, weather, traffic, sports only go so far, I need deeper more intimate value related topics to be really engaged in a conversation, a good exchange of ideas, philosophy, theory, meaning and purpose driven topics really wet my palette. I like deep conversations especially if were discussing the impossible, that’s fun and invigorating, even if the conversation includes role playing so someone feels comfortable being someone else so they can express the emotions without fear of judgment is ideal.
The lucky ones? I don’t know about that, we can be isolated by both types and are often misunderstood to such a degree as being told we can’t be read or are too darn random. I can be analogous to say that it’s like riding two bicycles while straddling a picket fence, we get hurt in the middle, it’s like walking the DMZ sometimes between North and South Korea, never really fitting in in either Introversion or Extroversion, not to mention being seen as too analytical for feelers or too soft on feelers for Analysts, with their utilitarian view points, it gets exhausting playing the middle man. Even though I’m INTJ by test results I still get that bastard child feeling at times not really being able to fit in with either group, even if I can get along well day to day with both. It takes a rare flower to get me, quickly I think ENFJ’s have made the most headway at really understanding me.
When I talk to others at times, I can seem harsh or condescending or even arrogant because of the cross of E/I, however being that I’m really not takes some convincing as I tend to say things that are really rooted in moral values and the negative perception of others based on my chosen words. All I’m really doing is pointing out areas of opportunity for personal growth, and the decision is really up to them to make changes to be their best selves or not, I don’t come from a critical mindset, and I still follow the golden rule. Ideally, I’d like to see everyone get along with each other and focus on the “big picture” where everyone is respected or admired for their differences and we learn to work together for a common good for the benefit of everyone. To really get to know me, know that I prefer an inconvenient truth, to a convenient lie, no matter what, because there is no conflict for me in someone’s truth, I don’t argue that in fact I often become more interested in that someone that is vulnerable and open, I tend to trust them implicitly when there is that deep intimacy and will go to hell and back for those people.
You have said a mouthful and this expresses greatly how I feel being an ambivert
True, I feel the same way. Why don’t you start your own website? We do need more real honest, intellectual, thoughtful, regular people these days. It’s really not that hard, but just a friendly suggestion. It really would be interesting and I would appreciate it. Just a thought, thanks anyways.
Yes, thank you, I am an ambivert, I was so happy when I ran across this some years ago. I didn’t fit, I was neither an outie or an innie, and am an INFJ to top it all off. When I was working on my Masters in Human Services I ran into this term, it was like a peak experience, an epiphany almost. I had a large circle of friends, 223 in my phone, but it was a gradational circle working its way to a center of only five inner circle friends with the One. The one that was my compadre, my bud, the one that actually got me……most of the time. I craved at times being with friends, meaningful conversation, a Saturday night at the Fox Theater with a crew of folks kind of thing. But, I would have to withdraw at times, sometimes for a lengthy period. I had to find that place of “peace and be still” otherwise I couldn’t handle it. This would perplex most of my friends, some would even get a bit angry with me.
Even the one, she would sometimes get so frustrated with me, leave me a message like,”I so hate it sometimes when you just drop of the face of the earth.” My withdrawals could be very absolute at times, breaking off all communication with others, running to the back of the cave with my books, my pen and paper and my easel. This behavior also wrecked havoc on my marriage. an Ambivert INFJ Aquarian, I mean relationships can be a real pain at times. The paradox being I crave them, but only on my terms and of course this would seem a little unfair, but it is the way it is.
I would in some ways disagree that the life of the ambivert is the warm and fuzzy happy place, it can get complicated. I am an artist, writer and for years an architectural designer and project manager. Yep, a project manager for a high end firm in Atlanta, Ga. running multiple projects at a time. Now that was a true balancing act for sure. I learned how to create space for myself and remain connected though, had to or I would go into complete overload and that could be an issue. Funny, folks would come into my office and their first impression would be this guy is kind of strange. I would have maybe some Liquid Mind playing softly in the background, incense burning, my space very feng shui and so on, you get the picture here. But, after being in my space for just a few the intended result would take place. They would begin to calm and would at some point even state “it is so peaceful in here.” Point being, as these odd creatures that don’t fit the mold we can create space for ourselves and for others if we learn to use our unique gifts.
I unfortunately hear often from innies and other ambiverts this conversation that Caroline Myss refers to as victimology. We are victims only if we choose to be. I embrace my uniqueness, the perfection of my imperfection, this is who I came here to be. Yes, I went through for years the whole; “what’s wrong with me” thing, but, I found the other side of that. This is the true “sweet spot,” that place of surrender and acceptance. This is the peak experience for any one in these personality types, for the introvert, the ambivert, the INFJ, this is the fulcrum, where the place of balance resides.
Yes, I still can’t tolerate ideal chatter, small talk, but for a short minute. If I see no opportunity to turn the conversation around I will excuse myself fro the conversation. I would rather sit in the corner with myself and have a conversation with myself than participate in small talk. What was that Eleanor Roosevelt said about types of minds and the nature of their conversation. Embrace who you are and be so very comfortable in your very own unique skin, you have been given a marvelous gift. Yes, I have to have my solitude, I cherish it, even more so now that I am following my life long passion, the artist and the writer. I can disappear into a story or a piece of art and not come up for air for many days. Point here, let your uniqueness serve you the way it was intended.
We are unique creatures, this of course makes us no better than anyone else, just very different. Pay attention to your associations, these can be a key for you to help you unlock all that you are, or they can be like a heavy stone around your neck. Find a circle of like minded friends and associates. This sense of belonging is at the lower rungs of Maslow’s triangle, we all need it, regardless of how innie or outie we are. I found it in many places, like my practice in Soto Zen, I mean these folks practice extended periods of “noble silence.” I find many like minded folks there and in other places as well. Don’t be afraid to expand your horizons, you will find many rewards.
“Watch with glistening eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” ~Roald Dahl~
Finally. let me thank you for creating this space, it is truly awesome. Together we can overcome the obstacles by turning them into opportunities and become the truly awesome, unique folks that we are. Thank you.
The ambivert describes me very well. I’ve also been extremely frustrated by my own inconsistency and not fitting into other people’s social categories. And I experience a lot of friendships that are really close, then just drop off the radar during my own periods of silence.
I think what you said about associations is so true. I find the friends you are around not only draw out or inhibit your different traits, but can pull your whole life’s direction in different ways. Choosing the right people is part of directing our lives, I think.
I am an ambivert. There are pros and cons. I find it really hard. I can explain it like two personalities in me. When there is loud people or crowd of extroverts the introvert part of me want to go the opposite direction — but the extrovert part of my personality takes charge and walks directly to the loud crowd. The only problem is I do not feel like I fit in with this group – I do not relate to them like they relate to each other and I start to feel out of place (a feeling of wanting to cover myself from them comes over me) . I think they feel the same thing too. Therefore I have no problems going into large groups or crowds of people as long as I don’t have to talk to anyone one person or group of people for too long. (until they or I feel the energy difference) is the best way I can explain it. I can talk on the phone for ages if I am comfortable with the person that I am talking with. I can walk in a busy mall for hours also without being drained. I can talk to strangers with ease. The one main thing I feel is that I’m not good enough. Introverts are gentle and easy to hang out with and I can just be me. Thank heavens for introverts.
Hi. When I was growing up I was very introverted. I could only great someone and not be able to say anything else. I will not talk at school in class. Even at university we were a small group and I would battle. Both school and unversity the teachers always wondered if i inderstand amything as i dont say anything. I would not even want to phone anyone to ask a price, directions etc. After many years of working I was forced to be able to communicate on the phone etc. Nowith I’m 40 years. I think I’m now ambivert. I don’t like crowds, I still have difficulty socialising. I prefer chatting to family and selected friends. I don’t have a lot of friends. I can ask for prices and many questions
I get initimadated my people in a higher position. I get really stressed with any sort of negative comments or judgements. I play conversations in head over and over again. It’s draining.I think my job over the years have made be an ambivert. À
My problem as an ambivert, is that most of the people who only see the “extroverted” me, just don’t believe me when I tell them I need alone time.
They seem to only see black & white, intro or extro, but can’t believe that someone could be both.
I almost cried! I would read about the intro. then the extro. and always felt like both! The older I get, the more evidence I come across about this mysterious me.Everthing about me has never been normal and I am still learning to accept this truth. I am also INFJ.
For me the biggest problem of being an ambivert is that I can’t go a day without talking to someone but I also can’t go a whole day without being alone for a good 1-2 hours.
I think I might fall into this category. But for me, it has always been a battle of extremes.
The extroverted part of me fires up when there’s a chance to dance or sing or just have a good time. I can talk to people, burst forth with energy, and just be a really fun person.
Then there is the introverted side. I can sit for hours in a dark room looking for a bug in a program, drawing a picture, reading a book. I can sit and do tons of stuff by myself. I even like just sitting in darkness and listening to silence.
People usually don’t get me. The only thing about my ambivertedness, is that both sides are so powerful. I really like being around people. But I also really like being by myself.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s because of when I was born. (I was born on the exact day of a total solar eclipse).
I mean sometimes battling with both sides of myself will just leave me in a thought coma.
I don’t know how to explain it. I’m an extreme person. I feel both sides of the E/I spectrum and sometimes wonder how I ended up like this: a super ambivert…
I am definitely an Ambivert. I realize there is a spectrum so I would say I lean a little more extroverted, but I definitely have both qualities. If I’m alone too long I feel like I need to recharge with people, but then if I’m with people too long I feel the need to recharge with some alone time. I have friends that are both extroverted and introverted and I can be a social chameleon in that respect (center of attention or hang back and watch depending on the environment, the people, or my mood). It’s hard for people to understand that because they will think something is wrong but sometimes I get overstimulated and I want to do things by myself. I think for me it can also be tough because it can involve a lot of compromise when you can be both but are friends with people who are one or the other. You may not want to go out or stay in all the time and the other person can’t understand that. You sometimes feel weird or isolated because you don’t fit into a more clear cut box where other people can understand you. Its nice to find some fellow ambiverts for friends who aren’t extremely one way or the other, but its also nice in general when you find some friends who get you and you don’t need to explain yourself all the time.
My friends are party people, nerds,bullys (not with me ),criminals,drog users,gay,sad people, hipster… does that mean I’m a ambivert.
In one day I used to manage to hang out with everybody but in other way they’re not really a friends they feel like they’re having fun,but I feel like they’re using me,, so I decide to move in other state to star a new life to try to make something big,but I feel bad to leave al those people that I think are my friends,, what to do ,,an what am i? ??
I think I belong here. I may be luckier than most, I can socialize quite well. But I tire and have to leave the party early. Most of the time it’s some form of camping event , I don’t go to sleep. I usually listen, to the campfire stories. & I’m always the last one asleep. I just looked, it 7:30 am here. I’ve been up all night – again. I need to know, do the rest of you see things like; A few years ago at a club meeting around a campfire, I saw two people fall in love, I don’t even know If they had spoken. They weren’t formally introduced for nine months. That was at my friends wife’s funeral. She had a terminal illness. A few months later my friend called and said he’d met someone. I think he was embarrassed to tell any one because it happened so fast (he thought). I said “I know, Jodie right. Pause, “how did you know that?” I bet she gave you a very kind gift just after the funeral, puzzled “yea”. When’s the wedding. ( It was about 5 weeks out). Last knight, & this hurts, my grand daughter confided in me that she had been raped, I told her I knew, That I’ve known for a long time. She asked me how I knew & all I could tell her was that did, I see these things. She understood, I’m pretty sure she’s one of us. (She’s been in a mental hospital for attempted suicide for a while. We talked & bonded, I think she can start to heal now. When she told her father about, but he did not believe her I don’t think a lot of guys even nice guys understand that rape can happen with intercourse. Kind of a good thing he does not know, he would have killed that young boy. I handled that a long time a go, no threats, no violence. I had caught him alone with my younger grand daughter. I did the mean grandpa thing, she thought it was a hilarious joke, I did my best to make it sound funny. He pissed himself. The family suddenly moved away. I think he told his parents & they got out of there. Her real mom, well we wont go there. At the hospital she had refused visitation from anyone else. I’ve been going a while, waiting, just being there for her… Knowing this stuff is not always good, I feel a lot of pain, not even mine. Not even mine. I had a near death experience recently and grew a great deal from it. Since then I’ve decided I want a relationship, I’m going to take the risk, its been a very long time. I have no problem meeting women, I can read them too, so much to be said in just a photo, beside what they looks like. So I blow off a lot of really hot women without reading their bios. I wish I could see the looks on their faces when they see I’ve deleted them, I’m not handsome, I don’t look bad either. I’m Ok. I can never see what’s going to happen for me. Is that normal? I can get hurt fast and bad. I can also give my heart permanently fast, & once I give it away its gone, I’m committed, I’ve had many great women friends. But Its been 30 years since I had someone special. I need to make a change in that. I hope this site & people can help. If I’m in the right place I don’t have to tell you how I feel right now. If not , I’ve probably just made a fool of myself. I have to be very careful. In the past when I have tried I have felt that somehow I must be defective. I hope that’s not just me. Its probably going to happen again soon because I am going to put whatever it takes into getting the relationship I want with the right person. I hope there is something -some one here who can help with that. I hope I’m in the right place. Let me know?
P.S. I’m pretty sure I am an Ambivert. but I need help with the introvert part of that.
Hmm…I don’t think about this much, but some of my favorite lines with my BFF are “Okay, I’ve had too much. My introverted side is screaming. ” Or “Can you please come over? I’m going stir crazy by myself.”
Usually I’m able to use this to my advantage, like when I’m able to have a blast with all my friends or when I can chill and not get bored while everyone else is restless.
However, I feel as though one of the biggest downsides can be that people will enjoy my extroverted side too much and will hunt me down when I need alone time or if I am separated too long from people I will start too feel unwanted and desperate for freedom.
Those are my two cents about ambiversion.
I’ve always felt like an introvert with perks of extraversion, most of my friends/acquaintances think is the other way round.
I know I’m gonna have fun if I go out with my friends, to crowed places, etc. The problem is that I keet thinking about the “cons” like, what if there are awkward silences, what if they don’t like me and get bored, what if I say/do something stupid, besides, I know I’m gonna get exhausted too early compared to my friends. This happened to me yesterday in an aquatic park, it started really awkward because I was to anxious (it was a day out with my co-wokers from a new job) but a easily fit in after a while. It was all great until lunch when my emotional stamina started draining off, I couldn’t keep the flow anymore and I could see the confusion in my friend’s faces when I just went to sit down instead of going back to the pool. Luckily, they didn’t push too hard and I didn’t stress myself out with the desire of going home.
Today, I’m still in my room, too tired to go out, kind of hypersensitive as in little bursts of crying can happen anytime (watching Scorpion wasn’t a good call). Some old folks wanted to see me today but I told them I was feeling sick (which is partially true). This little lies are part of my life by now. I don’t want them to feel like I just don’t wanna see them and, in a way, I think they know already about the alone-breaks I need.
I wanted an answer for what is this that I’m feeling and how I can overcome it, how to have a simple life. The second part may take a while, but having found a name that suits me made me feel at ease. Maybe the next step is to get some help.
I am an ambivert leaning heavily towards introversion.
For me, being an ambivert isn’t an “average” of introversion and extroversion. It is a matter of sometimes feeling like socializing, and other times not.
Sometimes I’m extroverted, sometimes I’m introverted. No middle ground.
It also depends on who I’m with. The friends I’m comfortable with or that I feel have a similar mindset to me have a hard time believing that I’m introverted and that I would much rather spend time alone. This is because I’m quite talkative around them and am open to share my views and creative ideas with them. However, the majority of people I know, think I am quiet or shy. 😉
I also am an INFJ… That means I love people, and learning about their life and lending a listening ear when they need someone to confide in. Being a person others can lean on is what makes me happy 🙂 (As long as I’m not taken advantage of and can do it voluntarily)..
That may also cause some people to think I’m extroverted, because I love people, and I’m not antisocial (most of the time 😉 ) and not a “animals are better than people” person.
But I DO need a lot of “me” time after a draining social event, to recharge these fragile batteries.
All my life I’ve tried to be ‘normal’ or at least ‘typical’ in social situations. Looking back it was the best I could do to manage a few funny jokes or bonding remarks but it was always well-calculated before I dared open my mouth, and I always knew exactly where the exit doors were located before venturing in ( not kidding). Trying to even pretend to be extro required exhausting planning (“what should I wear if I’m going to actually say something tonight?” Or “Where should I park so that people will know I came even if they don’t see me?” I can make it sometimes to ‘fake ambi’ for a few scary minutes but something inside knows I’m totally pretending and I suppose most others quickly know I’m faking it too. I’m SO GLAD to be LEARNING these distinctions instead of putting myself in agonizing situations hoping to be ‘normal’ only to come out exhausted after my first few faked forays. I’m so much the Innie, even pretending ambi wears my thin nerves out!!
Most of me would gladly stay home at my ranch every day for the rest of my life where I see only one other person for days on end – but the years are slipping by fast and I’d prefer to have at least ONE loving LTR before I die (hopefully not alone…)
Hi, me too is an ambivert. i love being alone, reading stuff, thingking to the extent that i even talk ro myself, and im a silent type to. furthermore, i also like going out with people, talk with them for hours and i also like talking to the phone. now the only thing i notice being an ambivert (in terms of disadvantage) is the confusion to which spectrum (whether to be innie or outie) to choose when facing a certain situation. sometimes it just ruins the show. sometimes you just feel innie when its good to be outie. and when your on outie mode suddenly innie strikes and it messes everything. i experience such sudden shift a lot that people around me would notice that i have changed suddenly. thoughi have learned to deal with it now. i just want to share it in case there are others whi experience it as well. but over all, being ambi is nice. it makes me inderstand both sides of the spectrum. i have been talking to a lot of innies and outies and can effectively relate to their personalities.
The challenge is the contradiction. Im torn between intro and extro so i dont have a fixed personality.
True! I’m completely an ambivert. I always feel like i could fit in any social groups. I started off with small talks and then, brought them to deeper,meaningful psuedo-intellectual conversations. It’d irritate me if one prolong small talks with no clear direction of where it was going. When i’m in a large group, i enjoy talking with the extroverts, but would feel super drained out if they’d never stop talking. But with elder people, i had not trouble at all, because i know they’ll eventually talk about their past experience which i enjoy listening to. When there’s an introvert in our group, I’d ask them questions to engage them with the other group members. I’d ask for their opinon so that they’ll not look like they’d been left out.However, a few days ago, i realised i could never be alone with an introvert. Sure, they hate small talks, but as an ambivert, i also hate initiating conversations all the time. Because in a large group, extroverts will usually come up with conversations and i just have to navigate the convo. And then continue talking with any topics that seemes related. But with an introvert, our conversation often felt short-lived and one sided. You gotta ask the right question to trigger them to talk more than just for the sake of answering your question. Does that mean an ambivert is more at ease when socializing with a larger groups. Because i definitely cannot be alone witn either only an introvert or an extrovert. I would feel exhausted (with extroverts) or bored (with introverts) help!! ?
I’ve always thought I was a chameleon-able to fit into any situation
Sometimes I think I’m an ambivert because I like environments like cafes where I can be around people, but not necessarily under any obligation to interact with them. But once a noisy group comes in or the music gets irritating or someone lights up a smoke or the lights get too bright, I need to get out of Dodge. For me, introversion wins out in those times.
As an ambivert, I think some of the challenges we face are that we may not as well understood by each extreme end of the spectrum. and may occasionally come across as “dodgy” due to how well we can adapt in social situations or presentations at our best, and how withdrawn we suddenly become when our limit is reached.
And yes, anxiety from too much spare time spent alone IS an actual thing. So there are occasions where one may anxiously await for the time to meet with close friends, and then run right out of steam while with them. And at other times, you just want your own time and halfway start thinking about your friends.
So in a way it kinda feels like a battle within ourselves. I’m sure though that most of us have our own solutions, since we adapt and improvise!
I’m an ambivert, and I have to agree with the anxiety. I’ve been alone for about a week drawing, and I’ve needed some back ground noise or I’m arguing with myself in my head, or the always scary making my own episodes of my favourite shows in my head.
I have a feeling I might be an ambivert. I have a friend who is an introvert and no matter what I do or share with her she doesn’t open up to me. I feel connected to her but I can’t feel her connected to me. I choose to rely on her always but she never does the same to me. We have been best friends for 4 years now(I consider her my best friend but I don’t know if she does) but she hasn’t connected with me. We spoke almost everyday and I trust her but I am not able to get her to trust me. I don’t know if she trusts me. It feels as if she’s always trying not to tell anything to me. I give utter importance but she does not. Can somebody help me?
As an Ambivert most of my friends are either introvert or extrovert and I only have a few other ambivert friends. sometimes my friends don’t understand that I sometimes want to socialize but when they think I need comforting I actually need to be alone. sometimes my friends or family will insist that I should go on the phone and I can’t explain that I hate using the phone to call people while I can hold a conversation or text. I’d rather have flexibility in my schedule that I am usually not given. I love to participate in social events like parties, but I can’t decide whether or not I want to go until the day of.
I am an ambivert and it is no benefit at all, because there are so few others to meet, instead of getting along with everyone, we get along with NO ONE ! It gets quite lonely, which is something an introvert doesnt have to struggle with, but its also incredibly frustrating to deal with basically any kind of people because they are always on a different wavelength, which is something the extrovert only has to deal with Half the time.
Being unique is a curse. Dont ever ask to be unique, ask to be like a reasonable sized group of friends. The mistake ive made is not spending my time looking to meet other ambiverts to develop friendship with. The same goes for your true passions, if you dont create friendship with other people who share your real passions, you will feel alone and likely fail to achieve them because you have no one there to help motivate you.
So whether you are extro, intro, or ambi, the only thing that matters is making friends that can understand you.
And no matter what your job is, you have to make sure you have friends who share your PASSION or it too will be neglected.