INFJ Birthday

Celebrating our own birthday can be extremely difficult for an INFJ. I should know, since I always dreaded my INFJ birthday, even though I love when the people I cherish remember it. I know that birthdays can be really hard for a lot of INFJs, even to the point of avoiding the celebration completely. So the question is, why?

Why INFJs dislike their own birthday

I mentioned once that I don’t believe in saving affection for certain dates. We have an entire year to do that. But there’s something different about birthdays in the eyes of an INFJ.

The main reason why the majority of INFJs dislike their own birthday is because we believe that we don’t deserve to be celebrated. Think about it as if you are receiving a medal. You are at a podium receiving a gold medal for a well-deserved victory. And yet, you feel an inner heaviness, so you think to yourself: “That other guy deserves it more than me” and “I don’t deserve this”.

A huge party is a bad idea

I don’t recommend celebrating your INFJ birthday by throwing a huge party. The very mention of this makes my skin crawl. It’s important that you acknowledge this beautiful date from within. A big party won’t do the trick, not for us.

An INFJ would rather stay in the background and let someone else take the spotlight. Even for our own birthday. For the INFJ personality, ego is an unknown word. Deep down inside, we want to be acknowledged from the ones we love, but we also feel as if we are letting them down all the time.

INFJs often believe that we’re not good enough. Hell, even I sometimes think I can do much more, and that my efforts are insufficient. Especially on our birthdays, INFJs think that we’re not worthy of all that attention. Guilt appears, and then self-doubt and self-sabotage arrive shortly thereafter. INFJs are walking paradoxes, and even during our birthday celebration, we will seek ways to sabotage ourselves.

How I see my INFJ Birthday

For as long as I can remember, my birthday made me feel anxious. All the attention, singing, and relative visits overwhelmed me. While growing up, birthdays were the stuff of nightmares for me. However, all that changed when I discovered that I’m an INFJ. Celebrating that special day knowing that I’m an INFJ gave me a completely new perspective.

I started loving the day when I was born, because deep within it felt good to be me. I started seeing my INFJ birthday as a happy event, which made me feel fulfilled instead of anxious. I was acknowledged and recognized.

When the people who matter the most tell you their birthday wishes, it sounds like beautiful music to our ears, because we know they mean it. The main strength of our personality comes from within, but hearing that there’s someone who cares is like winning the lottery twice in a row for an INFJ.

This year, my friend called me on my birthday, and I knew that she was going through a difficult time. Yet she still called and made me smile from ear to ear. These are the kind of moments that remain embedded into the mind of an INFJ. But please know, even if no one remembers your special day, that’s okay, because that doesn’t make it any less special.

Speaking of specials, here’s a small bonus I want to give you. I’ve decided to share with you several pros and cons for why INFJs should, or perhaps shouldn’t, celebrate their own birthday.


  • Receiving confirmation that you are worthy, cared for, and that you are enough.
  • A chocolate cake or ice cream sounds nice doesn’t it? 😉
  • A rare INFJ butterfly was born on this day, and that event is worth celebrating.


  • Feeling overwhelmed by the spotlight, attention, and crowded parties.
  • A negative event that happened in the past which is connected with the date itself.
  • A desire to spend the day alone, but feeling the external pressure of “you should go out”.

Whether you decide to celebrate your INFJ birthday or not, make it your own choice. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should spend that day. You are now probably asking yourself: “Should I treat it as …

A special day or a day like any other?

Even if you are alone in your room dancing to an Irish tune and wearing a leprechaun hat (what I did lol), take a minute to honor your INFJ birthday. Celebrate the day when this Earth became richer. Your birth made it a better place to be. A healer and a protector was born, an INFJ. Even if only one person calls and congratulates you, it’s enough.

Believe it or not, the day when you were born is a time of joy. Despite all the wrong that we see today, all the pain and sorrow, there was this moment when a wonderful person graced this world by her or his presence. You came into existence with a mission to heal and share that much needed goodness. I believe that’s something worth celebrating, don’t you think? 😉

How to Celebrate INFJ Birthdays

This Tuesday (June 4th), Michaela and I are doing a brand new INFJam on 6 INFJ friendly ways to celebrate your birthday.

Note from Michaela: It’s also your chance to wish Marko a happy 30th and party like an INFJ! 😉


Over to you

How about you my dear INFJ? Do you love your birthday, or do you avoid celebrating it? I would love to hear your thoughts, so please feel free to share them in the comment section below. ☺

Much love,


Marko Kircanski INFJ coaching