Dear innie friend,
A few years ago, I came to the realization that I had been pretty numb for a while. It’s not that I was depressed, or unhappy. I just didn’t feel a whole lot of emotion in general. It was like I lived in the neutral zone of feelings where everything is just kinda beige and blah.
This didn’t seem right to me. Why didn’t I feel things deeply? Where was the spark?
Being the introspective introvert that I am, I decided this needed further exploration. What had caused this inner numbness? And how could I fix it?
Well, since then, I’m glad to report that I’ve escaped the beige blahs of emotionless existence. Today, I feel deeply. And openly. I now see that emotions are the spark of life. They rejuvenate our body and give our spirit wings.
Why you feel numb
What I’ve come to understand since starting this blog is that my numbness was actually closely tied to being introverted and highly sensitive.
You see, emotions are pretty freaking overwhelming. And if you’re sensitive, and inward focused, emotions can be downright scary. In order to cope in a very extroverted environment, where we face constant energy drain and overwhelm, one of the first things we shut down is our own emotions.
We might also feel like our authentic emotions are shameful, and need to be hidden. We live in a culture that views vulnerability as weakness. Only certain emotions are deemed “appropriate”, the rest must be hidden from view and suppressed.
Hide your emotions well enough and even you won’t know how to find them.
So what was the magic cure?
To be honest, there were a lot of things that I did (and continue to do) to reconnect with my own emotions. But the first and most important step was to simply give myself permission to do so.
I told myself that I was open and willing to experience the whole spectrum of emotions again – even the scary ones. And when I did feel things deeply, I whispered a quiet “thank you” to the Universe for teaching me how to be alive again.