There isn’t the slightest chance that INFJs will ever stop caring. No other personality type has the same level of concern that we have. But in our desire to be there for others, we tend to put ourselves last on our priority list.
Why INFJs put ourselves last
Being an INFJ, I had extreme difficulties making myself a priority in the past. I always saw it as my life mission to help others no matter what. Only when my mind and body sent me unpleasant signals did I start paying attention to myself more.
I believe you can relate with the feeling of overwhelm that comes when all our energy is spent. INFJs give away all our time, so we’re bound to exhaust our reservoirs at a certain point. This is when problems start to happen.
When INFJs spend so much time caring for others while disregarding our own needs, three things happen:
• Everything becomes unbearable and we lose our sharp focus
• We become restless and not able to effectively communicate
• Our self-sabotage levels are increased and we start doubting ourselves
Don’t worry, all of this can be prevented. No matter how selfish you may think this feels (and it’s not), you have to prioritize your own wellbeing so that you can help others.
Your #1 priority has to be you
This is not about being careless about how others feel. Quite the contrary. When you put yourself first, you’re automatically allowing yourself to get that much need breather. You’ll be able to help more later on when you’re fully recharged.
It’s good you want to be present for everyone, but here’s the thing. How are you going to be there for the ones you care for, if you’re unable to safeguard yourself?
You need to accept that because you’re an INFJ (who always thinks about everyone else), you too deserve to be a priority in your life. Give yourself the permission to indulge your own needs. Whether that means turning your phone off, not responding immediately to a request, or just taking a stroll through the park without looking at your laptop, just give yourself a break!
I promise you, the world will not set itself on fire if you step aside a little.
Beautiful things will start to happen when you embrace yourself as a prime character in your book of life. I know you want to be connected with the ones you love, but let me ask you something.
Do you think your loved ones want you to completely disregard your own needs?
I think they would want you to look after yourself.
Be the hero of your story
You’re an INFJ, and having such an understanding heart, you earned the right to be a little selfish. The greatest achievement of our personality type is the realization that we’re not here to save the world. It was there before us.
Want to know a little secret?
You’re here to shine so that others may bask in that kindness. But please, don’t forget to take care of that INFJ light by putting yourself as a priority. You’re the gold medalist of your own life’s Olympics, and a hero of your story. Be proud of that title.
Now onto you
How do you feel about prioritizing your own needs? Do you give yourself that much needed self-care? I would love to hear from you on this important topic, so feel free to share your comments and thoughts. ☺
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Love,
Marko
I have literally spent my whole life focusing my attention on everyone else at a detriment to my own well being. It is only now in my late 30’s that I begin to understand the magnitude of this beast I’ve created. Letting go of making unwanted plans and stepping into finding time for me is a good start. I’m also raising two small people (2 and 4) and wonder how other INFJ manage the moments they can’t get time for themselves?! Thank you for your time, energy and words.
I’m glad you are now finding time for yourself Diana, despite everything you’ve been through. As for your question, you need to fill that cup of yours first, so that you can be there for the ones you cherish the most. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and you are most welcome.
I can totally relate Diane! I’m also in my late 30’s and only recently started putting myself first. It felt so selfish at first, and honestly, I still have the occasional guilt. But now I have strategies to deal with the guilt. First, I remind myself of what they always tell you on the airplane safety spiel. In case of an emergency, put your own mask on first. It’s good advice! You can’t help anyone around you if you are unconscious. If that doesn’t work, I remind myself of my belief that every individual is equally valuable and important. Ironically, I typically use this belief to convince people to be nicer and more helpful to others but tend to forget that it also applies to me. I’m just as important as everyone else!
Anyway, now that I’ve put myself first, I found that I am better able to help others.
As an INFJ, I also seek out ways to help others as much as I can; whether it’s my family, friends, work friends, volunteer efforts, etc. I too am guilty as charged when it comes to putting others first to the point of exhausting myself and I often don’t realize I have done so until it’s too late. Ultimately, when you overwork yourself… you’re not doing anyone any good in the end (especially yourself).
When I find myself at this point I tend to beat myself up, automatically attributing everything that went wrong to my personal faults. But, even when things go perfectly as planned I can still get down on myself because the exhaustion feeds into my negativity; as a consequence of failing to respect or assess my own needs. Yes, that’s right, I am nowhere from perfect and my natural tendency (owning to INFJ’s personality type) for perfectionism strongly attributes to my feeling of “overwhelm” as well.
I recently came to the realization, changing the world takes an extreme amount of energy, strength, and patients; that of which is hard to maintain when feeling completely down on yourself. In efforts to keep myself from this daunting cycle, I have found that regularly involving myself in activities I enjoy is a way I can both look after myself without feeling shellfish (running, listening to music, reading a book, going out with a friend at least once a week, talking to a life-coach, etc.). I’m not going to lie, I still get bogged down here and there, but I have definitely found myself much more relaxed, level headed, and even happier when I find the time to do the things I love that benefit myself.
I got back to the garden. I took a sabatical from work, went to the Caribbean, stayed in a house by myself, read all day, pondered my situation, had a great old time, made joy my priority, managed my inner child, the inner critic, spoke gently to myself, comforted myself, went where it was warm and happy and where it felt good. It was a marvelous time! Three months, I was back at work.
It’s so great to hear you took care of yourself Shelby! All these activities are amazing! 🙂