We want to save everyone. Scratch that, INFJs want to save the world. I really don’t exaggerate when I say this. People call us many names, starting from counselors, protectors, and diplomats. The truth is, INFJs are something more. We have what I call a Savior Syndrome.
INFJ Savior Syndrome. Wait what?
If you’re confused by reading this, trust me, you’re not the only one. When I first realized this, it took me a lot of time to accept that this weird savior term even exists in the first place. But then I wrote down a list of all my previous relationships and friendships that eventually broke down. What I found left me speechless and sleepless for some time.
There was a pattern in my INFJ savior syndrome behavior. You see, many of my connections were established based on my view that I have to “save” the person who becomes close to me. I thought: “They’re having problems, so it’s my duty to sacrifice my own well-being to help and ‘fix’ it.”
This was the major cause of every breakdown in my former relationships and connections. I was always putting others first, but it gets worse.
My INFJ savior syndrome went to an extreme. When I didn’t receive the feedback I gave to others, I would feel betrayed and lonely. Suffice it to say, this wasn’t a very healthy way of thinking.
The main problem with INFJ savior syndrome is that it carries extremely high expectations and unreasonable demands that we put on others. Almost all INFJs have this desire to help, but it’s not something that’s all bad. Let me explain.
Wanting to help is not wrong
It’s perfectly okay that you want to help, and it’s even better if you have that urge to be there for others. But you have to set a boundary between a healthy presence, and a needy pressure. Most INFJs, including myself in the past, always have an issue with finding that right balance.
I want you to know that wanting to be there for the ones you care for was not the reason why you’re not friends with that person, or why they left. If anything, this world needs more kind hearts like yours.
But you mustn’t allow INFJ savior syndrome to take over, because you’ll be overwhelmed to the extreme.
Give yourself the permission to “sign off” a little. I’m not saying you should stop caring, but just give yourself a break, dear. No, don’t shut down your mind, but just be. Sit in your room for 30 minutes and just breathe. In case you forgot, here’s a gentle reminder.
You don’t need to save anyone, you just need to support them
You can’t fix or save anyone. Please understand, most people are not ready to embrace that warm affection and care that you give, my fellow INFJ. You need to be there for yourself first, and I won’t even talk about being arrogant, because self-care is not a selfish act.
Do you know what happened when I stopped trying to solve everyone else’s problems and gave just an ounce of that concern to myself?
I felt as if a huge medicine ball was replaced by an ordinary one in my hands. All of you who ever trained with those hellish objects know exactly how it feels. I felt free.
INFJ savior syndrome is not a curse, it’s a part of who we are. With a little practice, it can be brought to an acceptable level where an INFJ will feel more at ease and more inwardly focused.
That’s exactly what you will learn in our brand new INFJam:
How to Overcome INFJ Savior Syndrome
Join us this Tuesday May 1st at 1pm PT and discover why savior syndrome can be so detrimental for INFJs and how to avoid its pitfalls, while still making a difference in the world.
• Why savior syndrome can be so destructive for INFJs and what to do about it
• 6 warning signs that your need to save is sabotaging your health and happiness
• How to overcome the painful guilt that goes hand-in-hand with savior syndrome
• Steps to stop attracting narcissists and victims and set healthy boundaries in relationships
INFJams are live interactive webinars in which we discuss topics that matter to INFJs. It’s a great way to connect with INFJs from all over the world, ask questions, and get INFJ-specific advice to overcome your biggest challenges and live your best life.
Join This Tuesday’s Live INFJam