All INFJs have had a toxic friendship at some point in their life. It’s kinda like an unwritten rule that we must go through this unpleasant experience to find the people who will accept us just as we accept them.
But for INFJs who are also HSP empaths, toxic friendships cause more trouble than they do for most people.
Why are toxic friendships so devastating for an INFJ?
In order to better understand why toxic friendships are so problematic for INFJs, you must first ask yourself: “Why do we allow these people to be in our lives in the first place?” The answer is not easy to digest, especially when you have a people-oriented personality like we do.
Most INFJs feel lonely. Maybe not all the time, but we feel like this for a good portion of our life. This is the main reason why toxic friendships seem like a necessity for INFJs. I’m no different.
In order to avoid loneliness, I would welcome a toxic person into my life just so that I could escape the feeling that there’s no one out there who understands me.
Many believe that because I’m an INFJ writer and a certified coach that I have this perfect understanding of myself and especially of the people who enter my life. Of course that’s not true.
Being an INFJ like you, toxic friendships, and draining relationships were a real problem for me because of my desire to run away from, not just loneliness, but also anxiety and the feeling I’m stagnating.
Toxic friendships are so devastating for INFJs because we know we can end them by choice, but we also convince ourselves that we will end up alone if we do. Guilt is a funny thing, because it makes you believe that it’s all your fault, and that you’re the main culprit for “inviting” a toxic friend into your life.
But there are ways you can move on, and make these overwhelming friendships a thing of the past.
I know how you feel, my dear INFJ. In the past, I didn’t have anyone who could tell me what I’m about to tell you, so I’ll share with you four eye-opening ways INFJs can move on from toxic friendships.
1. Don’t accept less than you deserve.
You need to be more selfish. If you find yourself alone, that’s not the same as lonely. Even if you have friends, you won’t be happy if they are toxic. Choose yourself first and respect who you are, because this is how you will move on. You’ll begin attracting healthy individuals who will become your people.
2. Draw the line.
INFJs can put up with a lot. We always give second chances to everyone. But the thing is, toxic friendships need to be a red line in your mind. Draw a boundary and give yourself the permission to move on because you deserve better. You’re not running away, you’re protecting yourself by saying, “That’s enough”.
3. Stop blaming yourself.
I cannot emphasize enough how important this is. We already feel guilty for so much. It’s not your fault you’re in the company of a toxic friend. If you start analyzing it, you’ll only get more anxious. It happened, but you can do something about it. For now, stop blaming yourself!
4. Moving on is not running away.
Many INFJs would rather keep a toxic friendship than move on from it. This is because we would rather stay and use our INFJ savior syndrome to “save” that person. Choose to move on, because you will leave space for a good friendship to be born. You’ll also give yourself a chance to heal from this awful experience.
It’s important that I mention none of these four steps will work if you don’t recognize that you are more important and worthy than you think. You don’t owe anyone anything, but you do owe it to yourself to live a fulfilled life.
If there’s one thing I’m absolutely sure of, it’s that people who have a healthy way of thinking will find their way to you. But only if you let go of toxic friendships that take away your energy.
Please give yourself the gift of being in the company of those who will love and understand you, even if for now that person is only you. <3
There are people who understand
Maybe there aren’t many people who get how hard it is to move on from a toxic friendship as an INFJ, but you can be sure there are those who understand you.
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What is your experience with toxic friendships? Is this something you struggle with now, or in the past? Feel free to share your comments below, I would love to hear from you!