INFJ relationship

If you’re an INFJ like me, then you’ve probably experienced the pain of being in an unhealthy relationship. We are like magnets for toxic and narcissistic people. But this isn’t your fault. Our personality type is like sweet nectar that attracts unstable and needy individuals.

INFJs want to be in a relationship, but…

INFJs are drawn to unhealthy relationships because we want to help everyone. Even if that help comes at the cost of our own peace of mind. When we see someone who is obviously bad for us, we’ll disregard that fact just because he or she needs our guidance.

This is when all hell breaks loose.

Selfish people know exactly how to use their charm to seduce an INFJ. They play the victim card, and we can’t help but be there to “fix” them. There’s a glimmer of hope in our mind that they will change for the better if we hold on for just a little longer. Usually, that period turns into months, years, and decades.

By the time INFJs realize what happened, we’re already emotionally scarred to the point where we don’t open up to anyone anymore. An INFJ wants to have a relationship, but also all the good things it brings. That’s why you need to pay attention to those early warning signs that you’re in an unhealthy bond with someone.

How to recognize an unhealthy relationship

As an INFJ, it’s crucial that you monitor the first sign of toxicity in a relationship. Luckily, we notice everything, so you have an advantage from the start. The two surefire indicators you’re in trouble are:

Your needs are disregarded. Those who only look to fulfill their own urges will never acknowledge your humble and bare-minimum need for understanding. We’re happy with crumbs and leftovers from the table, when we shouldn’t accept anything less than we deserve.

• “We” turns to “I”. INFJs never put ourselves first in a relationship. This is when we lose our identity, because INFJs would rather sit in the back than face potential abandonment. Narcissists use this against us, and make INFJs believe we’re not important and worthwhile.

I said this before, but it needs to be repeated. It’s not your fault. Not many will understand the sacrifices you’re ready to make in order to be in a relationship. It’s vital that you apply a simple, but effective rule I’m about to share in order to have a healthy and loving connection with the one you cherish.

I’d rather be temporarily single, than suffer in a relationship

Being in a relationship, especially when you’re an INFJ, doesn’t guarantee you happiness. I know so many people that have partners, but are deeply unhappy and broken. Being alone sounds scary to most, but it’s here where you’ll plant the seed for a future, successful romance.

Work on your career, read as much as you can, enjoy nature, learn to meditate. Or just focus on those who are gently persistent in having you in their life. No matter what, don’t chase an unhealthy relationship so that you can change the status on your Facebook profile.

Instead, like a true INFJ, patiently work on your dreams and leave space for that special someone to enter. It’s easy to give up on meeting the right one. But it takes courage to open your heart for a new beginning with the one who’ll love you just the way you are. <3

If you need more help having a healthy relationship as an INFJ, we’ve got a gift for you …

The INFJ Relationship Guide

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What about you?

Why do you think INFJs chase unhealthy relationships? Have you been in one? Feel free to share your thoughts on this in the comments section below, I would love to hear from you!



Marko Kircanski INFJ coaching