If you’ve ever felt exhausted by the very thought of dating, I totally get it. Dating can be extremely draining for introverts, especially in this day and age.
Apps have made it normal to constantly text and go on dates with multiple people at the same time. For introverts who are easily overwhelmed by lots of socializing—especially with people we don’t know well—this can quickly lead to dating burnout.
Maybe you’ve been there yourself. You’ve been on a date with someone who was especially draining (such as a fast talker or a small talker) and you got a familiar feeling.
You started to feel tired and overwhelmed. Your eyes got heavy as you fought back a yawn.
Instead of being flirty and engaging, you became guarded and grumpy. Your instinct was to fiercely protect the last shred of energy you had left.
After the date, you arrived home feeling utterly exhausted and defeated. You wondered, “is it even worth it?”
The truth is that dating the same way that everyone else does may NOT be worth it for an introvert like you. As an author and coach who has helped hundreds of introverts to build confidence and find love, there’s one thing I know for sure:
We introverts need to live life on our own terms. Following the extrovert’s blueprint for dating only leads to exhaustion and overwhelm.
Instead, we can be true to ourselves by giving ourselves permission to date in a way that suits our energy needs and sensitivity.
Dating may still be tiring, but it will be manageable—and well worth it if you can find that special connection that you’ve been searching for.
That said, here are some tips to manage your energy while dating as an introvert.
As an introvert, you probably find certain people more draining than others. That’s why I always tell my dating coaching clients to pay attention to their energy levels on dates.
The right person won’t make you feel drained. If you find yourself feeling flattened by mid-date, that’s a good sign that you probably shouldn’t accept another date (unless there are other reasons for your tiredness such as alcohol or lack of sleep).
As an intuitive introvert, you may even be able to tell if someone will be draining before you meet them in person.
Perhaps, they have a really intense, frantic way of texting that tells you they’ll probably be overwhelming in person.
Or you know they like to jam-pack their day with constant socializing and activity. That’s a sign that they need a lot more stimulation than you and would likely exhaust you.
As you go on more dates, it will be easier to tell what personality types suck the life out of you.
Weave the date into your day
Keep dates as simple and stress-free as possible. This may mean bringing your date along for activities you’d already be doing, such as a walk or a game of pickleball.
If you’re meeting for drinks, you may want to choose a bar that’s close to your house. Just make sure it’s also convenient for your date.
Go on fewer dates
I have extroverted girlfriends who can go on five dates a week and not be phased. Unfortunately, for most introverts five dates in one week is a prescription for dating burnout.
What’s the point of going several dates if you’re frazzled and grumpy the whole time? Stick to one or two dates a week—or whatever feels doable for YOU.
Choose/create the right environment
If you’re a highly sensitive introvert like me, your environment has a huge impact on how you feel. This is especially true on dates when you may be especially susceptible to energy drain because you feel like you have to be “on” the whole time.
Noise, bright lights and crowds can quickly overstimulate you on a date. Ugly environments with lots of clutter may also impact your mood.
Do yourself a favor and suggest an environment that calms you, such as a beautiful spot in nature or a cozy, dimly lit bar that isn’t too crowded.
Although it might not be ideal for a first date, you can also do a calming activity such as swimming or hot yoga.
Remember that you really can tailor your dating life to suit your needs. Doing so will help bring out the best in you—so it’s a win-win for you and your dates!
And if you need more help dating as an introvert, I’m here for you. I help single introverts build magnetic confidence and attract their ideal partner. Click below to find out if dating coaching is right for you.