A little over two years ago, I decided that I would accept a date with anyone who asked. Since then, I have gone on nearly fifty first dates, as well as plenty of second and third dates. Introvert, extrovert, richvert, poorvert – I’ve been wined and dined by ‘em all.
So, what have I learned from my dating escapades? Well, for one, it’s not a good idea to accept a date with a 19 year-old unless you are also still in your teens (longest two hours of my life). Secondly, I’ve come to recognize what it takes to woo an introvert. Read on to discover the fastest ways to an introvert’s heart.
1. Resist the urge to do all the talking
Most introverts are great listeners. Because of this, we often find ourselves downstream from some poor sap pouring out his soul. That’s all good and well, except that a first date is the time for both parties to get to know each other. In order for this to happen, you must resist the temptation to highjack the discussion.
You might worry that if you don’t carry the conversation, there will be huge pockets of awkward silence. Perhaps. Or you could read on to find out how to get an introvert talking.
Warning: you might not be able to get us to shut up after implementing these tactics.
2. Tap into our passions
Introverts can talk at length about things we are passionate about. The great thing is that it’s pretty easy to recognize our interests. Do a little probing, and you might discover your introvert has an obsession with indie movies, ballroom dancing, post-modern art, travel, mystery novels- you name it.
Once you are wise to our passions, show a genuine interest in them and we’ll talk your ear off.
3. Be an active listener
Now that you have our lips flapping, keep the conversation going by truly listening. Active listening is the best way to show anyone (not just introverts) that you’re really interested in what they have to say.
So, nod, smile, summarize, ask questions and give us time to spit out what we want to say. And for the love of Pete, try not to interrupt!
4. Choose the right activity
I have no idea how going out to dinner became the standard first date activity. There are far better options that will help an introvert loosen up, and hopefully, open up. Here are some ideas:
- Do a physical activity
- Spend time in nature
- Learn something new together
- Create something
These are all great date options that will be less intimidating than sitting face to face for two hours hoping you don’t dribble food all over yourself.
5. Be Authentic
I know I’ve said it before, but introverts really do like it when you drop the formalities and show your true colors. Tell us how you truly feel and what you really think and we’ll be drawn to you like a fly to warm poop.
6. Keep the first couple of dates short and sweet
Even if a date is going really well, it’s best to keep it to two hours or less. For introverts in particular, dating can be really exhausting. It’s best to get us home before our energy levels are completely depleted.
7. Accept us for who we are
If you want to instantly turn off an introvert, judge us, criticize us, or make us feel like we need to change. Introverts are very selective about who they let into their hearts. We gravitate toward people who accept us for who we are. If you want someone more outgoing, chatty, bubbly and extroverted … date an extrovert … duh.
“Introverts are very selective about who they let into their hearts.” – Yes, thank you!
This was such a good read, thanks again!
I’m so glad you liked it and can relate 🙂
I am a introvert maerird to an extrovert.It has caused definite stress in our marriage. I can manage a couple of social interactions a month.But, only if they are outside our home, I HATE people coming into my home, I feel like the home is our sanctuary and for my husband and I only.He LOVES just randomly inviting people over and visiting. He doesn’t understand that it literally panics me when people show up at my door, he doesn’t think its a big deal, he just thinks I am self conscious about the house or something. The weird thing was I was able to cope better before I got maerird and now that I live with him, I feel more out of control because I don’t know what will happen next, so, I am worse then before.Now, I do not want to do anything out of the home or see anybody or have anyone at the house.My inlaws are all extroverts as well and think I am some nasty witch, and tell those around me that I am unsocialable and rude .Which of course, embarrasses me more and makes me want to attend family functions less and less.
I understand I have a fiancé that’s like that so what I do is I read her body language. You just need to be open and tell him who you are . Secondly you also need to just bare it out and be accommodating. Also try and find a link between what extrovert and introvert like doing and try and do that a lot it will definitely help
A . MA . ZI . NG !!!
hello..i dnt have any clue what do do..i really like a guy who is really introvert. we know each other only through facebooke since past 6 months.i text him daily and he rplies daily but we have never talked on phone.as he dsnt likes it.. i really want to take a chance with him as i feel he is really genuine.kindly help
Great tips! Looks like this Extrovert has been doing what she should be doing with my introvert so far. Fingers crossed I can continue and “wait” it out
Glad you’re on the right track, Dolph 🙂
I’m an extroverted woman in love with an introverted man. Fortunately I’ve always been on the edge of introversion myself and prefer to have a lot of quiet, space, and solitude. I don’t like having people over to the house except the traditional Sunday dinner.
I’m waiting (politely) for my guy’s divorce to finalize. He’s not making any physical moves, but he goes out of his way to talk with me. He’s got a great mind and wonderful soul.
I’m naturally assertive in my day job, and so it takes a lot of self-control not to pursue him. I know I have to sit back and let him set the pace. It’s more fun that way!
Sounds like you know just the right approach. Glad to hear that you’re going to let him pursue you. This is exactly the advice I give to extroverted women who <3 introverted men. 😉
“Introvert, extrovert, richvert, poorvert “
Hopefully no perverts though
I am a gay guy dating an introvert guy, I am extroverted. I am starting to realise how much space he needs to process things. Dating for 6 months.
I love to communicate and get to know people and I am finding it difficult to hold back, and I can sometimes take things at a faster pace.
Do you have any tips on how to step back and give an introvert space, and how to be patients, and to understand how they think?
How do you tell when it’s a good time to communicate with them, or do you let them decide when?
How do people approach introverts about talking through uneasy subjects, such as the bedroom, or family and stuff?
Guh so much I need to learn haha
Amazing blog! I an extrovert man with some introvert traits who is dating an introverted woman. I am relieved to see that I was already following the first six guidelines listed in this article. However, I am bombing on the seventh one: giving criticism. I was simply trying to be authentic by suggesting less “small talk” (my introvert side) but I think I offended her. I will try to recover and remember this seventh guide in the future.
Wonderful to hear that you’re already applying these tips naturally, Anthony! I’m sure your innie appreciates it. 🙂
Hey Micheala….I’m an extrovert and I have a huge crush on an introverted guy….we’ve never met but we try to keep in touch daily…I don’t bother or tell him how sad it feels when he replies late even after he said we should have a conversation but I really want him to like me…I love introverts what do I do please?