Dating can be tough for introverted guys. One of the biggest obstacles you face is staying motivated to go on dates. After all, in modern dating culture, there’s a lot of pressure on men to do all the initiating. Today’s dating tips for introverted guys will help you to ask women out and go on dates, even when you just plain don’t feel like it.
Because, let’s face it. Dating is exhausting for introverted men. It’s overwhelming to initiate a conversation with a woman you’re interested in, and then build up the courage to ask her out.
Actually following through and taking her on a date can be even more draining. Talking to strangers is tiring enough for introverts, add on the pressure and nerves of a first date, and it’s no wonder you’d rather stay home. Luckily, today’s dating tips for introverted guys address all of these challenges.
Before we dive in, I should emphasize that I’m not an introverted guy. I’m an introverted confidence and connection coach who has gone on a lot of dates with both introverted and extroverted men and has consulted with the world’s top dating and relationship experts.
I even dedicated a whole chapter of my book, The Irresistible Introvert, to dating. That’s why I knew exactly what to say when my introverted friend Mike messaged me recently with the below question. Maybe you can relate to his struggle:
Hi Michaela, I was reaching out because you’re the dating master and I don’t know if I’m self sabotaging or what, but I would love to find a partner, but am having the hardest time… however, the thought of sitting across from someone for hours exhausts me just thinking about it. Lol, how do you motivate yourself to go on dates? I swear it used to be so much easier. Now it seems painful lol. Any thoughts on that?
I do have some thoughts, indeed! Here are my dating tips for introverted guys, which will help you to stay motivated to find love.
Get Crystal Clear on What You Want
It’s important to have a clear idea of what you want in a woman. But remember, this isn’t about being picky. There’s no need to go all Seinfeld and rule out a woman because of the way she eats her peas.
A lot of guys have a long list of what they want in a woman, but they miss the important stuff. You’ve gotta have your non-negotiables so crystal clear that you could recite them in your sleep.
Make a foundations list of seven essential qualities that MUST be present in a woman for you to pursue her. Your list might include things like strong physical attraction and kindness. If you’re religious, finding a woman who shares your faith might be on the list, too.
Don’t waste time with women who are missing anything on the foundations list. This alone will save you a ton of energy.
Play Games…With Yourself
Let’s face it, dating is not always fun. While finding love is great incentive to go on dates, it’s easy to lose site of such a big and seemingly out of reach goal, as you slug it out on boring dates.
Give yourself some extra incentive by turning dating into a fun game or challenge. For example, you could make connection the goal. Challenge yourself to connect with every woman you date by practicing smart conversation skills for introverts.
You can do the same thing with approaching women. Challenge yourself to smile at at least three women per day, or say hi to at least one woman. This will motivate you to keep going, regardless of whether or not you get a date with your dream girl right away.
Choose The Right Date Activity
I envy men because you have so much power over how the whole dating experience will play out. Fair or not, you are the one who is expected to plan the date. A man with a plan is sexy!
Choose an activity and place where you know you’ll have a good time no matter who you’re with. You could choose a walk by the water, which is great because it can be shortened or lengthened depending on how the date is going. Or drinks on a patio with a great view. Or a bike ride.
I personally love dates that involve a physical activity because it helps us both to loosen up and open up, and gets the endorphins flowing. It also provides breaks from constant conversation. Win win win!
Keep It Short ’n’ Sweet
Of all the dating tips for introverted guys, this one is the most effective for preventing exhaustion. Remember in Mike’s message when he says, “sitting across from someone for hours exhausts me just thinking about it”? Well, this one sentence explains a huge part of the problem.
A date does not have to be long. One hour is plenty. If you’re worried about having an exit, just let your date know ahead of time that you have another engagement to get to. You can also say something like, “I’ll have to get home early because I have a big work day tomorrow, but we could go for a quick walk by the water and see the sunset.”
Tap Into Your Introverted Magnetism
One of the biggest myths out there is that extroverted men are more attractive than introverts. This is absolutely not true. I know plenty of women who find introverted men irresistible. But there’s a catch.
Many introverted men are not tapping into their most attractive qualities: your thoughtfulness, smarts, gentleness, intuitiveness. A few simple tweaks and you could be a lady magnet, no extroversion required.
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Over To You
What are your biggest struggles when it comes to dating as an introverted guy? Please do share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you! ?