Why Am I Socially Awkward? 6 Possible Reasons (And Solutions)

60% of Americans feel awkward sometimes. 21% feel socially inept often, while 26% firmly believe they are more awkward than others [1].

You may also notice it: feeling like something’s expected from you, but your brain freezes even though you know what to say. No wonder you might hate going out in public.

The truth is, social awkwardness is not a personality flaw or something you’re “stuck with.” In many cases, it’s just a mismatch between your experience and social expectations. Want to change it? Know your reason and discover how you may stop wondering, “Why am I so awkward?”

Why Am I So Awkward? 6 Possible Reasons

There are six common causes of social awkwardness:

Neurodivergence (hence, different socialization needs)
Social or generalized anxiety
Incompatible company
Lack of social skills
Negative past experiences
More introvertive personality traits

Read about these reasons in detail.

1. You May Be Neurodivergent

Being neurodivergent means having a neurodevelopmental condition, such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia, Tourette’s syndrome, learning disabilities, or an unspecified neurodevelopmental disorder.

Usually, neurodivergent symptoms include:

executive dysfunction (problems with attention, focus, task initiation)
poor coordination and motor skills
sensory sensitivity
difficulties with (traditional) learning
challenging regulating emotions
differences in social communication.

Some neurodivergent conditions can make a person feel socially awkward. If it feels familiar and you start wondering, “What type of neurodivergent am I?” consider whether you can relate to neurodivergent symptoms that impact social life:

Socializing feels unnatural to you.
You analyze and overthink conversations, trying to find hidden meanings or patterns behind them.
Constant inability to relate to what other people are talking about.
Trying to fit in really exhausts you.
You trick yourself into researching, learning, and mimicking others’ behavior to feel less socially inept.
Not understanding why certain communications require extra steps (e.g., why you can’t ask someone directly for a favor but need to have a small talk first).
Avoiding nonverbal communication (hugs, handshakes, eye contact) due to sensory overload.

Treating socialization as a chore is common among neurodivergents because masking takes a lot of energy and effort.

2. You Have Social Anxiety

Social anxiety is a real pandemic among young people. One study researched the social health of young people aged 16–29 from 7 different studies. The result is shocking: 36% of participants met diagnostic criteria for social anxiety disorder [3].

How to know you’re socially awkward due to social anxiety? Signs of social anxiety include:

Fears of being rejected, laughed at, criticized, humiliated, etc.
Feeling like an unwanted, misunderstood alien.
Talking negatively about yourself (including in your mind).
Being severely conscious about every little (perceived) flaw of yours.
Feeling like everybody hates you.
Avoiding social situations.
Having physical symptoms (feeling nauseous, sweating, blushing, having an increased heartbeat rate).

The reason why awkward people can be this anxious is that their brains are currently in a state of protection. Socialization could have been dangerous at some point in your life, and your psyche is stuck in this feeling.

3. You Are Surrounded by the Wrong People

Have you ever considered that it might not be you who’s socially inept? There is a high likelihood that you didn’t meet the right people with whom you can fully open up and turn this exciting part of yourself.

Answer this: Are you severely awkward and uncomfortable in every company? Are there people around whom you can feel yourself, and at least not that tense?

This contrast suggests that the issue isn’t your social awkwardness but a lack of alignment between you and your social circle. The cause of your “I hate going out in public” is different values, humor, interests, or communication styles. This difference is exactly what makes interaction feel unnatural.

In these situations, awkwardness comes from holding yourself back. You filter what you say, second-guess your reactions, or try to fit into a dynamic that doesn’t suit you. That creates tension, and others can feel it too.

4. You May Lack Social Skills

So, you believe the reason why you’re so socially awkward lies in you. But you’re emotionally stable and don’t have mental/neurodevelopmental conditions. The next area to assess is your fluency in social skills.

Socializing is a skill set, just like writing or coding, and it develops through repetition. If you haven’t had many opportunities to practice, it can feel like everyone else knows something you don’t.

Common signs that it’s exactly a lack of social skills that makes you socially awkward are:

Not understanding body language.
Constantly interrupting/leading conversations.
Not knowing where/when to contribute to the conversation.
Taking things too literally.
Not understanding humor or the inability to make a joke.
Oversharing.
Feeling redundant and uncomfortable.

Important: having these signs doesn’t make you a bad person because social confidence isn’t something you’re born with, since socialization is imposed by culture.

5. You May Have Negative Experiences with People

Certain experiences can increase the likelihood of developing social awkwardness. For example:

Bullying
Being rejected
Being harshly, inappropriately, and disproportionately criticized
Never feeling understood
Lacking support (in childhood)

These and similar experiences can create trust issues: inability to open up fully in front of others due to fear of vulnerability.

Are these signs of negative past experiences with people familiar to you?

You always expect negative outcomes.
You believe the world is a much darker, unforgivable place.
You automatically assume other people don’t like you.
You play different roles for different kinds of people.
You verify/double-check everything other people tell you.

6. It’s Just the Way You Are

Feeling uncomfortable around other people isn’t a flaw. Especially if you’re totally okay with it. There are certain temperaments and personality traits that simply make people feel alone.

Can you relate to these scenarios?

Higher sensitivity to stimulation tires me in (big) groups of people.
It’s just enough for me to be on my own.
Highly intellectual, gifted, or empathetic people often find it hard to relate to their peers.
I have really niche interests and can’t find support from peers in my area.

The factors above can only fuel introverted traits more. And if you can relate, it doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong.

The feeling of being “awkward” can come from comparison. When you measure yourself against more outgoing or fast-paced communicators, it’s easy to assume you’re lacking something. In reality, you may simply have a different rhythm. And difference doesn’t automatically mean deficiency.

How to Be Less Awkward Step-by-Step

Becoming less socially awkward isn’t about turning into someone else. It’s about 1) identifying the reason behind your discomfort and 2) adjusting how you approach social situations in a way that works for you.

You can do it in 5 steps:

Identify why you feel so awkward around other people.
Think about your values and become more authentic with yourself.
Practice different behaviors to train self-esteem and social muscles.
Practice radical self-acceptance on purpose.
Expose yourself to triggers of awkwardness.

Read about these steps in detail.

1. Identify Why You Feel Awkward

Before trying to “fix” anything, it’s important to understand what’s actually causing your awkwardness. We provided the six most common reasons above, but they usually co-occur.

Answer these questions:

Do you feel socially inept because you feel like you don’t belong, and everybody knows that? → Fear of abandonment.
Do you struggle to find words and feel unnatural because you don’t have much practice? → Lack of social skills.
Do you feel uncomfortable only around certain people? → Introvertive traits.

For a deeper analysis of yourself, Google “Questions to get to know yourself better.” But as a rule, working with a mental health professional is usually the most accurate. They can objectively assess your life experience and also exclude any mental health conditions if needed.

2. Identify Your Main Values and Act Accordingly

A lot of social awkwardness comes from trying to fit into expectations that don’t match who you are. And the best way to know who you are is to explore your values. It’s possible to answer these questions that seem easy:

What do I enjoy talking about?
What kind of people do I feel comfortable with?
How do I want others to treat me?
When in my life was I the happiest?
What does a happy life mean to me?

Your values shape your communication style, your boundaries, and the kind of connections you build.

Once you’re clear on these, act accordingly. If you don’t enjoy certain environments or conversations, it’s okay to step back. You’ll feel much less socially awkward when you stop fitting yourself in a mold that doesn’t match your shape.

3. Practice Taking Up Space

Many people who feel socially awkward tend to minimize themselves. Speaking quietly, frequent apologizing, always taking a passive stance, and never expressing your controversial opinion. Is this social awkwardness familiar?

The best way to not feel socially inept is to change something. And this means taking up space, such as:

Make eye contact
Tell people about your accomplishments
Slow down everyday living
Make decisions independently
Devote time only to yourself and your desires

These changes can be small, but they train your ability to stay grounded in conversations and get out of your own head. This can eventually manifest in you feeling more natural among people.

4. Intentionally Practice Self-Acceptance

How do you talk to yourself? Do you think something like “I sounded stupid” or “That was embarrassing”? These and similar critical thoughts can reinforce the belief that something is wrong with you.

What to do about these critical thoughts? Follow the algorithm:

Notice when you criticize yourself or think badly about an interaction.
Look for evidence: “What proves that I sounded stupid?”
If you find proof for your negative self-thinking, think about whether you would judge other people for this perceived flaw.

You can also build small habits of self-support. Do one thing each day that affirms you. Appreciating one thing a day about yourself works like a charm.

Finally, separate yourself from your actions. You might have an awkward moment, but that doesn’t mean you are awkward.

5. Do Exposure Therapy

It’s a step you should make last: when you’re emotionally prepared and know how to support yourself. Exposing yourself to shame triggers is scary, but it’s also the most effective way to stop being socially awkward.

Of course, you shouldn’t do radical things like singing in a bathing suit in the city’s downtown. Start slowly. Here are a few ideas for exposure exercises for social awkwardness:

Give the cashier a compliment.
Make contact with a neighbor and say hello.
Ask a bookstore employee for a book recommendation.
Go to a cafe/restaurant for a solo dinner.
Ask your colleague for personal advice.

The Main Question Is Why You Want to Be Less Socially Awkward

Feeling awkward is uncomfortable. But think for a moment, why is it uncomfortable for you specifically? Is it because you genuinely want more connection and expression? Or because you feel like you don’t meet certain social expectations?

There’s a difference between growing for yourself and trying to fit into standards imposed by a society. If your motivation comes from comparison, you may end up working against your natural tendencies, which will eventually create more stress and might even lead to an identity crisis.

On the other hand, if you genuinely yearn for a real connection but can’t have it, you’re on the right track. Working on social skills is a hard and long process but very rewarding. Just stick to one condition: be radically kind to yourself.

Not one, not two, now even ten awkward interactions don’t make you an awkward person. They just make you a person who has acted a few times awkwardly.