INFJ BEWARE: 3 Warning Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship

INFJ BEWARE: 3 Warning Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship

If you’re an INFJ like me, you know how it feels to be overwhelmed in a toxic relationship. All our senses are messed up and we start feeling guilty and unworthy. The INFJ personality is like a magnet for relationships that utterly drain us, but we tend to stay in them nonetheless. Allow me to explain why. Why are INFJs more likely to stay in a toxic relationship? Staying in a toxic relationship can have roots from a childhood trauma, according to Ken Page, a psychotherapist and author of the book Deeper Dating. If a person was deprived of love or attention from their parents while they were kids, they tend to replicate that behavior in adulthood, seeking out partners who deny them that crucial validation and appreciation they so desperately need. This counterintuitive feeling is known as an “attraction of deprivation,” according to Page. As Dr. Page points out, past traumas are one of the main reasons why INFJs refuse to leave a toxic relationship. Combine this with conflict avoidance, and the INFJ desire to maintain peace and understanding, and you got yourself a one-way ticket to overwhelm. We don’t want to hurt anyone Staying in a toxic relationship is much harder for INFJs because we don’t want to hurt anyone. For example, I never had the loving support I needed during my childhood and adolescent years. I was on my own and left to handle my fears as best I could. One of my ex-girlfriends was a classic narcissist and the relationship with her overwhelmed me daily. I wanted to speak up, but fear got a hold...
INFJ Self-Care: Why You Put Yourself Last

INFJ Self-Care: Why You Put Yourself Last

INFJ self-care is a hot topic these days, and for good reason. If there’s one thing INFJs struggle with, it’s this: putting ourselves first – or even second, or third, for that matter. We care for others all the time, You won’t find a more supportive friend, and understanding partner than an INFJ. The level of our care and concern for the wellbeing of those we cherish is otherworldly. Problems occur when we focus little on our own needs. Taking care of ourselves is not easy for the INFJ personality. A daunting task Imagine this scenario. You are invited to a social gathering (a party or conference). Your INFJ intuition is screaming that you shouldn’t go because you will get overwhelmed. The people there are extroverts who always call out introverts as “weird”. Saying no as a primary INFJ self-care tool sounds like a good choice. However, here’s what happens instead. You accept the invitation because you feel guilty that you’ll offend someone if you don’t go. Your kind INFJ mind doesn’t want to argue. Instead, you go to a place, which will only cause you to feel drained. You’re also dreading hearing questions like: “Why are you so quiet?” or “Why are you standing near the exit?” I experienced this scenario more times than I can count. Instead of spending a quiet night, tucked in your blanket fort, and watching Netflix, you attend a noisy, unpleasant gathering. And you feel terrible about it. Don’t blame yourself, it’s not your fault. INFJs want to make everyone around us feel good, but we forget that we, too, need to take care...
The Top 5 Ways To Annoy An INFJ

The Top 5 Ways To Annoy An INFJ

INFJs are not easy to annoy. We are peaceful by default and natural born diplomats. Our tolerance levels are off the charts … most of the time. Even though INFJs can put up with a lot, some annoying moments can utterly overwhelm us. Our pet peeves are especially obvious at social events and gatherings. In these environments people push our buttons in all kinds of ways. The next 5 situations I’m about to share are the ones we INFJs wish we could avoid. 1. Dismissing our feelings and opinions. There is nothing worse for an INFJ than when our opinions and feelings are discarded. We feel worthless and humiliated. The worst part? As a people-oriented personality, we genuinely value people. So when we face external dismissiveness and rejection we feel like we don’t matter. 2. Making false assumptions about us. Understanding as we are, it really bothers us when we face judgement. We start doubting ourselves, wondering what kind of impression we left. As a result, this one question flies around us like a pesky mosquito: “What did I do wrong?” 3. Picking on someone who is defenceless. Seeing bullying of any kind throws us completely off balance. We simply don’t and can’t tolerate it. It doesn’t matter if it’s us who is being picked on or someone else. We are natural guardians. We just can’t stand by and watch when we see injustice. 4. Not allowing us time to think. As INFJs, we are internal processors. We need time to mentally digest what is being said. So, when someone rushes us, our reaction, of course, is annoyance. The...
How Empaths Can Heal From The US Election

How Empaths Can Heal From The US Election

If you’re an empath like me, you are feeling the effects of the recent US election right now. As you already know, the 2016 US election was a non-stop train wreck of nastiness that left the country shocked, fearful, and divided. As a highly sensitive empath, you not only feel your own emotions related to the US election, you also feel the anxiety, sadness, and anger of others. You feel the collective energy of fear within both your emotional and physical bodies. This creates a kind of emotional overload, which causes various unsettling symptoms. If you live in North America, you might be experiencing at least one of the below symptoms of empathic emotional overload: high levels of exhaustion and fatigue that seem out of sync with what is going on in your personal and professional life persistent nausea, coupled with an unshakeable sense of anxiety difficulty concentrating, and staying motivated erratic emotions – one minute you are okay, and the next you are moved to tears for seemingly no reason cold symptoms, such as a sore throat (emotions have a major impact on our immune system!) If you are experiencing any or all of the above, know that there is a good reason for this. An entire nation is emotionally shell-shocked right now. Being an empath, you have absorbed more than your share of the bullets. You are dealing with your own confusion and sadness, as well as the intense emotions of everyone around you. A surprising sensation Even though I am Canadian, live alone, and can go the whole day without seeing other people, I still feel the...
Why INFJs Love The Rain So Much

Why INFJs Love The Rain So Much

I’m an INFJ, and as long as I can remember, rain was always a source of inspiration for me. It makes me feel calm, relaxed, and happy. It turns out that I’m not the only INFJ who feels this way. There are many reasons why our INFJ personality is drawn to rain. I think that it’s because it evokes a sense of peacefulness in us. Don’t get me wrong, not all INFJs like the rain. Some prefer the bright sunny day more than the misty rainy night. The other day my friend asked me: “How can you love the rain? It’s so dark and sad. You can’t go anywhere when it falls”. My answer was that it’s perfectly aligned with who I am. In fact, this question inspired me to write this article and to explain this phenomenon. What rain does to the brain According to Orfeu Buxton, a professor of biobehavioral health at Pennsylvania State University, the sound of rain is “in tune” with our senses. Buxton stated that if the rain could speak, it would sound something like this: “Don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t worry.” Okay, maybe not so many times, since it sounds a little creepy. Because our INFJ mind doesn’t appreciate loud noise by default, rain is nature’s meditation. It heightens our senses with its healing effect. Like the Formula One vehicle, our mind needs to go into the box for repairs every now and again. Rain is our repair crew. Besides the relaxing sensation, rain can also awaken deep, emotional thoughts. Nostalgia, deep thinking, memories, and even sadness, can all be fuelled by the soothing...
How To Be An INFJ

How To Be An INFJ

The INFJ personality is the rarest Myers-Briggs type. These unique butterflies comprise only 1% of the world’s population. Even to Carl Jung, who is widely considered to be the founder of the personality examination, INFJs are the “mysterious ones”. Few understand the complex beauty of an INFJ mind. Many are intrigued by its deep understanding, and intuition. It is extremely rare to meet an INFJ personality in person. Everyone, including myself, will confirm that this is a special moment. You are not just meeting anyone, you are meeting a rare gem. Rare, but extremely valuable Even though I am an INFJ myself, I have never met one in person. However, I am lucky that several of my closest friends are INFJs. We haven’t met in real life yet, but having a virtual INFJ friend can also be wonderful! Speaking through Skype, my INFJ friend and I admitted that we are “scared” of how we will react when we first meet. The meeting of two INFJs is the equivalent of winning a lottery two times in a row. Many INFJs I speak with on a daily basis have the same problem. Because we are people oriented, we act like a small colony of meerkats when we find each other. We cherish and protect one another. Quality over quantity best describes an INFJ meeting. ☺ What’s important to know about the INFJ personality? What’s crucial to understand about INFJs is that we know we are rare. We know that the majority of people don’t understand us. This is why we value our own company more than anything. However, we care deeply...