introvert self-love

Do you find it hard to love yourself consistently? Self-love is easy when things are going well and you’re fulfilling all the ‘shoulds’ in life.

But when the storm clouds come and you’re struggling with overwhelm, failure, and dark moods, self-love is elusive.

Unfortunately, if you’re a sensitive introvert like me, life can feel daunting even when the sun is out.

Introverts tend to be more self-critical, focusing on our faults instead of acknowledging our strengths. I hear from a lot of introverts who say they “keep score” of everything they did wrong.

Since we’re already prone to overthinking and self-criticism, any kind of failure can hit introverts extra hard. A bad day can turn into a bad week pretty quickly. If you can relate, there is hope.

You don’t have to be a victim of circumstance. In fact, one of the most self-loving things you can do is to take your power back and always focus on what you can change.

Your daily habits are something you can change. Here are 5 habits that kill self-love, plus what to do instead.

1. Words

Words have power. That which you say everyday reinforces your view of yourself and the world. Never put yourself down with words like, “I’m so dumb” or “I’m an idiot”. 

Sometimes, limiting language can be more sneaky. Beginning a lot of sentences with “I can’t” or “I’ll never” will only hold you back from sef-love. Why? Because self-love is empowering. It does not linger in the powerless victim role. 

2. Lack of sleep

It’s really hard to be loving and kind to anyone when you’re overtired. When you’re sleep deprived and grumpy the first person you’re likely to take aim at is yourself. 

Studies have shown that introverts may be more sensitive to the side effects of sleep deprivation. So, make sleep a priority.

3. Rationing pleasure

Many introverts see pleasure as something impractical. We only allow ourselves the joy of pleasure  as a reward for being good. 

But rationing out pleasure in this way tells your subconscious that you’re not deserving of love and happiness. 

Make small pleasures a part of your daily life. Allowing more pleasure in can be simple. Walk barefoot in the grass, take a bath, enjoy your favourite foods…Anything that lights up your heart.

4. Approval seeking

As humans, we naturally seek out our own reflection in others. There is nothing wrong with this, except when you don’t know where others end and you begin. 

Stop waiting for others to tell you who you are and whether or not you did a good job.

Spend time with yourself each day journalling, reaffirming your values, and acknowledging the small steps you took that day.

5. Wanting to control

A lot of introverts work very hard to control our physical environment and circumstances. We like our routines and our go-to places because sticking with the familiar prevents overwhelm. 

The problem is that having a tight grip on every aspect of your life means your hands aren’t open to receive love. Loosen the grip, let go a little, and surrender.

Additional Self-Love Resources

Introvert Confidence Lessons

30-Day Self-Love Blueprint

Unshakeable Self-Love for Introverts Workshop

Well, I’m off to enjoy the sun. I hope you make time today to enjoy life’s simple pleasures.


Michaela Chung

In case you’re new here, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Michaela, author of The Irresistible Introvert and creator of this fine website establishment, which has helped millions of introverts build confidence and connections in their own quiet way. Join my innie tribe and get a free Introvert Connection Guide.