dating advice for introverts

Is it more difficult for introverts to meet that special someone?

The other day, I asked my Facebook and Twitter followers this very question.  “Yes!” was the resounding response. For this reason, I’ve decided to share the best dating advice for introverts in a series of “Dating Advice for Introverts” posts.

Introverts face very specific dating challenges.  The most obvious obstacle we face is that introverts don’t ‘get out there’ as much as extroverts do.

Other challenges include:

  • Having overly harsh/specific criteria
  • Being stuck in a stalemate with another introvert who is reluctant to make the first move
  • Not being able to attract the right person because we wear the mask of extroversion in social situations

All of the above obstacles make meeting the right person more difficult, but not impossible.  There are many ways that introverts can increase their chances of finding love.  The first step involves something that introverts are very good at: looking inward.

The Important Questions

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” ~ Einstein

If you haven’t found the kind of meaningful relationship you want, you have two options: 1) you can continue thinking and behaving in the same manner that you always have and hope that you will get different results 2) you can try something new.

The best way to approach life is to see it as an experiment rather than a test. Tweet this

This holds true in the realm of romance as well.  Rather than repeatedly performing the same ineffective experiment (option 1), why not put on your lab coat and begin trying different things.

Any good experiment starts by asking a series of questions.  When it comes to finding love, there are three critical questions you must ask yourself:

  1. Am I being my most authentic self?
  2. Have I found my tribe/community?
  3. Am I honoring the relationships I already have?

Am I Authentic?

The phrase “be yourself” is the hallmark of vague and unsolicited dating advice.  It is that annoying saying that people drudge up in nearly every conversation about finding love.  But being yourself is more difficult than it sounds.

As introverts, we receive a lot of negative feedback for simply being ourselves.  We are perceived as strange because we are quiet.  We are chastised for not being extroverted enough.  In short, we are made to feel that our true self is not acceptable.

So, we fabricate a different self that will fit in better in society.  It becomes very hard to separate who we are from who we think we should be.

In order to unearth your true self, ask yourself if your behavior reflects your own beliefs and desires or someone else’s.  Being yourself might be difficult, but remember:

A more authentic self = more authentic relationships.  Tweet this

Have I Found My Tribe?

Your tribe consists of people who share your core beliefs and worldview.  In other words, they ‘get’ you. An introvert’s tribe might be smaller than an extrovert’s, but it still offers great benefits.  Your community will support, validate and challenge you.  It can also connect you to your future companion.

Think of your community members as the gatekeepers to true love.  Without them, it will be a lot harder to find and connect with the right person.

When you are projecting your most authentic self out into the world, you will attract your people.  Likewise, when you are engaged in activities that you love, it will be easier for your tribe (and your soulmate) to find you.

Am I Honoring My Relationships?

Finally, ask yourself, am I giving my current relationships the attention they deserve?  It is much easier to attract love when you already have love in your life.

Introverts prefer to maintain a few genuine friendships rather than a hoard of superficial ones.  Even still, we too neglect our personal relationships at times.

Stay in touch with your family.  Let your friends know that they matter to you.  Practice being vulnerable and loving in every important relationship in your life.   This will help you attract the meaningful romantic relationship you deserve.

If you answered ‘no’ to any of the above questions, congratulations, you are a perfectly normal and beautifully flawed human being.  All you have to do to infinitely increase your chances of finding love is begin turning those no’s into yes’s.  Make it a priority everyday.

Next, check back here tomorrow for more introvert dating advice.  The upcoming post will be  about attraction and connection.