How To Know If An Introvert Likes You

how to know if an introvert likes you

People often ask me how to know if an introvert likes you. Most of the time the question comes from an extroverted woman, who likes an introverted man, but feels totally confused by his signals. She wonders if his aloofness is because of his introversion, or because he’s just not that into her.

I can see why people get confused. We introverts have a unique way of showing that we like someone. Often, our behaviour is the complete opposite of what you would expect from someone who is swooning over you.

As an introvert myself, I’m all too familiar with how it feels to like someone and not know how to show it in a “normal” way. Since we introverts need more time to think before we speak, I used to be chronically tongue-tied around my crushes. And that’s only if I actually had the courage to be near them.

Most of the time, I would secretly pine after my crush from afar, but run away like a frightened cat the moment he came near me. The only time I really got close to the guys I liked was in my fantasies. As an introvert, I spend a lot of time inside my head. My fantasy men were great companions for my daydreams. Except for one problem.

I was still a weirdo around these guys in real life. I would still clam up and go completely silent when they were around. I would still give off an awkward what-do-I-do-with-my-hands vibe in their presence. And, worst of all, I would still feel completely clueless about how flirt with them without giving off a stalker vibe.

So, yeah, figuring out how to know if an introvert likes you is a confusing endeavour, even if you’re an introvert yourself. Plus, there’s another major element in the equation that makes things even more befuddling.

A lot of the behaviours I just mentioned — the awkwardness, the avoidance, the fear of getting close — have more to do with shyness than introversion. Now, before you say, “aren’t they the same thing?” let’s take a moment to separate myth from truth.

Myth

Many people believe that all introverts are shy, and therefore, will never make the first move when it comes to dating. Nope! Shyness has to do with fear of social interactions. Introversion has to do with where we get our energy. Introverts can be just as confident as extroverts, however …

Truth

Introverts do take longer to open up, and are less likely to initiate conversations than extroverts. We also have a tendency to get tongue-tied — especially around strangers. So, we might go quiet around our crush.

All that being said, you might be thinking, “Okay, Michaela, but you still haven’t told us how to know if an introvert likes you?!”

Yes, I know, I guess I’m stalling … which happens to be exactly what an introvert would do if he or she liked you. You see, an introvert probably wouldn’t swoop in and sweep you off your feet right away. He would watch you from afar, and then plan out his next move. He would also likely take his time getting to know you before asking you out.

Perhaps, “getting to know you” involves observing you from a distance, or slyly asking your friends about you. Or maybe it’s asking you a bunch of questions, and listening to your answers with hawklike intensity.

Here are some other signs that will answer the question of how to know if an introvert likes you.

How To Know If an Introvert Likes You — 4 Sneaky Signs

1.They change their behaviour around you.

As I mentioned earlier, the way introverts behave around the people they like can vary depending on their level of confidence. One surefire way to know that an innie has his eye on you is if he acts differently around you than everyone else.

Perhaps, he’s more attentive, or more quiet, or more awkward — the most important thing is that he changes his behaviour around you.

2. They make an effort to be around you, even if they don’t engage you.

Introverts aren’t typically aggressors when it comes to the dating game. We much prefer to sit back and let our love interests come to us. So, if an introvert does make an effort to approach you, it’s a sign that he or she is interested.

Keep in mind that an introvert making a move doesn’t always look the same as an extrovert making a move. He might not say or do much, but just the fact that he’s hanging out around you is an indication of interest.

3. They flirt with you via text or social media.

By now, it’s pretty common knowledge that we introverts tend to text more than talk. Of course, there are always exceptions, but for the most part, if an introvert flirts with you through text or social media, he or she is interested.

This is true even if the innie in question is quiet around you in real life. Many introverts feel more comfortable writing than speaking, especially when it comes to people they don’t know well yet.

4. They open up to you.

Introverts really do take longer to open up than extroverts. We’re not the ones who go around sharing our every thought, dream, and desire with anyone who’ll listen. We only open up to those we genuinely trust, like, and respect. If we’re pouring our heart out to you, it’s a sign that we like you.

signs how to know if an introvert likes you

A word of caution

Now, before you jump for joy and chase your introvert of interest straight to the altar, I need to give you a word of caution. Just because introverts take more time to open up, doesn’t mean you should be doing all the pursuing.

Introverts can and will ask you out. It’s just that we might need more encouragement than extroverts.

How to get an introvert to ask you out

You don’t necessarily have to do the asking. Encouragement goes a long way. You can make it easier for an introvert to ask you out by dropping not-so-subtle hints. You could say something like:

“I find you so easy to be around. I really enjoy talking to you. I wish we had more time to talk.”

But remember, if an introvert doesn’t take the bait, it could be because he’s shy, OR it could mean he’s genuinely not into you. If you’ve made it obvious that you’re interested, and he’s not texting, calling, or even poking, move on, dearest.

Let me make what I just said a little more clear. If an introvert is not showing any of the signs of interest we talked about here, DO NOT assume it’s just because he’s shy and needs more nudging.

If he used to text you, but doesn’t anymore, he’s probably not interested. If you dropped hints that you like him, but he’s not talking, texting, or even liking your Facebook posts, he’s probably not interested. If he’s making excuses to avoid hanging out with you, he’s probably not interested.

Okay, well, I think we’ve covered all the bases on how to know if an introvert likes you. By now, you’re either bursting with optimism over all the signs that your innie likes you, or you’re deflated by the realization that he’s just not that into you.

Either way, I hope what I’ve shared has brought you one step closer to Mr. or Mrs. Right. 😃

If you want to understand introverts even better, or if you are an introvert yourself, join my innie tribe and get my 50-page Introvert Connection Guide as a gift.

Lots of love,

Michaela Chung introvert

12 Comments

  1. As always, wonderful article Michaela packed with meaningful advice, great signs, and conclusions. 🙂 I definitely had troubles in the recognizing the signs you mention here, and especially the signs when I needed to stop and move one when that other side simply wasn’t interested. Once more, amazing article Michaela that will surely help everyone who read it how to see if an innie likes you. 🙂

    Reply
    • Thanks, Marko!

      Reply
  2. Hi Michaela, here I’m again short and sweet:
    MY “Mrs. Right” is quiet and shy and so do I !!! 😍 😉😂 – and that works perfect despite the great distance: Southern Germany (me) – Southern California (she) , of course via internet texting, Emailing, chatting, NO Skype or something like that… no “seeing” but great FEELING!, continous since September 2014 and no trouble at all! – Couldn’t be better! –
    Now, what does that tell you???😉😍😊😂
    – Matthias

    Reply
    • No seeing, but lots of feeling sounds like a good trade-off! Thanks for sharing, Matthias! 🙂

      Reply
  3. Great article – I wish I had read it decades ago, but it’s still good to know that my past behaviour around ppl I had a crush on was actually quite normal, even if it completely confused me as well as them, at the time.
    Thanks for clearing this one up!

    Reply
    • Glad you liked it, Rachel!

      Reply
  4. I was everything you had mentioned about an introvert. I was in love, with my now wife of 17 years, If it wasn’t for my super extrovert wife, I’d still be laying around somewhere single. She had always complained about why I didn’t make the first move. After reading your article it all makes sense and I have something to defend myself-thank you Michaela!

    Reply
  5. All of this is so true. Once again, you have the perfect, amazing, incredible insight to how us innies really are. Thank you for continuing to speak for all of us… for me! ♥

    Reply
  6. Lovely article! I’m an innie myself and my ex-boyfriend used to do the exact same thing you mentioned above. He would come to my flat to play video games with my flatmates and stay for hours just to get to see me. Then after leaving, he would send memes on Instagram and try to flirt with me lol! Sadly, we broke up because he got depressed but he’s working on himself.

    Thanks for sharing Michaela

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  7. Loved this article!! What you say is true as always Michaela! Every e-mail or article I read makes me more proud of myself as an innie!! Thank you so much!!

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  8. So true Michaela, being an introvert for me always was a challenge, especially in social situation. My biggest issue was because I wasn’t very good at saying I’m not interested I often ended up with the extrovert men, that didn’t quite know how to say the word No.
    I never met the right one, but I must admit as I’ve gotten older I have learnt to live with my introverted nature & I am less socially awkward than I was as young adult. Thankfully.
    Thanks for this insight so true.

    Reply
  9. Nice article and website overall. It’s really helping me reconnect with my introvertedness (actual word?). I thank you for that 🙂

    Favorite part of this blog is the point about dropping not-so-subtle hints that you like the person. I’d like to emphasize this to all parties involved, introvert and extroverts. If you like someone, let them know. Be somewhat specific about what you like about them (‘enjoy talking to you’, as the example in this blog), then they’re not wondering if you just like their physical traits, for example.

    Remember, it doesn’t mean you’re asking their hand in marriage or even that you want to be bf/gf. At the least, you’ve crossed paths with someone who’s company you enjoy and who knows where it might lead. Even if it’s ‘just’ a friendship, it could be an invaluable one.

    Reply

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