People often ask me how to know if an introvert likes you. Most of the time the question comes from an extroverted woman, who likes an introverted man, but feels totally confused by his signals. She wonders if his aloofness is because of his introversion, or because he’s just not that into her.
I can see why people get confused. We introverts have a unique way of showing that we like someone. Often, our behaviour is the complete opposite of what you would expect from someone who is swooning over you.
As an introvert myself, I’m all too familiar with how it feels to like someone and not know how to show it in a “normal” way. Since we introverts need more time to think before we speak, I used to be chronically tongue-tied around my crushes. And that’s only if I actually had the courage to be near them.
Most of the time, I would secretly pine after my crush from afar, but run away like a frightened cat the moment he came near me. The only time I really got close to the guys I liked was in my fantasies. As an introvert, I spend a lot of time inside my head. My fantasy men were great companions for my daydreams. Except for one problem.
I was still a weirdo around these guys in real life. I would still clam up and go completely silent when they were around. I would still give off an awkward what-do-I-do-with-my-hands vibe in their presence. And, worst of all, I would still feel completely clueless about how flirt with them without giving off a stalker vibe.
So, yeah, figuring out how to know if an introvert likes you is a confusing endeavour, even if you’re an introvert yourself. Plus, there’s another major element in the equation that makes things even more befuddling.
A lot of the behaviours I just mentioned — the awkwardness, the avoidance, the fear of getting close — have more to do with shyness than introversion. Now, before you say, “aren’t they the same thing?” let’s take a moment to separate myth from truth.
Many people believe that all introverts are shy, and therefore, will never make the first move when it comes to dating. Nope! Shyness has to do with fear of social interactions. Introversion has to do with where we get our energy. Introverts can be just as confident as extroverts, however …
Introverts do take longer to open up, and are less likely to initiate conversations than extroverts. We also have a tendency to get tongue-tied — especially around strangers. So, we might go quiet around our crush.
All that being said, you might be thinking, “Okay, Michaela, but you still haven’t told us how to know if an introvert likes you?!”
Yes, I know, I guess I’m stalling … which happens to be exactly what an introvert would do if he or she liked you. You see, an introvert probably wouldn’t swoop in and sweep you off your feet right away. He would watch you from afar, and then plan out his next move. He would also likely take his time getting to know you before asking you out.
Perhaps, “getting to know you” involves observing you from a distance, or slyly asking your friends about you. Or maybe it’s asking you a bunch of questions, and listening to your answers with hawklike intensity.
Here are some other signs that will answer the question of how to know if an introvert likes you.
How To Know If an Introvert Likes You — 4 Sneaky Signs
1.They change their behaviour around you.
As I mentioned earlier, the way introverts behave around the people they like can vary depending on their level of confidence. One surefire way to know that an innie has his eye on you is if he acts differently around you than everyone else.
Perhaps, he’s more attentive, or more quiet, or more awkward — the most important thing is that he changes his behaviour around you.
2. They make an effort to be around you, even if they don’t engage you.
Introverts aren’t typically aggressors when it comes to the dating game. We much prefer to sit back and let our love interests come to us. So, if an introvert does make an effort to approach you, it’s a sign that he or she is interested.
Keep in mind that an introvert making a move doesn’t always look the same as an extrovert making a move. He might not say or do much, but just the fact that he’s hanging out around you is an indication of interest.
3. They flirt with you via text or social media.
By now, it’s pretty common knowledge that we introverts tend to text more than talk. Of course, there are always exceptions, but for the most part, if an introvert flirts with you through text or social media, he or she is interested.
This is true even if the innie in question is quiet around you in real life. Many introverts feel more comfortable writing than speaking, especially when it comes to people they don’t know well yet.
4. They open up to you.
Introverts really do take longer to open up than extroverts. We’re not the ones who go around sharing our every thought, dream, and desire with anyone who’ll listen. We only open up to those we genuinely trust, like, and respect. If we’re pouring our heart out to you, it’s a sign that we like you.
A word of caution
Now, before you jump for joy and chase your introvert of interest straight to the altar, I need to give you a word of caution. Just because introverts take more time to open up, doesn’t mean you should be doing all the pursuing.
Introverts can and will ask you out. It’s just that we might need more encouragement than extroverts.
How to get an introvert to ask you out
You don’t necessarily have to do the asking. Encouragement goes a long way. You can make it easier for an introvert to ask you out by dropping not-so-subtle hints. You could say something like:
“I find you so easy to be around. I really enjoy talking to you. I wish we had more time to talk.”
But remember, if an introvert doesn’t take the bait, it could be because he’s shy, OR it could mean he’s genuinely not into you. If you’ve made it obvious that you’re interested, and he’s not texting, calling, or even poking, move on, dearest.
Let me make what I just said a little more clear. If an introvert is not showing any of the signs of interest we talked about here, DO NOT assume it’s just because he’s shy and needs more nudging.
If he used to text you, but doesn’t anymore, he’s probably not interested. If you dropped hints that you like him, but he’s not talking, texting, or even liking your Facebook posts, he’s probably not interested. If he’s making excuses to avoid hanging out with you, he’s probably not interested.
Okay, well, I think we’ve covered all the bases on how to know if an introvert likes you. By now, you’re either bursting with optimism over all the signs that your innie likes you, or you’re deflated by the realization that he’s just not that into you.
Either way, I hope what I’ve shared has brought you one step closer to Mr. or Mrs. Right. ?
If you want to understand introverts even better, or if you are an introvert yourself, join my innie tribe and get my 50-page Introvert Connection Guide as a gift.
Lots of love,
As always, wonderful article Michaela packed with meaningful advice, great signs, and conclusions. 🙂 I definitely had troubles in the recognizing the signs you mention here, and especially the signs when I needed to stop and move one when that other side simply wasn’t interested. Once more, amazing article Michaela that will surely help everyone who read it how to see if an innie likes you. 🙂
Thanks for this?☺
Hi Michaela, here I’m again short and sweet:
MY “Mrs. Right” is quiet and shy and so do I !!! ? ?? – and that works perfect despite the great distance: Southern Germany (me) – Southern California (she) , of course via internet texting, Emailing, chatting, NO Skype or something like that… no “seeing” but great FEELING!, continous since September 2014 and no trouble at all! – Couldn’t be better! –
Now, what does that tell you???????
No seeing, but lots of feeling sounds like a good trade-off! Thanks for sharing, Matthias! 🙂
Great article – I wish I had read it decades ago, but it’s still good to know that my past behaviour around ppl I had a crush on was actually quite normal, even if it completely confused me as well as them, at the time.
Thanks for clearing this one up!
Glad you liked it, Rachel!
I was everything you had mentioned about an introvert. I was in love, with my now wife of 17 years, If it wasn’t for my super extrovert wife, I’d still be laying around somewhere single. She had always complained about why I didn’t make the first move. After reading your article it all makes sense and I have something to defend myself-thank you Michaela!
My husband is introverted,and want to be quiet all day,this make me unhappy sometimes.i am extroverted.i feel really lonely and in need of attention sometimes.i am 43, a stay at home mom with three kids.its really hard sometimes dealing with introverts.
All of this is so true. Once again, you have the perfect, amazing, incredible insight to how us innies really are. Thank you for continuing to speak for all of us… for me! ♥
Lovely article! I’m an innie myself and my ex-boyfriend used to do the exact same thing you mentioned above. He would come to my flat to play video games with my flatmates and stay for hours just to get to see me. Then after leaving, he would send memes on Instagram and try to flirt with me lol! Sadly, we broke up because he got depressed but he’s working on himself.
Thanks for sharing Michaela
Loved this article!! What you say is true as always Michaela! Every e-mail or article I read makes me more proud of myself as an innie!! Thank you so much!!
So true Michaela, being an introvert for me always was a challenge, especially in social situation. My biggest issue was because I wasn’t very good at saying I’m not interested I often ended up with the extrovert men, that didn’t quite know how to say the word No.
I never met the right one, but I must admit as I’ve gotten older I have learnt to live with my introverted nature & I am less socially awkward than I was as young adult. Thankfully.
Thanks for this insight so true.
Nice article and website overall. It’s really helping me reconnect with my introvertedness (actual word?). I thank you for that 🙂
Favorite part of this blog is the point about dropping not-so-subtle hints that you like the person. I’d like to emphasize this to all parties involved, introvert and extroverts. If you like someone, let them know. Be somewhat specific about what you like about them (‘enjoy talking to you’, as the example in this blog), then they’re not wondering if you just like their physical traits, for example.
Remember, it doesn’t mean you’re asking their hand in marriage or even that you want to be bf/gf. At the least, you’ve crossed paths with someone who’s company you enjoy and who knows where it might lead. Even if it’s ‘just’ a friendship, it could be an invaluable one.
hai michaela, i love your atricle so much, thank you for sharing this.
can i ask you a question? my crush is introvert and i’m ekstrovert. it’s very hard for me to know his feeling. he text me sometimes (i mean once/twice in a month), asking me out just once in three month, and his friends tell me that he likes me. but i confused because he often not text me back. and you say if he’s not texting, calling, or even poking, just move on.
is it normal? i mean he text and ask me out very very rare.
There are always exceptions, but typically if a guy, introverted or extroverted, is not initiating contact consistently, he is either not that interested or not wanting a relationship right now. Either way, it’s best to keep your options open, and date other people, or focus on other things that make you feel happy and fulfilled.
Hi Michaela, I need your advice, my story is my introverted bf broke up with me because of some reason. he asked to break up but he’s still keep contact me as friend. I’m very confuse by his behavior. I do love him. but I’m not sure that do he love me? if he do, why does he choose to leave me?
Additional, should I get him back or better let him go
Hello Michaela, thank you for your article, it helped, but it also didn’t. Haha. I am an extrovert, that has boyfriend extrovert. I know “why are you writing then”. the thing is.. My best friend (boy) is an introvert. And I love my boyfriend but I also find my best friend attractive to me. I have told my boyfriend, because I am honest person. But I told him my best friend haven’t got the slightest interest in me, which I thought so, or at least I tried to.
But it kinda now looks like he is more interested in me then I though. He likes to hang, he likes my posts, he flirts with me via texts, he gets jealous sometimes when I talk about my bf, or it seems like it but then he does something that totally changes the way I think he thinks about me, when with other friends, he is abusive or insults me. I though he liked my other friend (girl) but then he said he really hates her, the way she acts and because of her didn’t come on my birthday “party” and was making stupid excuses. But then he is sweet again and stuff. I find it really hard as I know he is introvert, but he isn’t making it to me any easier. We go to the same school and for once I have dressed somewhat pretty, he told me I look pretty today and when I thanked him he looked at me and said “I wasn’t talking to you” and went away. Was he talking about himself or what?! there was nobody around haha. He surely does confuse me, and maybe that’s what I like about him. But I’d want to know if he likes me back, well I know I will maybe sound badly but even if he did like me, Id probably be with my boyfriend still. My heart is hurting when I have to think about them both, but cant do anything to not hurt any of them, but only if the introvert likes me, then Id be the one hurt, but I could stand it. I am sorry if there’s anything you don’t understand about the text, since I am still student I am still learning. I just want to know your opinion, does he have interest in me the different way than friend or just wants to be friend?
The signs he’s interested and the signs he’s not interested
I’m bisexual (not girly type)
My friend is sort of straight? I’m not sure he does say he’s straight but I’m sure he’s bi as well
He had me confused..
I’ll name him chan
Cuz yeah he’s (Chan) a really huge introvert I’m the only close friend (were bestfriends) he has in school nor in this town.. He has social friends but he barely talk to them… When I talk to my other guy friends chan tends to give me a cold shoulder.. But when I’m done talking he talks to me..
Back to the signs he doesn’t like me… He doesn’t text often nor chat since he’s not really the type of guy who’s active on social media nor texting.. He initiate sometimes (not often) takes about 2-3 days before he texts me asking about stuffs and then goes to talking to me on the phone
He shares his life story to me on the first day we became friends… That one time we got stranded on a mall because he didn’t have an umbrella she started telling stories about his childhood and his family problems..
On my point of view recently cuz I have a lot of friends I socialise with specially male friends and female friends… Everytime I talk to them chan gives me a cold shoulder like I said on the other paragraph he likes talking to me one on one but sometimes distant for no reason…
I’ll assume he’s jealous? But idk which type jealous (friendship jealousy) or (love jealousy).. But if I gather all the signs hes surely interested but it also contradicts with the sign he’s not interested because he’s also doing it
This is so confusing.. I confessed to him that I like him… Him as a straight guy I thought he would distance himself to me.. But we became closer after that and chan became fidgety when we’re alone together
Pretty much I just want a clear sign cuz this is so confusing for me
I like a introvert and I am a extrovert. Me and him text a lot and talk sometimes in person. I understand that he needs his space and sometimes needs to be alone. But on occassion, we plan to go to a football game together and we plan to sit next to each other. But then he goes and hangs out with his friends instead…. What if this happens again, is this a hint/sign?
Thank you for your article
9 years ago, I went with my cousin to learn scuba diving. It’s one of those thing that I won’t ever do but after struggling 2 years with dysthymia, I figured what more could I lose, I’m already at the lowest point of my life, and it could help somewhat with my state.
I met her and her brother there, they are friends of my cousin. She was perfect the minute I first saw her, very beautiful. But in my mind, I have rationalize not to do anything because she won’t be interested with a quiet, lonely, introverted guy and if you think about it, she deserves someone way better, maybe its the depression telling me these or maybe my low self-esteem.
We went to a diving spot to complete the training after. I’m attracted to her but I did not show it. She was by my side and I wasn’t able to start a conversation. I just watched her, her face, her smile, the way she talks, the more I learn about her, the more I like her, and I realized to have her, I need to work on things, get my life back, finish school, get work, take control of the negative thoughts.
After a year, I learned she got engaged. We met again in a wedding event, we had some small talk about diving, at first, I was happy, I thought she was not engaged because she doesn’t have any ring on her hand but someone approached us and congratulated her. I saw her smile and I realized then that I lost her.
Until now, I keep thinking about what I should have done when she was right by my side. What might have been between us. But its too late now and I have to accept that.
Is the model woman in the picture above you? If it is, she is beautiful and you would be a great model
If the innie that I’m interested in does half of the things, does it mean he’s interested? Or he’s just wanting to be friends?
Hi! I really need some help. So there’s this guy that I know, and he’s an introvert. I like him, but he started hiding from me. It was the funniest thing, but also kinda worrying, cause he stopped talking to me. Now I’m gonna see him again soon, and I don’t know what to do or say to him. Any advice?
If I like someone and I want to do something about it/make it known – I just tell that person.
Most of the time, I have no interest in acting on crushes or feelings of attraction though, so maybe that’s just a unique problem for me.
I’m a introverted person and the guy I like is a introvert but he is more social. When we get off work at the same time he would ask me if I needed a ride home and I accept. He even ask if he see me at the bus stop. He asked me out to coffee, we went to a movie, all we did was talk. He doesn’t text me that much even though he’s the one that ask for my number. I can’t read his signals but I decided to not get my hopes up for all I know we’re friends. This is a good article.
Woooooow! I love your article and as an introvert myself, this just hit me to the bones! LOL It does take a long time for me to open up. It was just several weeks ago since I told my crush that I have liked him for five years and he was just utterly surprised. I found it amusing but I think he doesn’t like me. Hahahah!
Thanks, I’m definitely an introvert and I think that an extrovert has a crush on me. I was just looking at this because I wanted to know if how I acted around him was actually a crush or not, and, ding ding, I have a crush on him but I don’t think he knows this. Now I just have the problem of thying to show him without going all silent and never looking at him. Thanks for this though.
I am an extrovert who really likes this introvert man. He is such a gentleman, he sometimes open the car door when he fetches me for a meeting. I had commented on that telling him how beautiful that is to see. His nickname at the group is ‘The Gentleman’, he does not know this as he is very quiet and does not speak much as explained above by you. If I ask him for help, he is always very willing. We have gotten to the point of being able to joke with each other but then he would change and say that is just how stupid he is. I was surprised the night he came to a function because he never did before. Surprisingly he danced whole night with myself and my friends but did not speak much. I told him how surprised I was, to which he said he too was surprised that he was dancing. When I text him, he would chat a bit and then he would go quiet. At Church I will see him around me often, sometimes he would speak and sometimes not. He seems to be comfortable with me, as he had said that as a little boy he was always the odd one out and that had changed him. He had learned to hide himself from the world and now struggles to come out. He has shared a small bit of himself, which also makes me think he is comfortable with me. Then he always changes and seems to distance himself. He smiles more now than before and sometimes he clumsily tries to be playful. I find all of this confusing as I do not know what to think. I have told him once that I liked him, he said he was surprised and did not know what to say. I told him not to say anything as the was just madness on my part. After that I tried to just get over what I was feeling, but truth be told…it’s actually getting worse. So when I am around him now, I am my usual cheerful self but also try to not allow any of my feelings show, which is working. I do not know if it is because of this that he also distances himself emotionally. I am so confused as this is not how I am. Oh and this is the first time in my 46 years that I ever told a male I liked him. I don’t want him to know this. I guess I am afraid of rejection. What do I do and how will I ever know.
I have an introvert friend and we’ve been hanging out since he offered to drive me at the club where we play darts. Since then (I’d say almost 6 months) we’ve been hanging out a lot, sometimens 4/5 times a week, we go to the club or this other quiet pub when we can play darts and have drinks and he knows everybody there so he feels comfortable.
But now I’m pretty sure he’s falling in love with me, a crazy extroverted girl who would talk to everybody all the time and the more people has around the best she feels! I like him as a person, he’s very caring and nice but I only see him as a friend.
The problem is that I’m scared I’ll lose my friend the moment he’ll find the courage to say something. So since he never said anything to me I was trying to make him understand that I’m only interested in our friendship by doing what I always do with my friends, may them be girls or boys: talk about the boys I like and I sleep with. I know that must hurt, but I think it’s better for him as an introvert than finding the courage to say something and then being rejected. I’m also very intimate (not in a weird way!!) with people, I would hug my friends, kiss them on the cheek while they’re passing, things like that, but I can’t do it with him partly because he’s an introvert and doesn’t like to be touched a lot, but also because I don’t want him to misinterpret my actions.
How can I be less aggressive in making him understand that we are just friends without breaking his heart?
I like an introvert girl…but i don’t she likes me or not. Once i told her about my emotions indirectly and after two days she told me that i will be in relationship when i will get independent. Is she asking me to wait for the right time???
Amd what can i do when she has a male best friend. I feel jealous ?
I’ve been seeing his shy guy and he is for sure an introvert, took few weeks to warm up and he told him mother about me, he loves to fish , he invited me to go and I did great time. He sleeps over literally sleeps nothing else ( cuddles but hey that is fine) . Told me he likes me, will text daily but very short text. Sends me kisses via text ,then it’s like he likes me one minute then the next minute I’m unsure. Every since he told me he liked me it’s been weird. He is a loner and I was shocked he invited me to go fish and hang out on the boat last week 2 days in a row. He was straight up ( stated I just need time to get comfortable with you) This week end is the most weird so IDK . Should I go with the flow ?