dating as an introvert

Dating is hard when you gain energy from alone time, rather than socializing. But believe it or not, dating as an introvert can be fun and easy.

First of all, let’s banish the stereotype of introverts being hermits who hole up in their closet with a book. The fact is, as an introvert, you’re at your best when you have alone time to recharge. Relationships with family, friends, and colleagues can be straining enough on your energy reserves. Add onto that having to approach a perfect stranger and find something to talk about? Yikes.

If you’re not a social butterfly, how can you convince a special someone that you’re not anti-social, while avoiding boring yourself stiff with small talk?

Here are 4 tools you can use to make dating as an introvert feel natural and fun.

1. Prepare a list of topics

As an introvert, you hate small talk because it’s inconsequential, so you avoid it at all costs. Prepare a list of topics before you meet up with your date, so when imagination runs dry, you can throw in a new subject to keep things going. has a list of the best things to talk about on a first date to get you started. Whether your date is extroverted or introverted, they’ll find you more interesting if you skip over the mundane.

2. Think of it as a friendship first

Introverts are chronic over-thinkers. Rather than trying to decide whether your date will think you’re fat and cheat on you when you’re fifty-six, scale it back a bit and take the pressure off. Instead of putting them on the “boyfriend/girlfriend” pedestal, focus on trying to make a friendship with them, as if that’s all you’re there for. It’ll make you calm down and the conversation will flow more naturally. Plus, even if you’re not a great romantic match, you may have made yourself a friend.

3. Ask questions

If you don’t know what to say, go with the tried and true failsafe: ask questions. If you’re dealing with an extrovert, recognize that they love to talk – just give them a little nudging. If you’re on a date with another introvert, giving them a chance to open up about themselves will make you seem interested – and therefore interesting. Ask them about places they’ve been, why they went there, what their favorite memory is, what stood out the most to them. Splice in some stories about yourself so it doesn’t feel too much like an interrogation. The more questions you ask, the more you’ll learn, and the conversation will branch off into new topics.

4. Give yourselves something to do

What kills conversation? Staring in someone’s eyes for forty-five minutes straight. Instead, spice up the date by giving yourselves an activity, like going to the movies or a roller derby. This allows opportunities to talk, but if conversation is lacking, you still have fun things to keep you busy until a topic comes to mind or you both relax more. If the date still sucks, at least you got to see a movie!

Dating is rough for everyone, but especially those who can’t woo a crowd easily. Rather than giving up and sticking within your comfort zone, use these tips to expand your reach and find love in the process.

What about you?

What are your thoughts on dating as an introvert? Do you find it challenging? Share your comments below.