INFJ withrawing

Deep emotions are the foundation of the INFJ personality. They don’t just define us, but also shape our relationships, and even encounters with strangers.

You can never tell us not to be so emotional, because that’s not who we are. If you ever see an INFJ being reserved and starting to withdraw, start worrying.

I don’t get angry, I withdraw

As much as INFJs are caring, emotional, and kind, we can also be cold and distant. We don’t understand the balance when it comes to our own feelings. There’s a general rule INFJs know all too well.

If your INFJ is emotional and showing effort to reach out, that friendship can be saved. But if an INFJ becomes visibly distant, you should be worried.

A lot needs to happen for an INFJ to withdraw. The usual suspects that bring us to this point are lies, humiliations, and ultimatums (we can’t stand someone leaving us without a choice). When we decide it’s time to move on, there’s no going back. We may be the kindest personality type, but even INFJs have limits.

You’re not going to see us angry or confrontational. We never resort to that. Also, INFJs don’t announce our departure, because we already did everything we could to stop it.

How to recognize when an INFJ is withdrawing

If you notice we give you short sentence responses, both written and spoken this isn’t a good sign. Also, if you see strange patterns in our actions, as well as a lack of emotional feedback, then you have a serious problem. We express our pain differently than others. Instead of drama and arguments, we quietly walk away.

Some people confuse this with arrogance and being selfish, but the truth cannot be further from that.

When you see that an INFJ is speaking with less excitement and desire, it’s probably time to reach out and see what’s going on, because you’re facing a moment when an INFJ will eventually withdraw. I’m not going to get explain all the reasons why we do this, but in most cases, it’s because we’re deeply hurt.

An INFJ would rather invest time in self-development and people who care, than spend energy explaining a painful event all over again. Understand, we don’t want to go through the pain of justifying our actions. We’ve been doing that our entire life.

The best way to deal with a distant INFJ is being direct with us. Reach out and demand our attention: “Hey, I’m scared that you’re not talking to me like you used to, what’s going on!?” Because if you don’t, we’re gone. INFJs withdraw when there’s no other option available.

It will hurt us more than you

Withdrawal causes more pain to an INFJ than you can ever imagine. You see, we’re not just leaving you. We are departing from the memories, the good moments, all the smiles, and from everything we invested our whole being into.

Imagine leaving someone who meant the world to you, but knowing you gave everything you had to save that relationship or friendship. When I had to walk away from a person who meant much to me, my sister said to me:

“You might be walking away from someone who made you happy in the past, but sometimes you need to choose yourself. It’s the safest choice you’re ever going to make.”

Give yourself the permission to withdraw from anyone who causes you to feel miserable, my dear INFJ. You’re not running away, you are protecting yourself. The people who are meant to stay in your life will never intentionally hurt you. They will notice the slightest change in your behavior, INFJ or not.

Hold on to those beautiful souls who accept you just the way you are. More importantly, accept yourself with all your virtues and flaws. Never allow anyone to dictate your life, because in the symphonic orchestra of your emotions, you’re the condutor. <3

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It’s your turn

What are your experiences with withdrawing as an INFJ? Can you relate with what I wrote in the article? I would love to hear what you think in the comments below. ☺



Marko Kircanski INFJ coaching