Loneliness is the biggest obstacle slowing down INFJs on the road to happiness. Overcoming INFJ loneliness is not easy. No other feeling causes so much anxiety and sadness. What separates loneliness from other roadblocks on the INFJ path is that it can show its face anytime and anywhere.
Why is overcoming loneliness hard for INFJs?
Have you ever found yourself surrounded by people, listening the sound of small talk, and feeling judgmental eyes looking straight at you? I know I have plenty of times.
Even today I face judging words — “He is weird, quiet, and strange”— because I love spending hours in bookstores by myself, and love having dinner alone in a restaurant.
If I’m honest, I feel lonely where I am now. But I’m balancing that feeling because there are plenty of moments when happiness embraces me. The source of my loneliness comes from the knowledge that people I hold dear live thousands of miles away.
Also, my full potential will only be fulfilled when I reach my dream and leave my current location. It will happen, but until then, loneliness and me are stuck with each other.
Overcoming INFJ loneliness is hard because we often feel misunderstood. We feel that no one gets us and that we’re all alone in our way of thinking. It feels lonely when INFJs constantly need to explain why solitude is important, why we feel lonely in a crowd, or why we need peace and quiet. It’s not easy to win a race against loneliness, but it’s possible.
The best strategy to conquer INFJ loneliness
A review by researchers at the University of Chicago found that targeting negative thought processes is the key to conquering loneliness.
“Effective interventions are not so much about providing others with whom people can interact, providing social support, or teaching social skills as they are about changing how people who feel lonely perceive, think about, and act toward other people,” said John Cacioppo, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Chicago.
If you want to conquer loneliness you need to shake off the doubt and self-criticism. There’s enough of that from the outside world. Make yourself your own biggest support. I’m not saying that loneliness will magically disappear in a day. But only you can decide if it will put you on your knees or propel you to your dreams.
I recommend the following strategies for INFJ loneliness prevention:
1. Start the process to conquer loneliness by shifting your focus. Make note of the things that make you happy, no matter how small they are and no matter how long they may last.
2. Involve yourself in doing any activity that will transport your mindset far away from loneliness. If you’re working on a project or hobby, give it that creative INFJ flare . Make it interesting, and add new rules to make it fun and enjoyable.
3. Strive to be around people who will fully understand what are you going through. Direct your efforts toward searching for local introvert or INFJ gatherings if possible. Joining online groups and forums can help, too, though nothing can replace the value of in-person connections.
What other INFJs have to say about loneliness
Loneliness is a universal problem for the INFJ personality. It is our common, unwanted visitor. Here’s what some of my fellow INFJs from the private INFJ Forum have to say about INFJ loneliness from their own experience.
Lisa shares her loneliness experience through the lens of the INFJ personality: “My personal take on the loneliness issue is undoubtedly influenced to some degree by my Enneagram personality type (Five with a Four wing; 5w4s have a natural inclination towards being unconventional, introspective loners), and I would imagine that a certain amount of this sentiment could be attributable to the INFJ personality.”
Jeff says he gets lonely mostly among people, whether in groups, or sometimes among friends. As well as in relationships. He adds: “Usually when I’m reflecting on life, I feel lonely and long to establish a relationship based on a mutual deep connection, which so far has eluded me. Ironically, I do crave a significant amount of solitude, and in those moments I never feel lonely!”
Suwi points out the feeling of loneliness when she’s in a group of people and no one understands her. She keeps things to herself and stays quiet and observant. Suwi also adds: “Sometimes I feel lonely when I’m in my deep self-observing state. I feel as if I miss something or someone, but I can’t get the grasp of what that is. I almost never feel lonely when I’m alone.”
The people who make you feel lonely
Late American actor Robin Williams explained the INFJ feeling of loneliness to a T, when he said,
“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.”
And as seen from the examples of INFJs from the forum, loneliness affects our personality more so in a group. But it’s not there to punish you. It’s temporary and you can overcome it. It will become much easier when you see loneliness as a guide to where you want to be.
Loneliness is a road sign to success
When you feel lonely, know that feeling is not there to stop you. It’s there to show you that you can succeed. Wherever you are right now and whatever thoughts found their home in your INFJ mind, remember this.
Everything that comes your way is not more that you can handle. Every single event, person, or word that made you feel lonely was there to teach you something.
Feeling lonely doesn’t feel good, but it has a purpose. It’s there to show you that you are capable of handling everything life throws at you my fellow INFJ. You will overcome loneliness because you have something few people possess. A beautiful personality like no other. You are an INFJ and you are not alone. <3
Live This Tuesday: 6 Steps to Deal With INFJ Loneliness
We’ll be doing an encore of the 6 Steps To Deal With INFJ Loneliness INFjam this Tuesday Nov. 7th. These INFJams are interactive webinars covering topics that matter to INFJs.
During the INFJam, you’ll discover:
- Mindset tools to conquer loneliness in your own INFJ way
- How to find a balance between needed alone time, and socializing
- The simple tweak that will bring more connection into your life, without overwhelm
- As usual you also have the chance to connect with INFJs from all over the world in the live chat box
Go here to join this Tuesday’s loneliness INFJam.
What about you?
How often do you feel lonely? What situation trigger INFJ loneliness for you? Please feel free share your comments below, I would love to hear what you think.
P.S. There is more on this topic in the INFJ Forum. If you’re interested in connecting with other INFJs from around the world, join Introvert Spring’s private INFJ forum. We are truly a buzzing community! Join today, and you’ll receive our 20-page INFJ Relationship guide as a gift. You’ll also gain access to unique INFJ blog posts, member events, and videos.