INFJ friendship

It’s not easy to find a genuine friend. Furthermore, it’s almost impossible to have an INFJ as a friend. Just think about how rare we are, and add the fact that most of us only see each other online. I love comparing meeting an INFJ in person with winning the lottery two times in a row. But putting percentages aside, why is this so difficult?

INFJ Friendship: Quality, not quantity

I’ll be honest with you. I never had too many friends. I was the quiet kid who was always picked last for a soccer game, because I never liked attention. The same situation repeated itself in high school at every basketball practice, and even when I was in college.

I didn’t know I was an INFJ back then, but I did know that I couldn’t establish a close friendship. Of course I tried, and even accepted the company of people that I knew were toxic just to taste how it feels to have a friend.

Like with many INFJs, I’m not a stranger to loneliness. Few things hurt more than feeling deep sadness, and not having anyone you can share it with. When you have no one who will listen or hold your hand when you need it the most, you start feeling helpless.

As INFJs, we don’t want to have a hundred friends. We just want one. One that will send that message, asking: “How are you?” or “I’m here if you need me.” Forget about career because it can be done. Or some other goal an INFJ might have, because having a deep and a loving friendship is all we need.

I want you to know that it’s possible to have that unique connection. So for the first time, I’ll share with you a glimpse from my personal life about one INFJ who I call my dearest friend.

Friendship that warms the heart

Never before have I experienced the level of understanding and care that I have now. Many people ask me about the reasons for my Canadian relocation, and I often told myself it’s because of my career. To a degree, it is. I do want to make a difference on a worldwide scale. But the thing is, I can’t do that alone.

Out of the respect for her privacy, I won’t reveal my best friend’s real name, so we’ll just call her Linda. When your biggest support in life is an INFJ, having that kind of a friendship transcends everything you ever experienced before. There is no fear of abandonment, and no confusion how and when to say something.

I don’t think about my sentences when talking to Linda, and she knows all my secrets. There’s no need for justifying anything, because I’m receiving the feedback that I give. The fear of failure and doubt that I’ll let her down is gone. All because of the fact that she understands.

The other night I actually shared my deepest, darkest secret with Linda. I never thought that moment would actually come, but it did, and she not only understood it, but guided me through the process of healing. This is why INFJ friendships are so priceless. You don’t just get a friend, you receive a confirmation every single INFJ spends their whole life trying to find.

The first step to cultivating an INFJ friendship

When you read this article, please don’t send a text message to the first person who comes to mind. Instead, I would like to ask you to sit with your own thoughts. Be in silence for a moment, because there’s one friendship all INFJs need to establish before searching for a bond with others.

It’s the bond you create with yourself.

If you don’t accept yourself, how will you find someone who will do it for you? It’s better to be in solitude for a while than to chase a toxic INFJ friendship.

You’re probably asking yourself: “But Marko, how will I know when I find them?”

You’ll know when that moment comes. Your heart and mind will gently tell you when the search is over. Until that day comes, love yourself, take care of yourself, and be your own biggest support. That person who will be your friend and family is waiting for you. They are searching for you, too! <3

A Place for all INFJs

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Do you have a friend that is an INFJ? If so, what’s your experience? Feel free to share your thoughts, I would love to hear them!



Marko Kircanski INFJ coaching

P.S I poured my heart into this article, so it would mean a lot to me if you would share what you think about it. 🙂