INFJ sadness

Every INFJ knows how painful sadness can be. It’s an emotion we never want to experience, but it’s our faithful companion, regardless. INFJ sadness makes every other feeling look insignificant, because it’s devastating for a highly sensitive and empathic personality such as ours. It took me years to find the answer to this enigmatic question:

Why are INFJs drawn to sadness?

Of course no one wants to be sad. But you have to understand that sadness is a part of who we are, especially as INFJs. Allow me to explain.

INFJs are the rarest personality type, and we’re roughly 1.2% of the world population. Even if you just look at this number, you’ll feel lonely. Making meaningful connections is not easy, and making that effort comes with a heavy price.

INFJS actually invite sadness. We don’t do it on purpose, but we need to feel validated. We need to make sense of how we feel, and being sad is the logical explanation of our emotions. Unfortunately, sadness gives us this validation.

During the search for your soul mate or dream job, there will be rejection and disappointment. You’ll also have to distance yourself from the ones who will slow you down on the way to fulfillment. Like I said, we don’t give this invitation willingly.

INFJS invite sadness because we understand it. And it understands us. We connect deeply with those souls that go through similar feelings as we do. Consider our empathy and authenticity, and you’ll understand why INFJs are the perfect counselors. We see emotions many are afraid to feel. Unfortunately, not many notice things the way we do.

The paradox of an INFJ

I mentioned that INFJs are amazing counselors and diplomats. We’re able to listen and are there for the ones we care about. When I’m talking with my best friend, I just need to read her message and immediately sense if something is wrong. But as always, this understanding comes with a price.

An INFJ wouldn’t be able to understand so deeply if they didn’t go through something similar. Abandonment, rejection, humiliation, and guilt, you name it, we’ve been there. Sadness to an INFJ is all too familiar, but it still catches us off guard.

Our paradox is that we know exactly what to say to others when they feel sad or lonely, but when it comes to ourselves? Not so much. We know how to help because in all honesty, we probably went through the same ordeal. We know what to say, because we heard it already.

The greatest paradox of an INFJ is that we are champions at helping others because we went through the pain our loved ones face. We probably experienced it so many times we lost count.

Despite being difficult to accept, INFJ sadness brings something good. I’m a believer that every bad thing that happens to us carries a hidden message. Sadness is like a letter with no sender name on it, we have to dare to open it. When we do, its content will be easier to understand and accept.

It’s okay to feel sad

The most effective way to face INFJ sadness is to accept that it’s there. Forget about the techniques that offer miraculous results in a matter of days. If you don’t acknowledge its presence, it will make a mess out of your daily life. Not to mention the consequences if it stays longer in your life.

You’re now probably asking yourself:

“Why would I want to feel sad, that doesn’t make any sense?”

I often ask myself this, so allow me to rephrase it:

How are you going to know what happiness is, if you don’t experience sadness?

It’s impossible to be happy all the time. That’s why INFJ sadness is a necessity. Like Yin and Yang, it makes a full circle and shapes you into the unique butterfly that you are.

We may be drawn to sadness due to the fact that our personality is rare, but that doesn’t mean we want it to stay forever.

Don’t run away from sadness, my dear INFJ. Embrace it as a fellow traveler, learn from it, search for hidden lessons, and make this authentic journey a memorable story to tell. It won’t be an easy one, but I promise it will give you the answers you seek.

Something only other INFJs will get

Just like our relationship with sadness, there are a lot of things that only fellow INFJs will understand. That’s why we have a community of INFJs.

Join our INFJ tribe and get articles and webinars we never share on the blog. You’ll also get a free 20-page INFJ Relationship Guide.

I would love to hear your thoughts why are INFJs drawn to sadness. Do you think it’s because of our past experiences, or the fact that we’re so rare? Feel free to share your comments below, I would love to hear from you!



Marko Kircanski INFJ coaching